today marks eleven years since i started this little blog. it's unfathomable to think how far i've come in that time...how much about my life is so very different than it was then. at the same time, so many things are (for good and for bad) the same. i've had some lofty goals, you see, and very few of them have come to pass. i suppose that makes me a fickle soul...or maybe just someone who can't stay focused on one thing for very long.
actually, i think what it really is is that i have things i want to do, but i allow other stuff to get in the way. it's frustrating that i do this, to be sure, but one thing is true: i am farther down the road than i was back in 2002, and i shall not pass that way again....
once in awhile, i take some time to look back and lose myself in words i wrote years before, astonished at how much i need to hear them, even still today. they are gifts to me, reminders not to lose sight of what i hold dear...not to give up despite how hard things can be sometimes, or how much disappointment rears its ugly head. my past is a blessing to me, in spite of it all. it has made me stronger than i realized i was, and it consistently, gently reminds me of how fragile life is [read: don't take everything so seriously, sarah].
here's hoping that eleven years from now, i will look back on this day with a smile and say, 'oh, if you only knew that the very best thing was just around the corner. turn the page and keep reading, girl. it will get better.'
and dear reader, whether you're here for the first time, or the eleventh, or the hundredth, i hope you'll keep reading along with me. i want to know how this story ends....
Showing posts with label writing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label writing. Show all posts
Monday, April 29, 2013
Thursday, December 08, 2011
just write
i still remember the first day i learned what a blog was. it was back in april of 2002. i was in the midst of clawing my way out of arguably the darkest place i'd ever been in and, on top of it, i had a lot of time on my hands. my dear friend tim had started this 'blog' thing (and at the time, i was in the habit of searching for friends of mine on the internet to see if there was anything to see), and i found it and started reading. then i clicked a few more links and, the next thing i knew, i had fallen down a rabbit hole straight into the blogosphere.
i knew almost immediately that i was hooked...and i just had to start one of these blogs for myself. i mean, what a great way to share all your random musings with the great unknown. what a great way to be 'heard,' even if no one ever saw anything i posted. (if someone writes on their blog and there's no one around to read it, does it make a 'sound'?) i didn't care one bit. the promise of the experience was too tempting....
i quickly discovered that my blog wasn't salacious enough to garner thousands of readers...which is fine, really. i don't need recognition to keep writing. Lord knows if i did, i would have stopped years ago. but it was enough to make ME feel better. it was therapy for my weary soul, and boy did i ever need it.
from that first day, april 29, 2002, i just kept writing whenever i felt like it...sometimes multiple times a day. i wrote about dreams i from the night before, things i made for dinner (not much has changed), moments of stillness and calm with God in the midst of utter chaos, wishes for my future self, reflections on my early life, letters i would never send, etc. it was just me, out there for all the world to see, but it was my eyes that needed to read the words.
every few months, i would go back and read where i had been and how far had i had come (or not, as the case may have been). i would learn from my own reflections, realize how prayer and meditation and good honest work had changed my heart and my perspectives on things. i had created a series of milestones for myself. and the looking back healed the me i was becoming.
it's been almost 10 years since it all began, and although few and far between, i've had others come to me...some friends, some strangers...and share how my words, my pain, my triumphs have helped them to see themselves—and God, life, etc.—more clearly. i've made some friends through the experience. i've learned about other people i might never have known. but i've also cleaned out the closets in my heart and kept my own inner hopeful writer alive. history really is the best teacher, and as much as i've grown and changed, i don't ever want to leave all this behind. i have so much more to learn.
