where was i again?

okay, so now that i'm back in my 'real life,' i have an announcement: i need another vacation. a longer one. perhaps permanent this time.

as is often the case when you go away, your life continues to pile up right where you left it and gives you no mercy from the deluge upon your return. i am, quite frankly, swamped with projects, e-mails, issues and a girl can't always take it. sure, i've had a week away, but see, i let myself breathe a little during that time and i was hoping to keep breathing even now.

oh well.

the good news is that i'm apparently moving forward and kicking butt even though i feel like i'm drowning half the time. if that's not grace, then i don't know what is.

and tomorrow is wednesday, the day of the hump. it might be a small silver lining, but i'll take it. at this point, i'd be a fool not to.

apparently you CAN go back home again....

technically it is saturday in the wee small hours of the morning, and in about 10 more of those hours, i will leave this lovely home of mine for the last week and head back to the place that feels like 'real' home to me these days. if my calculations were correct, i will come back to a newly cleaned apartment with clothes that are already washed and most of the week's homework already under my belt. then i will go about the business of unpacking, finding homes for all the fun new things i bought here (oy, my wallet may rebel against me!), and restocking my fridge with healthy foods that don't contain nearly the level of carbs, fat, or calories that i ingested over the last week of my life (cocktail hour at 11:30 a.m.? i'm on vacation!).

this has been a fantastic week away. the one major downside has been that on the very same day that my parents arrived, so did torrential rain and gale-force winds that pretty much meant no outside enjoyment for the better part of the last 48 hours. today was muggy but at least not raining, so that meant one last shopping trip for me and salimah (my parents had taken the cape may-lewes ferry over to NJ to visit my uncle who is in failing health) and then a lovely dinner out with the 'rents at the pig and fish in town. great, great meal.

during much of the afternoon today, salimah and i hung out at home while i did laundry and we packed most of our stuff (old and new) into my now VERY full car (i'm still not sure it's all really going to fit in the morning) so that we have very little to do except get up, shower, and dress before locking the door and heading out.

i will miss rehoboth and really, i hope to come back again before too long. it's a rather pleasant drive down here, replete with roadside stands (the tomatoes were DIVINE) and open fields. everything in this town is charming; the people are friendly; the ocean is RIGHT THERE; and there's no tax on the shopping. people, do you hear me on that last one?!

mostly, it's been beautiful to have no constraints on my time (or my brain) and very little else to think about except when the next cocktail hour is, what lovely thing we shall have for our next meal, whether or not to watch this movie or that, and how to cozy myself into the soft leather couch in the living room for the next nap of the day:).

once i return to crabcake corners, i shall post photos. for now, however, i'm going to enjoy my last sleep in a huge bed, in a quiet house where three other people i adore are also sleeping away the cares of the world.

oh, ocean air, i shall miss you the most....

goodnight.

the halfway mark

it is now wednesday...halfway to the end of our vacation, and i cannot say enough good things about being here in rehoboth. the town is charming, the people are friendly, the beaches are clean and wind-swept, the food is delicious (most of it, anyway), and the night air is invigorating. in general, i sleep soundly and wake up ready for more adventure and the seeing of new sights.

to recap, here is a brief rundown of the events so far:

• late-night movie watching
• several meals out (including one last night at this restaurant, the fat tuna, which has fantastic food and a sushi dinner at the cultured pearl two nights ago that was some of the best i've had)
• getting attacked by a wave that left the lower 2/3 of my long skirt soaked (thankfully the beach wind is a quick dryer)
• gambling away nearly 60 bucks of my money in various slot machines at dover downs (blackjack really IS my game, though) surrounded by lots of older folks and shiftless looking dudes who, i suspect, were trying to make money off of their disability or unemployment checks.
• listening to some loud-mouthed man yammer on and ON and ON (and on....) at the not-that-great mexican place in town while we drank cheap rail margaritas and a fake sangria with lunch
• me getting rather intoxicated off of what turned out to be nearly 2/3 of a bottle of cabernet and then apparently later crying about how salimah is, in fact, my best friend before passing out in bed. good grief. i'm really not sure how i got all the way up to the fourth floor to bed. i was later informed that i also stopped a few times along the way to take pictures.
• my first trip to ocean shitty city to eat dumser's ice cream (coconut chocolate chip) and get marauded by hovering seagulls (all while fighting indigestion from the night before's indiscretions with the aforementioned red wine)
• salimah and i misreading most of the roadside signage as we drive from place to place (a restaurant in OC called 'bayside skillet' became 'bayside killer')
• eating THE most perfect breakfast on tuesday morning that i made us (seared steaks; an egg scramble with green onions, portabellas, and cheddar; buttery english muffins; and strawberries)
• dropping some bank on coach purses (SALE!) and new underwear (outlets!)
• the sand in my shoes, the wind in my hair, and the kind of tired that comes only from being near the sea with no schedules, no deadlines, and only our whims to lead us from one place to the next

my parents have now arrived and the rain is coming, so stay tuned for further adventures!

