these days...

...i count the hours, one by one. i let clothes pile in the basket (for later). i leave the dishes sitting in the sink overnight—or maybe two days (at most). i stockpile berries like they're going out of style. i ration and plan and bag and ration again. i obsess over the current state of my DVR recording bank. i listen for quiet, but it almost never comes. i make lists and forget to complete them, and then i make some more. i wait and hope and wonder whether it will ever be the way it should. i drain the phone batteries talking to the people whose voices make me remember who i am. i nurse tension headaches that sit just over my left eye. i talk to myself. i answer back. i put magazines into piles (for later). i forget to change the calendar until more than a month has passed (though i hate missing the pictures). i think about cleaning off my patio chairs and sitting in the mugginess to watch the sun disappear over the trees. i stay in the air conditioning instead. i let things go. i pick them up again. i run my fingers over the shells i found on an empty beach in south carolina. i think of the ocean and what it brings and what it takes away. i miss what almost was. i miss what still might be....

up close and personal

i recently moved all my furniture around to accommodate some new things. yesterday afternoon, i was in a super macro mood, so i photographed a few important (or just lovely) items in my immediate vicinity at that moment. here they are, in no particular order:

i love these pens. for editing, they're my favorite.

lately i've been needing this way too much. spring brings with it a host of allergic issues, i find.

i love this little guy. my dear friend kim brought me this dish from maine a few years ago. he used to hold paper clips at my old job. now he just sits there and looks cute:).

my sweet friend carla gave me this notebook before i started my current job (a little office pick-me-up). i use it only for very important lists and other such things.

my awesome friend cat made me these coasters for my birthday last year. they're scattered about my living room and office now.

two words: red mouse. 'nuff said.

my hair, in a non-straight state, which is very unusual for me these days. for the last two mornings, i simply couldn't be bothered with straightening. i'm sure you all can understand.

finally, my 'new' phone (new to me since january). honestly, this thing is a little bit temperamental, but at least it hasn't completely crapped out on me the way the instinct did. that phone was such a punk. never again.

now then, enough of these diversions; i'm off to eat dinner and do homework!

all things, good or bad, must come to an end....

i distinctly remember riding in the car with at least one of my parents (usually my mother, when i had picked her up from work in the afternoon during my high school years) listening to paul harvey's rest of the story. another light has gone out in the world:

"my father and mother created from thin air what one day became radio and television news. so in the past year, an industry has lost its godparents and today millions have lost a friend." - paul harvey, jr.

and so it must be that eras pass and memories fade. but what is good in that is that even the worst things in our lives will also go away—if we choose to end them, that is. with that being said, i'm about to hunker down in one particular area of my life for the next few years, and while i don't anticipate that it will be easy to get through, i'm committed to seeing it all the way to the end, bitter or sweet. sometimes life gives us a pill that must be swallowed, whether now or later. i'm choosing today to fill up my glass and drink it down, because i'm truly convinced that ultimately, this is for my good.

thank God that i have friends, both old and new (hi, jeff!), to see me through this process and to remind me that maybe it really IS darkest just before the dawn. oh, and perhaps you're wondering why i'm being kind of cryptic. i'll tell you—part of this situation involves things i don't want to discuss on the internets for another several months (although if you're already in my life, you probably know what the heck i'm talking about), so if we're friends and you're like, huh? feel free to get in touch.

and now, because i have a ridiculously long paper to tackle today, i bid you a fond adieu. let it not be said that i'm one of those girls who stays too long at the fair....

'waiter, there is too much pepper in my paprikash...'

all i'm saying is thank God it's thursday....which means that if i can make it through tomorrow, there is a little respite in my future. it's not like this week has been rough or anything, but i'm just tired and i've got things to do that i'm not able to do when i'm at my job all day.

speaking of being at my job, during my lunch break today, i went over to the weg with a friend and we were eating in the cafe upstairs when the power went out in the entire store. TWICE. needless to say it was pretty freaky. when we left, it was POURING outside, so in an effort to be valiant, i informed my friend i would just run and get the car (well, pseudo run), which would have been fine, except that i got to what i thought was bella, and i'm trying the door and thinking what the heck is wrong with my door lock?! when it dawns on me that i'm attempting at this point to force entry into someone else's vehicle. nice. so i turn around and look at my friend, standing under cover and in no way soaked the way that i am at this point, and she points to the next row over where my car plainly sits. so i run over there and throw myself into the vehicle. people, it was raining so hard that my underwear got wet from water coming at me from every which way (including up my skirt, apparently). it was sheer craziness. at least i managed to dry off by the time i left the office at 5....

so after a quickie nap (sorry to say, it was inevitable), i ordered myself some shrimp and broccoli for dinner (very low on groceries). because i was SUPER hungry, i clearly ate too fast, and now i sit here typing about my day's adventures with a case of indigestion. good times.

i'll take one weekend, please. well done.