tgifn/sm!*

i'm baaaaaack. did you miss me, blog world? sorry - i think i've been buried under a mountain of homework for the last 2 weeks. i'm not really what you'd call 'better,' but i'm hanging in there....kicking butt in my marketing class so far, even though it's kicking MY butt at the same time.

my weekends lately have involved some leisure drives. after the impromptu trip to gettysburg two weeks ago, salimah and i nearly drove to the PA border of maryland yet again last weekend. i'm finding the need to get out of dodge more and more these days.

i have some pics still on my camera that i've been meaning to upload here for weeks on end. perhaps i'll get to that this weekend....

hope everyone had a wonderful easter and were able to spend it doing something other than what i was doing (working on a powerpoint). i'm about to tuck in for the night (after a long pre-homework nap), but i may be back sooner than you think!

:) *thank God it's friday night/saturday morning!

four score and 100 bucks later

yesterday, after getting bella's oil changed and doing homework for a few hours, i went and picked up salimah at her apt. and we decided to drive to westminster. as we were getting closer, though, we saw a sign for gettysburg and decided to keep going. spring drive, sunshine, outlets - what's not to like?

so we made our way up some lovely country roads, even stopping along the way at this awesome little pottery shop where i procured a very unique pitcher/gravy boat-looking container in this glazey honey brown. so pretty.

once we arrived in gettysburg, we made a beeline for the outlet shops, parked at one end, and proceeded to wind our way down to the other, going in and out of stores along the way. in addition to a kitchen shop where i bought a few random little items, we found this awesome leather outlet where i scored not one but TWO new bags with matching wallets. i'm telling you - leather is like a drug to me sometimes. i am ALL about the handbags.

so, i dropped a bit of cash. after that, we made our way back to the car (after a very awkward incident in a public restroom wherein a very elderly woman asked me to help her with her pants), drove through historic gettysburg, decided that we are DEFINITELY coming back for a long weekend, and then drove the country road right back to home, stopping at this little 'greek' place on the way (the food was only mediocre).

the bottom line is that i needed a day away from schoolwork. i'm just tired all the time lately and i'm tired of being so tired. getting to drive in the sun and the air may have set my allergies ablaze, but it was SO worth it just to forget about due dates and papers and analyses and business plans, if only for an afternoon.

and now it is sunday night and after spending an entire day working on school stuff, i'm spent yet again. monday morning mocks me. i shall mock it back by getting into my very warm bed and zonking out like a champ.

just watch me.

both sides of the coin

here are some things that make me happy:

1. the people at my favorite mexican restaurant all know me by sight and look genuinely happy to see me when i go there for dinner.
2. my bed is fixed, thanks to my awesome aunt and uncle (i've been sleeping on mattresses on the floor since september).
3. i'm still getting As in my classes.
4. i have cable movie channels :D.
5. my cleaning lady did her magic yesterday, so the apt. looks marvy.
6. feta cheese. 'nuff said.
7. my dear friend c at work came over to my desk today and kissed me on my forehead, just because he missed me.
8. i had two delightful squares of dark chocolate this afternoon.
9. i continue to process my mail and keep my place relatively tidy these days.
10. tomorrow is thursday, which means only 2 more workdays until the weekend!

here are some things that make me not so happy:
1. i have more homework than my sanity level and the # of hours in the day will allow me to accomplish.
2. i feel agitated nearly all the time by #1.
3. i'm also very busy at work, which is making #1 and #2 not so easy to take.
4. i'm pretty sure i'm grinding my teeth in my sleep these days.
5. i feel cranky and tired basically all the time (see #s 1 and 2).
6. my foot - which had been only experiencing dull pain for a couple of months (thanks to massive cortisone injection) is starting to smart again.
7. i just realized that i have even more homework due this week than i had originally thought (#1, kiss my butt).
8. tomorrow's not saturday..
9. based on my calculations, i won't really be able to take an actual vacation anytime soon.
10. i feel like crying (see #s 1-9).

i'm going to bed now. sometimes that's basically what's left.

objection!

tomorrow (well, today, technically) i have jury duty. i don't mean to be a whiner, but i really don't wanna go. i've never done it before and because it's baltimore city, i guess i just expect it to be a pain in the rear. who knows? maybe they'll surprise me....but i'm not holding my breath.