respite

finally, my long-awaited vacation is here. this morning i awoke in my lovely, huge bedroom on the 4th floor of a house and ambled down two floors into the kitchen where i now sit in near silence telling the internets that i heart rehoboth beach.

last night, salimah and i arrived, got settled, went for a little drive through the town to see what there was to see, had dinner at a seafood restaurant along route 1 (where we had some passable crab cakes), and then went grocery shopping to get sundries for the week (and by sundries, i mean, along with our food, 8 bottles of smart water - we are such yuppies). once arriving back home, we unpacked, made our beds, and hung out for a bit before sleep.

who knows what adventures this week will bring? i can tell you one thing, however: i am decidedly in a place where relaxation is certain to occur: leather sofas, big-screen TV with lots of DVDs, tasty treats in the fridge, soft beds for napping, and my best friend who always makes things like this worthwhile (n.b.: this woman, btw, just tried to put our 1.49-per-bottle smart water in the coffee pot; methinks the crazy followed us to our vacation...ahh, the comforts of home;) ).

wolf at the door

today was arguably one of the most difficult days of the year for a lot of people in this country (and perhaps in other parts of the world, depending on circumstance). for me, for the first time in 7 years, i spent the day trying NOT to think of planes and buildings, of falling people, of ash and smoke and rubble, of screaming and crying and wailing, of fear and terror and all that lies in the shadows.

today i chose to remember hope. hope that there might be some comfort given to those who still grieve, that someone lost might be found. hope that those who are physically suffering from diseases brought on by months working in hazardous conditions to try and find bodies or other evidence of human life...that those people might be free from their pain and limitations. hope that in quiet homes and lonely moments, tears might be dried and hearts refreshed. hope that we as a nation can pay respect to those people who have sacrificed far more than some of us will ever have to realize for ourselves.

there's a lot to hope for.

with that being said, in the back of my mind—and on the outside edge of every thought—i am ever aware that there are people (and forces) alive and well in this world that would seek destruction of hope, of freedom, of life. but today i choose to close the door on that pack of wolves and remember what is right, what is true, and what is lovely. for the good of all those who died and are hurting, today i will think on those things.

obviously....

i'm back in school. yes, i know. in this post, i said i was taking a break unless something changed. well, something did. a combination of guilt, gumption, and perhaps general stupidity set in and now i'm back in the game. i'm taking financial management this term, and i'm already feeling like i can't fully comprehend all this information. this class was supposed to be easier than accounting. what a joke. i feel like all this math is making accounting look like a cake walk. and what's worse: in addition to weekly papers and discussion postings (which are, essentially, small papers), i have the equivalent of two take-home quizzes per week. SUCKS to be me right now!

well, let's see....what else? my beloved salimah celebrated her 35th this past week. we had multiple dinners out and some general making of merry. i love a good celebration. specifically, saturday night we went to pazo for tapas. holy delicious, batman! i held my healthful eating at bay for one night and entered into the den of gastronomic sin. some of those little plates were divine! in particular, there were some light-as-air croquetas (mashed potatoes and manchego cheese rolled into balls and deep fried) that pretty much did me in. totally worth the carbs for one night;)

as is typical with sunday nights, i'm wide awake when i should be fast asleep. this should come as no shock to anyone - me included. i need groceries. i need to do laundry. i need to tidy up. these are the thoughts plaguing me just now. what i NEED to do is go lie down and think about nothing. all else can wait until the sun comes up again. goodnight, dear world.

goodnight.

all good things must come to an end....

