mini update

okay, so i have another couple of dates set up for the very near future. these promise to be MUCH better than the first. good grief - could anything be any worse?

in other news, i'm sleep deprived but a little happy. these days, i'll take what i can get....

listy

here are some good things:

1. my hair looks fabulous. got it highlighted on saturday. copper and blonde - love it!
2. i had bonefish last night with salimah and e. such a great time:).
3. i have another date on friday, this time with someone i'm looking forward to going out with. at the very least, it'll be a fun time. i feel like i can say that for sure.
4. free hbo and showtime for 6 months!
5. it's finally spring:).
6. my very dear friend amy perbeck is coming in just under a month for 4 whole days!
7. club soda is STILL rockin my world.
8. it's still the weekend:).

that's all i got for now. i tried to make it to 10, but let's not be legalistic just for the sake;).

not. even. close.

wow. where to begin?

okay, so my "date" (i hesitate to call him that because i loathed everything about him) showed up 30 minutes late, didn't apologize, and when i tried to shake his hand, he said, 'nah, you don't have to do that. why are you trying to let everyone in the restaurant know it's our first meeting?' (like somehow that was totally offensive to him) then he had the nerve to ask ME if i had told our server that i was waiting on someone late. what?!?!

he had horrible table manners, reeked of awful cologne, was an abysmal conversationalist, and watched basketball over my shoulder for most of the meal (which, honestly, ALMOST didn't make me mad, because it was less time i had to try and talk to him - although yes, i DID call him on it). he was argumentative and asked too many personal questions. i hated how i felt in his presence and, to be honest, i was embarrassed to be there.

i tried to make the best of it. i really did.

oh, but here's the real kicker: (now, let me preface this by saying that this man asked ME out, okay?? NOT the other way around) when the bill comes, he awkwardly says, 'um, i have a first date rule - we go dutch. is that okay?' i'm like, 'yeah, fine.' then i started looking in my bag for my wallet, and as i did that, he asked me again if that was okay. at this point, i didn't even TRY to hide my distaste for him. i let him know that it was rather rude for him to not let me know that when HE asked me out. then he tried to come back with, 'oh, well, i don't even remember who asked who out, to tell you the truth.' i'm like, 'uh YOU did. YOU asked me out. for sure.'

so i basically told him how much he owed and then he tried to argue about how much i wanted to tip the waiter. God, i just wanted to get out of there.

oh, and another distasteful tidbit from the meal? he picked up a piece of bread, buttered it on both sides, and then tore a piece off with his teeth like an animal, at which point some butter flailed its way onto his chin. he grunted. picked up his napkin in his fist, smeared at it and then put the napkin in a ball back onto the table. uh huh. you read that right.

oh, and THEN, at some point during the meal, he asked if i had ever been married. when i shook my head no, he goes, 'no kids?' (again, shook head no) 'well, why NOT?' (like there was something wrong with that) i said, plainly, 'because i'm not interested in having children out of wedlock.' he honestly looked as though he didn't know what i meant. whatever.

so basically, after the check debacle, i informed him i was tired and that i was going to take off. so we walked outside and as a last ditch effort to be polite, i said, 'well, nice to meet you.' he looked at me quizically: 'do you really mean that?'

'NICETOMEETYOU' i rushed, at which point he was like, 'yeah, goodnight' and walked off. i acted like i was walking to my car, waited until he drove away and then went back into the restaurant and found my waiter. i took his hand and let him know that he was the one bright point in my evening (that and the food, which was delicious, actually), that i had just been on the worst blind date ever, and that i appreciated how attentive he was, because it made me feel - for a few brief moments - like i wasn't crazy. he told me that the guy seemed like 'a real bastard,' called me 'dear' and told me he hoped i'd come back....i left feeling war-torn.

suffice it to say - my experiment in going out with relative strangers has begun and ended all in one fell swoop. NEVER AGAIN, do you hear me? never.

in short

i have a date tonight.

some notes i'm considering writing

dear people out in the street right now,
YES, i can hear every WORD of your conversation, which - may i mention - you are having at 10:41 pm on a weeknight. thank you. please move along.
sincerely,
a disgruntled apartment dweller
***************************************************
dear person who shall remain nameless but certain people know who you are and that is all that matters,
please do not sit in group scenarios and pick your dirty fingernails. i mean it. go wash your hands.
horrifyingly, (is that a word, really?)
someone who cares deeply about nailcare and hygiene
***************************************************
dear britney spears,
can you please stop the madness? seriously. you aren't making things any easier for yourself, your children, or anyone of us, for that matter. you're taking up precious entertainment tonight time that we could be devoting to something much more pressing, like who is the father of anna nicole's baby after all, for crying out loud?!?!
oops, you did it again,
someone who might have a bunch of your music on her itunes but doesn't really listen to it much anymore. honestly.
***************************************************
dear martin o'malley,
i'm on to you.

i'm not signing that last one, because really, is it necessary?

in other news, i just had some peanut butter toast, milk, and a banana, and i'm wide awake. no rest for the weary, i tell you....

