i have ONE more assignment left in my grad school career! the day i've been waiting for is nearly upon me and, in all honesty, it feels so unbelievable that i can hardly take it in. tonight as i responded to classmates' discussion postings (in which we were asked to provide a kind of retrospective on our experiences in this program), i found myself feeling oddly sentimental and realizing that for as much as i've complained about having too much work and felt at times frustrated for my lack of free time, i have loved being a walden student and have REALLY learned a lot over the past 22 months. and the cherry on my sundae tonight was some feedback that i got from a classmate in which he said that i have embodied the spirit of our program by encouraging him and helping him to grow and that my writing inspires him to improve. finally, he said that he can't think of anyone better to work on the courses at this university, especially after my experiences over the last 22 months. his words meant so much—particularly because he suffered through all the difficult stuff with me.
i know when this is all over, i'm going to have some pains of separation from my time as a student. despite my delight over having more time for myself, i will miss my coursework and the process of giving myself to something so wholeheartedly. it has been one heck of a ride, but i'm so glad i made the decision to embark upon this journey. my life has been enriched, probably more than i can know at this point. i've always believed that education can change the world; i know without a doubt that it's changed mine.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
these days...
...i count the hours, one by one. i let clothes pile in the basket (for later). i leave the dishes sitting in the sink overnight—or maybe two days (at most). i stockpile berries like they're going out of style. i ration and plan and bag and ration again. i obsess over the current state of my DVR recording bank. i listen for quiet, but it almost never comes. i make lists and forget to complete them, and then i make some more. i wait and hope and wonder whether it will ever be the way it should. i drain the phone batteries talking to the people whose voices make me remember who i am. i nurse tension headaches that sit just over my left eye. i talk to myself. i answer back. i put magazines into piles (for later). i forget to change the calendar until more than a month has passed (though i hate missing the pictures). i think about cleaning off my patio chairs and sitting in the mugginess to watch the sun disappear over the trees. i stay in the air conditioning instead. i let things go. i pick them up again. i run my fingers over the shells i found on an empty beach in south carolina. i think of the ocean and what it brings and what it takes away. i miss what almost was. i miss what still might be....
Sunday, June 14, 2009
getting there
two weeks from today, i will be finished with my master's program. TWO WEEKS. i cannot believe it. the past twenty-two months have, at once, flown and dragged by, but now i'm just two weeks(!) away from being done. there are already new projects in the pipeline (one of which i've begun working on), and i cannot wait to move on...forward...with my life!
*stepping back*
before i get ahead of myself, though, i feel the need to have an action plan for the next two weeks of my life. here are my wants and needs, in no particular order:
1. hydrate, hydrate, hydrate!
2. try to be in bed by midnight (at the latest) every night.
3. continue to eat lots of fruit and vegs to keep the stress-related illnesses at bay.
4. same with protein (oh, and helps with the energy, for sure).
5. get a pedicure (i threw that one in there just for fun; in truth, i might wait until my birthday, which is in two weeks and 3 days!).
6. get my simulator homework done by 8 pm every day, no exceptions.
7. ride with the sunroof open as many days as possible, with music blaring, of course.
8. call my supportive friends for extra fortification.
9. keep ipod charged for work-related stress reduction.
10. breathe.
all right, that about does it! i'll say one thing: i'm definitely looking forward to getting back into blogging this summer once i can think straight. let's all keep our fingers crossed about that one, shall we?
june 28, i'm coming after you, and you better watch it, because i'm feeling relentless.
*stepping back*
before i get ahead of myself, though, i feel the need to have an action plan for the next two weeks of my life. here are my wants and needs, in no particular order:
1. hydrate, hydrate, hydrate!
2. try to be in bed by midnight (at the latest) every night.
3. continue to eat lots of fruit and vegs to keep the stress-related illnesses at bay.
4. same with protein (oh, and helps with the energy, for sure).
5. get a pedicure (i threw that one in there just for fun; in truth, i might wait until my birthday, which is in two weeks and 3 days!).
6. get my simulator homework done by 8 pm every day, no exceptions.
7. ride with the sunroof open as many days as possible, with music blaring, of course.
8. call my supportive friends for extra fortification.
9. keep ipod charged for work-related stress reduction.
10. breathe.
all right, that about does it! i'll say one thing: i'm definitely looking forward to getting back into blogging this summer once i can think straight. let's all keep our fingers crossed about that one, shall we?
june 28, i'm coming after you, and you better watch it, because i'm feeling relentless.
Sunday, June 07, 2009
remembering
for the last two years, understandably, my life has been very focused on getting my master's degree. and in that time, certain pleasures and hobbies have had to take a back seat...at least that's how i've viewed it...because quite honestly, i made the decision at the outset that i wasn't going to give myself to something like this unless i was really going to GIVE myself to it. and, for the most part, it's been the right decision for me during this time.
in the interim, however, some other things have become rather apparent: the season has ended on some of my friendships (all right - i suppose that's unavoidable, really). also, my diligence and upkeep with certain regular chores and habits has definitely been down (again, understandable, but not something i want to continue). and finally—and perhaps the one that really gives me pause—i feel remarkably out of touch with myself...so much so, really, that i'll have this luscious moment or experience in which i feel totally connected again and it almost makes me cry because i suddenly realize what's been packed away in a box for a period of time.
