techneurotic

a.k.a. the incredibly anxious adventures of me and my absent mind....

i've had quite an interesting, mostly fabulous weekend so far. i had been thinking for some time of getting an LCD HDTV and i finally bit the bullet and got a 32". in the process, i also decided to upgrade my never-really-that-great 5-disc DVD/home theater carousel and get an HD upconverter single disc model (samsung). because i have no stereo of which to speak in my living room, i added a recycled receiver (thanks, dad!) so that i can watch movies and shows in full stereo sound, as well as continue to play CDs and whatever else through something other than my TV speakers.

yesterday's trip to BJs yielded the aforementioned tv, and salimah and i spent last evening and part of this morning watching the entire sixth season of 'sex and the city' in preparation for seeing the movie next weekend (we already bought tix online). when i finally got myself together and headed to best buy to pick up the DVD player (and another HDMI cable for when i upgrade to an HD cable box), i went through the whole she-bang of making a decision (no small feat for me) and going through checkout, except that at the last minute i couldn't find my wallet in my purse. as i was rifling through my bag, i jokingly said to salimah, 'i hope my wallet's in here,' but as soon as the words left my mouth, she remembered seeing my wallet on the dining room table at home. i had a single check left in my register, but they wouldn't accept that without a license (which, of course, was also in my wallet)....so, ticked as i was, i had to leave the order at the counter, drive the 15 minutes back home, get the wallet, and return to best buy to complete the purchase.

what should have been a simple, 30-minute jaunt turned into more than an hour of angst. i'm so glad i went back to the store, though. there's no way i could have made it through the evening without feeling agitated that i didn't have what i went for in the first place. i am ALSO rather glad that i had some homeopathic anxiety/stress remedies with me. i popped some of those bad boys in my mouth and let them dissolve as i drove up and down the same roads for what seemed an eternity. i swear, i felt like such a dolt....but at least i was a dolt growing calmer by the minute.

i tell you - the work of a single girl with technical needs is never done. thankfully i am fully armed with happy pills, techie gurus (and dads) to ask for advice, and a best friend who's willing to ride the road with me - sometimes more than once.

good night....goodnight

i'm having one of those nights where i want to take a shower before bed. i'm a shower-in-the-morning kind of girl (and believe me, i'll still be taking one tomorrow morning), but i just love that freshly bathed, warm and relaxed feeling that only a nighttime shower can bring. turn off the lights, fire up the candles.....lovely.

the weather has been cattywampus, not being able to decide if it wants to rain or beam sunshine. it's kind of maddening, yet on the days when i'm trapped inside an office, i kind of like being able to see life whip by outside the windows like that. sun, rain, wind....let it all come. it helps me to remember that my little tasks are not the only things going on in the world.

i'm very busy still...not sure when that will ever stop being the case. i feel bad, because i haven't been in touch with a number of my friends in awhile. i'm sure they must think i'm ignoring them. i wish i could explain how much energy it takes to break out of my daily routine and make a phone call sometimes. sure, i still talk to salimah every day, but doing that is like breathing. it's just something i don't think about. and i still call home a couple of times a week to check in on my 'rents, but every other call that i make or e-mail that i write is something i have to remind myself to do. it sounds so foreign for me to say that, but it's just the way my life has become. i keep trying to focus on the fact that there's only 14 more months of this, and then i can get some freedom back. oh Lord, haste the day!!

there's a 90-day write-on calendar on my wall that is grossly out of date, i have papers that need organizing, and there is (as ever) laundry to be done, but tonight i am thinking only of stealing a few moments of quiet and rest....releasing some tension under the hot spray of water....tucking down under my down comforter and closing the curtains on the world for a few hours before it all must begin again. tonight, i am scarlett o'hara personified. i shall not think about the worries of today....tomorrow has time enough for my thoughts and stresses. it can all wait.

in which a fairly innocuous post about my stomach ailment turns into a social commentary on beauty and celebrity

i wound up working @ home today. yesterday i ate something that freaked out my system, so it was best for all concerned (me especially) that i stay on home turf. i think i'm feeling a bit better now; all the ick seems to have passed away. and despite all of that, i got a lot done today, which is a good thing.

