as of 6:30 a.m., i was still awake....staring at the hazy, just-before-sunrise light barely beginning to filter through the slats in the window.... my brain roamed through practicalities and into subjects nestled deep inside my heart....what to do about my insurance at the end of the month? when will i feel remotely ready to go back to work? will that package from amazon.com arrive soon enough for me to send this one particular book off in the mail:)? is venice all that i imagine it to be (i'm still reading that book from last week....still holding my breath as my heart races through it)....and will i ever get to ride that gondola on a cool evening and get that kiss under the bridge of sighs.....? will i get married before i turn 30? will my children call me 'mom' or 'mommy'? will i ever feel normal again?

all i know is that right now, normal or not, i feel really grateful....sometimes God tenderly places a present in your lap and, while the outside looks beautiful and you're just so thankful to have the gift and would be content to place it next to you and gaze at it from time to time, He tells you to open it, and what's inside is even better than what you were expecting.

and in the black of midnight, there is yet the promise that morning will come.....that grace and hope and love are not some far-fetched, pie-in-the-sky kind of notions. they are here and now. they are even better than what i was expecting. they are, indeed, the greatest gifts.