i'm sitting here with whitening strips on my teeth, realizing that i need to get my nails filled and re-frenched asap, and paying some bills with quickly dwindling funds (my final vacation home rental payment was due this week). this morning i went to trader joe's and got a crap-ton of veggies, meat, fat-free, plain greek and european (whatever that means!) yogurts, and other protein sources for this weekend and the upcoming week. my parents are due in within the hour, and we'll probably just hang out, watch movies, and chill at the pad until tomorrow. we haven't had a visit in a couple of months and since their retirement is becoming more of a reality (my mom is actually near the end of her current career!), they're more able to take little jaunts like this one.

i've had a two-week break from school that ends on monday. honestly, it's been amazing not having anything to do, but i must admit i'm getting a little antsy to get back to it. one more year and then i'm done, people. i can't tell you how good that feels! this respite was just what i needed to feel motivated to start kicking some butt again....and believe you me, i intend to finish this how i started: strong. oh, and along with my textbooks that just arrived in the mail, i received a new texas instruments financial calculator. nerd toys! i'm so excited:)

in other news, i've been obsessively listening to two songs: at home, i loop 'hate that i love you' by rihanna and ne-yo and at work, it's all about 'no air' by jordin sparks and chris brown. not sure what this is all about, but i find this kind of repetition comforting lately.

with that being said, though, there's also no sense in getting stale or allowing the places of comfort to suck me in and hold me captive. and so, with that, i bid you—and this long and harrowing week—a fond adieu. time to change the song.

'and all the roads we have to walk are winding. and all the lights that lead the way are blinding....'

i remember a late fall/early winter afternoon while i was still living in gaithersburg, maryland. i was driving home from work in my 2000 silver jetta with the weight of the world on my shoulders and a lump in my throat that had been there for 2 days straight. as i waited at the light on georgia avenue, the sun was just beginning to set and it seemed that darkness was descending quicker than i could speed down that suburban road toward home. a few minutes later, music blaring out of my CD player, i remember turning left on norbeck road and approaching the lake as the first sobs heaved out of me, tears streaming down my face and blurring my vision. i pulled my car over to the shoulder and screamed out my sadness and anger into the approaching night, the desperation raging from somewhere deep inside of me. all that i had tried—and failed—to escape was trapped inside that roof and those four doors, stifling me.

after 45 minutes, i felt a bit lighter from the emotional purging and drove the last mile to the apartment i shared with my best friend. the light inside burned my now-red eyes. my cheeks and lips and lids were swollen and tear-stained. i felt deflated and empty and walked directly to my room to lie against my cool sheets in the dark. it was better that way.

now, 7+ years later, i sit here on a thursday night realizing that these days, i might go months without a good cry, and what often sets it off has nothing to do with those old hauntings. it has been a long journey from there to here, and the road has taken me in many different directions, with stops and side trips along the way. sometimes i haven't been able to see from the grief that clouded my vision. sometimes the darkness fell too quickly and sometimes the lights shone too brightly in my eyes. sometimes all i wanted to do was sleep and yet i kept driving, with only the hope of my destination keeping me going.

i've heard it said that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. i'm here to report that this is, quite simply, untrue. there is no straight line between then and now and no 'shortest distance' to be found when it comes to walking a crooked path filled with pain and heartache. the salvation in it all, though, is that there are those chosen few who walk beside you from time to time. there is friendship and laughter and sometimes even love to stave off the loneliness and confusion. there are maps and signs and roadside stands. there are smiles and phone calls and random chats with near strangers. there are blogs and internets and people who remind you that the possibilities for joy are greater than for sorrow.

all of these things, tangible and intangible, seem to make the crooked paths straighter somehow. these are my wonderwalls, and 'i don't believe that anybody feels the way i do about you now.' they never will.

mid-way

i am now on day 3 of my two-week break from classes, and i have to tell you - this is the life! i forgot all about how it felt to be able to leave work and do whatever i want, without the awareness of homework hanging over my head. it's a glorious, glorious thing.

two random tidbits:
i heart my new phone. i've had the samsung instinct for a couple of weeks now, and i can't remember what it was like NOT to be able to check my e-mail on a moment's notice. the video function needs some work, but i'm sure by the time i'm ready for a new one of these bad boys, they'll be shooting full-length movies through phones or some such nonsense.

i was out to dinner on saturday night and i saw the former governor of maryland emerge from what i later found out was a ladies' restroom. curious.

off to work!

