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Monday, July 09, 2007

wicked haadcohah

pardon my new englandy vibe. it just seemed appropriate.

so, i'm back on weight watchers. i've reached the point where i'm ready to start back up again and i was tired of crapping around. so today after work, salimah came with me, and i hobbled my way through trader joe's and picked up a bunch of great, quick, healthful foods that will jumpstart my new regime just swimmingly.

tomorrow's breakfast: 2 hardboiled eggs, 2 slices of turkey bacon, 2 pieces of wheat toast (it's pretty thin), a dab of brummel and brown, and a small grapefruit. that ought to hold me good and plenty until lunchtime. i need major food in the a.m. - including lots of protein - otherwise i'm just no good. no good at all.

since i can't work out the way i'd want to just yet, i'm focusing on the food. one thing at a time, people. one thing at a time.

and furthermore, the only way for me to be successful is to treat myself like a new recruit in boot camp. of course, there will be slightly less screaming going on. slightly. believe me, i've got an inner drill sergeant. and you can bet yer bippy she's got a bahstahn accent....

Thursday, July 05, 2007

hmm

apparently when i have a few days off from work, i get all ponder-y. here's a question i've been asking myself today: is it ever too late to turn around and go back - or turn in a new direction and go a different way? i have to be honest and say that sometimes it feels like it is. for those whose perspective is a faith-based one, it's never too late, we're told, to turn to God. yes, i agree with that. i really do. but is it ever too late for other things?

here's an example (albeit an unpleasant one): if you've ever seen the animal cops show where they go in and rescue abused animals, you may have seen episodes where they find houses packed with cats (literally hundreds) and while the animals may be in some stage of salvageable physical health, they're so feral that they have to be put down because they are truly beyond the point of setting right. it's so sad to me because in every fairy tale, the story ends with the point of rescuing (except with an afterthought to be like, 'oh yeah, and they lived happily ever after'). but what about the people who are rescued but who are still beyond hope of anything resembling success coming their way?

now, i'm not talking about chronic mental/physical conditions that might prevent a person from having what most people would consider 'normal/everyday' interactions with others, but is anyone ever so marked by the past that, aside from God's heart towards the person, he or she is basically unacceptable? is there always a possibility of coming back from things, or is it sometimes just not going to happen?

i honestly don't know.

Sunday, July 01, 2007

While It's Still Called Today. . .

I wanted to leave you this token of a note to say all the things I've said before. I guess the point is this, after ten years, I still find so much to celebrate about you. You are a winsome human being--so damn funny, articulate, generous, perceptive--a tremendous collective of top notch character traits. But what matters to me most is that I know I can trust you with my life. And I do. I hope for you a wonderful year of no disappointments in love, no heartaches elsewhere, more money, excellent seismic shifts that lead to greener pastures, bigger digs, and positions that reflect your capacity and capability. I wish for you freedom from duplicity in others, and wild, wild celebrations with your friends. You deserve all those things. For you, my dear and best friend, Sarah, the world is not enough . . . Here's to 32. I think it's going to be bliss.

you say it's your birthday

it's official. i'm now 32. i had a great weekend, including an all-day trip to havre de grace and north east, md, with salimah and vanessa, during which we shopped, ate, chatted, shopped, and ate some more. i bought myself a super fun bracelet and a pair of pink crocs (complete with a little matching pink flower decal to decorate). here's the bracelet:


today started off with brunch at the cheesecake factory, then a trip to home depot to pick up two butter yellow adirondack chairs for my patio (upon which i sat for awhile and took a little nap), and then dinner out with several of my best girls from work at a seafood restaurant in reisterstown. i felt very surrounded and loved and it was just how i wanted to spend it. tomorrow night i'm out for dinner with another friend, and then tuesday continues the celebration with MORE great friends. i'm lining up times with different pockets of people so that i can really spend time with them and have no one feel left out of conversations or anything like that. and plus, when you have too big of a group, you yourself can't possibly pay attention to everyone. that makes it too hard.

