working it out

tonight i am celebrating. you may be thinking it's a monday, sarah. what could you possibly have to celebrate on a MONDAY?

well, that's a valid question, but here's the thing (two things, really): 1) i'm finally nearly over the bronchitis that i contracted over thanksgiving week this year that rendered me positively immovable when i visited my parents the weekend before and 2) because of #1, i was able to get myself back to the gym tonight where i ROCKED the elliptical. i must give a serious shout-out to blackalicious, whose tunes and rhymes gave me the vibe to keep on movin until the time on the machine ran out.

all of this effort is to the end of participating in the journey i've been on since this summer to change my physical body once and for freaking all. i've talked about it before, here and there, and know that i had to get through a lot of emotional baggage before i'd even be ready to consider such a venture, but i've done the work on my heart and mind, and i was just waiting to be ready to tackle this. in the past, my efforts have been stalled due to some combination of illness and self-sabotage (the latter usually because of some romantic endeavor that wound up falling flat anyway). this time, however, i feel different. for one thing, i've kept this thing up for about 6 months now, so it's much more a way of life than it is a 'diet', and despite minor setbacks (such as the aforementioned bronchitis and the afore-aforementioned case of the SHINGLES), i am making progress, little by little. i have a support system in place, a plan to get me where i want to go, and sheer determination, the grace of God, and a hope for a better life to drive me.

so tonight, when i went back to the gym after my two-week period away, i was reminding myself that you can do this, girl. keep the machine moving. keep choosing your dreams. keep your head up and remember that no one has given this to you. this is the gift you give yourself. and you deserve it.

and i know that i do. i really, really do.

because it's time for a list

not to be a huge cliché, but thank GOD tomorrow is friday. i'm just beat and over it.

let's see. some random tidbits from this week:

1. i got a pit turkey sandwich from the pennsylvania dutch market today. they clearly put crack in the meat, because that thing was SUPER tasty. no cheese (waste of points), little bit of bbq sauce, incredibly fresh roll (white flour, but worth it in this case). yum. also picked up a lancaster county tomato that i plan to eat at some point over the weekend as well as some sesame/flax crunchy snack chip things. not sure what they are, but again, delish.

2. speaking of food (again), chili's is a great option for people doing ww. they have some reasonable foods there points-wise. you can even get one of their mini desserts (that's served in a shot glass), which is a few points and just that right little bite of something sweet without being overwhelmed by a plate full of calories.

3. i've been loving the ipod at work this week. the project i'm working on requires me to speak to almost no one, so i pretty much plug in and tune out. heaven.

4. i desperately want a pedicure, but there are 2 problems: i have a rather large bruise on my foot from the shot i got a couple of weeks ago and frankly, if anyone tried to massage me, i'd probably involuntarily kick him or her in the face. i don't need a lawsuit right now. so much for cute toes.

5. i made a decision recently to start wearing eye makeup on a daily basis. i decided it's ridiculous to own eye makeup and not USE it. and one of my new year's resolutions for 2007 was to actually use the stuff i own. food in the fridge, candles that need burning, post-it notes, you name it.

6. i have a 50-dollar amazon.com gift certificate. i'm salivating at the thought of what i could buy!

7. i'm planning on rerouting my cable this weekend (shh - don't tell comcast) to reclaim use of my second bedroom. for the last 2 years, it's pretty much served as a guest room/repository for random crap. i want to make it useful again. besides, with grad school starting in 2 weeks, i want a place to put all of my school stuff that ISN'T my bedroom.

8. i've been getting dizzy spells the last few days. i feel fairly certain this has a lot to do with the fact that my head is pretty stuffed up. this happened last year before i got my death shroud illness. i'm hoping it's not a harbinger.

9. i couldn't be loving 'top chef' anymore if i tried. and thank the lord that 'america's got talent' is over. the ventriloquist won. he really is quite good. cas haley - love ya, but how can you beat a singing turtle impersonating kermit the frog? okay, i feel embarrassed to admit that i watched that show. moving on....