the only other time i've experienced this so strongly was when i was in a relationship and had inadvertently sent parts of myself underground for (what i thought was) the sake of the other person. let me just say—not a good thing. when i realized i had done this, i became so angry, so selfish with the need to resurrect those things i had put to death (even if temporarily) and i was hell-bent on bringing them back into the 'vernacular' of my life that nothing and no one would stop me.
i was so different then, though, and that hibernation was unintentional and in no way necessary. this period of virtual desert, however, has been for the greater good of my education and (hopefully) to create future opportunities. having said that, i will admit that i've been feeling some measure of resentment for the last month for all that i have had to put away. it's like i want to open all my drawers, dump out their contents, and just look at my stuff again...reconnect with every bit of it...enjoy it and use it before i have to put it away to let everyday life function as it must.
as i type this post, a chanteuse is laying out some truly yearnful, hopeful, slightly melancholy lyrics that stir me. i remember this. and in the kitchen is the dinner that i will go and create with fun ingredients and spices hidden in the back of my cabinet. i remember this also. and though there are 3 weeks left of this final course in my MBA program, i'm hoping that, little by little, i can begin to reclaim all that i've tucked away for the last 22 months of my life...that i can start enjoying a weekend free of obligations...that i can go visit friends who now have husbands and babies and new homes and all of that...that i can forge ahead with gusto into the next project(s) i have lined up for my life—one(s) that will not require me going underground in order to complete a goal. i'm getting it all back, do you hear me? all of it. every. little. bit.
in the interim, however, some other things have become rather apparent: the season has ended on some of my friendships (all right - i suppose that's unavoidable, really). also, my diligence and upkeep with certain regular chores and habits has definitely been down (again, understandable, but not something i want to continue). and finally—and perhaps the one that really gives me pause—i feel remarkably out of touch with myself...so much so, really, that i'll have this luscious moment or experience in which i feel totally connected again and it almost makes me cry because i suddenly realize what's been packed away in a box for a period of time.
the only other time i've experienced this so strongly was when i was in a relationship and had inadvertently sent parts of myself underground for (what i thought was) the sake of the other person. let me just say—not a good thing. when i realized i had done this, i became so angry, so selfish with the need to resurrect those things i had put to death (even if temporarily) and i was hell-bent on bringing them back into the 'vernacular' of my life that nothing and no one would stop me.
i was so different then, though, and that hibernation was unintentional and in no way necessary. this period of virtual desert, however, has been for the greater good of my education and (hopefully) to create future opportunities. having said that, i will admit that i've been feeling some measure of resentment for the last month for all that i have had to put away. it's like i want to open all my drawers, dump out their contents, and just look at my stuff again...reconnect with every bit of it...enjoy it and use it before i have to put it away to let everyday life function as it must.
as i type this post, a chanteuse is laying out some truly yearnful, hopeful, slightly melancholy lyrics that stir me. i remember this. and in the kitchen is the dinner that i will go and create with fun ingredients and spices hidden in the back of my cabinet. i remember this also. and though there are 3 weeks left of this final course in my MBA program, i'm hoping that, little by little, i can begin to reclaim all that i've tucked away for the last 22 months of my life...that i can start enjoying a weekend free of obligations...that i can go visit friends who now have husbands and babies and new homes and all of that...that i can forge ahead with gusto into the next project(s) i have lined up for my life—one(s) that will not require me going underground in order to complete a goal. i'm getting it all back, do you hear me? all of it. every. little. bit.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
'i wake when these dreams collide'
this weekend has been productive. i hooked up with salimah late morning yesterday and we spent the day running all over the metropolitan area collecting wholesale groceries, office supplies, athletic shoes (for her) and socks (for me), with several refreshing drinks in between. after a quick dinner of carne asada (me) and special tilapia (her) at mari luna, we came back to my place where i put together my newly acquired desk chair before setting out for the weg for a late-night shopping excursion.
today after dropping salimah off at her place, i went to my office to load up my desk with some snacks i bought at bj's. i was going to head straight home, but it was so beautiful outside, i decided to open the sunroof and all the windows and take a drive back up to the hunt valley area where my favorite little coffee shop is. after procuring an iced tea (lots of lemon, please!), i wandered over to the farmstand across the road and bought some tomatoes and potatoes (forgotten on yesterday's excursions) and then made my way back home, singing at the top of my lungs the whole way.
as i was driving under the swaying, lush green canopy watching the sun filter down along the winding road toward home, i realized how much i love days like this...when the whole world stretches out in front of you and for 10 minutes, you can forget all the things on your to-do list. my heart leapt a little in my chest as i imagined myself forward to the day when i can have a whole weekend full of errands and fun and centered calm, without regard for homework and deadlines and all that rubbish. it's coming soon, though, and as much as i can for now, i'm trying to keep the melancholy at bay with the idea of sun-drenched, cool mornings, the wind in my face, and singing loud on the open road that takes me anywhere my heart wants to go.
today after dropping salimah off at her place, i went to my office to load up my desk with some snacks i bought at bj's. i was going to head straight home, but it was so beautiful outside, i decided to open the sunroof and all the windows and take a drive back up to the hunt valley area where my favorite little coffee shop is. after procuring an iced tea (lots of lemon, please!), i wandered over to the farmstand across the road and bought some tomatoes and potatoes (forgotten on yesterday's excursions) and then made my way back home, singing at the top of my lungs the whole way.