'somebody's got a case of the MONdays'

i got home a bit earlier than usual today because i had another podiatrist appointment this afternoon. basically, i'm still in pain, and he's given me another rx for a different antiinflammatory (the other one wasn't cutting it). i hope it works. essentially, if the treatments don't work, i might have to have surgery. i'm praying that doesn't happen....

now then, in other news, dancing with the stars begins again tonight. i don't think i need to tell you people that i don't really need another addictive show to watch...but will i watch it? heck yeah! will be sure to let you know what i think....

finally, i've got occasional bouts of relationship intrigue around these parts. more on that if anything real happens. oh, and speaking of relationships, a somewhat sad/distressing note: as i was leaving the doc's office today, one of his staff was clearly mid-meltdown over a breakup that i assume happened last night or the night before. she left the desk to take the call but left the door open to the room where she was. all i could hear was her pleading with him: 'but we NEED to talk....this isn't MY decision; it's YOURS....how am i supposed to know what to do? you're the one who LEFT ME.'

God, the agony in her voice. it actually stressed me out a bit. too many old, bad memories.

*shake it off*

okay, onto dinner....

addiction

i have to be honest. i'm currently obsessed with club soda. i mean, first of all, it's just good with some lime or lemon squeezed in it. but then, lately, i've been using it to make italian sodas with some of my ruby red grapefruit margarita mix (sans tequila). okay, AND it takes out some stains.

but then today, we're having a huge ice storm (it's tapping on my windows as i type this), and i came home feeling cold and grumpy and decided that what i needed most in the world at that moment was a stack of buttery, syrupy pancakes. and of course, because i haven't been cooking at all lately, my milk has gone sour, so what did i use in its place? club soda. i swear to you - these were some of the lightest, fluffiest pancakes i've ever had. they were SO freaking good, i'm considering a repeat performance tomorrow morning (or heck, maybe even later tonight if i get hungry again).

anyhoo, i'm quite sure no one gives a crap about me and my fizzy water addiction, so i'm out.

idolatry

so, the first night of just the top 12 on idol is about to start, and i've got a vested interest in this whole deal - mainly because i'm entering a poll to see who'll win.

i'm in the mood to go on a wine tasting. maybe this weekend even.

i'm also feeling the love for the spring temps.

furthermore, i'm making efforts to drag myself out of the place i'm in emotionally (which isn't great - i'll be honest) and cut my relationship losses while i can (letting people down isn't ever easy, especially when they're nice).

spring is dangerous for me, though, people. when the breeze starts blowing, it makes me think of venice and a boy i love and a day so unlike this one because of the measure of joy it brings.

must keep my wits - if not about me then darn near close.

i got no title, so how 'bout this?

i've gotten a mighty slow start today, but i hope within the next hour or so to leave the apartment to run a few errands before i head over to my friend vanessa's for her birthday celebration.

last night was cocktails and 'mr. smith goes to washington' at salimah's with two other girlfriends. i'm so lame-o, though. i had to go and lie down halfway through the movie because i was straight up exhausted. that's what i get for trying to have social plans on a friday night. i'm clearly too old for all that:P.

in other news, my management company tried to bill me and my ex boyfriend for 'charges incurred' after i supposedly 'moved out' from the community....and they sent me this mildly threatening letter informing me that my credit would be negatively impacted if i didn't, essentially, 'pay up.' oh yeah, and the charges? $3.51 each. bogus.

the good thing is that, after i pursued the matter thoroughly, they finally erased the record and chalked it up to 'computer error.' how convenient.

all right. i've got to get my lazy butt moving. happy weekend.

quickly....

i went back to the podiatrist's office yesterday and got another shot of cortisone, but this time into the arch of my left foot. whoa nelly. i can't really tell you how much that one hurt. okay, a LOT. trust me, not fun.

but things are feeling slightly less aggravated since i've been using my new orthotics, and i'm going back in 2 weeks. here's to progress.

in other news, i got my hair chopped off. and on march 23: highlights (copper and blonde ones). my hairdresser agreed to fit me in if i promised her i'd go out afterwards. fair enough.

