this, too, shall pass....

tonight is my last night here in richmond. it's been a mostly relaxing week. in a couple of hours, i'll be having lunch with a high school friend of mine -- a recently married one at that. i'm sure that i'll pick her brain -- try to get a feel, like i do with all other married friends, of what that first month of wedded bliss is really like. i'll ask her what's been hard for her, what she's learned about herself, whether or not she feels relieved to have made the lifetime commitment (i haven't yet had anyone answer negatively to that last one). i am certain that i will leave the lunch table feeling both sad that i'm not there yet and overwhelmingly relieved at the same time for my singleness. it will be a scenario i've played out many times before....

i've been thinking about the concept of belonging a lot over these last few days. i know i have a place to stay with sammie joy, but i still don't feel like i fully belong there. i mean - it's not MY home, obviously. and i know that even though she has been more than gracious to me about opening up the home she is trying to make for herself, it's not how she would prefer for things to have happened. life would be much easier if there weren't another person to work around. but still, at the end of the day, she's the ONE person (other than my parents, who are too far from anything i need to get to on a regular basis) who opened up her home to even offer a "permanent" place to stay....a place where i can leave some of my belongings even if i go away for a day or two....or seven.

to be honest, it's depressing the heck out of me. because when i leave here tomorrow, i'm going back to someone else's home -- again. no matter where i am, it's never my own place. and it never will be.

salimah, thank you for your kindness. i promise that i will try to not abuse it for too much longer....

God, please help me.