my freshman year of college began in september of 1993. one night about two weeks into the start of school, my then-closest friend and i walked across campus in the dark over to the president's garden. in the center of the garden is a square pond filled with rather murky water and these huge goldfish. there is something so inherently peaceful about that place, surrounded by a tall fence of hedges, made separate even in its inclusion as part of the campus. we stood on the marble edges of the pond and tried desperately to peer deep into the waters. we were looking for something...some indication that the choice we had made to come to hopkins was the right one. i couldn't see anything. my eyes were unable to penetrate the darkness.

afterwards, we went to sit on a bench nearby and i remember leaning my head back to look for stars. there were none. there are never stars in the city. the sky is far too orange and distracted by pollution to let those twinkling lights shine through.

so instead, i closed my eyes, breathed deeply and held the air inside of me for a moment. and when i exhaled, i opened my eyes and looked at my companion. he was doing the same thing. he let his air go and looked over at me, the light from the path sort of shimmering in his eyes (i thought for a moment that he was crying).

we're HERE, sarah. we're in college. can you believe it?

i couldn't believe it. any of it. but i promised myself that i would never forget that moment - how the night air felt, how it was a little bit cold, even for september....how his eyes glimmered (even if it was just from a streetlight)....the way his voice echoed a little when he spoke.....and how my heart leapt in my chest with hope for what my life could become....maybe. just maybe.

and all these years later, i haven't forgotten....

and i don't think i ever will.