and now on to american idol:D

to sleep, perchance to dream....

i have been having such wacked out dreams lately. last night, for example, i dreamed that i was privy to this ultimate fishing competition wherein teams of people were being whittled down to individual participants, one of whom would catch this angel fish that had the ability to talk (and looked somewhat like a bulldog, actually). paula deen was in charge of the competition, and one of my coworkers was a finalist. the grand prize was $250K, so of course I was rooting for her, but part of the competition also involved people cooking for the other contestants and i got into this long conversation with one of the chefs about how the beverage he had prepared was a cross between sangria and communion grape juice (and again, no one seemed bothered that i was along for the ride). he kept insisting that his creation was a traditional jewish drink, but i wasn't buying it.

in another dream, salimah and i were trying to go grocery shopping in this dormitory/mall-type place, and we were having a devil of a time getting in there to pay. we already had our cart of groceries, but somehow we had gotten out of the building accidentally and the only ways back in involved stairs, so we were trying to maneuver this grocery cart around these weird pathways. we never did pay for that food, actually....

there are others, but i won't bore you with my very strange subconscious mind.

in other news, i just woke up, and i'm thinking about breakfast already, and then i'm going to go and watch 'the departed.' last night i saw 'running with scissors' and the night before was 'half nelson.' frankly, i didn't enjoy either of them. i mean, the acting was good, etc., but i just didn't LIKE what i saw. perhaps i'm missing something all deep or whatever, but 'half nelson' was particularly disappointing in its failure to resolve anything really. maybe that was the point - i don't know.

anyway, i've realized that most of the time, i like movies to have some closure. the world itself is unsettling enough. so i'm sure that makes me NOT edgy in the least. i'll get over it. if i'm paying to see it, then i want it to work out. thank you, and goodnight.

listy

1. my apartment is a wreck. it needs tidying, dusting, vacuuming, and scrubbing in parts.
2. my dear friend shona is coming to visit today. we've known each other since we were 13 or 14. scary.
3. as usual, i've got a bunch of stuff to do work-wise. i really shouldn't complain. really.
4. yes, my feet still hurt.
5. i'm listening to bach's brandenburg concerto. it's sprightly.
6. i ate far too many malted milk eggs the other night. i'm sure the yellow #s 5, 6, and whatever are pickling my insides.
7. last night i watched a program about seattle, and i felt such pangs of regret for not moving there in 1999.
8. i still think about moving there for a year, just to see what might happen.
9. wegman's subs are DELISH.
10. i need a shower. i'm going to take one now.
11. sorry this was boring.

heart's place

the only thing interesting i have to report is that i decided this week to do a 'service project' of sorts, so i'm supporting this shelter by buying them much-needed items. what i appreciate about what they're doing is that they have a policy of letting an entire family stay there, instead of just women and children or just men. i feel grateful for the opportunity to bless them, actually. so this weekend, i'll be taking over several bags of stuff that salimah and i picked up this week.

in other news, the cortisone shot is slowly wearing off, it seems, and the pain in my right foot is getting worse again. i'm tired of hurting. that much i can tell you. but it occurs to me that there are others in the world tired of hurting, too. so i've decided not to focus too much on my own suffering at this juncture. bear someone else's burdens for a moment. it can be your ticket to joy. at least, this is my hope for now....

update

so, i got a diagnosis from my podiatrist: i have a neuroma (an enlarged nerve) in my right foot and have torn the plantar fascia in my left foot. he gave me a shot of cortisone into the nerve in my right foot (OUCH) that numbed my toes for a good hour...the first pain relief i've had in months. he also instructed me to get some new orthotics from charm city run and while i was there, i decided just to get some new brooks as well (my old ones were on their way out), so 170 bucks later (!!!), i was walking in some very cushy, comfy softness....

i'm hopeful that these measures will provide some ongoing relief. i'm going back to see him in a week. in the meantime, i'm not really supposed to be doing much walking or anything involving impact, since that's the source of my problems to begin with (so the gym was a major culprit, apparently). i'm trying not to feel frustrated about it, but i don't know that i'm succeeding very well.

i will say this, though: it feels good to get some answers, even if they're not the ones you want. good life lesson. must keep that in mind.

i'm going to be honest with you

i'm a mess. i'm in quite a bit of pain, and it's getting to me. earlier i started crying, just because someone showed me a tiny bit of compassion. ugh. no fun.

the good news is that i'm going to see a podiatrist tomorrow about the bad foot pain i've been experiencing for some time now. but i've also got this incredibly sore, very stiff neck that is making me crazy. i'm telling you - it's not good.