so i'm happy. and whatever is to happen in this year, let it come. as ever, i will face it with as much courage as i can muster and maybe a little finesse along the way. i have such great friends, and i'm so thankful for that....it's good. it's just all good.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

one more thing

i was successful in my baking endeavor, although i sweated like some kind of farm animal (whatever that means). i'm now about to hit the sack. morning comes early when it's an hour earlier than i'm used to.

i still feel accomplished: i made treats, watched two shows that i love - 'so you think you can dance' and 'top chef' - and even made some tuna salad for lunch tomorrow. on the docket for tomorrow apres work: podiatrist, grad school essay, SLEEP.

that is all.

easy peasy

so i'm in the process of applying to graduate school. if all goes well, i should be starting on september 4 and getting my m.b.a. (probably in project management or something like that). i'm actually rather excited about it and hope that it will get me out of the professional rut that i'm in. also, if i'm ever going to open up my own biz, it'll be nice to have. it's all about opening doors.

the best thing so far about this process is how incredibly streamlined it's been. my dear friend nina works at the school, and she's been an awesome help to me, and it just feels like everything is falling into place. i love that. how many times in life does something like that go down? hardly ever, i tell you.

in other news, i'm baking some honey-peanut butter-chocolate chunk cookies (with just a hint of oatmeal) tonight. i'm bringing them in to work tomorrow for a joint birthday treat (my friend maria is bringing taco dip - we're savory and sweet like that)....it's kind of like when you were in kindergarten and your mom sent you to school with cupcakes for your class. celebrate me, people! that's what i'm saying....

all right, i'm off to turn on my oven. this is rich: it's 97 degrees outside and i'm about to bake. when will i ever learn??

Sunday, June 24, 2007

one week

it's just 7 days until i turn 32, and in the grand spirit of all things birthday 'eve,' i shall give you the following listiness:

1. went to see two plays this weekend: picasso at the lapin agile (by steve martin) and fat pig (by neil labute). the latter piece dealt with the issue of sizeism, cowardice, and the inability of MOST people to just BE who they are without regard for others' opinions. we stayed after for a 'talk to the actors' kind of thing, and i got a chance to share some thoughts. it was a meaningful piece and very well performed.
2. had a lovely sushi early dinner out yesterday before play #1 and then spent time with our friend vic afterwards at the starbucks and endured some true antics from a clearly trying-too-hard-for-attention/somewhat-out-of-her-gourd barrista. delightful (barrista notwithstanding).
3. today's post-play meal was at the city cafe and involved wonderfully crisp, well-seasoned calamari with a divine lemon-jalapeno dipping sauce (think infused vinegar) and (for me) a chopped cobb salad. avocado just makes a dish, i find.
4. i'm thinking about getting my mba online. been pondering some type of online masters for a couple of years, but i took a few preliminary steps to get the ball rolling.
5. my feet are STILL killing me.
6. i'm still obsessed with iced tea.
7. i'm in a very outspoken mood these days (more than usual). i like it.
8. i have some truly great friends. and a lot of them have disappeared over time. this is okay with me.
9. weekend afternoons in the summer (especially when the breeze is blowing) really ARE the best.
10. i love being the kind of person who can RELAX and just be, or who can be spontaneous and have plans on a whim. i wasn't always that way. the extent to which i have put those anxious ways to bed astonishes me every single day. in short, i'm breezy. really.
11. in addition to #10, i really don't have time for b.s. i sincerely do NOT. and i just have no ability to pretend otherwise. i love that.
12. balega socks are still rocking the HOUSE.
13. i want this year to be one that i remember as being productive and filled with good decisions. let it be so. i'm ending on an 'unlucky' number because i think that's bollocks and i don't mind bucking tradition.

