psalm 139:1-18

last night, i wept over God's word. it's been awhile since i've felt that affected by the truth of scripture. so sad, but true....i began to think about the fact that the Lord KNEW me before He even created me....how He's been with me through every moment and every breath and every thought i've ever had, even before i acknowledged His presence in my life. so many people talk about God's grace in their lives post-conversion. true enough. but the fact is that God's grace has ALWAYS been with me. how do i know this? i survived, didn't i? He always loved me, because even though He knew that i wouldn't even desire to follow Him for the first 18 years of my life, He still took great pains to knit me together in a carefully planned, specific way. He knew that my feelings would be easily hurt, that i would stray from Him a million times, that i would fail to read my bible daily more times than i choose to admit, that i would generally be a disappointment in so many ways.... and even then...even after all of that and so much more, He still drew me to Himself and won over my heart so that i would know His love and kindness.

i can't say more than this. my mind is already blown. i'll let king david do the rest:

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

1 O Lord , you have searched me and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord .

5 You hem me in-behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.