in other news, i feel like i'm underneath a mountain of homework and i'm trying to dig my way out from the inside. it doesn't seem like it's going to happen anytime before, say, july '09. what will i do with myself when i don't have all this crap to do all the time? oh, right. sleep? read for pleasure? watch a movie without feeling guilty about all the other stuff i ought to be doing? yeah. i'll get back to you on that one.

anyway, i'll be sure to report in with tales of adventure from my day at court. stay tuned!

ralphy

okay, so apparently i've come down with some kind of stomach bug (i SINCERELY hope it is not as a result of the aforementioned parasitic worries), but seriously, i haven't felt well since monday night. yesterday i was a complete mess at work, but i managed to brave the storm. this morning, however, i just couldn't do it. i stayed at home to work because the thought of going into the office and dealing with wave after wave of nausea just wasn't cutting it.

i'm glad i remained at home. what bothers me, though, is that i'm still not feeling awesome. i really need to be back in the office tomorrow. i guess we'll see how that goes....

oh, and friday, i will - in all likelihood - have jury duty. party central, people.

blech blech blech. wish i had something more to say, but that'll have to do for now.

blech.

h 2 no

yesterday, there was a water main break somewhere downtown (pratt street, i think) and the water was all fouled up in the buildings in and around where i work. unaware of this all, i went to work as usual yesterday morning and, after arriving, went looking for ice. since the ice machine on my floor seemed to be broken, i went to the next floor up and got ice and water from their kitchen. no problemo.

then, mid-morning, i went to use the restroom and the water in all the toilets was a weird shade of brown, but what was coming out of the faucets seemed fine.

more than FOUR hours into the business day - after a bunch of us had been drinking that water, we get an e-mail telling us that the water - including what had come through the filtration system - was not to be consumed in any way. um, thanks. did it occur to anyone that this could cause serious health concerns??

and of course, wouldn't you just know that the vending machines were also completely out of water AND they weren't sure whether or not it would be fixed by today....

so basically, i'm praying to God that i don't die from some deadly parasite or what-not. i'm sure it's not helping me that i don't feel 100% right now anyway....

to market, to market

okay, so i've been out of commission blog-wise for the last 10 days. please forgive. i had grand plans to update the blogging world on my whereabouts and what-not, but it just hasn't happened. my one and only excuse lately is grad school. i promise it's for reals.

speaking of all of that, i finished my international biz class (thank God!) and have moved on to marketing. so far (and we're about to start week 2), i can say with some assurance that if you want to see me in the next 7 weeks, you're going to have to cross paths with me somehow, because my workload is immense. do these people think i don't work full-time or something? good grief.

let's see. what else can i tell you?

oh, well, tonight i made rice pudding in my awesome le creuset dutch oven (red, no less). i have some pictures of a righteous scrabble tourney salimah and i had last weekend (as well as photos of the aforementioned le creuset), but i haven't downloaded them from the camera yet. friday night i made a salad of orzo pasta, grilled shrimp, cherry tomatoes, feta, fresh parsley, and arugula in a lemon vinaigrette with salty greek olives on the side and chocolate lava cakes for dessert. my friend kim came over, and we ate and played mexican train dominoes (super fun! and she gave me my own set as a gift:)). i'm slowly getting myself addicted to caffeine again. and again, i blame grad school. my apartment is still very tidy. i'm amazed at myself. ask salimah. she's amazed, too. work is still going well and i had my first performance evaluation, during which my boss told me that she's thrilled to have me working there. what a welcome change! and to cap off my non-sequiturish paragraph, i'm moderately obsessed with watching 'the mirror has two faces' in my 'spare' (ha!) time.

now then, off to read 50 pages of some guru's business book before bed (alliteration!). tomorrow i have a teleconference at 7 to work with my group for class. i'm the president of our mock company, so i'll be running the meeting. guess i better find a way to skim through ALL the reading before then, eh? wish me well!

okay.....

i will blog later about this past weekend's food extravaganza, but just a quick note before leaving for work.

i said brrrr.....it's cold in here.