so that's why i haven't written in a couple of days, really. i'm just hurting. there's no sense in pretending otherwise.

done!

i managed to accomplish all 4 foods on my list in the last post and even made up some linguine to accompany the bolognese sauce (which was tomatoey sweet and packed with meat chunks). i must say: the gnocchi (with butter and cheese) was a delightful accompaniment to the herb-roasted pork loin (moist with pan juices) and braised red cabbage (SO tangy and delicious in its red wine-infused sauce with the softened apples and onions). i feel so great about all i did today! of course, i couldn't have gotten through without the soulful stylings of miss billie holiday, miss jane monheit, and miss norah jones. ladies, i salute you!

oh, and i would have updated sooner, but i was zonked out on the couch. i'm rather sore, you see, because not only did i pull at least one muscle last night on the ice, but when i went to move my car earlier, i definitely pulled at least one more (inner hip flexors/groin - oy!) getting INTO the car. the ice was so treacherous! (and don't think i didn't call to complain about it!!)

on the docket for the evening: some work, my beloved jack bauer, and hopefully in bed at a decent hour (hey, that rhymed!). oh, and eating, of course!! :)

cooking extravaganza!

last night (before the black ice incident) i went to wegman's and stocked up on some truly yummy foods (including cheese out the wazoo), and today i'm going to do some serious throwing down in my kitchen. here's what's on the docket:

1. a super meaty bolognese sauce, rich with wine (as of 11:30: done and simmering!)
2. an herb-and-oil-rubbed roasted pork loin
3. braised red cabbage with apples and onions (as of 12:30: done and roasting in the oven!)
4. either gnocchi with pesto or creamy polenta (perhaps with gorgonzola or something cheesy)

that's all for now. stay tuned. there might be something else that goes on the list!

as a backdrop for the deliciousness, it'll be all about jazz, laundry, and freelance editing. woo. hoo. :D

black ice

i nearly died just now....

okay, not died, really, but i found myself in the middle of the street on a sheet of black ice with both hands on the ground trying to keep myself from falling over completely. i couldn't park in my lot because there were no spaces, and the closest space i could find (thank GOD there even WAS one) was across the main road and in front of another building. ugh. i'm so not happy with the way they have managed to NOT actually clear any snow or ice out of here. anyone heard of putting salt on the road??

i'm going to contact my rental office in the morning with a strongly worded message. there are a lot of elderly residents in my community. how is this acceptable??

oh, and i think i pulled a muscle in my butt.

thus far

my weekend has been lovely up until now. the day is early, so there are still opportunities for greatness—although i confess that i plan to spend much of today on the couch watching movies and cooking shows, so i'm not sure where greatness will come from all of that....

friday night, i went to a very interesting, kind of hidden gallery in west-central baltimore (the kind of place where i suspect, one might have attended raves at some point in the past - not that i would know anything about that, mind you) to see salimah read in a poetry event on love. other than the smoke that hung thick in the air at points, it was a pretty cool time. very eclectic, somewhat drunk in parts, crowd....

yesterday, we caught 'music and lyrics,' with drew and hugh. love them both, really. i've had such a crush on hugh grant for years, and i'm telling you - that man keeps getting better with age. plus, i just heard that he and his lady friend broke up. hugh, CALL ME! ;)

after a brief but delish late lunch (we were both completely ravenous) at the california pizza kitchen, salimah and i hit up this cosmetics/haircare store at the avenue in hunt valley (alda or something) and i managed to score a new hairdryer/diffuser, since mine is decidedly on the fritz, as well as several bottles of this shampoo i can't seem to find anywhere but that i love and that smells yummy:).

i dropped s. off at the light rail and made my way home, only to find that my parking lot was still piled with ice and snow....but apparently i was very distracted by a phone conversation i was having, because as i was pulling into a space, i accidentally slammed down on the gas instead of the brake, and i shot up over the curb and nearly crashed my beautiful bella into some bushes and a railing! all was well, though....

so, that's really about it for the last 36 hours of my existence. valentine's day was all about being snowed in (and i was grateful, actually). my american idol is finally up and running, and jack bauer is continuing to kick butt and take names. all is good for today:).

oh, and that's another thing: i'm seriously living NOW. i can't worry about later....even later today. sometimes that's what it takes to stay sane. and i promise, i'm trying:).

never enough

the thing about money is that there's just never enough of it for what you need....maybe this is a curse. i don't know. all i DO know is that the thought of it stresses me out like no tomorrow.

maybe i really DO need to give mega millions a whirl.