delayed

i'm starting to wonder if i've hit some kind of writers' block. for whatever the reason, i'm finding that i have little to say lately. in my personal life, i keep having conversation after conversation, but none of it, sadly, is blog-worthy material.

my dreams have been strange and arresting, causing me to wake startled and unsure of my surroundings. and subject-wise, they have run the gamut, but most of them involve some kind of situation from which i need or want to escape. hmm....ring a bell to my life? you betcha.

all of this still adds up to the fact that i'm tired...very tired. and i've been tired for quite some time. and no, this kind of tiredness has nothing (or next to nothing) to do with the amount of sleep i have or have not procured for myself. it's a deeper, all-encompassing exhaustion that requires spiritual and emotional intervention. and God has been the ever-present companion, leading me down path after overgrown path to places i haven't wanted to go for years and years. and it's been painful and eye-opening and amazing and the hardest thing i've ever done and it's wearing me down. and over the last year, my hair has started to slowly turn white....stress is making me old.

but i know this isn't a life and death sentence....it's not my destiny. it's a moment. it's a season. it's the long, cold winter at the end of which, i am sure, there will be a spring. the birds are chirping outside the window even as i type this...it's all begun again for them, and i huddle deeper under my blankets, waiting for the chill to dissipate. i am not there yet.

i have not yet arrived.