and away we go....

today is my first day at the new job. here's to the next adventure....

move along

so it seems that i had sunk down into a hole and somehow over the last 24 hours, i’ve managed to pull myself back up out of it. part of my issue has been that i’ve been in pain, and although i’ve been used to it being a part of my life for awhile now, it’s gotten worse of late, and that was starting to really wear on me. i think as soon as i had enough downtime to realize this, it started to discourage me rather much.

but you know what? i’ll keep going. that’s what there is to do in life...you just keep going. if you even KNEW how significant of a statement that is in my family, you’d smile along with me right now.

even when your hope is gone, move along, move along just to make it through....

there was a time in my life where i needed to take some time…to NOT keep going. to keep going, in fact, felt so antithetical to any real progress in my life. now, however, i’ve become my mother and her mother and her mother before her. i get slapped with something unpleasant, and i fix my hair, straighten my collar, and get on with it. life might give you lemons, but instead of taking time to make lemonade, i throw them in a bag and decide i’ll deal with that later. ecclesiastes still reminds me that there’s a time for EVERY purpose under heaven—a time to deal and a time to refrain from dealing.

and outside the window of the starbucks where i’m sitting, the rain is pouring down and there are a lot of questions still left unanswered and me? i’m fine. because right now my purpose is to plow through. plow through every disappointment and heartache and bad day and pain in my foot and pain in other places and just. keep. going.

give up the funk....ow, we need the funk....we gotta have that funk....

it's 9 pm on a thursday and i've got homework due tonight. have i done it? no. why? i'm not sure. it's not like i haven't had ALL WEEK OFF, but you see, i'm just not in the mood for these things. what am i in the mood for? nothing, apparently.

i'm not sure where the majority of the last 4 days has gone. all my best laid plans have gone completely awry, and it's clear to me that i've slipped into a tiny baby bit of a funk. i'm gonna need to get myself out of it - and fast.

salimah and i hit up my beloved bj's tonight (i re-upped my membership) and picked up staples for this weekend's party. i always worry that we won't have enough food. truth be told, i feel awful about it, because my original intention was to do all the cooking, but it became rather clear earlier this week that THAT wasn't going to happen. so much of it will be prepared. oh well. it wasn't really about that anyway....

i'm off to do homework. some days i can't believe i have 1 3/4 years left of this program before it's over....i can't believe i'm even thinking that way already. see what i mean? this funk must end NOW.

why? fi.

so i'm sitting in caribou coffee in the 'burbs having a cup o' decaf with steamed milk and cinnamon and working on my grad school homework. it's hard to believe that this is the last week in my first set of classes of my MBA program and next week, i begin all over again (in more ways than one). right now, i'm just relishing in the fact that it's 3:15 on a weekday and i don't have anywhere that i HAVE to be right now.

oh, and i have to say that i heart my new dell laptop. it's red (shocker) and has a matching wireless mouse. the whole setup makes me smile.

on the docket for the rest of the day: meet up with salimah, procure some beer and wine for this weekend's autumnal fete, make more headway on my mini business plan, due thursday, and try to eat a reasonable meal that includes some vegetables. this shouldn't be so hard, right? this is what i'm thinking.

in other news, i've been truly concerned about the recent widespread fires in california. i suppose i'm thinking about it more than i might otherwise because i'm supposed to fly out there sometime in the next couple of months for work. i hope my soon-to-be colleagues are all okay....

well, john mayer and i wish you well, wherever you are right now. i think my hour is soon to be up, so i better post before i lose all this pithy stuff here. peace out for now....

respite

today is my first official day of time off (6 working days!) between jobs and i gotta tell ya - i'm loving it already! i slept in this morning until 9:00 (unprecedented!) because i was up late last night finishing up homework for grad school (what else is new these days?). it felt so good to be rested when i opened my eyes a half hour ago....

my last day at work was slightly anti-climactic because several people were off that day and they had given me a sending off on thursday. friday was really all about helping a friend with her resume, going out to lunch with a couple of girls, and basically chillin like a villain until 4:00 came. and when it did, i was surprised that i choked up a tiny bit when hugging a few people good-bye. but mostly it was all about smiles and lightheartedness and no regrets for leaving as the door closed behind me. besides, the people i've made as friends will continue to be my friends, and the rest is just a bag of experiences i take with me to apply (or not) in my next venture.