'love is not a victory march....'

many people have sat down at a computer much like i am and written a post on how they feel (i include myself in this group) at any given time. you know what i learned again this weekend? that can change on a dime. emotions are the most fickle things, completely swayed by what is (or what seems to be) right in front of you at the time. but the real deal...the stuff that dreams (and poetry, and literature, and art, and blogs, even) are made of is SO much harder and long-suffering and sometimes downright gross. it's not a end, not a goal, not something to be grasped or won or achieved. it is the act of saying

i hear you. i choose to hear you. i also choose to let you hear me and to let you in on what scares me and what thrills me and what i whisper under my breath when i'm alone. i want you to see some part of this picture and keep seeing it and add your own 2 cents to it and be there whether it looks good or sleepy-eyed or dirty or tear-soaked or old. and if there is truth to be known, speak it. and if there is fear, let's conquer it together. and if there is loneliness, let's remind one another that two really IS sometimes better than one.

there are no pat answers when it comes to another person's heart...no clichés that can be universally applied...no 'put slot a into tab b' type of directions that will ever suffice. it is about knowing another person and allowing yourself to be truly known. and that scares the hell out of a lot of people.

but you know what, though? i'm not one of those people. i'm not so easily frightened by the thought of feeling that way about and acting that way toward someone. and believe me—there is so much i AM afraid of, but putting my heart on the line when i think there's reason to do so isn't on the list. and maybe that's why i've been hurt as many times as i have—because i'm willing to try. and maybe i'll be hurt again, but you know what? i'd rather try (and keep trying) and, as a result, feel the agony of another closed door than miss out on the gorgeous moments of discovering another person's heart and having that person discover mine.

this love is serious business. it's the stuff of legend. it's the stuff that makes men sing. it's the stuff i want from now until the end of my time here, in whatever way it avails itself to me.

it's not a cry you can hear at night
it's not somebody who's seen the light
it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

hallelujah, hallelujah

hallelujah, hallelujah

the abc's of me

a. attached or single? single
b. best friend? salimah
c. cake or pie? pie!
d. day of choice? saturday
e. essential items? moisturizer, water, cell phone, lip balm, and bella (my vw)
f. favorite color(s)? red, baby. true red.
g. gummy bears or worms? i like all things gummy. i'm not a discriminator.
h. hometown? richmond, va
i. favorite indulgence? anything with pastry cream and fruit
j. january or july? this is a silly question. july, of course. it's my birth month!
k. kids? i have none. i might want some...with the right person.
l. life isn't complete without? l-o-v-e in all its various forms and fashions
m. marriage date? you tell me.
n. number of brothers or sisters? 1 sister
o. oranges or apples? oranges
p. phobias? vermin of any kind (bugs, rodents, etc), tornadoes
q. quotes? of this very moment: 'that dingo ate your baby!'
r. reasons to smile? plenty. here are 3: good friends, the promise of a nap, straight As!
s. season of choice? autumn
t. tag 5 people: salimah, cat, kim, kim, and lynn
u. unknown fact about me. there's plenty you don't know, but here's a tidbit: my hand was once famous on public television for being inside a puppet of little red riding hood (le petit chaperon rouge).
v. vacation of choice? venice, italy
w. worst habit? yelling at other drivers while on the phone with salimah.
x. xray or ultrasound? xray. much quicker and less goopy!
y. your favorite food? peanut butter
z. zodiac sign? cancer, but who cares about this?

“bernie mac just say what you want to say but can’t.”

1957–2008
yesterday the world lost one of its funniest people. as chris rock said of his friend, "bernie mac was one of the best and funniest comedians to ever live, but that was the second best thing he did. bernie was one of the greatest friends a person could have. losing him is like losing 12 people because he absolutely filled up any room he was in."

i first became aware of bernie mac the first time i saw 'kings of comedy' and i seriously laughed myself SICK over some of the bits in his segment. to this day, i quote this man on a regular basis, because he was obviously genuinely in love with his family; no one who has a bad relationship with their loved ones can joke about them the way that he did...."pray for me, america."

he was a joy to watch and i'm not ashamed to admit that i've shed some tears over his passing. he was too young and it was too soon. and though he said it of himself that he often spoke the words that many wanted to say but couldn't, i'll say what so many people are thinking today: this is a damn shame. a damn, damn shame. rest peacefully, king of comedy. you will still make us laugh for many years to come. be sure of that.

