'it's not the pale moon that excites me, that thrills and delights me. oh no, it's just the nearness of you....'**

right now, i feel like crap. inside and out. so, instead of discussing all the various and sundry reasons why (and the implications and ramifications of such), i will instead talk about something that delights and perplexes me....

there's this moment when two people are exchanging a vibe, and everything kind of goes all fuzzy and wispy. and in that smudgy place, there comes, strangely enough, a deep-settling clarity about some things going on inside of you....how you feel, what you want, where you are. certain things suddenly seem possible that one might censor inside oneself during non-wispy moments (i.e., the rest of life). perhaps i'm the only one who has any clue of what it is that i'm speaking here, but i can't imagine so....

the truth is that i wouldn't want to spend my entire reality in such a condition, but every now and again (okay, frequently, even), it's nice to meander in that direction for awhile....especially if the other person is wandering that way with you.

to feel beaten and bruised by this world, and then to come back to a safe place where you can fall...a place that's warm and inviting and doesn't tell you that you haven't done enough to earn the comfort you need...a lap where you can lay your head down and feel a strong hand softly stroking your hair...this is the stuff. this is acceptance, comfort, love, assurance. it is the arms that tightly hold when i have lost the strength to cling. it is the voice saying my name on the other end of the phone. it is the knowing and the being known.

it is a gift from God's heart to mine. i will not question it this time around....

(**hoagy carmichael/ned washington)