the end.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

bawlmer, merlin, hon

last night, i did something decidedly bawlmer-ish: i got crabs with my friends mel and rob. we had some dogs with sauerkraut and a bit of other picnic fare as well, but mostly it was all about those fat, sweet-meat-laden crustaceans. so delish!! after dinner, we just hung out and talked in their living room where i was being loved on by their awesome kitties. at one point, i looked over to my right and recognized a familiar gray box near their entertainment center. 'dude!' i exclaimed. 'do you have, like, NINTENDO?' she nodded. 'do you have, like, SUPER MARIO BROTHERS??' indeed she did!

so giddy was i to find this out that the three of us took turns playing the game for at least an hour. who remembered how fun this is? ME!! i used to play smb in the basement of my friend nikki's or my friend meredith's for hours on end nearly every single day during the summer of '89. people, those were the days.

anyway, i had my nostalgia and my fill of seafood, and i was on my way by about 10:30 - late for me for a friday night. but what a fun time. good friends are the best.

and this morning, i slept in until about 9:45. i don't remember the last time i did that. clearly i've been needing a little catch-up on the sleep front.

i'm off to jump in the shower and then to pick up salimah. she and i are scheduled to grab sushi and then head down to a play with our friends victoria and michael. tomorrow we'll see ANOTHER play and then i hope to chill out with the book i'm reading. weekends, you're my favorite. forever and always.

Monday, June 18, 2007

off

as i said before, i took the day off from work today. it's 6:50 and i'm still loving every minute of it.

i slept in a little bit this morning before showering leisurely, checking blogs, doing a bit of bill paying, etc. i left the house around 10:15, got myself some breakfast, and then went to the post office, blockbuster, the bank, to drop some money off for a friend at work, and then to borders to do some work. i edited furiously for a couple of hours, did a little shopping, and then headed home by way of grabbing some tacos (a guilty pleasure) for lunch.

once back in the cool of my apartment, i watched the movie 'sherrybaby' starring maggie gyllenhaal. it was a rather dark movie and i found myself wishing for it to be over, and yet i felt quite sympathetic to the main character (who, while rather screwed up in the head, was really trying her best to get her life back on track).

since the movie ended, i've been in my bedroom shredding papers, opening neglected mail, and generally ruthlessly cleaning my desk. i love this. it feels SO invigorating. the backdrop to all of this has been some sirius radio online. crap - how i LOVE this service. it's really so awesome. i cannot imagine life without it at this point.

on the docket for the evening: i may make some turkey meatloaf or something like it, maybe watch the other movie i rented ('notes on a scandal'), and read my book for awhile. days off like this are delicious. i'm SOOO glad i took one for the team...that team, of course, is me.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

brav-o!

brief update:

i just watched 'invincible,' mark wahlberg's feel-good true story about a dude from south philly who tried out for the eagles in the 70s and made it. heart-warming. i'm all about the cheese.

i've joined goodreads.com, which i absolutely love. not only is it a great way to catalogue what you've read, but it's a fantastic way to see what your friends are reading and to get inspired for what you might want to read in the future. so inspired am i, actually, that i took a trip to the library yesterday to load up on some fiction that i hope to tackle in the coming weeks. i started a great little book, 'pomegranate soup,' about three iranian sisters who move to ireland to start a food shop. delightful thus far!

yesterday was delightful in general. after hitting the library, salimah and i had a great early sushi dinner at edo sushi, then went to starbucks and read for awhile, and then headed off to wegman's to pick up just a few little items. she wound up going into the store and shopping for me, because the go-cart situation wasn't really working (they were all charging or unavailable). it was just as well. it would have taken twice as long for me to get everything; the crowds make shopping with a motorized vehicle prohibitive.

today i was a complete bum and did almost nothing, although my weekend isn't over just yet; i took tomorrow off, so i have another day to hopefully accomplish a few things, get some reading done (maybe?), launder my clothes, and just generally relax. summer mornings are the best for being productive, i find.

in a final note, allow me to say that i am rather obsessed with top chef. this should come as a shock to no one. in particular, i find tom colicchio DREAMY. apparently i'm a sucker for bald guys with a soul patch. :P and seriously, don't even get me started, because i also have this dark, secret (okay, not so secret anymore, internet!) crush on anthony bourdain (who was a guest judge on the first episode of the season). he's a smoker and kinda fringe and very raw and yet i find him rather appealing. plus, i once i had this very saucy dream about him (okay, i won't go there). basically what i'm trying to say is THANK YOU BRAVO FOR PUTTING THIS SHOW BACK ON!