my new invisible mist humidifier is kinda loud, which i like (i need white noise to sleep, people), and it makes the room cooler (which i would maybe like were it not frigid outside), and i'm not 100% sure if it's working or not. now, to be fair, i've used it for 2 whole nights, but i'm still very dry in the morning.....yesterday, i actually woke up with a stuffier nose than usual and a sore throat.....now, i'm wondering - is it the humidifier or am i getting a cold? if anyone's reading this and they have experiences with cool mist humidifiers, please fill me in on your thoughts.

now, then, i'm off to work. i have no time to tell you all about the fun stuff i purchased/did this past weekend. latah!

week of feb 10-16, remix

sunday
the last time i posted here, i was in deep procrastination mode. i am happy to say, however, that i got my paper finished (i know you were all wondering), but something problematic occurred at the same time: my internet went down at about 11 pm that night (i was still working), meaning that when i finished the paper at around 12:30 a.m., i had to pack up my laptop and go out in 12-degree weather (i am NOT exaggerating) to try and find some wifi. after feverishly driving around pikesville to no avail, i wound up in cockeysville at a kinkos at 1:30 a.m.. i burst through the door (looking a hot mess, i must add) and announced loudly, 'i'm having an educational emergency!' the staff person looked in no way fazed (not enough to warrant the severity of my situation, anyway) and suggested that i use one of the pay-as-you-go computers in the back. suffice it to say that when all was said and done, i got my paper turned in by 1:38 a.m. (in time for the 2 a.m. deadline), but by the time i got home at nearly 2:30, i was too wired up from all the excitement and being out in frigid temps. needless to say, i didn't get to sleep until 4, and 7:30 comes early, let me tell you....

monday
i had scheduled to work from home that day - thank God. i got a lot of work done, and despite my sleep deprivation, i still worked a 9.5-hour day (what was i thinking??). my mother showed up around 4:30 (she was in town visiting for the night), i knocked off work at about 6, we ate chinese food, and then talked until about 11 when i figured my body would collapse from the exhaustion. yeah, well, wouldn't you know that i didn't fall asleep until after 12, and once i did, i slept incredibly fitfully. whattheheck?

tuesday
on tuesday morning we opened the blinds to discover that it had snowed during the night, albeit lightly. mom was out the door by 7:30 to make a class she was taking downtown, and i waited around until 8 a.m. for my cleaning lady (first time). as soon as i met her, i felt immediately good about her and knew i could entrust my belongings into her care - very important!! i left her to her tasks and made my way to the office, feeling only slightly like i had been hit by a bus....
the weather was precarious all day, and when it started icing at around 4:30, i packed it in. i'm sorry, but after my car incident in december, i'm not messing around with ice anymore. i was suitably impressed at how cautiously the other drivers (most of them) were handling themselves on 83. i managed to make it home - even stopping briefly to cast my vote in the primary election - just as my parking lot had turned itself into a skating rink.
as i walked in the door, the smell of clean hit my nostrils immediately. it was nothing short of phenomenal. this woman had not only done a fantastic job on the things i expected her to clean, but she cleaned stuff i hadn't even thought about. i called several of my coworkers right then and there to gush. and you know what? they gushed back! how awesome is it to have people share in your joy?? this is what i'm saying....
that night, i was prepared for a delicious sleep, but wouldn't you know it - i was up until 3:30 - wide awake. i was starting to assume that my body had lost its damn mind....again, wednesday morning came mighty early....

wednesday
because it was icy in the morning, i elected to work at home. by the time it stopped being icy around noon, there was still a cold, spitting rain falling constantly, and i was so into my work, i just kept going from the warmth of my apartment. that night, despite my grand plans to start the homework i had due friday, i instead watched some TV, ate mac and cheese, and went to bed at....well....midnight? at least it was getting better.

thursday
valentine's day started off with me feeling like someone had punched me in the stomach from the inside. apparently the four days of exhaustion coupled with last night's mac and cheese affair (i used skim milk, even!) had rendered me with stress stomach and let me say - it's not pretty. i went to work praying to God that no one received any stinky flowers (read: lilies) that would give me a migraine. shockingly, it didn't happen. in fact, EVERYONE around me got roses, most of which don't really smell. the lack of brain pain allowed me to be genuinely pleased for all my friends whose desks were donned with lovely shades of pink, red, and yellow.
and, around 3 pm, the mailroom person came by my desk with a box (pour moi?). my awesome coworker and friend in LA had sent me a bear with some godiva chocolates and signed the card 'from your nerd counterpart in LA....' how cool is this??
honestly, val's day was my favorite day this week (save the stomach ailment, which resolved itself by afternoon, btw). a lot of people were really happy around me and it really didn't matter that i am single-as-can-be right now. believe it or not, that's pretty much how i want it for the time being....