as i was driving under the swaying, lush green canopy watching the sun filter down along the winding road toward home, i realized how much i love days like this...when the whole world stretches out in front of you and for 10 minutes, you can forget all the things on your to-do list. my heart leapt a little in my chest as i imagined myself forward to the day when i can have a whole weekend full of errands and fun and centered calm, without regard for homework and deadlines and all that rubbish. it's coming soon, though, and as much as i can for now, i'm trying to keep the melancholy at bay with the idea of sun-drenched, cool mornings, the wind in my face, and singing loud on the open road that takes me anywhere my heart wants to go.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
good luck figuring this one out....
these days i feel so disjointed, like i'm constantly waiting for something to start but there are all these delays and sudden 'this has to be done right now' type of tasks that keep intervening. between having things due for school nearly every day of the week and coming to the end of this program and facing a huge assignment that is making me feel completely lost, it's not really helping my sense of equilibrium.
what i want is to go somewhere where nobody knows my name (so anti-'Cheers,' i know) and just wander around to my heart's content, write the story that's on the tip of my brain, and figure out what i'm really thinking about my life these days.
what is real, however, is that, in typical 'me' fashion, i have bitten off slightly more than i can chew, and i just don't exactly know whether to swallow the piece and hope it doesn't kill me on its way down or pull part of it out of my mouth and just say enough's enough.
what i want is to go somewhere where nobody knows my name (so anti-'Cheers,' i know) and just wander around to my heart's content, write the story that's on the tip of my brain, and figure out what i'm really thinking about my life these days.
what is real, however, is that, in typical 'me' fashion, i have bitten off slightly more than i can chew, and i just don't exactly know whether to swallow the piece and hope it doesn't kill me on its way down or pull part of it out of my mouth and just say enough's enough.
Monday, May 25, 2009
four weeks cannot come soon enough....
i've been having strange and arresting dreams of late....all indicative of my anxious self trying to work some stuff out while i sleep. every morning, i wake up and while the hot water from the shower streams over my head, i try to make sense of the madness. honestly, it's probably not even worth it. i'm stressed. so what else is new? why should my dreams reflect peace and calm when there's little of that to be found nearby?
in about a month, i'll be done with this master's program. i've busted my tail and done a lot of work over the last 21 months, and i've managed to get straight As, but this final class has me wondering if my streak is over. some of my colleagues think of me as the girl who cried wolf, because every course, i apparently complain that i'm not going to do well and then get an A. whatev. i'm telling you that this one will be nothing short of miraculous, because much of my grade is based on this ridiculous simulator that i cannot make sense of to save my life.
in the meantime, i'm going to go and cook some food for the week and hope that i can calm the hell down and just bide my time. this, too, shall pass, i know.... then on to the next adventure.
in about a month, i'll be done with this master's program. i've busted my tail and done a lot of work over the last 21 months, and i've managed to get straight As, but this final class has me wondering if my streak is over. some of my colleagues think of me as the girl who cried wolf, because every course, i apparently complain that i'm not going to do well and then get an A. whatev. i'm telling you that this one will be nothing short of miraculous, because much of my grade is based on this ridiculous simulator that i cannot make sense of to save my life.
in the meantime, i'm going to go and cook some food for the week and hope that i can calm the hell down and just bide my time. this, too, shall pass, i know.... then on to the next adventure.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
checking in
the last class of my program is in full swing and i must admit that i'm not feeling it. like, not at all. i'm implementing some pro-me efforts, however, and hope that the taking of the bull by the horns will pull me out of the academic funk i'm in. stayed tuned for what i'm sure will be breaking reports....
in other news, my birthday is a mere 6 weeks from today (and 3 days before, i should mention, i will be FINISHED WITH SCHOOL). i will be 34, and i'm not sure how i'm feeling about that. to be honest, i try not to think about all the things i haven't done by this age (things i figured i surely would have accomplished by now) and instead think about all the possibilities that lie ahead. 34 seems so...blah to me, so uninspiring. i suppose i shall have to figure out a way to rectify that...infuse some intrigue and madcap adventure into the 365 days. of course, knowing my life, there will be some measure of all of that—and more.
i'm off to create a powerpoint due tonight. first, a quickie dinner of chix and vegs; perhaps a little american idol in the background (i'm filled with despondency since my danny gokey got voted out last week, but whatev); and a concerted effort NOT to yell at my neighbors who are making loud noises and allowing their children to run about screaming and carrying on.
two more days, and it's officially a 3-day weekend. i can roll with that.
in other news, my birthday is a mere 6 weeks from today (and 3 days before, i should mention, i will be FINISHED WITH SCHOOL). i will be 34, and i'm not sure how i'm feeling about that. to be honest, i try not to think about all the things i haven't done by this age (things i figured i surely would have accomplished by now) and instead think about all the possibilities that lie ahead. 34 seems so...blah to me, so uninspiring. i suppose i shall have to figure out a way to rectify that...infuse some intrigue and madcap adventure into the 365 days. of course, knowing my life, there will be some measure of all of that—and more.
i'm off to create a powerpoint due tonight. first, a quickie dinner of chix and vegs; perhaps a little american idol in the background (i'm filled with despondency since my danny gokey got voted out last week, but whatev); and a concerted effort NOT to yell at my neighbors who are making loud noises and allowing their children to run about screaming and carrying on.
two more days, and it's officially a 3-day weekend. i can roll with that.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
i'm nothing if not last-minute....