in other news, i have nothing pithy to say. oh, well, i did discover that kimora lee simmons looks like a completely different person without her make-up on. let that be a lesson to the teeny-boppers (i can't believe i just said that) who think that there is such a thing as perfection in hollywood: if you had your own hair and make-up people dolling you up on a daily basis, you, too, could probably be on the cover of some slick, air-brushed magazine. i'm just saying.

this comes as no shock to anyone, of course, but you know, why can't people just be who they are without all the glitz and glam? oh right, i forgot....then we'd have nothing to throw our money at.

nevermind. i take that back. we would find something else to throw our money at. there's always something else.

okay, enough of sentences ending with prepositions. i've shamed myself publicly. i'm going to sleep!

this is what i get for thinking too hard on a sunday

not 15 minutes ago, the sky was dark and foreboding and rain poured down onto the streets as the wind whipped about. now, however, the sun is beaming, the leaves are verdant and there are birds gleefully chirping outside my window. this is some kind of weird spring day we're having.

so, it's sunday, and i'm getting that old familiar feeling of having to go back to the grind tomorrow. salimah and i were out and about earlier; i got some groceries and picked up a prescription at the weg, and then we went to the bux for some coffee and just to sit and chat and take pictures with our camera phones. i'm quite sure that i should now be doing some homework to get a leg up for the week. will i or won't i? that remains the question du jour.

for dinner tonight: some crab-stuffed tilapia (wegman's made), zucchini, and some whole grain melange i bought at trader joe's a few weeks back. in all likelihood, i shall watch some episodes of 'sex and the city' and perhaps prepare a few things for breakfasts this week. oh, who knows? maybe i'll just sit on my rump and do nothing. also a viable option:).

in other news, i've realized that, when it comes to relationships i'm becoming more and more practical and fiscally minded the older i get. things that used to seem preposterous to me are now filtering through my brain and being slotted in the 'reasonable' column (because you know, one must always categorize one's thoughts and ideas...separate the wheat from the chaff....that sort of thing): prenuptial agreements, separate bank accounts, eloping, casual relationships, etc. i'm not saying that i no longer believe in love and commitment and all of that. really, i still do. i just think that one must be reasonable and must not allow sheer emotion to rule the day. heavens!

okay, i think i'm having some sort of jane austen attack. must go do something not quite so heady. grad school homework....yes, that's it.

ttfn!

hard to say

it's friday morning and before i dig into another LONG day of work (i have a deadline to meet today), i just wanted to say that dan fogelberg is perfect for a quiet, rainy morning at home. i have always loved him, but in particular, since his death this past december, i find myself wanting to hear his dulcet tones.

you do your best to keep your hand in play
and try to keep the lonesome blues at bay
you think you're winning, but it's hard to say sometimes.....

i know that simon cowell dissed david archuleta this week on american idol for singing dan's song 'longer' (which the producers picked, btw), but come on....it's a classic! i continue to submit that the 70s produced some truly fantastic music. cheesy or not, it was good stuff.

anyway, assuming this mellow stuff doesn't put me into a coma by 10 a.m., i am going to plunge myself into the pool of waiting work. let's hope i don't drown:).

monday evening's post, in which i admit that i am a complete cheeseball

it's 8:41 on a rainy monday night. it's been unseasonably cold here today (in the 40s), and i'm desperately sleepy. unfortunately, i've got pages to read before i sleep (thank you, robert frost) and very little motivation to allow my weary eyes to peruse them.

dinner tonight was so tasty. since being out in the world made me feel less than awesome today, i decided to make something a little spiffy, so i did my customary roasted butternut squash with cinnamon (tossed with orange-scented cranberries and fresh spinach after coming out of the oven); israeli couscous with herbs; and a deep, rich, saucy chicken with red wine and mushrooms. i did the dishes after dinner (yay, me!) and am now blogging to avoid reading. what else is new?

see, the truth is that i'm afraid if i go sit down to read, i'm going to fall asleep, and i really don't feel that i need that to be happening. see, there are two reasons. one is that i'm extremely studious and i would hate to miss an opportunity to do my homework (snort!) and the other? well, um....thebachelorfinaleisonat10! okay, there i said it quickly, so perhaps you won't decode it and find me dorky. well, who am i kidding? i'm a complete goober. i can't help it. i got sucked into this season. he's british....so sue me.

anyway, i should go and get SOMETHING done. *sigh* there is no rest for the weary, the wicked, or those in grad school.

my mother...

