'i am shell shocked and i have walked through the trenches full of tears with the mortars of memory exploding in my burning ears....'

i was reading through my journal entries over the last year and i found the above quote in an entry from august 19....caedmon's call really laid it out there....man, that just epitomizes my 2002....every day and every night, moment after moment....memory after memory.....365 days of clarity and blur...of fear and faith.

i have talked and talked - sometimes until the point of turning blue - and i have said A LOT of words to a lot of people.
i have cried rivers of tears and groaned into the night with longing for rest.
i have learned and shared and received and given.
i have prayed and begged and resigned and waited.
i have heard God's voice in the stillness and the clamor.
i have known and seen and felt and tasted.
i have been haunted and i have escaped and i have given in.
i have fallen down and i have gotten back up, knees bloody, only to fall again and again.
i have run and crawled and run some more and exhausted every fibre in my body.
i have cursed and yelled and spoken my mind....and i have screamed in silence through the night.
i have laid it all out. i have held it all in.
i have loved to the point of heartache.
i have been loved with sweetness and grace and warm smiles and drinks with lots of ice:)
i have lost more than i have gained.
i have gained more than i have lost.

and i am slowly arriving on the scene....

and i have more yet to say....

and Jesus, YOUR LOVE has been my relief....