friday
ah, sweet friday. another chance to celebrate the weeke....oh wait, crap, i have homework due tonight! *sigh*....
so, i spent my day finishing up a project that i've been working on for the last month, left a little early (i had worked longer days earlier in the week), and came home to take a quick nap before plowing into my assignment. i managed to finish at 10:45 (unprecedented!) and called my LA counterpart to 'woohoo' on the phone for a few. she had been drinking wine and seemed all too happy to giggle along with me while i heated up some (very late) dinner for myself.
after getting some nourishment (such as it was), i watched more tube, brushed my teeth, and promptly fell dead asleep while sitting up on the couch.

and so, dear readers, that brings us to today.....

saturday
and what i have on the docket for this lovely, sunny saturday is this:
1. grocery shopping with my gal pal salimah
2. maybe a quickie trip to williams-sonoma (i still have a gift card!)
3. small dinner party this evening with a couple of girlfriends
4. brief homework interlude (commenting on discussion board posts) sometime before midnight-ish
5. maybe a cup of creamy coffee :D, my first one all week....

i shall post more info about the menu for tonight's partay later on....i can tell you there will be shrimp involved. big ones:). wish me well.....

sunday afternoon, a.k.a. i'm trying to avoid writing this paper that's due tonight

i am sitting here at my desk with not one but two computers, nails painted red, dust up my nose (not on purpose), and kate walsh spinning her folksy tunes in my ears. earlier, there was an hour-long blizzard, all evidence of which has melted. the wind is whipping outside, though, and i suspect that the temperature has dropped at least 15 degrees from this morning....

i don't know if i mentioned this already, but given my ridiculous schedule of late (and desire for sleep over scrubbed sinks), i decided to bite the bullet and hire a cleaning woman. a good friend of mine uses this local service and their estimates for monthly cleaning were at least 30 bucks cheaper than any of the more well-known companies, so i decided that it's worth me shelling out some of my cash once every four weeks to ensure that someone is caring about that grout of mine.

grout. that just sounds grimy.

anyway, the impending visit by said cleaning woman means that i've needed to tidy things up a bit (okay, a lot). man. can i just say - i accumulate so much mail, it's sickening. so much, in fact, that i've gotten inspired to sign up for a free service that contacts your catalog-sending merchants and tells them to put the kibosh on the madness. catalogs stress me out - especially ones that promote sales. there's this part of my ocd brain that thinks to myself that thing is one sale; shouldn't i keep this catalog in case i decide i want to buy it? i might miss out otherwise! and the truth is that i don't need whatever the items are and NEVER EVEN BUY THEM ANYWAY because i know i don't need them. but the catalogs? they wind up on the coffee table for the next three months because i move on with my life and who needs to think about them again?

of course, then they're in my way when i'm sitting in the living room at said coffee table penning some pithy homework assignment (ha!) and then they have to get moved to the floor to make room for my laptop. then a new pile of crap is created that then gets other stuff stacked on top of it - like a tissue box or some other junk mail i don't have time to open yet. and then this pile of stuff that i DON'T NEED gets moved back and forth between the coffee table and the floor. and i'm telling you right now that, at some point, that pile is going to fall over and i'll wind up tripping over some part of it and then probably some of it will get kicked under the couch. six months (or more) from now, i'll find that thing and wonder why i needed a home decorating catalog anyway. see what i mean? this has to end.

off the topic, do you know what i love? a series of books lined up on my desktop like soldiers, standing at the ready to provide some much-needed reference information at any moment. that makes me happy, even if the reality is that they just stand there collecting dust.

also, it may not shock anyone to know that i had a coffee earlier. it gave me a caffeine high that caused me to sharpen every colored pencil i own and then divide my writing implements into sections: red pens (i have a lot); blue/black/green pens; mechanical and regular pencils; wet-erase markers (those are with the pencils for now); highlighters; and sharpies. you should be proud of me, really. in an effort at minimalism, i resisted the temptation to put out my colored pencils. those are tucked away in a pencil bag in the bottom drawer of my desk. :)

now the caffeine high has passed and what i'm really wishing for is a nap. i know i don't deserve one....i have perfected procrastination today and what i NEED is some whip-cracking. unfortunately, a sleepy woman who's been up since 7 on a sunday does not make for a hardcore taskmaster. wish me luck. oh, cafe au lait, you taunt me so.

in the oven...