...is the oldest daughter of an oldest daughter of an oldest daughter.
...is (as my father calls her) the true 'goodbye girl.'
...always had boxes of heels in her closet that, as a child, i tried on whenever she was out of the house.
...loves opals.
...ran behind my bike to teach me to ride without training wheels (even though she herself had never learned).
...has always been ballsy - so much so that it sometimes horrified me as a child, but i have proudly turned into her (and sometimes even kick it up a notch, i am sure, much to her chagrin).
...cannot resist listening in to other people's conversations in public - especially if they're juicy.
...used to read the menu aloud to me at restaurants, even though i could read every word.
...coined the phrase 'hellooooooo' long before billy crystal made it famous in 'city slickers.'
...is still a new yorker in her heart.
...will always be a dancer in mine.
...is quite a good sport when we tease her and takes great joy when we can all share a laugh (in love, of course) at her expense.
...tells lots of stories, even when you're not in the room.
...is so much like my grandmother, some days it makes me cry.
...made her parents proud.
...has a huge heart, especially for those people that no one else pays attention to.
...is strong in so many ways, and yet i feel very protective of her.
...has the most amazing work ethic i have ever seen.
...is and always will be THE hr guru.
...charms all my friends and has adopted several of them as her 'daughters.'
...helped me through more childhood homework crises than i care to admit.
...still goes out of her way to help me out, even though i'm a full-fledged 'grown-up.'
...will always smell like home to me.
...writes me the best e-mails.
...tells me how proud she is of me (and means it).
...encourages me to be proud of me, too.
...is one of my dearest friends and confidantes (and i do not take this for granted).
...doesn't know how amazing she is.
...will never know how much i love her. never ever.

nevertheless, i love you, mom. happy mother's day.

jill scott's vibes are making me sleepy

of course it could be the cocktail i had with dinner tonight, but that's neither here nor there.

i have homework due in an hour, and i'm just so tired, i feel like i could drop.

today was a less than stellar day, but my one consolation is that it's the weekend:).

i promised a friend at work i'd bake him something for monday.

this means i have to go to the store.

who am i kidding? i'd go anyway? i apparently live for grocery shopping.

i have officially given up on jill scott right now and have moved on to sister sledge's 'we are family.'

classic.

in all sincerity....

...if you want something that will rock your world, run (do not walk) to the nearest grocery store and pick up a container of 0% fat fage (pronounced fah-yeh), return home, open the fage and place it into a bowl, drizzle some honey onto it, sprinkle it with some chopped walnuts, and go to TOWN. i'm telling you - you will never feel quite the same about yogurt.

you, processed, fake-flavored yogurts out there, you're dead to me. do you hear me? dead to me.

unprecedented

i know, i know. two posts in a day? what's up with that?

i just had to say, though, that i just had a very protein-packed dinner and it made me happy. what was that, you ask? well, i took a tortilla, smeared it with fat-free 'refried' black beans, white meat tuna, and a bit of low-fat cheddar, put its partner on top and dry grilled it in a pan (with just a smidge of canola spray) until it was nice and crispy-brown; hacked it into four pieces, and dolloped each quarter with a bit of low-fat sour cream and some frontera peach-mango salsa. may i say? quite delish. just the brain food i needed to finish up a paper i have due tonight.

that is all.

i heart berries and jay-z

i've come to some conclusions:

1. i feel sluggish. i want to revamp my eating, which has sucked since i started grad school.
2. while my musical taste is rather eclectic and fun, and while i often lean in the direction of folksy, acoustic-driven stuff, i am also really interested in some lyrical genius the likes of which can be found on jay-z's black album.
3. i feel that i should try some type of 'bare minerals' kind of make-up. if anyone has any experience with any of those products, please inform me immediately!
4. i'm in no way geared up for this new semester, which is already painfully underway. i will muddle through, however. i cannot break my own stride, even though what i want to do is take a break.
5. although i don't prefer the heat, i'm so glad it's getting to be a non-winter season. it's salad and sandal weather:).
6. i should watch baseball more often.
7. i can't imagine growing my hair out again. it annoys me.
8. i'm over american idol.
9. speaking of tv, i want one with a flat-screen.
10. i think i love people who 'get it' best of all. there is nothing in the world like NOT having to explain what you mean.