Friday, June 15, 2007

real quick

i have to dash (well, hobble) off to work in a few minutes, but i thought i'd check in and give a little love to my blog (as they say, if you give a little love, it all comes back to you - let's hope that's true, eh?). today's my annual review at work, tonight's an o's game with mel, maria, and salimah (awesome seats), and monday i'm taking a vacation day to just chill, do some freelance, and organize some things.

speaking of the o's game, i've been making phone calls and seeing how i can figure out a way to get dropped off at the gate. so the other day, i call the park and say to the person who answered, 'yeah, so, if someone wanted to drop someone off at the park....and that someone had a fractured foot so they couldn't really walk....and this is where they're sitting....where would they drop them off?' he asked me a few more questions, which for some reason i kept answering vaguely, and then he says to me, almost as an aside, 'are we talking about you here or someone else?' i'm like, 'oh, well, it's me, actually....' i have no idea why i was trying to play it off. sometimes i don't even know what my motivation is....

oh well, i got the info i needed, and hopefully he was spot-on with his directions. fireworks after the game!!

work beckons. i'm out.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

i'm channeling effie white

i finally saw 'dreamgirls' this afternoon. well, i saw MOST of it. i fell asleep part of the way through and was zonked out for a good 25 minutes...so once it was over, i retraced my steps to the part where i lost consciousness. i must say, i'm not generally a huge fan of modern movie-musicals (chicago, evita, moulin rouge), but this one was really pretty good. there were a few scenes in which the music transitions were a little cheesy, but overall, it captured my attention and my emotion. and i'll tell you one thing - that jennifer hudson can BLOW.

in other news, salimah stayed over last night and we went to wegman's (the weg, as i call it) at about 7:15 this morning. it was really the perfect time to shop....so few people around, it made maneuvering the little go-cart contraption rather simple. newsflash: i'm still not walking around much these days. one foot gets worse while the other gets better. or, more specifically, the thing that helps one foot makes the other worse. it's at the point where i'm applying for a temporary handicapped parking tag because the amount of walking i'm doing is NOT helping me in the least. i seriously hate being limited like this, but i don't know what else to do.

i'm hoping that things can heal significantly within the next month or so. i'm going to chicago on july 19 for a long weekend with salimah and my friend amy. can't wait. i need to find out just whether or not chicago really is my kind of town.

on the docket for tonight: cook up some chicken-feta-spinach burgers, watch a little tube, have a delicious phone conversation, and then sleep. i'm beginning to move some plans forward for myself, and i'm telling you one thing: i ain't quitting until something gives. sometimes it's all about that.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

crack

of dawn, that is....that's what time i got up this morning. but you know what? i've been getting up at LEAST an hour early EVERY morning for the last two weeks. this daylight at 5 a.m. thing is killing my sleep schedule!!

i'm heading in to work early today because i have a follow-up podiatrist appointment (please, dear Lord, let the man give me cortisone - my right foot is killing me). after weeks on end of wearing das boot, i've had to go old school for the last week or so because the little dictator ripped some skin off my leg on a trip to wegman's 10 days ago. let's just say it wasn't pretty and it was hurting like a beast. also, i must say that it pretty much ruined the progress my other foot had made by putting more pressure on that foot to keep up with the height difference. one foot gets better at the expense of the other. hmm. my feet are like social classes! das boot being the rich, unfeeling, hoity-toity stepping on (figuratively speaking) the needs of the lower down, athletic-shoe-only-wearing citizen next to it. jerk. i never did like that left foot anyway.

