'i know there's a plan that You have up your sleeve. rabbi, teach me the faith to believe. it's the only way my life will ever make sense to me.....'**

i must be trying to set some kind of record for myself. i don't think i've ever posted this many times in one day. obviously, i have much on my mind....

so i ate some korean food with kristi. we talked about funky churches and celestial beings and all of life's craziness. what a cool girl she is....so glad that we've stayed in touch after johnny h. ended for us both.

note to self and sammie joy: put filtered water in the ice cube trays. there's dirt in the water. yeah. you read it right. i said dirt.

i was supposed to head down to g'burg for small group tonight.....i didn't feel like going. i've been too bummed to spend time with most people and i really was not in the mood to be driving all around. the thing is i really want to be involved with the lives of the people in my group.....but my own cloud of funk so often prevents me from really connecting with others in the way that i'd want to be connecting.

thankfully, i spent some time with sammie joy (one of few with whom i don't have to front)....we went to the one world cafe for a quick bite and some coffee and then drove around the city for awhile....as my car sliced through the summer air, i let the breeze come in the windows and waft around my face and through my hair....it felt good to breathe, to smell the city, to feel the bumps in the road. and all the while, the cross movement shouted truth into the evening, drawing me back again to the God who bled and died so that i could live this day....so that i could be audacious enough to stake a claim for myself anywhere or in any way.

so, yeah....i'm sad. sad as hell.....but Christ is no less on His throne. it's all about picking my head up off the floor and walking each day in that acknowledgement, regardless of how broken my heart feels.

Lord, grant me the grace to see clearly. my eyes are clouded and the road ahead is covered in a dense fog of something that, from my limited understanding, seems ominous and churning....please let it be a mirage.

'...and my resting place is taught by love; it’s the only peace I know of....'**

(** - chris rice)