know what i mean?

back to biz

tomorrow (or technically later today, since it's after midnight) i go back to work from my 2-day hiatus. i should be sleeping right now, but i'm amped up on my inhalers. i've been having some tightness in my chest for the last little while, and i realized that i needed to get up and take some puffs to try and loosen things up in there. of course, because i took 2 different inhalers (steroid and bronch. dilator), i'm all jumpy now. this doesn't always happen, but since i'm already tired, it was pretty much inevitable. oh well. i need to be able to breathe first and foremost.

also - and i'm sure this didn't help - i took a bit of a nap in the afternoon today. sometimes if i sleep too late in the day, the night is basically a crap shoot for me in terms of whether or not i'll actually be able to sleep. tonight, apparently, it's a negative.

had a great time with my dear friend this weekend and, other than some mild traffic here and there, had a very uneventful trip home yesterday (even managed to make it before it started raining!). no matter how long i'm away - whether for just a night or multiple days - i always love coming back home again.

now i'm just gearing myself up for a busy couple of weeks at work. deadlines looming mid-may, but hard work isn't something with which i'm unfamiliar, so i'm ready to dive back in. oh, and my next class starts today, which means homework, here i come!

the 'burgh

i'm here in the great 'state of pittsburgh' (i actually said that last night after drinking a couple of free cocktails in our hotel lobby) with my incredibly enjoyable friend amy l. perbeck. we are having a relaxing, very chill time hanging out and being new yorkers. yeah, you heard me. we have not stopped talking with a brooklyn accent for the last several days. it's really quite addictive, you see. plus, we're good enough at it that no one seems to bat an eyelash.

anyway, i digress....

so, we've gone to see the bodies exhibit at the carnegie science center. while it was entirely fascinating and made me even more appreciative of the amazingly intricate structures inside our bodies, it also kind of skeeved me out and disturbed me on some levels. i'm glad i went, though. i was very curious about the whole thing and how others would react to it. and besides, i think much of the american public could stand for some more educational experiences about how their bodies work.

other than the science center, we also rode the duquesne incline to see a fantastic view of the whole city from up high....had some delicious soft-serve ice cream (much of which i wound up scooping out into the street, because the portion was way bigger than i was thinking it would be), did the whole cocktails in the lobby thing, and then went out for italian for dinner last night.

today we're just lounging around the hotel for awhile before we go out in search of lunch. assuming the weather holds, tonight is a baseball game for which we got some complimentary tickets (it pays to know people who know people). it'll be nice to have some time outside enjoying a little sporting event, even if it is the pirates;).

all in all, it's been an enjoyable little time so far, although we're having a little bit of an 'issue' with our hotel room. every SINGLE time we leave our room and exit the hotel, our keys stop working. so inevitably we wind up coming to the room (and at least one of us always has to use the bathroom by this point) and then we can't get in. so, each time, we take the elevator back down to the front desk and rather sternly inform them that it has happened again. after 2 days of this happening, they finally suggested this morning that they might have the lock checked....um, yeah. good plan.

anyway, i'm still on vacation, so i'm not going to fret about it....

i better enjoy it while it lasts, too, because monday my class starts back up again. and then free time? fuggedaboudit.

99.6

no, that's not my temperature. it's my FINAL GRADE for my class that ended yesterday. wooHOO!

i'm so glad to be done, even more glad to have a whole week off, and even MORE glad to have two days off from work and to be going away for the weekend!!

we now return you to your irregularly scheduled program....

thursday i had what can only be described as one of those nearly out-of-body experiences. i say nearly because i don't want to seem overblown in my assessment (yeah, like it would be the first time) and surely life has brought many more awesome...nay, thrilling experiences than this....but i digress.

so, anyway, i'm sitting at my desk at work listening to pandora, on which i have concocted quite possibly the perfect mixed radio station for my life. i had JUST hit the sweet spot of the workday groove (you office people know what i'm talking about), and suddenly i hear the opening guitar strains to a song that, quite honestly, reminds me why i love music from the 70s most of all. so i'm seriously sitting there trying not to break out into song and then this line hits me....