10. i'm tired. this isn't news. i feel like i've been tired for 2 weeks straight. this is a good way to tell you i'm going to bed now....or at least going to lie in my bed and think about sleeping (which, who am i kidding, will lead to sleep before too long).

two days in

i'm still struggling to get myself back into the swing of life here in crabcake corners. besides the fact that i actually teared up this afternoon because i miss chicago, my body doesn't want to convert back to east coast time and i'm just still SO tired. i don't know what my deal is, but it ain't making life any easier.

in other news, i have to say that subway - while not my favorite restaurant - really IS a great place to get a ww-friendly lunch. if you avoid the cheese and scary mayonnaise and other creamy condiments, you can really get quite a bit of food for not that many points. i'm all about bang for the buck, so to speak.

it's 11:20 and i should be asleep by now, but i took a post-work nap that was longer than i anticipated...what was i thinking??

i just keep remembering this one moment on friday morning. i was standing in front of the sears tower; i looked up into the brilliant blue of the sky, felt the breeze blowing all around me, and knew i'd remember that snippet for a long time to come. it was the moment that something inside me said yes.

casualties of war

today has been productive so far! i've already done 2 loads of laundry, filed a bunch of papers, and gone to 2 different stores to acquire food for the week (one of which, i am sorry to say, was safeway because i couldn't justify driving all the way over to wegman's for some toilet paper, lysol wipes, and brummel and brown).

after driving salimah home - with groceries in tow - i got gas and made my way back to my still-dusty-but-much-tidier apartment. i'm contemplating lunch, which at this point is sounding more and more like some heated up chicken satay with brown rice (purchased at trader joe's earlier today).

i'm still kicking butt on the ww and i'm managing (relatively successfully, i might add) to keep my head in check. the only wound sustained in the fray of the last 48 hours is an occasionally bleeding cuticle. and once again, doesn't one part of life mirror another? for it seems that despite all my best efforts, some bit of me - no matter how small - cannot manage to hold itself together.

and they're off!

well, it's official - i got into grad school! i'll begin my program on september 4, assuming financial aid comes through as i hope/expect....get ready for me academia, here i come again!

in other news, i'm sticking to the ww like a fiend. last night we had a retirement party for two women who have been with my organization for a LONG time (one nearly 40 years). it was an emotional event with many tears and tons of food everywhere. i ate like a peasant (a vegetarian one at that) and avoided the creamy crab dip. it wasn't that hard, really. i don't need something derailing me at this point. i'm just not interested in it.

plans for the weekend include getting my hair cut/highlighted, doing some chores, catching a play on saturday night with salimah, and scoping out some furniture a friend of mine is giving away. i may be in for a new bedroom suite. we'll see....

things are moving in the right direction. just in time.

starting from zero, got nothin' to lose

there's something kind of sad in the passing of a year. i sit here, newly 32, and marvel at all that has happened in the last (roughly) 365 days. this time last year, i was in month 2 of what turned out to be a more than 4-month upper respiratory illness that took basically all my strength (as well as my hearing and taste) for longer than i ever thought possible.

finally, as i began to get myself back in the saddle health-wise, i started having major foot problems, which have continued to this very day. being sick and/or in pain in some capacity nearly every day for an entire year can really wear a person down. couple that with some colossal disappointments in my personal life, and the hits just keep on coming. no matter the effort i put into my goals, the answer kept coming back loud and clear: not this time.

well, in the face of starting over, i find in myself slight (and sometimes a lot more than that) trepidation, but my resolve is strong nevertheless. i believe that, by God's grace, this year will be different than last. day 2 of ww was a bear, but i made it through. this season is all about telling my body who's boss and getting it to show me the money.

watch me.

wicked haadcohah

pardon my new englandy vibe. it just seemed appropriate.

so, i'm back on weight watchers. i've reached the point where i'm ready to start back up again and i was tired of crapping around. so today after work, salimah came with me, and i hobbled my way through trader joe's and picked up a bunch of great, quick, healthful foods that will jumpstart my new regime just swimmingly.

tomorrow's breakfast: 2 hardboiled eggs, 2 slices of turkey bacon, 2 pieces of wheat toast (it's pretty thin), a dab of brummel and brown, and a small grapefruit. that ought to hold me good and plenty until lunchtime. i need major food in the a.m. - including lots of protein - otherwise i'm just no good. no good at all.

since i can't work out the way i'd want to just yet, i'm focusing on the food. one thing at a time, people. one thing at a time.

and furthermore, the only way for me to be successful is to treat myself like a new recruit in boot camp. of course, there will be slightly less screaming going on. slightly. believe me, i've got an inner drill sergeant. and you can bet yer bippy she's got a bahstahn accent....