it's monday night here in crabcake corners and i'm readying myself for a lengthy, multi-day trip, the first leg of which will begin tomorrow evening after work. i've got laundry to wash, packing and tidying to do, treats and supplies to gather, and papers to organize before i leave. shouldn't be a problem, right? it's only 8:50 PM the night before.
this weekend, bella got all spiffied up, and today after work, i went and bought some new running shoes to keep my tootsies happy. really, it's just a matter of checking all the items off my list before i depart.
oh, and i'm going to the antebellum south, in case you're wondering....the land of sweet tea and y'all....where i plan to sleep in, get on a boat, put my feet in the ocean, eat more than one grit, visit my dear nigel, and finish the book i began before this past semester started. in short, i can't wait. when i come home, i promise to *try* and upload some pics, but for anyone who's read my blog for more than a year, you know that i don't always hop to it right away. i'm trying to get better. really, i am.
so, that's all the news that's fit to print tonight. i'll have my laptop while i'm there, so i'm sure there may be some blogging, facebooking, and tweeting going on (but again, we'll see how faithful i am with it all once i've got an ocean breeze in my face).
try not to miss me too much, y'all. see you on the flip side:).
this weekend, bella got all spiffied up, and today after work, i went and bought some new running shoes to keep my tootsies happy. really, it's just a matter of checking all the items off my list before i depart.
oh, and i'm going to the antebellum south, in case you're wondering....the land of sweet tea and y'all....where i plan to sleep in, get on a boat, put my feet in the ocean, eat more than one grit, visit my dear nigel, and finish the book i began before this past semester started. in short, i can't wait. when i come home, i promise to *try* and upload some pics, but for anyone who's read my blog for more than a year, you know that i don't always hop to it right away. i'm trying to get better. really, i am.
so, that's all the news that's fit to print tonight. i'll have my laptop while i'm there, so i'm sure there may be some blogging, facebooking, and tweeting going on (but again, we'll see how faithful i am with it all once i've got an ocean breeze in my face).
try not to miss me too much, y'all. see you on the flip side:).
Saturday, April 18, 2009
i'm not a doctor; i just play one on my blog.
the last few days, i've been an incredibly slow-moving train. my asthma kicked into high gear this week, and i feared i was on the fast track to bronchitis. so, i did what any paranoid girl does: i locked myself in the house for a few days and slept as much as humanly possible, didn't take too many phone calls, and tried to let myself just breathe.
i think it may have helped.
i'm not entirely out of the woods, but my chest isn't incredibly tight anymore—thank God. still, i cannot seem to shake the cloud my head is in. i don't know if it's 3-day-old nyquil that has yet to wear off, complete exhaustion, or some combination of the two, but it's taking me extra time to do everything. as it stands, i've been up for 5 hours now, and i haven't even gotten fully dressed yet, haven't eaten anything, and certainly haven't started on the paper i have due tomorrow. i just cannot get moving. all i want to do is sleep.
so, i'm going to listen to my body. i'm going to eat a little lunch and then i'm going to take a nap while i wait for salimah to call so we can hang out. the laundry can sit in its piles. the paper will get written tomorrow. right now, i need restorative sleep and more fluids. sometimes that's just what the doctor ordered.
i think it may have helped.
i'm not entirely out of the woods, but my chest isn't incredibly tight anymore—thank God. still, i cannot seem to shake the cloud my head is in. i don't know if it's 3-day-old nyquil that has yet to wear off, complete exhaustion, or some combination of the two, but it's taking me extra time to do everything. as it stands, i've been up for 5 hours now, and i haven't even gotten fully dressed yet, haven't eaten anything, and certainly haven't started on the paper i have due tomorrow. i just cannot get moving. all i want to do is sleep.
so, i'm going to listen to my body. i'm going to eat a little lunch and then i'm going to take a nap while i wait for salimah to call so we can hang out. the laundry can sit in its piles. the paper will get written tomorrow. right now, i need restorative sleep and more fluids. sometimes that's just what the doctor ordered.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
gotta have you
gray, quiet and tired and mean
picking at a worried seam
try to make you mad at me over the phone
red eyes and fire and signs
i'm taken by a nursery rhyme
i wanna make a ray of sunshine and never leave home
no amount of coffee, no amount of cryin
no amount of whiskey, no amount of wine
no no no no no, nothing else will do
i've gotta have you, i've gotta have you.
the road gets cold, there's no spring in the middle this year
i'm the new chicken plucking open hearts and ears
oh, such a prima donna, sorry for myself
but green, it is also summer
and i won't be warm till i'm lying in your arms.
...chorus
i see it all through a telescope: guitar, suitcase, and a warm coat
lying in the back of the blue boat, humming a tune...
no amount of coffee, no amount of cryin
no amount of whiskey, no amount of wine
no no no no no, nothing else will do
i've gotta have you, i've gotta have you.