...right now are three half chicken breasts that i encrusted with pecans along with some cinnamony butternut squash that are sizzling away, just waiting for me to add fresh spinach (to wilt) and some cranberries scented with orange. then on the stove is fat israeli couscous bathing itself in some olive oil and herbs as it froths away in boiling water. i shall eat this all with some lovely cranberry-apple chutney. dinner: done.

i have one load of laundry in the washer. i'm making progress. the key to my success? ipod blaring augustana and NO TV.

:)

IF i'm good later, i might let myself watch an hour of something before bed. or not.

here are some things you should know, in no particular order (aka, listy):

1. i love pears and blue cheese in salad and on flatbread pizzas and other such goodies.
2. a margarita made with fresh citrus juice instead of that cloying sour mix is marvy.
3. one of the best feelings in the world is coming home from work and being able to take off the stuff of the day (clothes, shoes, make-up) and just veg.
4. i'm an academic kind of girl but not super bookish. i'd rather talk and listen than read.
5. colbie caillat has been singlehandedly responsible for a lot of hits to my blog over the last couple of months (especially people visiting from europe - hello to the irish, the dutch, and anyone else from across the pond!).
6. speaking of music and things from across the pond, i have a corinne bailey rae song stuck in my head and i keep listening to the soundtrack from the movie 'once' over and over again.
7. facebook is highly enjoyable.
8. u.s. news and world report keeps coming to my apartment addressed to me, but i never subscribed to it. what is the meaning of this?
9. some days i feel like i'm getting the hang of my new job.
10. some days i can't believe i'm 32.
11. this is one of those days.

i just kept using the word 'implications'

i must warn you: i am currently out of my mind with exhaustion, but i just wanted to say something. i'm tired. no. not just tired.

i'm FREAKING tired. i'm so tired, my head hurts and my eyes are a little blurry and i can't think of any verbs. verbs? and nouns? who needs those? i do! i just finished a homework assignment (yes, at 12:40 a.m.) and let me tell you - verbs and nouns are VERY hard to come by after a certain hour....that hour being 9 p.m., apparently.

yeah, so me and my lack of nounage and verbage, we're going to bed. and when i say bed, i mean to lie in bed and zone while my cable spurts out something on the food network. on nights like this, when i've been going at a fast clip to get something turned in on time (which i did by 90 minutes, thank you very much), i have to use the noise from the tube to shut my brain off completely. and let me tell you, even the dulcet (nay, brash) tones of ms. rachael ray can't keep me from dreaming tonight.

BEAYOOOTIFUL!

bugged

apparently, i developed some type of viral ick over the weekend, because i took my very first sick day on tuesday due to stomach distress. things were not good in there, people. not good.

anyway, since then, it's been lingering a bit. i feel run down, unsettled. i'm hopeful that i'm turning an actual corner, however. this morning i feel a bit more like my normal self than yesterday, so that's a good thing.

i realized something the other night: my life is very, very repetitive right now. not particularly interesting but very busy and very, very repetitive. see how repetitive it is? how many times can i say the word repetitive? you feel me.

i don't know....i'm just, kinda bored. and how can i be bored when i'm so busy? exactly. it's because i have plenty to do ALL the time, but it's the same kind of thing week in, week out. work, work, work. that gets tedious after awhile. and i know it doesn't behoove me to feel this way, since i'm only in my second semester of grad school, but seriously, i hope i can make it to the end, because right now i just don't FEEL like i want to go the distance.

now, that's my emotions talking. the rest of me will tell you that i'm not about to invest my money into this and not see it to completion. nuh uh. but if i may be the proverbial child kicking and thrashing about on her bed in indignance for a moment, I DON'T WANNA!

ahem. okay, thanks. i feel a little better. anyway, i'm on the clock here, so i should get back to work. i just needed a brief blog break. so, hello, blog world. nice to see ya.

