'long ago and oh so far away, i fell in love with you before the second show.
your guitar, it sounds so sweet and clear, but you're not really here. it's just the radio....'

i've got carpenters on the brain....karen's voice was so deep and rich, so sad and yearning....all the things i love. i remember one particular trip my family made to my grandparents' house for thanksgiving. we waited for my mother to return from work and then the four of us packed up and headed out into the cold november evening. and i remember the lights of the oncoming cars as we curved up those steep and winding pennsylvania mountain roads with a carpenters' album in the tape deck, singing along to their classics....

'we've only just begun to live....white lace and promises....a kiss for luck and we're on our way.....'

man, those were the moments. my parents and sister and i bundled up and warm in our little capsule of a car, my breath clouding frost onto the windows in the back seat where i traced my name with mittened fingers (this drove my parents crazy!)....i couldn't help myself. it was the thrill of vacation spilling out of me....the chance to leave school thoughts behind for a few days. i couldn't wait to get to the farm, play in the snow, hear grandpa's booming voice and feel his scratchy beard against my cheek when he kissed me hello....

after we had stuffed ourselves on thanksgiving fare, we would have christmas carol sing-alongs and my cousins and i would run around the house laughing and carrying on until we were finally subdued by some adult who'd had enough of our yelling....it's a wonder none of us ever threw up from all the excitement....

we could all stay up and be as loud as we wanted in that house....there was no one to disturb....nothing around us but the silence of the crisp night and the majestic hills dark against the landscape that echoed back when you called out. all of us were there - together. no schedules, no homework, no meetings or errands to run. those were forgetting days for me....a chance to think on how things could be....a time to escape from how they really were.

'and when the evening comes, we smile....so much of life ahead....we'll find a place where there's room to grow....we've only just begun....'

i wonder what karen carpenter would have said to that hurting little girl who sang to cover up what was really inside.....i wonder how she would have felt to know that her own melancholy was the soundtrack to my young life....

'loneliness is a such a sad affair, and i can hardly wait to be with you again.
what to say to make you come again....
come back to me again and play your sad guitar....'