okay, i've started something i can't finish. i'm going to work.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

ridiculous

the last few days have had their share of weirdisms. here's one i can share (and let me just mention at the outset that i was OUTRAGED): i got a FAKE ticket from the district of columbia. no, actually, the ticket is real. it was issued in ERROR. apparently some highly qualified, competent individual down there at the traffic office mis-entered a license plate for a car, and despite the fact that the picture CLEARLY shows a gray toyota, they have charged my RED JETTA with a ticket for speeding through the 3rd street tunnel in DC on may 3. okay, i don't even know where that is.

so i tried calling and leaving a strongly worded message, but of course the machine was full (probably of messages left by other people who had been errantly charged with violations). finally i reached a human being when the office opened yesterday morning and i was interrupted and told that it would be investigated and someone would call me back. i'm like, 'hi, it's not my car.' the woman didn't even let me finish as she quipped back, 'well, ma'am, if you know it's not your car, that's all that's important.' what? yeah, whatever.

at least i got out of jury duty due to the brokenness of my foot.

and may i just say that we're having a cookout at work tomorrow. this has me truly psyched. i've said it before: i need to get out more.

Monday, May 28, 2007

"hi, what about our breakfast??"

this is a direct quote from salimah, who is bothering me to no end to feed her (apparently her arms are broke). she would like you all to know that, "with her detox regimen, it's very important for her to eat right away." i can attest to this, as last night, she nearly gnawed off my arm.

anyhoo, my new favorite song is 'makes me wonder' by maroon 5. i'm actually obsessed with it. and furthermore, i'm craving sushi on a daily basis. just thought you'd want to know.

these are the only updates i can provide the world at this juncture. i am now going to feed the beast. interpret that how you will.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

lately

i'm about to run out the door because i'm going to work early this morning, but i've been marinating a few thoughts in my head for the last couple of weeks, and i think they're ready to come out now.

you know, the last few months of my own life have been marked by a certain level of disappointment. no, let me correct: the last year. i'm not sure precisely what's been going on in the grand scheme, but the day-to-day has felt largely like drudgery. i know i've hinted or outright stated this before, so forgive me that this isn't 'news,' but in light of the events of the last 6 weeks, this statement is even more true.

in addition, some of my friends - salimah especially - have experienced quite a bit of confusion, frustration, sadness, etc. over the events of their own lives this last year, and the tension seems to continually mount with little to no resolution. and at the end of the day, i keep coming back to the same thing in my mind: this is just another day in a long series of days that will be either good or bad or some mixture of both. in short, it IS what it is.

i'm starting to feel like there are times where there is a lesson to be learned and times where one just has to keep LIVING and not dwell too much on what's happening. i have always been the type of person to attach a decent (okay, huge) amount of significance to nearly everything in my life...a real purpose...and i'm just not sure that's always wise. life isn't a novel or a movie or a sitcom...or anything accurately resembling any of those things. in fact, that's why we're drawn to them, really - because they almost always work out a lot neater than real life ever does.

maybe it's been a form of self-comforting that i've used throughout my life to make it through some particularly difficult times. maybe it's true and i'm just becoming jilted. or maybe it's neither and i'm being overly analytical. that wouldn't surprise me, to tell you the truth.

i guess what has really meant the most for me in terms of application and getting on with my life, though, has been this new sense of 'going with the flow' that i never seemed to have in the past but which i've had to adopt this past year. my coworkers have noticed it in the way i approach my work. i'm less anxious. i'm less affected by things. and this is for the better, considering how i once was.

my new code of conduct for myself involves being utterly present in what's going on and yet in no way in NEED of any given scenario, because i find that as soon as i truly feel that need, things seem to dissolve before my eyes. i'm not giving up; i'm just refusing to give IN and let anything overwhelm me. and as a result, i'm able to enjoy things more for what they are and recover more quickly when they turn out to be something different than what was apparent at the beginning.

in short, maybe i'm growing up a little bit more. that's not such a bad thing, considering i'll be turning 32 in 6 weeks. i know i always come back to this point, but it really IS just one foot in front of the other, over and over. keep walking. keep seeing what there is to see. keep hoping that i make it to wherever i'm meant to wind up. i will. i must. that's the point, isn't it?