so, after leaving the job, i raced home to change and then met up with salimah, maria, and mel at christopher-daniel in timonium and had a fantastic meal to cap off the week...heck, the last 3 years. it's funny - i've been waiting for this for SO long, it seemed like it would never happen. i think it was at some point during my delicious 'diamond' martini that the realization finally came: this is actually over now.

and let me tell you, people....there was smiling. a lot of it. and it wasn't just the liquor talking:).

counting down....

as of COB today i have 3 days left at my current job....the place where i've spent a third of my life for the last 3+ years. i'm excited about my new opportunity - to be sure - but this transition away from the familiar has been more difficult than i thought. on top of it, every little thing has been stressing me out lately. i've ben sporting old school (for me) anxiety and i've gotta say - i cannot believe i used to be like this. and i don't know how anyone dealt with me - i can barely stand myself!!

thank God i have some good friends who are here to bring me back to reality when my nerves start to fray...who will tell me the truth and forgive me for talking crazy and who offer some hand-holding for those moments when i just cannot deal with the unknown. what i wouldn't do without them.

and in the midst of my freakouts of late, there have been several (nay, many) people at work who have expressed to me heartfelt good wishes and who hug me and tell me they're proud of me and that i'm gonna be just fine.

and you know what? i think maybe they're right....

have i mentioned

that i heart my new hair cut? i know, i did, but i just had to show you this:


and this (and yes, i promise, that is me, not casper the friendly ghost!):


FUN!!

today i ate an apple, which means it's definitely fall

it's friday, people, and i've had the day off. allow me to recap:

1. i slept in. until 9:30. this felt like heaven to me.
2. my hair is now at least 2 inches shorter with lots of layers again. it's gotten its mojo back and that, quite simply, makes me happy.
3. i bought a laptop. a red one!
4. it's freezing in my apartment right now. we've finally gotten a douse of fall-ish weather, and i love it! cocoa out on the balcony tonight with blankets and slippers - this is my prediction!
5. salimah is coming over and we're having dijon salmon, fresh green beans, and roasted baby potatoes for dinner. can't wait. i'm so excited, i might even crack open some wine!
6. i had a great phone call with my soon-to-be boss. she sounds fantastic and i'm truly excited about the work i'll be doing. it promises to be a great learning opportunity.
7. i'm in love with this little blue bird who sits on my desk. his name's fyodor. here's a pic of him with the as-yet unnamed sheep who hangs out there as well:

8. u.s. news and world report has been showing up at my house for the last several weeks. i have no idea why.
9. my eye is tearing and i'm not sure why my new glasses haven't come in yet.
10. a quickie vacation is just around the corner. sweet Lord, how i need it.

that's it for now. must go pick up salimah at the light rail stop. happy friday!

and it goes a little somethin like this....

okay, so now i can speak with a bit more openness about my life. when last i posted, a few details hadn't yet gone public, but now i can spill the beans, so to speak. so here's the deal: i got a new job. and not just a lateral move - a step up....a goodly sized step up. i'll be an instructional designer — not simply an editor — and this includes the opportunities to write more AND to pay all my bills without working two jobs. WOOHOO!! i gave my notice this past monday; next friday is my last day. then i take a week (6 days, actually) off and start my new gig on 10/30.

grad school is going really well, even though i'll be glad to get through my introductory classes and into the 'meat' of it; also, i'm taking 2 classes right now, and somehow i feel like things will be less confusing when i only have one at a time. we'll see.

yesterday, 10/10, salimah and i celebrated 10 years of friendship. it's astonishing to me a) that we've known each other that freaking long and b) how much has happened in our lives during that time. i was so scared and easily hurt 10 years ago....so anxious and full of shame. thank God things look so different these days....

oh, and finally, there is this boy....:)

now THAT's what i'm talking about....or not!

okay, lots going on - none of which i can discuss at this point, but let me say: today was SWEET. my life is getting quite good just now. note to self: just keep it steady.

