i feel like i've been slimed. we watched a full night of specials on michael jackson and watched a bunch of sensationalist nonsense. i can't deal with all of this anymore...and yet, for some reason, it continues to fascinate me. not all the nonsense, i guess, but him. the sight of him makes me so sad. and it's not his physicality (although i will say that the fact that he has felt he needed to change his face like that is indicative of a deeper trouble than just a little pro-surgery stance), but instead the pain and emptiness in his eyes. every time i see him or think of him, all that occurs to me, over and over, is that this man just wants to know that he's loved....

God, won't you break through his walls, past all the security and the money and the things he has to protect him from anyone really knowing him, and show him Your heart for him....that You know him....that You love him?

there's no help without You. not for him. not for me. not for anyone.