'dreams, they're for those who sleep.....life is for us to keep....'

now, anyone worth his or her salt will know that this line comes from the bread song 'make it with you.' people, i don't know what is up with me lately, but having hit my work sweet spot to the tune of 'make it with you' was seriously one of those moments that i sat and CHERISHED for a good five minutes. i'm sure coworkers were wondering what was up with the goofy grin on my face (i did manage to avoid singing through that whole song), but can you blame me?

okay, maybe you can. maybe i'm a huge cheese ball, but in my current life of burning the proverbial candle at both ends, that was a moment of pure musical bliss. and you know what? i'll take 'em where i can get 'em....

now then, this reminds me of the fact that i will have 4.5 or so hours in my car this week (coming and going) as i drive to pittsburgh. that's right, pittsburgh. i'm going there for a long weekend getaway with my friend amy (who will be driving down from the great state of michigan to meet me). seriously, this will be the first time i've spent the night somewhere other than my apartment since december. it's my one week off from school between semesters, and i intend to live it up....so natch, i'm going to pennsylvania, home of the rockin' amish and other things celebratory:).

in actuality, i'm rather excited. we're planning to go to the 'bodies' exhibit at the carnegie science center, ride the duquesne incline to get a scenic view of the city, and take in a pirates game on saturday - assuming it doesn't pour. and besides, i'll get to spend 3 solid days with one of my favorite people on earth.

so let's see....what else is new? oh, well, i've been working my tail off this term, and i'm going to finish strong with what i project will be in the neighborhood of a 99% average for my class (woo!). as of tomorrow, i will have completed two full semesters of school. now i only have about three more to go. the other night when i was feeling particularly tired and cranky, i got online and watched the graduation ceremony from this past february. it inspired me to keep going. that'll be me up there some day soon....

in a final and utterly unrelated note, i have realized a few things about myself and my opinions lately....or have been mulling over previously realized items. here they are in no particular order:

1. i am a fan of solid colors with the well-placed, patterned 'accent.' and by patterned, i mean geometric shapes/stripes/or something swirly and interesting....i don't need stuff with flowers or similar crap on it.
2. paul mccartney wrote better songs than john lennon. there, i said it.
3. i am SO glad i chose walden for my master's program. i believe in what that school promotes.
4. i really abhor the idea that someone would miseducate children. this is part of the reason why i'm interested in producing curriculum for them or directly involving them. this isn't a new idea for me, but i've been thinking about it with more purpose lately.
5. having said that, i still have no real interest in teaching.
6. i am also quite glad that i abandoned the idea of becoming a counselor. i couldn't listen to people complain about their problems all the time - unless they were willing to take action. i have little patience for people who aren't willing to DO something about what bothers them (myself included).
7. at the end of the day, simple really IS best.
8. my life is pretty much a closed door right now....and this will likely remain the case until july 2009 (of course, now that i've said that, i fully expect something will change.)
9. i know my limits.
10. i am SO completely disinterested in anything or anyone attempting to control people using guilt, shame, or some misplaced/inappropriate sense of obligation. and it is worst to me when i see it happening between people who profess faith in Christ. on the flip side, i am ALL about people who are living authentically, with love and grace in their words and actions. i am privileged and honored to know some of these people. they are part of what makes life worthwhile.

and with that, i bid you good day.

friday eve

tomorrow's friday, and i just have to say that if i can make it through the next two days, i will be psyched. i have a huge project due on saturday, and it's worth a hefty 15 or 20% of my term grade. tonight i had planned to do more work on said project, but around 6:30 i got a sinus headache over one eye that hurt so badly, i had to take some meds and go to sleep until it went away. of course, that turned into a 3-hour nap, and now i'm wide awake at 11 pm, but whatev.

at the very least, there's only one day left in the work week, and then it's home to work, work, work and get my schoolwork done.

at the end of next week, this class ends, and then i go away for a long weekend with my dear friend amy. who needs a break and to get out of dodge? i DO!