"...you make me smile / please stay for awhile now..."

into every person's life a little craziness must fall. i know, because it's happened to me a lot over the last 32 years. it's something to which i've become quite accustomed, so i wind up expecting it....

lately, however, my life has flipped the script on me. things that normally would take extra steps or the jumping over of obstacles to attain have been practically falling into my lap. and just when i think things couldn't get better, then they do. and it's happened in nearly every area of my life over the last 3 months. i'm trying not to analyze it too much; i don't want to question or complicate. i'm just letting things be what they are.

and man, does it EVER feel good....

stay tuned. in the coming weeks i hope to be able to share more specifics....but not just yet. some things are still too new to give a name. but i'm happy. i'll just say that. and really, isn't that enough?

virtue and vice

lately i'm acutely aware of my need for reining myself in....for example, today's lunch? totally healthful. dinner? same. breakfast? a completely debauched affair. perhaps it balanced out in the end, but still....

some days i cannot make myself do grad school homework; some days i am so resolved i almost cannot bring myself to goof off. i'm not sure why i swing from one end to the other, but i know one thing for sure: consistency all too often hangs out there like a carrot on a string, taunting me.

it's a day in, day out struggle and some days i lose the game before it even starts. but then, there are the days where i come to the end feeling like a victor and let me tell you - those days make the others worthwhile.

and besides, the last time i checked, people who are all virtue aren't having nearly as much fun as those of us with a little streak of the naughty. and some of us have more of a streak than others....

dear blog world,

remember me - your friend sarah? yeah. sorry it's been forever and a day. to say that my life has been busy of late would be an understatement. i'm honestly not sure what day it is much of the time.

anyway, if it makes you feel any better that i've been rejecting you, consider that i've missed one of my favorite shows, 'the biggest loser,' for two weeks in a row because of homework or some other activity. oh, and there's been a load of clothes in the dryer for at least 5 days now waiting for me to retrieve and fold the items. heck, i haven't even managed to put the new roll of tp on the holder. it's just sitting on my countertop like an afterthought. really, it's not good.

oh, but maybe this will make you feel better: i think about you all the time...really, i do. something will happen and i'll think oh, this is SO bloggable but then the moment passes and i move on with my day. but the thought was there, and that counts for something, right? right?

either way, i know i'm lame. i'll try to do better in the near future. heck, this post alone should show something of my renewed commitment!! now then, i promise i shall cease and desist with the horn tooting starting now-ish:).

in summary: school continues to get more intense, work has been its own bag of tricks, and there are some slight developments in the personal life. that's about all i've got.

i hope you're doing well. and i promise we'll see each other again soon. call me, k?

love,
sarah

simmer down now....

as i speak, there's a huge pan of very meat-laden sauce bubbling away on the stovetop. i HAD to get out of the kitchen. it was gettin too hot in there!

i'm making a lasagna for my friend maria. she's never tasted my cooking and since she's moving to new jersey in another month or so, i wanted to have her over and just be able to hang out outside of work.

i spent the morning at the car dealership getting bella all spiffied up (also, she had a recall on her windshield wiper fluid cap, so i had to take care of that). she deserved new oil and to have her tires rotated. it's nice to be pampered every once in awhile.

tomorrow i get a hair cut, hang out with a friend, and hopefully get some homework done. then sunday i shall rest:). it's important to have one day where things aren't going full tilt.

happy weekend, all:)

9/11: still killing

it has been 6 years since that day, and i find that today my words are few. but let me just say this: all of you who are gone, i choose to remember you. i will never forget that day and what happened. i will always hold a piece of that horror in my heart so that i will never grow numb to the horror you must have felt. and to the families and loved ones of those who have perished - who are still perishing - my prayers and thoughts are with you.

this is an excellent photo-essay about the first responders who, over the last 6 years, have suffered horrible health problems; as a result, many have lost their lives. they, too, deserve to be remembered today - every day.

in our hearts and in this world, may God's peace reign.

chocolatea

today i had brunch with salimah and vic at a relatively new little place near hopkins, chocolatea. i splurged and had a chocolate waffle with fruit (bananas, blueberries, strawberries, and fresh figs!), and the girls and i sat around for a couple of hours catching up, talking about world events, and just enjoying the quaintness of the morning. it was simply lovely

honestly, i just adore seeing friends out at nice little cafes and neighborhood haunts. it's just the perfect way to spend a weekend morning.