Sunday, May 13, 2007

leisure

this weekend has been a balm to me. friday kicked off with the office crab feast (and thankfully we were under a cover so that i didn't get crispy like last year), after which i picked up salimah, we hit chicken out for a quick, cheap dinner, and then we came home to watch a movie (i fell promptly asleep).

saturday morning, we got up early because i had a hair appointment first thing (i love my hair just after it's freshly chopped). then we grabbed some sushi and salad from trader joe's, came home and munched while we watched a truly stupid french film, and then later got ourselves together and went over to my friend vanessa's for a cookout with her boyfriend and family. it was a truly relaxing evening...good food, good conversation, adorable babies (nearly 2, actually) to smile at. i managed to get caught in a torrential downpour after i dropped saliamh off at her place and despite accidentally flinging my keys onto the ground and getting my boot and the left half of me rather wet, my purse (and hair!) stayed dry, so all was not lost:).

today i woke up early, ate some breakfast, took a nap, and have been doing freelance ever since to the backdrop of some fun movies i've seen before. i need a day of complete downtime to gear up for yet another very busy week ahead.

i'm off now to elevate the foot, drink some water, and find more typos. maybe someday i'll have something less newsy to say. 'til then, happy mother's day!

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

so check it

i'm into lists and snippety updates lately, people. deal with it:).

my foot is a hot mess. today when i took off my brace, i had this weird band of swelling running up from my ankle to my 4th toe (which is in the location of the theoretical stress fracture). my 4th and 5th toes are now kinda cold (swelling will do that to you), and my other foot is starting to act up again. i swear. my feet are like rivalrous siblings!

in other news, tomorrow i have some painters coming to cover up some water damage (AGAIN) in my apartment. this is only the 4th or 5th time this has had to be done since i moved in 3 years ago. can i say? i'm over it.

furthermore, in the grand tradition of salimah and i living essentially the same life, i, too, do not understand men and their ways. they confound me. maybe they always will. i dunno. i'm just thankful that the week is more than half over and i don't have to figure all of this out tonight.

in a lovely twist, my friend ness and i wound up at one of my stomping grounds tonight for dinner - the little mexican place up the street from me. their shredded beef enchiladas (with red sauce, of course) are off the CHAIN, as they say.

oh, and then on friday of this week, it's the company crab feast. no doubt some gut-busting moments will be had at that soiree. for now, though, i'm off to beddie-bye and to think about the possibility of a life that makes a tad more sense than the one i'm living right now.

finally, in the ongoing spirit of non-sequiturs: haircut on saturday. i'm no longer looking cute, so we must rectify this problem. chop it!

Monday, May 07, 2007

in brief

okay, wow. so, i'm going to be 32 in just under 2 months, one of my little cousins (not so little anymore, really) and a college friend are getting married soon, i'm wearing (as devika called it) a storm trooper boot, i'm still working way too many hours, and i've been called for jury duty in baltimore city next month.

that's just about all the news on my end.

oh, and i'm officially ready to pack my car and drive somewhere far away....even if just for a long weekend. i need a break. a good one.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

das boot

okay, so it's been a crazy week. i've been ridiculously busy work-wise, going to bed as early as possible, and today i found out that i likely have a stress fracture in my left foot. as if i didn't have enough problems with it already! so basically, i'm in this for the next 2 weeks:


um, yeah. can i just say - i'm not happy about this!? it's not comfortable to walk in, and basically, unless i'm in the shower (yes, that's right, i have to wear this to bed), i'm supposed to have it on 24/7. ugh.

anyway, the thought of having to run errands (or do anything else, really - INCLUDING walk up the 3 flights of stairs to my apartment) is rather daunting right now. needless to say i cried a little after i left....

can i please catch a break here? please.