**************************************************
it's easter sunday and i got up early to bright sunshine and blue skies. yes, i thought, that's right. good friday the skies were angry and overcast. i fully believe that on easter sunday, it should be bright and clean. as a child, even before really understanding the meaning of the day, i remember daffodils and ribbons in my hair and sunshine warming my skin and somehow i knew that was as it should be.
i wasted no time this morning waking up and setting about the things i needed to get done before leaving the house in a bit. laundry's churning, cookies are baked, breakfast still in my tum (eggs, biscuits), and i'm listening to the weepies. i cannot get enough of them these days. their melodies make sense to me on a visceral level, and they remind me of what it is that i want and where i want to be.
all day today, i've thinking about a place that once represented sorrow and death becoming a source of peace and hope. there was once a tomb inside of me, too, i think....a well of sadness and loneliness and pain. but the one who transformed that tomb in jerusalem has changed the place inside of me and given me dreams and hope and the will to want things i never knew i could have. and one day i'll get there, even though my path might look different than some others'.
i've never been very good at following the masses, and it seems i'm still not. but this isn't really about them, is it? it's not really about what anyone else thinks. all the matters is that in some small way, i've seen that empty tomb and i know that some day it will all make sense to me.
in the mean time, there are some more things i still need to walk through. grad school is almost over, and then the next big project begins. and i know what i hope is waiting for me around the next bend in the road. looks like i need to get some new shoes for the next leg of this journey. it might prove to be a bit rocky, but like i said, one day i'll get there.
picking at a worried seam
try to make you mad at me over the phone
red eyes and fire and signs
i'm taken by a nursery rhyme
i wanna make a ray of sunshine and never leave home
no amount of coffee, no amount of cryin
no amount of whiskey, no amount of wine
no no no no no, nothing else will do
i've gotta have you, i've gotta have you.
the road gets cold, there's no spring in the middle this year
i'm the new chicken plucking open hearts and ears
oh, such a prima donna, sorry for myself
but green, it is also summer
and i won't be warm till i'm lying in your arms.
...chorus
i see it all through a telescope: guitar, suitcase, and a warm coat
lying in the back of the blue boat, humming a tune...
no amount of coffee, no amount of cryin
no amount of whiskey, no amount of wine
no no no no no, nothing else will do
i've gotta have you, i've gotta have you.
**************************************************
it's easter sunday and i got up early to bright sunshine and blue skies. yes, i thought, that's right. good friday the skies were angry and overcast. i fully believe that on easter sunday, it should be bright and clean. as a child, even before really understanding the meaning of the day, i remember daffodils and ribbons in my hair and sunshine warming my skin and somehow i knew that was as it should be.
i wasted no time this morning waking up and setting about the things i needed to get done before leaving the house in a bit. laundry's churning, cookies are baked, breakfast still in my tum (eggs, biscuits), and i'm listening to the weepies. i cannot get enough of them these days. their melodies make sense to me on a visceral level, and they remind me of what it is that i want and where i want to be.
all day today, i've thinking about a place that once represented sorrow and death becoming a source of peace and hope. there was once a tomb inside of me, too, i think....a well of sadness and loneliness and pain. but the one who transformed that tomb in jerusalem has changed the place inside of me and given me dreams and hope and the will to want things i never knew i could have. and one day i'll get there, even though my path might look different than some others'.
i've never been very good at following the masses, and it seems i'm still not. but this isn't really about them, is it? it's not really about what anyone else thinks. all the matters is that in some small way, i've seen that empty tomb and i know that some day it will all make sense to me.
in the mean time, there are some more things i still need to walk through. grad school is almost over, and then the next big project begins. and i know what i hope is waiting for me around the next bend in the road. looks like i need to get some new shoes for the next leg of this journey. it might prove to be a bit rocky, but like i said, one day i'll get there.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
in the wee small hours of the morning
it's 4:30 a.m. and i've come to a conclusion: no one should be up this late/early. it's just not a good time of day for doing stuff. honestly, i was asleep. i just woke up and couldn't go back there, so instead of lying in bed feeling frustrated, i got up and meandered down the hall to my office. so, let's see...since we're here together, i might as well tell you a few things, internets....
1. now that i've moved my furniture around/gotten new stuff, i really want to paint. i'm pretty sure this will NOT happen because a) i don't have the time to deal with that right now and b) the fumes are no good for me.
2. i need an oil change soon.
3. in particular, i should get an oil change soon, because i'm going to charleston, sc, in 3 weeks or so to visit my dear nigel. i love that i will be in the land of sweet tea for a few days.
4. i've been thinking lately that my days of city living have a shelf life, and i'm becoming less and less tolerant of the idea of urban dwelling. not that i have any grand plans for today, mind you, but i just feel like i can't stay here forever...nor do i want to.
5. one of my coworkers is pregnant, and it occurs to me every few days that she's actually growing a human man-child inside of her. trippy.
6. i am not sleeping well lately, as i'm sure you can tell....
7. i can count multiple nights this week where i didn't eat dinner because of homework and then found myself awake and ravenous at 2 a.m.. this is not contributing to #6 either.
8. i consider #s 6 and 7 a problem.
9. i have rediscovered my love for old school strawberry preserves. they still might be my secret, underdog favorite for pb&j sandwiches.
10. i think i'm getting hungry.
11. enough of that. i need to clean out my desk drawers and reorganize my papers. it's actually starting to get on my nerves.
12. i have ella fitzgerald's version of 'the boy from ipanema' in my head. it's splicing and interspersing with 'evening' by eric roberson. interesting....
12+1. i just found out that domino is discontinuing its magazine production. bummer. but at least i got an awesome tote bag out of the deal :D.
14. once i get done with grad school, i have a list of items that i want to accomplish asap, not the least of which is to start ripping my entire CD collection so i can load up my ipod properly. i find myself craving random music that i own but don't have electronic copies of. sometimes you just need to hear 'love is a battlefield,' you know?
15. my grandmother keeps making cameo appearances in my dreams lately. i wonder what that's about.
