all things new -- psalm 127:1

i rang in the new year with michael. it seemed appropriate, really, to spend that night with him. we supped on chicken tikka masala with raisins and almonds over brown rice, took a nap mid-evening, and watched dvds all night, stopping occasionally to talk or bake cookies. he slept over in my guest room so that i didn't have to drive him home late (his car has been in the shop since Christmas) and this morning, we had homemade belgian waffles, bacon, and juice for brunch before i drove him back into the city.

and now that i'm back in the silence of my apartment (i love this), i'm looking ahead to the year with a lot of hope in my heart....but not hope in any person, circumstance, or thing....hope because i know that God is IN my life, in all the details, in every moment, in my messes and my triumphs. He has been working all this time, in the complex and multi-faceted unfolding of my story. i know that wherever i land, with whomever i spend my time, i am taken care of. i am safe and secure.

at the end of last year, i remember praying, God, please let this year bring change....something new. i cannot take another 365 days of breathing with this much of an ache in my heart.

my life continues to testify to the answering of that prayer. let's recap:

God lifted me out of a completely life-halting depression, led me into a job almost unceremoniously and yet just at the right time, provided for my finances in such a way that i could move out on my own, gave me a beautiful apartment in a nice, convenient area with more than enough space to spread out and breathe, allowed me to take a stand and set clear and healthy boundaries in all of my relationships, and healed my heart of SO much hurt and shame. i am a changed woman as i sit here today. changed forever. by Him and for Him.

and now i have begun a new project for a new year: i am preparing a home. and i do not just mean a physical location. it is the opening of my heart, the awaiting that which is coming, the ushering in of joy.

i am the home.