now then, as you were.

the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker....

after dropping salimah off at her apartment in these arctic temperatures, bella and i ambled our way back up 83 toward home. i have been planning to make a pot roast all day (although now that it's nearly 6 pm, i'm realizing that will have to wait for tomorrow), so i decided to stop off at a little market near my house to pick up a loaf of crusty olive bread with which to sop up my red wine-infused sauce (yum!). anyway (must stop pining over this dinner which will now have to wait!!) after grabbing the loaf from the bakery - and don't think i didn't fondle and sniff nearly every other kind of freshly baked concoction they had displayed - i wandered over to the meat counter to see what else there was to see.

the butcher - a young man with ruddy face - struck up a conversation with me and the next thing i knew, he was pouring out his heart to me about his early life and how working here is such a change for him. he laughed, remarking that sometimes he cannot believe how much things have changed. i just had to smile. i know, i said. i know exactly what you mean. he said that earlier today he realized he was dateable now....now that he no longer lives a life of drugs and gangs and strip clubs. i nodded, reassuringly...of course you are. why wouldn't you be?

i can't imagine going back there, he said. it's so much better now. now i cut meat and i have a lot to share with someone else. he offered his suggestions on a few different things behind the case, and after contemplating the rows of stuffed chicken breasts and rolled flank steak, i told him i would pass on the meat for now and thanked him for his time.

ma'am, he said, if there's anything at all you need, you let me know, okay? i nodded. oh, and ma'am? it was a TRUE pleasure talking to you. his face blushed and then beamed with a mixture of pride and gratitude. i winked at him, smiled, and turned away, knowing that i needed to let that little magical moment just be what it was. as i walked toward the front of the store to pay for my wares, i knew i'd remember that young butcher and his decision for a better life. and in that moment, i took a little lesson from my buddy lot and his wife: learn your truth, sarah. learn it and live it and never look back.

it's just two steps back this time

let's see.....let's see.....where was i?

ah yes....

so, this past wednesday i had an MRI of my foot....well, of my 2nd toe joint and of the space around it, more specifically. i had to lie very still, flat on my back for nearly an hour, which is something i never do. i don't like to lie flat on my back, and someone telling me to be still is a surefire way to make my muscles twitch - no doubt.

anyway, after 45 minutes or so, the technician came into the room (thank God) and instead of unstrapping me and letting me up, she started asking me whether or not they could inject some contrast into my veins to get even MORE pictures that might be just a bit clearer - and oh, i would have to lie there only another 15 or 20 minutes. by this point, i was in so much pain (my back had seized up and was cramping), i was about to cry so i said no thanks. i left feeling completely exhausted and tense and wondering how long it would take to get the results back.

so, i arrived at work and after sitting there for 3 hours with a wall of solid tension going from my waist up to my neck - and a resulting headache that was making it hard to concentrate - i packed up and worked from home for the rest of the day - sitting on the heating pad, i might add.

and i'm SO glad i didn't agree to the additional 20 minutes of torture, because to add insult to injury, on my way home (a mere 3.5 hours after leaving the radiology center), my doctor's office called me to tell me that nothing they were looking for showed up on my MRI. i can still hear her words: it showed nothing. they just floated out there into the air and hung, suspended, waiting for me to do something with them.

but what can i do with that, really? *sigh*

so it's back to the drawing board....back to going in and having a cortisone shot every once in awhile....back to the shot taking the edge off the pain for a few weeks and then it creeping back slowly - or quickly, as the case may be - such that every step is wincingly uncomfortable until it's time for another shot....

i'm not happy. can you tell?

cleaning up

okay, folks, here's the deal: i'm doing a bit of pre-spring cleaning of my blog and i have an announcement: if you're not blogging on a regular basis, please don't be upset if i remove you from my list - at least temporarily. this is not a personal affront, really....it's an effort to have more active links. also, there are a few people whose blogs i read but who have a password protection on them. i've left one of them on here because a) she's my bff and b) i know we have dual readers. otherwise, though, i didn't include you encrypted folks (you know who you are), but rest assured - i'm still dropping in when i can:).

anyhoo, i just wanted to put that out there. of course, i'm going to make an effort to update my links more frequently, so if you've been removed, there's still hope for you;).