'august, die she must'*

happy (belated) month before september (a.k.a. the month for beginning again, for buying school supplies, for getting new clothes and realizing that fall is right around the corner). this will be a short check-in, since i'm pretty much in serious need of dinner (grilled salmon from wf) and some work catching up. methinks i shall be up late tonight.

just a recap of my day: i got a cortisone shot in my foot that was long overdue. here's hoping it takes its hold. i also had a random bout of cute hair. i'm not going to question it. sometimes the magic just happens. lunch was a boring roast beef sandwich that gave me phanton heartburn (which i almost never get). weird. after work (and the doctor), i stopped at whole foods (the source of the aforementioned salmon) to pick up a few things. nearly had an altercation with an older gentleman who was trying to get all up in my grille in the parking lot. i beat a hasty retreat before we had words. it was only a matter of time.

i also realized again today that my life would be a tiny bit frightening to some people who knew me back in college. i'm okay with that, though. some times things are not what they once were...and nor should they be. and, like forrest gump, that's all i have to say about that....

off to dine and try to stay awake till bedtime. busy week ahead. much homework and goings on. still smiling, though. not too shabby for a monday.

(*my apologies to art garfunkel for associating his rather beautiful lyric with my crap blog post.)

thirst day

this morning they're scheduled to turn off the water in my building, so i'm up early to get my shower out of the way and perhaps get a jumpstart on all that i have to get done today. last night i was so freaking tired, i couldn't seem to keep my eyes open much past 9. i also didn't eat dinner or drink much of anything yesterday, so i'm sure you can imagine that i'm parched beyond belief!

it's my own fault, really. sometimes when i work at home, i forget to eat or drink. weird, i know. i just get in the zone and my body doesn't seem to demand anything, so we just coast through the day and the next thing i know, it's time for bed. it's okay, though. it's not as though i can't afford to skip a meal or two....

can i just be honest? i want the next two weeks to disappear from me. i have much to do in that time and very little motivation to complete my tasks. this class that i'm taking will be over by then and then i get a much-needed break for a couple of weeks during which i plan to go out on work nights and not think twice about it!!

i'm nearing the bend of 6:30 here, so i should go and get myself together and go muster up some productivity. note to self: drink.

and she nails it!

okay, here it is: i am without excuse for my slackadaisical blogging as of late, so i won't give you some lame spiel about how i've been exhausted. you don't need that from me, internet.

what i will say, however, is that i got my nails! done! on thursday after work. full set with a french manicure, of course - and my toes frenchified for good measure. forgive me, world, for i had sinned. it had been 2 years since my last pedicure! how shameful! i quickly got over the embarrassment of my cracked heels, however, when the massaging chair started kneading my lower back. who can think straight with that kind of awesomeness?

needless to say, i'm feeling the love about this whole nail thing. the last time my nails looked this fab was at least 5 years ago. i decided it was another step in the process of me allowing myself to have some treats that are good for the morale. i'm now up to three: regular hair cuts, cleaning lady, nail care. oh, and did i mention that i currently have a 100 average in my course more than halfway through? perfect excuse for the pampering!

anyhoo, i've got a busy rest of the weekend ahead of me. laundry. meeting some dear friends for wine and nosh. some other fun events planned for tomorrow. maybe a little early homework for the upcoming week. i've got a bit of momentum. why not capitalize on it?

two's day.

let's get listy, shall we?

1. my 15-year high school reunion was this past weekend. i didn't go because i had too much going on. i'll be making the 20, though. i already promised to buy a drink for an old friend:).
2. speaking of high school, last night i told a former classmate that i had a serious crush on him for about 5 years. it felt remarkably cleansing. oh, and he's still cute.
3. my accounting class is giving me a pain where i sincerely don't need one. i cannot wait for august 25.
4. the sleeplessness is making my bones hurt. i need to channel rip van winkle for a few days.
5. it has recently come to my attention that i need a vacation. hence, i'll be taking one in 2 months with salimah (and my parents for part of the time). i am trying not to jump out of my skin thinking about it...that is, if i had the energy to jump out of my skin.
6. yesterday i had some sushi that was simply divine.
7. i seem to have lost the ability to plan ahead. i blame grad school entirely.
8. for my birthday, i bought myself some DVDs in order to replenish my VHS collection that i got rid of last year. i heart packages filled with fun things!
9. i'm now selling jewelry for a company called cookie lee. apparently i love jewelry way more than i realized!
10. i have had a serious craving for pancakes since i started with this insomnia thing. i want them all the time. with lots of syrup and butter. sitting across from someone fun. everyone should have pancakes, i think. pancakes for everyone!!

