remembrance

i was traveling south on georgia avenue towards my office in wheaton, maryland. the sun was shining and the sky was perfectly blue. i remember thinking what a great day it would be to play hooky and go to the park for a picnic. when i picked up my cell phone a few moments later, salimah said, very plainly, 'a plane has crashed into the world trade center....' i was in complete disbelief. i thought that it must be either an accident or some kind of weird joke.

by the time i arrived at my office, the third plane had crashed in dc. as i flipped on my computer, i turned on the radio as well and immediately recognized the melody of 'God bless america' straining from the speakers. my heart raced. i felt nauseated. but nothing, and i mean nothing, was quite as shocking as when i turned toward my office window, which faced toward downtown dc. just as the chorus rose, 'God bless america, my home sweet home,' i saw a huge cloud of dark smoke pouring into the air. it was the pentagon. 'oh Jesus,' i uttered, 'please help us.'

at this point, there was still at least one plane unaccounted for. within moments, i heard on the radio that the first tower had fallen. my co-worker arrived in the office just after me (my boss was out sick for the day). we cried together and wondered what to do. i couldn't think of anything else except getting salimah and making sure that we were safe....or at least together. i made the decision to leave at that point, gathered my things, and practically ran from the building, calling her to say that i was on my way to pick her up.

on my way back up georgia avenue (and before the cell phone service cut out), i called michael, who was in northern jersey, perhaps on his way home to maryland from an audition. i was so scared that, somehow, he may have gotten caught there, not knowing what exactly was going on in new york city. i left a tearful message, hopeful that i would hear from him soon, praying to God that He protect michael...my parents....all the people i knew and/or loved....

when i arrived at salimah's office and saw her face, i burst into tears, so thankful that we were both okay, so scared even still....it was the not knowing that was driving me insane. we drove home quickly and turned on the television, spending the afternoon trying to get in touch with our families, saying prayers for all the people whose lives were in danger, thanking God for His mercy and love, clinging to each other as the fighter jets screamed overhead, fearing more attacks and more devastation. the sound of planes was no longer something that we could take for granted as being 'normal'....to us, it signified death and destruction.

as evening approached, michael finally arrived home. i was so thankful to see his face and remember hugging him tighter than before. we eventually ate dinner, feeling guilty for being hungry when so many people were without homes, without families, without any semblance of security. and thus began a several week-long process of going to work zombified, returning home to watch the news, sleeping with the television on, the cnn newscasters' voices serving as the soundtrack for all my muddled and horrifying dreams. i wasn't sure how to function. i felt like i was losing my mind. i was pissed at the thought that anyone could care about anything else. i cried every single day.

one year ago tomorrow, everything changed in this country. or did it? slowly, life faded back to 'normal'. people stopped looking for terrorists on every corner, the airports re-opened, and television shows resumed their normal schedule. but there are several thousand more people in this world who go to bed at night still wondering when their personal hells will end. like i said before, i didn't lose anyone close to me in any of the attacks and plane crashes, but i felt the impact deeply. and i still feel it deeply. and tomorrow, i will be praying for this country - that God will continue to have mercy on us....that He will continue to protect the lives and hearts of those that i love....that my relatives and friends who don't know Christ will get their hearts straight before something (however small or large) intervenes and it's too late for them.

and i will pray for myself - that i don't ignore the lost souls around me every day....that i stop acting like a fool and start getting serious with the decisions i make....that i seek to glorify God with all that i do and say. thank you, Lord, for another chance to breathe air into my lungs....to see the sun rise and set....to bow my head in thanksgiving and then to stand and praise Your Holy Name. You alone are God....You are just....You are loving.....You are our only hope....

psalm 121
~a song of ascents~

i lift up my eyes to the hills -
where does my help come from?
my help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip -
He who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, He who watches over israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

the Lord watches over you -
the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

the Lord will keep you from all harm -
He will watch over your life;
the Lord will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

amen.