of course, i'm sure that to the 5 of you who still read my blog, this announcement is moot. but you know me (or maybe not): i'm all about keeping people in the loop.

so there's your loopage. now goodnight!

a nip in the air

after yesterday's balmy temps, i'm still behaving as though it's spring already. in truth, it's warmer than average outside, but i'm sitting here shivering in a short-sleeve t-shirt with my window cracked open. what is wrong with me?

i'm working from home today because i have a podiatrist appointment in a little while. here's hoping for another shot to stave off the pain that has gotten decidedly edgier in the last month or so. dude, this is getting old.

in other news, bella is in the shop, so i'm driving around the s.s. piece of crap from enterprise. it's a huge boat of a car - a grand prix, actually - and all it's doing is making me remember why i love my little german girl so much. honestly, farfegnugen, you know?

all right. i have to close up shop here. back to work and off to put on some warmer clothes!

tick....tick......BOOM

this weekend i attended the wedding of one of my adoremus buds (the a cappella group i sang in back in jhu days). this kid is like a little brother to me, so there was no way i was missing out on seeing him cross that threshhold into this new season in his life....

the wedding was also an opportunity to sing with several former members of the group, and it was the first time in a long time that i got to see several friends (and meet their spouses, future spouses, or maybe future spouses). i had a genuinely lovely time and was so pleased for my little brother and his sweet bride (whom i hope to get to know more as time passes because, hey, she also happens to share my name!).

there were a few awkward moments in what was otherwise a great evening, though. i always hate when someone asks me the inevitable church question, because my answer will never please them. the truth is this: ever since i left the church i attended in gaithersburg, with the exception of one experience, i have yet to find something that fits. i'm generally disappointed, in fact, by most of my experiences and feel like it's basically me going through the motions rather than a genuine desire to be there and no amount of me trying to force my own hand seems to change that. as a result, my church attendance over the last few years has been spotty. and you know what? it's not like i'm 100% thrilled about that, but it's felt a lot better not to front.

but here's the thing, right? someone will ask me about church (and it'll always be someone i haven't seen or talked to in years) - put me on the spot at a truly awkward moment - and i'm never prepared to get into that kind of deep convo in an otherwise group social setting. it's not that i'm threatened to discuss it. it's just hardly ever appropriate. so then i wind up giving some very shallow answer, and they always respond the same way: disapproving look, some type of noise (like, hmmm.....), and then even perhaps some type of statement about how this is obviously wrong for me.

newsflash, people: you sitting there telling me such things isn't actually going to change my perspective on the situation right now. and, in fact, what it will likely do is cause me to back up even farther from wanting to share my thoughts with you. who in this world likes to feel judged? i'm thinking no one....

man, experiences like that have made me realize how judgmental i used to be about people whose outward situations differed from mine. i was in such a myopic place - not understanding that anything could ever fall outside of the box....not understanding that people go through seasons of differing experiences as part of their journey - and that these differing experiences don't necessarily mean that their journey has derailed - at least not irrevocably. i try now to operate much more under the 'until i've walked a mile in your shoes....' philosophy than i once did. and i seriously hope i never made anyone feel ashamed of their situation, even if inside i was disapproving. wow, if i did....God, please forgive me.

anyway, the older i get, the more comfortable i am with being outside this box of which i speak. and i know it's going to make other people super duper uncomfortable. so be it. i'm actually not interested in making others feel comfortable. but you know what? neither was Jesus. i'm not saying i'm like Him in nearly enough ways....but i still want to have His heart for others. i just don't want to alienate them in the process of growing in that direction.

my half-birthday

yes, you read that right. the first day of the year is, in fact, my half-birthday....hence, my birthday is (wait for it....) the exact halfway point of the year.....and canada day, if that floats your boat. you know, most years i forget about this, but for some reason, sitting here at my desk with 30 minutes left in my half-birthday, i suddenly felt compelled to acknowledge it.

2008 has begun rather uneventfully. today i did absolutely nothing but sleep and watch tv. i figured i'd better get it while the gettin's good, you know?

tomorrow will be more lively, i assume. back to work. then one of my little brothers gets married this weekend....will reunite with some old friends. should be a good time.

meanwhile, i should sleep some more. i've got a busy year ahead. i might as well store it up while i can;)