as a side note, flavor of love is quite possibly the stupidest show ever. i say this without actually watching it. i just happened to flip past it on my way to yet another stupid show. speaking of stupid shows (and yet i am a sucker for a talent competition), mtv has pitted the children of musicians against one another on a show called 'rock the cradle.' mc hammer's daugter ain't half bad....and neither is kenny loggins' son.

on that note (no pun intended), i'm going to try for some sleep....

rested

it's saturday morning and for the first time in i don't remember how long, i slept for more than 8 hours last night. in fact, other than occasionally waking up this morning because of the light filtering in through the blinds, i slept for about 10 hours! this, dear readers, is nothing short of amazing.

this past week has drained me emotionally and physically, and i knew yesterday that if i didn't get to bed at a decent hour, i was going to start another week feeling completely dragged out and in no way prepared for the amount of work i have ahead of me. so i left work at around 6:20, grabbed a quizno's sandwich on the way home, ate a quick dinner, made a call for work (yeah, i know, on a friday), and then settled in to watch some mindless tv (i think i fell asleep on the couch within about 40 minutes). at 10:25, i got up, sent salimah a text, and went immediately to bed. i'm glad i had the forethought to brush my teeth right after dinner. one less thing to do when completely zonked out. i know myself too well....

so, it's saturday morning, and other than the fact that i have some serious homework due tomorrow (last group project of the semester!!), the world is my oyster today. i need to tidy up around the pad, think about what i need from the grocery store, meet up with salimah around noon, and then drum up some mad-cap fun for the afternoon. it's funny how many more possibilities life seems to hold when you're not about to drop from exhaustion.

oh, and i just remembered that my cleaning lady comes this tuesday - and she's going to scrub my broiler pan that i've never been able to use because it wasn't properly cleaned before i moved in....woohoo!! it's the little things, people.

update (see below)

see nate's blog for a recent update. looks like the surgery was a success!

this is more important than my silly blog posts of late

for quite some time now, i have been reading the blog of a man who is unknown to me personally but whom i feel like i have come to know - along with his wife tricia and awesome daughter gwyneth. in brief, tricia, who has cystic fibrosis, gave birth to gwyneth after (i think) 25 weeks. the entire family has been living at duke hospital since the winter as gwyneth has fought to gain strength and tricia has fought to maintain hers while she waits for a double lung transplant.

tonight i read on nate's blog that lungs have been found, and tricia has been wheeled into surgery and will be there for the next 7 to 9 hours. if you are the praying kind, please lift some up for tricia - and gwyneth and nate. this family is an awesome portrait of God's amazing love and faithfulness.

and if you're interested, please visit nate's blog: http://cfhusband.blogspot.com.

thanks:)

summary of the last several days of my life

okay, i need a numbered list to help me out with this one:

1. i did a LOT of cooking this weekend, including making a batch of soft, buttery cookies with dried cranberries in them. i also made a pan of some fake moussaka (ground turkey, not lamb), as well as some bacon-laced pancakes. mmm. bacon. you know you want some. (as a side note, cooking is probably the one reason i haven't gone completely insane lately.)

2. i have spent a total of 8 billion hours doing schoolwork lately. seriously.

3. i am busier than ever at work and after spending 9 hours intently focusing on my work stuff, to come home and then have to intently focus on some homework is making me want to curl up under a comforter and not come out for at least 4 days.

4. i work with some truly sarcastic people. this makes me SUPREMELY happy.

5. i have a total of 3 work crushes. one of them is probably 50 and from a foreign country, but he's still dreamy. i think it's the accent. oh, and his argyle sweaters. (nb: a work crush is someone you would likely never date in real life. you just flirt shamelessly with him at the office and then move on with yourself. there is no actual interest, probably very little in common, and thoughts of him shouldn't really occur outside of work hours. then that's a real crush. you must define your terms.)

6. today i ate some cow and drank a real soda (i almost never do this anymore). it made me happy.

7. today i also used the term 'marijuana cigarette' without batting an eyelash. i feel that this means that i am a) antiquated and charming, b) some type of old-fashioned fuddy duddy, and/or c) in need of some type of intervention. (please be aware, however, that i am in no way interested in marijuana cigarettes for my own use. i was simply referencing them when someone asked the official meaning of the term 'doobie.')

thank you and goodnight.