Today's prompt: Why blog? Why do you or why do you like to blog (recognizing that these are not always the same thing)?—courtesy of Kristen
i knew almost immediately that i was hooked...and i just had to start one of these blogs for myself. i mean, what a great way to share all your random musings with the great unknown. what a great way to be 'heard,' even if no one ever saw anything i posted. (if someone writes on their blog and there's no one around to read it, does it make a 'sound'?) i didn't care one bit. the promise of the experience was too tempting....
i quickly discovered that my blog wasn't salacious enough to garner thousands of readers...which is fine, really. i don't need recognition to keep writing. Lord knows if i did, i would have stopped years ago. but it was enough to make ME feel better. it was therapy for my weary soul, and boy did i ever need it.
from that first day, april 29, 2002, i just kept writing whenever i felt like it...sometimes multiple times a day. i wrote about dreams i from the night before, things i made for dinner (not much has changed), moments of stillness and calm with God in the midst of utter chaos, wishes for my future self, reflections on my early life, letters i would never send, etc. it was just me, out there for all the world to see, but it was my eyes that needed to read the words.
every few months, i would go back and read where i had been and how far had i had come (or not, as the case may have been). i would learn from my own reflections, realize how prayer and meditation and good honest work had changed my heart and my perspectives on things. i had created a series of milestones for myself. and the looking back healed the me i was becoming.
it's been almost 10 years since it all began, and although few and far between, i've had others come to me...some friends, some strangers...and share how my words, my pain, my triumphs have helped them to see themselves—and God, life, etc.—more clearly. i've made some friends through the experience. i've learned about other people i might never have known. but i've also cleaned out the closets in my heart and kept my own inner hopeful writer alive. history really is the best teacher, and as much as i've grown and changed, i don't ever want to leave all this behind. i have so much more to learn.
Today's prompt: Why blog? Why do you or why do you like to blog (recognizing that these are not always the same thing)?—courtesy of Kristen
Friday, August 28, 2009
representation
in this world of ever-present sound bites, i am finding myself frequently throwing out status messages on twitter and facebook and neglecting to write multi-sentence paragraphs to express myself. this is a problem.
although i love the idea of instant communication and the quoting of a song lyric to condense an entire wave of emotion in one simple phrase, the importance of crafting prose cannot be underestimated. how can i in any way fancy myself to be any type of writer if i cannot, in fact, write anymore?
i assure you, internets, that i have much to say. i just cannot think of ANY of it when i sit down to put fingers to keyboard. i know i mentioned in a previous post that i'm suffering from a kind of writer's block, but in actuality, i think i'm suffering from sound bite-itis. there are only so many times that i can quote the lyrics to a bread song or some colbie caillat or david gray lovesick refrain before the words become stilted and clichéd (although to me they really never will). i have to find my own words again...to look at the world and feel all that i feel and then share it with you...with myself...in a way that really means something.
i don't know what the real answer is here. i'm not sure whether a period of silence and reflection would make a difference, or whether i just need to write more as an exercise--even if i have nothing to say. so, to myself i make this promise: in the coming days, i will try to put more thoughts out there, even if to the outside world they mean absolutely nothing. the point, i suppose, is that i keep speaking my mind. these words, after all, are often all i have, looking back. and whether they are single sentences or long, blustery paragraphs...whether they are my words or some i've bogarted from others....i will let them speak for me. they are my memory. they are how i connect who i was then with who i am now....and with who i will be tomorrow. they are, quite simply, my emissaries, my purveyors of truth.
right on.
write on.
although i love the idea of instant communication and the quoting of a song lyric to condense an entire wave of emotion in one simple phrase, the importance of crafting prose cannot be underestimated. how can i in any way fancy myself to be any type of writer if i cannot, in fact, write anymore?
i assure you, internets, that i have much to say. i just cannot think of ANY of it when i sit down to put fingers to keyboard. i know i mentioned in a previous post that i'm suffering from a kind of writer's block, but in actuality, i think i'm suffering from sound bite-itis. there are only so many times that i can quote the lyrics to a bread song or some colbie caillat or david gray lovesick refrain before the words become stilted and clichéd (although to me they really never will). i have to find my own words again...to look at the world and feel all that i feel and then share it with you...with myself...in a way that really means something.