skool is kool

i managed to make it through the week despite the fact that i've been sick as a doggie since this time a week ago. antibiotics have kicked the worst of it, and now i'm just managing a nasty cough and stuffy head.

also, grad school started on tuesday and i've been making my way through the first assignments. this is the only time in my program that i'll be taking two classes at the same time, and it has already been a bit confusing; the assignments seem to switch days (class 1 on the first day, class 2 on the second, and so on), so if i can remember what day it is, i'm okay.....which means i'm not always okay!

anyway, it's going well so far, i think. so strange to be back in school, though, and my how things have changed in the last 10 years. when i graduated from hopkins, i was just barely starting to use internet references. i don't know how comfortable i feel with citing web sites (unless they're evergreen, so to speak). i'm sure i'll still be using ye olde librarie from time to time.

tonight, i'm having a miniature organizing party with catchka. we will play with highlighters, get our syllabi straight, and then order dinner. lovely!

happy birthday, dear salimah....

it's 6:00 p.m. on a tuesday and i'm home sick. normally, this would be only moderately annoying, but it's further compounded by the fact that it's my best friend's birthday and i'm not out celebrating it with her. so, in an effort to hold my own personal celebration, allow me to give you just a few reasons why she does, in fact, rock the house.

sure, one might want to know salimah because of her awesome music collection, total recall of pop culture references, ability to intersperse literary quotes into daily conversation, affinity for guinness stout and scotch (neat, even), willingness to have madcap adventures at a moment's notice, facility with creating poetry so lovely, some are moved to silence (yes, i couldn't resist that one), or perhaps her general uber smartypants ways, BUT i love having her as a best friend because she is generous to a fault, completely honest (at times, brutally so), laughs loud and long at my jokes (some of which are even funny), 'gets' what i'm saying, allows herself to be surprised by my quirks--even after all this time, has embraced my eccentric family (and they her), remembers all the things that are important, gives me hugs when i need them (and even when i don't), stands up for my best interests, accepts me for who i am (bad stuff included), and cheers me on when i attempt anything that excites me. she is a phenomenal woman, much stronger than she knows, well-loved by her friends (and family), respected by colleagues and fellow students for her professional and academic aplomb, and she can be a true silly heart when you really get to know her. salimah, you deserve EVERY good thing that comes your way this year. i wish i could be with you to celebrate today, but we have many more days to celebrate you (and oh yes, there will be cocktails!), our friendship, and everything amazing that God has done in your life. as ever, i am so privileged to know you. your star shines brighter every year.

strange and arresting

last night/early this morning, i had a very vivid dream that a friend of mine from middle/high school died. i haven't talked to this girl in several years and in the dream, i called her parents' house trying to find her and her father, sounding shaken, said that she had died 2 days before. i started sobbing uncontrollably at my desk (i had called from work, apparently). and then a bunch of different people started coming around to try and 'comfort' me, including a guy i dated for a few weeks this spring.

seriously, people, either my subconscious mind is trying to tell me something, or it was the mexican food i ate for dinner last night. i'm hoping for mexican.

it's a good thing i'm not squeamish

tonight while serving myself up some truly delicious turkey meatloaf, i stepped on something on my kitchen floor that went into my foot. when i reached down to feel for it and hopefully pull it out, my fingers were immediately covered with blood. of course, i had a moment of panic, because there were no paper towels or napkins nearby, so i stood there dripping blood all over the floor for several minutes until i realized that i had just thrown away a napkin. i grabbed it from the trash and pressed it to the bottom of my now-red-covered heel, hobbled into the pantry to grab some paper towels, and then - once it was clear that no blood would get on the carpet - made my way back to my bedroom to survey the damage.

the cut was surprisingly small for the amount of blood it produced. and thankfully, after a few moments of applying pressure, the flow had stopped. so i cleaned up my foot, applied antibacterial ointment, and bandaged it like crazy.

needless to say, after dinner there was mopping of the kitchen floor and feeble attempts to locate the source of the cut. no such luck. i don't think i have to tell you i'll be wearing my flip-flops around for a few days inside the house.