ahem. that is all.

i cannot think of a title, so let it be what it is.

the short version of the story is that i haven't slept very well in over a week. the long version is, well, too long for this whole medium because, frankly, i need to get to work!

i'm still alive, though, in case you were wondering, and i'm trying with all my might to get my equilibrium back. the class i'm taking right now is giving me a serious behind whupping (mostly because it's poorly conceived and executed) and it's taking all my free energy not to just succumb to the madness.

with all of that being said, however, i'm looking into ways in which i can combat the whole 'all work and no play makes sarah a very dull girl' scenario. more on that later.

in need of rest

i think i've realized that no matter how much progress i make...no matter how far forward i go, i will always have a well of sadness inside me that no one will ever understand. and maybe that's okay. maybe it's just part of the package deal of my life. and most days, i can handle it, really.

for some reason, though, not today.

let's see now....

where were we?

ah yes.

july is here and in full swing. i'm now more than a week out from my birthday (although i confess that i feel i should be celebrated all month long!) and i'm back to a life that doesn't include a 4-day weekend. boo. hiss.

i've got much work to do - both work work and school work - so it seems that some things never change:). and mostly that's all right, really. i'm used to it. i'm just having one of those days where i don't feel like doing anything.

there's not much news that's fit to print, except that today i realized that i have no particular interest in being overly bothered with other people's silly problems. i don't mean real and important ones, of course....just the ones where people refuse to stop obsessing over something we've discussed ONE HUNDRED TIMES. you know the one i mean. yes, that one.

anyway, enough of that. before i close this post and get back to the aforementioned school work (due tonight), i will say that i got some lovely things for my birthday: a gift cert to the bookstore and for some clothes, lovely handmade coasters (by catchka) and some teas, several alcoholic beverage mixers (what are people trying to say?), two books i've been wanting (ruth reichl!), some dvds, some wine and wine glasses (do you see the alcohol theme? i don't even drink that much, people!!), and an appointment for deluxe washing/detailing for my beloved bella. she will enjoy a bath and a bit of spiffing up. more than the gifts, though, was the joy of seeing friends (older and newer) and feeling loved and cherished by them, having a day off to do nothing but pal around with my bff (during which we went to the movies and i got a manicure), and just general relaxation without the stress of the daily grind. hey, and i even got my birthday burger!

and really, people, you can't beat that!

five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes....

another year has come and gone for me, and so it begins again. i think back on all the promises i made to myself since my last birthday - how many i've kept and how many more i've broken. i think about times i told myself the truth, the times i got real, and the times i just went to bed and slept it off. how many ledges i walked just to prove to myself that i could. how many new faces, new names, new feelings. how many changes of scenery and saying of good-byes.

i started graduate school.
i started pursuing a career.
i started realizing that i can work in a job where people appreciate my gifts rather than try to stifle them.
i started seeing just how much my thoughts and feelings have changed in the last two years...how much looking at the world through these eyes is a different experience than it was when i was just beginning my 30s.

i still want to do and feel a lot.
i still need to see paris and venice.
i still spend some days wondering just what i'm capable of.
i still care deeply about comma splices and ending sentences with prepositions (see above), but i'm loosening up. really.

i forget what it's like to have an abundance of free time.
i forget a lot of things lately, if you want to know the truth.
despite all my forgetting, i still remember a lot of things.

like losing my grandmother five years ago this july.
like getting my heart broken...and mended....and broken again.
like becoming disillusioned with some things i once felt i had to possess.
like realizing that i never really wanted to possess those things but feeling disillusioned anyway.
like the first glimpse of freedom after years of darkness.
like lake michigan and the wind in my hair.
like the pacific ocean and hollywood hills and the sunset.
like the breaking down of barriers and realizing that some things really aren't that big of a deal.

all the important stuff has stayed with me.

my best friend.
my mom and dad.
my dearest cheerleading squad of work friends and old friends and new friends.
my sense of who i am.
my faith in something more.



i choose to live the next year with more passion than all those before it.
i choose to learn every day.
i choose to continue calling things like i see them.
i choose to allow the past to impact my future insomuch as i don't want to repeat bad decisions.
i choose to love myself enough not to give up.
i choose to answer more questions with 'yes.'
i choose, above all, to measure my life in love.