'L' is for the way you look at me....

in truth, i have never been a girl who has gotten particularly excited about valentine's day. okay, that's not completely true. back in 3rd grade, when my then 'boyfriend' gave me a handmade valentine, i was seriously stoked. and in 10th grade, in an uncharacteristic move of sentimentality, my pseudo-love professed his undying affection for me on a creatively folded piece of construction paper....and that got me all a-twitter.

but other than that, i've never really gotten that jazzed over this particular day of the year. and to be honest, i guess the reason why is that i haven't been in a relationship that was fully 'established' enough to warrant such cupid's-arrow-flying kind of behavior (and when i say 'established', i mean a) we're both on the same page and not basically dating without official recognition, b) we're not in the throes of dealing with the mother who would never approve because i'm not catholic/asian/whatever, c) any of a number of reasons why men have basically gotten the benefits of me as their girlfriend but never referred to me as such). so instead of being a gal who fully expects flowers, cards, candy, kisses, and other signs of 'l-o-v-e', i've been content with the verbal 'oh....uh....happy valentine's day....' mumbled into a telephone, added to the end of an e-mail, or written, a bit more eloquently than that, on a card from my mom and dad. and i use 'content' in only the most backhanded sense, with its true meaning as 'disappointed but resigned to the truth.'

so no, this year is not really any different than the ones that have come before it. but i guess this is the way it is for now in my life. and you know what? i may never be in a candy-and-flowers kind of relationship (okay, honestly, i'd settle for just flowers, which are much cooler anyway), but hopefully someday SOMEone will be unashamed that i am his and he is mine and whether or not he brings me 'a little something' on valentine's day or a random tuesday or ANY and EVERY day, i'll know that he loves me and i love him and it won't ever be....ever again....about fronting or side-stepping or the 'f' word. no, not THAT 'f' word. the other one. the one that means 'you'll never be more to me than this'....you know the one i mean.

until then, though, i'll settle with notes from my mom, my gal-pals, and occasional brave boys who give valentine's day cards to their girl-just-friends. and don't misunderstand me - i really appreciate those sentiments (i even send some along myself). but if i'm being honest here, i'll have to admit that nothing beats those same cards (and flowers!! hint, hint!!) coming from a boy that makes your eyes gleam and your heart do the cha-cha.

or....at least, that's what i'm guessing....:)

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happy valentine's day, everyone. i hope that love is on your horizon today....