in "hiding": could i be ANY more vague?

i'm not in the mood to leave the apartment. i want to hunker down under a big blanket and stay there for days on end. i don't really need food or water or even human interaction - just to know that i'm warm and protected. it's amazing how my heart comes to conclusions. sometimes i go for weeks on end not even knowing or acknowledging how it is that i feel....not, at least, until it catches up with me and makes itself known.

under normal circumstances, the key to spiritual and emotional progress is to stretch out one's arms more than one pulls them back. for me, at this point in my life, it's the opposite. therein lies my problem: my current tendency of late is to be out of touch with sarah. i have become, for myself, the shiftless friend who never returns my call until plans are already ruined and people are inconvenienced. how this practically works out is that i think i can just go on like i normally would, being flippant in my decisions of how i will spend my time, ignoring the part of me that is sitting in the corner sobbing. i wouldn't want to be in a relationship with me just now....

but God is the consummate follow-upper. He never rests, never stirs the pot too soon or too late, never slips up or says the wrong thing, never forgets....never ignores. so i might think i've gone undercover - that i'm being all clever and covert - but i mustn't forget that what is on God's agenda will come to pass, what i try to avoid will be put on my plate. and furthermore, it's not just about what He's doing in my life, but in the lives of those around me. there will be no peace until there is resolution....the proverbial - 'you can run but you cannot hide....' in the end, this is good news - even for me. especially for me.

“for the word of God is living and active. sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of Him to whom we must give account.” - hebrews 4:12,13