16. today i got to watch some kids running in circles looking up at the sky, and i actually felt a little jealous. i don't remember the last time i did that.
17. in order to make up for #s 6 and 7, i want to take a nap later and make a good dinner. it's all about restoration, baby.
18. i really only drink cabernet these days (if i'm drinking wine, that is).
19. my beloved JT was on oprah today. it actually made me tear up a tiny bit to see him.
20. i've made it to 20 and suddenly i'm sleepy. i feel i should go capitalize on this.
21. goodnight (again)!
1. now that i've moved my furniture around/gotten new stuff, i really want to paint. i'm pretty sure this will NOT happen because a) i don't have the time to deal with that right now and b) the fumes are no good for me.
2. i need an oil change soon.
3. in particular, i should get an oil change soon, because i'm going to charleston, sc, in 3 weeks or so to visit my dear nigel. i love that i will be in the land of sweet tea for a few days.
4. i've been thinking lately that my days of city living have a shelf life, and i'm becoming less and less tolerant of the idea of urban dwelling. not that i have any grand plans for today, mind you, but i just feel like i can't stay here forever...nor do i want to.
5. one of my coworkers is pregnant, and it occurs to me every few days that she's actually growing a human man-child inside of her. trippy.
6. i am not sleeping well lately, as i'm sure you can tell....
7. i can count multiple nights this week where i didn't eat dinner because of homework and then found myself awake and ravenous at 2 a.m.. this is not contributing to #6 either.
8. i consider #s 6 and 7 a problem.
9. i have rediscovered my love for old school strawberry preserves. they still might be my secret, underdog favorite for pb&j sandwiches.
10. i think i'm getting hungry.
11. enough of that. i need to clean out my desk drawers and reorganize my papers. it's actually starting to get on my nerves.
12. i have ella fitzgerald's version of 'the boy from ipanema' in my head. it's splicing and interspersing with 'evening' by eric roberson. interesting....
12+1. i just found out that domino is discontinuing its magazine production. bummer. but at least i got an awesome tote bag out of the deal :D.
14. once i get done with grad school, i have a list of items that i want to accomplish asap, not the least of which is to start ripping my entire CD collection so i can load up my ipod properly. i find myself craving random music that i own but don't have electronic copies of. sometimes you just need to hear 'love is a battlefield,' you know?
15. my grandmother keeps making cameo appearances in my dreams lately. i wonder what that's about.
16. today i got to watch some kids running in circles looking up at the sky, and i actually felt a little jealous. i don't remember the last time i did that.
17. in order to make up for #s 6 and 7, i want to take a nap later and make a good dinner. it's all about restoration, baby.
18. i really only drink cabernet these days (if i'm drinking wine, that is).
19. my beloved JT was on oprah today. it actually made me tear up a tiny bit to see him.
20. i've made it to 20 and suddenly i'm sleepy. i feel i should go capitalize on this.
21. goodnight (again)!
Thursday, April 02, 2009
jelly belly sours are not nutritionally valuable, fyi
before this day gets away from me, let it be known that i didn't eat dinner last night. unless you count some leftover rice at midnight after finishing homework. which i don't. or the jelly beans i ate while doing said homework. which i don't.
this morning i feel lethargic like there's no tomorrow. i have major deadlines and am, therefore, working at home today, but i'm just having a hard time getting jumpstarted. i swear, i'm so tired of talking about how i want grad school to be over, but it's at the front of nearly every thought i seem to have these days.
so i'm officially letting the world know that in three more months, you won't hear me whining about this anymore. i pinky swear.
in the meantime, however, i cannot make any promises.
here is my positive statement du jour (must make sure to get at least one of these in): i'm hanging out with my dear friend melly tonight (we're getting mari luna), and between now and then, i plan to eat some real breakfast to make up for last night's jelly bean debacle. onward and upward....
this morning i feel lethargic like there's no tomorrow. i have major deadlines and am, therefore, working at home today, but i'm just having a hard time getting jumpstarted. i swear, i'm so tired of talking about how i want grad school to be over, but it's at the front of nearly every thought i seem to have these days.
so i'm officially letting the world know that in three more months, you won't hear me whining about this anymore. i pinky swear.
in the meantime, however, i cannot make any promises.
here is my positive statement du jour (must make sure to get at least one of these in): i'm hanging out with my dear friend melly tonight (we're getting mari luna), and between now and then, i plan to eat some real breakfast to make up for last night's jelly bean debacle. onward and upward....
Monday, March 30, 2009
dear downstairs neighbors,
i have but two requests. here they are, in no particular order.
please, for the love of all that is good and kind, stop cooking delicious-smelling food at 10 p.m. when, quite frankly, i'm hungry from a lacklustre dinner i ate on the fly while reading something meaningless for homework. for some reason, your late-night feasting makes me crave stuffing like nobody's business. yeah, that's right. like stove top, out-of-the-box-and-on-a-plate-in-two-minutes stuffing. what is wrong with this picture? everything. ev.ry.thing.
okay, also, i can hear every word of your television program. how freaking loud do you have your tv turned up that the person ABOVE you can hear this? seriously, unless you want me to start doing some type of aerobics up here...or better yet, irish dancing (yeah, that'll really show 'em!)...please turn it down just a smidge.
and if you're not going to turn it down, could you at least call me the next time you're making fried chicken? pretty please?
