'break on through to the other side....'

i'm planning another dinner extravaganza for the evening. when i'm feeling as anxious as i currently am, i find that it always calms me to cook for other people. whatever it takes, you know?

we're having a reprise of the butternut squash bisque from this menu of the past. for the main course, however, there will be spicy, yogurt-marinated, grilled (or roasted) chicken with couscous, raisins, and other fun goodies and a salad of toasted walnuts, pears, and goat cheese over baby spinach leaves with a balsamic reduction. perhaps some wine. if there's dessert, it won't be up to me this time around.

i've been up for a little while, but i don't feel like i'm yet living completely in the world of the awake. my dreams were so vivid and awash with tenderness that part of me wishes i could have remained there enjoying the love.

moral of the story: it's theoretically nice to avoid reality for awhile, but it will eventually come and interrupt your reveries, bite you in the butt, remind you that you've got miles to go before you sleep (for real this time). this is why i am, in general, an avoider of fantasy. it's harder to bounce back to the way things are. real life can tend to feel, then, like a cruel joke, mocking and tempting you to retreat to your rose-colored-glasses state of being when things get rough. me, i'd rather just plow ahead, get through the bad times, come out a bit cleaner in the end.

*dusts self off*

so....i've chicken to marinate and hair to wash and i suppose i should do all that i can while there's energy in me to do it. there may be light at the end of this particular tunnel after all....