thanks for your consideration,
sarah
please, for the love of all that is good and kind, stop cooking delicious-smelling food at 10 p.m. when, quite frankly, i'm hungry from a lacklustre dinner i ate on the fly while reading something meaningless for homework. for some reason, your late-night feasting makes me crave stuffing like nobody's business. yeah, that's right. like stove top, out-of-the-box-and-on-a-plate-in-two-minutes stuffing. what is wrong with this picture? everything. ev.ry.thing.
okay, also, i can hear every word of your television program. how freaking loud do you have your tv turned up that the person ABOVE you can hear this? seriously, unless you want me to start doing some type of aerobics up here...or better yet, irish dancing (yeah, that'll really show 'em!)...please turn it down just a smidge.
and if you're not going to turn it down, could you at least call me the next time you're making fried chicken? pretty please?
thanks for your consideration,
sarah
Sunday, March 29, 2009
if it starts hailing, i'm turning off my computer....
the first thunderstorm of spring is bellowing outside my window. i'm holed up in my office trying to create something out of nothing for a group paper and thinking about what to make for dinner and when i'll deal with all the sorted laundry that awaits me on my bedroom floor. what amazes me is people who put truly crappy work out there and expect others to clean up their messes. well, folks, i'm not doing it this time. i phoned my prof on friday night to tell her of the madness; she actually understood and promised not to penalize me if what i submit is their paltry pseudo bullet points. finally, someone who's thinking logically....
oh, and suddenly the sun is out again.
in other news, i've been having the strangest dreams for the past few nights, undoubtedly brought on by my anxiety over salimah's unemployment, coupled with too much facebook and the inevitable wheezing that occurs during allergy season. former coworkers, reality tv stars, and movie characters are showing up unannounced to hug me, console me, tell me i'm fired, and/or help me problem solve my way through some un-solvable problem.
now that i type these words, the sky has opened back up, and rain is battering my window at full force.
spring is, indeed, a funny, fickle season. how fitting.
oh, and suddenly the sun is out again.
in other news, i've been having the strangest dreams for the past few nights, undoubtedly brought on by my anxiety over salimah's unemployment, coupled with too much facebook and the inevitable wheezing that occurs during allergy season. former coworkers, reality tv stars, and movie characters are showing up unannounced to hug me, console me, tell me i'm fired, and/or help me problem solve my way through some un-solvable problem.
now that i type these words, the sky has opened back up, and rain is battering my window at full force.
spring is, indeed, a funny, fickle season. how fitting.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
up close and personal
i recently moved all my furniture around to accommodate some new things. yesterday afternoon, i was in a super macro mood, so i photographed a few important (or just lovely) items in my immediate vicinity at that moment. here they are, in no particular order:
i love these pens. for editing, they're my favorite.
lately i've been needing this way too much. spring brings with it a host of allergic issues, i find.
i love this little guy. my dear friend kim brought me this dish from maine a few years ago. he used to hold paper clips at my old job. now he just sits there and looks cute:).
my sweet friend carla gave me this notebook before i started my current job (a little office pick-me-up). i use it only for very important lists and other such things.
my awesome friend cat made me these coasters for my birthday last year. they're scattered about my living room and office now.
two words: red mouse. 'nuff said.
my hair, in a non-straight state, which is very unusual for me these days. for the last two mornings, i simply couldn't be bothered with straightening. i'm sure you all can understand.
finally, my 'new' phone (new to me since january). honestly, this thing is a little bit temperamental, but at least it hasn't completely crapped out on me the way the instinct did. that phone was such a punk. never again.
now then, enough of these diversions; i'm off to eat dinner and do homework!
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
ides plus 2
winter is lazing about, it seems, and while spring is trying her best to make a debut, the cold keeps creeping in, sometimes bringing with it spitting rain that seems to penetrate the skin, leaving you feeling bereft and greatly in need of hot beverages and naps. i am craving open windows, even despite my allergies; i need fresh air in more ways than one.
lately i've been listening to other people's stories of 'woe,' and i find myself thinking that they just need to get over themselves. i know it sounds insensitive, but even despite the economic misery we're all facing (among other things), there is still so much good to find in each day. and i guess when i listen to the whinings of someone else who pretty much has it made, i want to just tell her/him to cease and desist. even more so, when i listen to my own whinings, i find myself quickly over it...shut up, sarah. just shut up and move on.
last night i had a dream that i opened up the window next to my desk at work (which faces a kind of courtyard, 7 floors up), and there was snow all around me, on every branch and piled high on the walls surrounding me. my coworker looked at me with this childlike glint in her eye and i knew in that instant that i needed to start making snowballs to throw with gusto. i tried a few round-shaped ones, but eventually, i realized that if i made my snowballs in the shape of footballs (mini torpedoes, i called them), they would soar much farther. i guess when you think about it, much of life's successful attempts come down to a bit of good sense, a spirit of fun, and aerodynamics.
lately i've been listening to other people's stories of 'woe,' and i find myself thinking that they just need to get over themselves. i know it sounds insensitive, but even despite the economic misery we're all facing (among other things), there is still so much good to find in each day. and i guess when i listen to the whinings of someone else who pretty much has it made, i want to just tell her/him to cease and desist. even more so, when i listen to my own whinings, i find myself quickly over it...shut up, sarah. just shut up and move on.
last night i had a dream that i opened up the window next to my desk at work (which faces a kind of courtyard, 7 floors up), and there was snow all around me, on every branch and piled high on the walls surrounding me. my coworker looked at me with this childlike glint in her eye and i knew in that instant that i needed to start making snowballs to throw with gusto. i tried a few round-shaped ones, but eventually, i realized that if i made my snowballs in the shape of footballs (mini torpedoes, i called them), they would soar much farther. i guess when you think about it, much of life's successful attempts come down to a bit of good sense, a spirit of fun, and aerodynamics.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
"this is for all the lonely people...."
i can't believe i'm still awake after the week i've had, but again, friday night homework sucked me into a vortex and although my eyelids are drooping something fierce, i felt like checking in with the internets. hello there. although it's been awhile, you're looking lovely as ever. :)
in the past few weeks, i've been acquiring some new things for my apartment, and tomorrow morning, some new dining room furniture is set to arrive, along with a new entertainment center thingie from ikea. nothing earth-shattering, but it was time. my old dining room set was about 10 years old, very well used, and had a huge scratch up the middle of the table due to the indiscretions of my ex's former roommate. whatever. the whole thing cost me 175 bucks brand new. that should tell you something about its craftsmanship.
anyhoo, i'm just glad to have it gone. i wound up giving the set to a pregnant, out of work woman and her new husband. i hope they can get some more good use out of it before it falls apart completely. i was happy to donate it to some people who both need and appreciate it.
in other news, i'm just as tired as ever, if not more so. i started crying a little tonight from sheer exhaustion. even my trip to blacksburg (girls weekend!) last week wasn't long enough...and to boot, it took us over 6 hours to get down there! driving for long periods of time doesn't really help an already cranky/sleepy/headachy me. i'm just not sure when there will be a break in the deluge of stress and unfinished tasks, but i could sure use a nice little respite sooner rather than later. if you know where i can catch a break, please report to me immediately....
in the past few weeks, i've been acquiring some new things for my apartment, and tomorrow morning, some new dining room furniture is set to arrive, along with a new entertainment center thingie from ikea. nothing earth-shattering, but it was time. my old dining room set was about 10 years old, very well used, and had a huge scratch up the middle of the table due to the indiscretions of my ex's former roommate. whatever. the whole thing cost me 175 bucks brand new. that should tell you something about its craftsmanship.
anyhoo, i'm just glad to have it gone. i wound up giving the set to a pregnant, out of work woman and her new husband. i hope they can get some more good use out of it before it falls apart completely. i was happy to donate it to some people who both need and appreciate it.
in other news, i'm just as tired as ever, if not more so. i started crying a little tonight from sheer exhaustion. even my trip to blacksburg (girls weekend!) last week wasn't long enough...and to boot, it took us over 6 hours to get down there! driving for long periods of time doesn't really help an already cranky/sleepy/headachy me. i'm just not sure when there will be a break in the deluge of stress and unfinished tasks, but i could sure use a nice little respite sooner rather than later. if you know where i can catch a break, please report to me immediately....
Sunday, March 01, 2009
all things, good or bad, must come to an end....
i distinctly remember riding in the car with at least one of my parents (usually my mother, when i had picked her up from work in the afternoon during my high school years) listening to paul harvey's rest of the story. another light has gone out in the world:
"my father and mother created from thin air what one day became radio and television news. so in the past year, an industry has lost its godparents and today millions have lost a friend." - paul harvey, jr.
and so it must be that eras pass and memories fade. but what is good in that is that even the worst things in our lives will also go away—if we choose to end them, that is. with that being said, i'm about to hunker down in one particular area of my life for the next few years, and while i don't anticipate that it will be easy to get through, i'm committed to seeing it all the way to the end, bitter or sweet. sometimes life gives us a pill that must be swallowed, whether now or later. i'm choosing today to fill up my glass and drink it down, because i'm truly convinced that ultimately, this is for my good.
thank God that i have friends, both old and new (hi, jeff!), to see me through this process and to remind me that maybe it really IS darkest just before the dawn. oh, and perhaps you're wondering why i'm being kind of cryptic. i'll tell you—part of this situation involves things i don't want to discuss on the internets for another several months (although if you're already in my life, you probably know what the heck i'm talking about), so if we're friends and you're like, huh? feel free to get in touch.
and now, because i have a ridiculously long paper to tackle today, i bid you a fond adieu. let it not be said that i'm one of those girls who stays too long at the fair....
"my father and mother created from thin air what one day became radio and television news. so in the past year, an industry has lost its godparents and today millions have lost a friend." - paul harvey, jr.
and so it must be that eras pass and memories fade. but what is good in that is that even the worst things in our lives will also go away—if we choose to end them, that is. with that being said, i'm about to hunker down in one particular area of my life for the next few years, and while i don't anticipate that it will be easy to get through, i'm committed to seeing it all the way to the end, bitter or sweet. sometimes life gives us a pill that must be swallowed, whether now or later. i'm choosing today to fill up my glass and drink it down, because i'm truly convinced that ultimately, this is for my good.
thank God that i have friends, both old and new (hi, jeff!), to see me through this process and to remind me that maybe it really IS darkest just before the dawn. oh, and perhaps you're wondering why i'm being kind of cryptic. i'll tell you—part of this situation involves things i don't want to discuss on the internets for another several months (although if you're already in my life, you probably know what the heck i'm talking about), so if we're friends and you're like, huh? feel free to get in touch.
and now, because i have a ridiculously long paper to tackle today, i bid you a fond adieu. let it not be said that i'm one of those girls who stays too long at the fair....
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