i don't know what the real answer is here. i'm not sure whether a period of silence and reflection would make a difference, or whether i just need to write more as an exercise--even if i have nothing to say. so, to myself i make this promise: in the coming days, i will try to put more thoughts out there, even if to the outside world they mean absolutely nothing. the point, i suppose, is that i keep speaking my mind. these words, after all, are often all i have, looking back. and whether they are single sentences or long, blustery paragraphs...whether they are my words or some i've bogarted from others....i will let them speak for me. they are my memory. they are how i connect who i was then with who i am now....and with who i will be tomorrow. they are, quite simply, my emissaries, my purveyors of truth.
right on.
write on.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
comfort me
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as of sunday, i've been reading this book, and i have to say - i love it. so much, in fact, that i almost don't want to finish reading it, because then i won't be able to look forward to the next page, and the page after that, and so on. i hate the thought of endings, sometimes.what i also can say is that now i want to own all of ruth reichl's books, and i'm quite sure that i will delight in each page of those memoirs as i have with this one.
i've realized that delicious words satisfy a hunger like nothing else can. perhaps that's why i like blogs so much. the ones that are well-crafted give me a hit....a little something to munch on as i go about the business of my life. and even if i don't know the person first-hand, his or her life somehow becomes a part of mine in the way that a character in a good book squeezes itself into the crevices of my heart and mind.
writing opens us up; it teaches us; it connects us in our humanity. this is partly why i chose to work in a field that allows me to spend my day with words on a page (or a screen, as the case may be). i am comforted in the midst of the chaos by the apt turn-of-phrase, the clear exposition, the question or statement that makes you think to yourself yes, that's it exactly!
today one of my bosses asked me what i love most about my job. there are several things, actually - the opportunity to impact others' educational experiences, the chance to learn almost constantly. but the best thing for me are those moments where true collaboration takes place...where i can sit with a colleague and tease the meaning out of a convoluted paragraph or awkwardly written phrase, figure out how to make it flow (AND capture the statement's true intent), and then sit back and enjoy what we've created together. when it works well, it's a beautiful thing.
enough about work, though. tonight, after slogging through some homework and watching another addictive reality tv program, i shall return to my little book, sink under the covers, and let the words take me where they will. i'm all too happy to follow along for as long as i can.
Monday, June 16, 2008
all wrapped up
i should be sleeping right now, and i am quite tired, but i got myself into a book that i haven't been able to put down! i'm reading one of ruth reichl's books, comfort me with apples. it's really engaging and delightfully foodie-ish. it's the first pleasure reading i've done in ages, and it's making me wistful for the days when i'll have hours of time to spend doing whatever i want!!
in the spirit of my book, i did a bunch of cooking today. for lunch i made tilapia lightly slathered in olive oil and sprinkled with a cranberry-herb salt; steamed green beans; and a small red potato that i mashed up on the plate and blanketed with shredded asiago cheese. later i seared some ordinary beef burgers (sometimes plain is best) on my grill pan and served them up with roasted grape tomatoes (apparently safe) bathed in olive oil and herbs and some cheesy macaroni bake with a breadcrumb topping. i also cut up a bunch of strawberries and bagged up some grapes to take to work with me, and with all the cooking i did, i have lunches and dinners for a few days. that feels tremendous.
today was the perfect weekend day: i slept in until about 9, showered, ordered a couple of things from online, cooked, read cookbooks, started and became engrossed in a non-school book, watched some cooking shows, caught up on DVRed programs, made some sun tea (and drank quite a bit of it, i might add), had some great phone convos (happy father's day, dad!), washed all my dinner and lunch dishes, and plan to fall into a delicious sleep thinking about words and sentences and the way that i want to someday tell a story that other people will stay up past their bedtime to read.
and speaking of bedtime, i'm off to it.
in the spirit of my book, i did a bunch of cooking today. for lunch i made tilapia lightly slathered in olive oil and sprinkled with a cranberry-herb salt; steamed green beans; and a small red potato that i mashed up on the plate and blanketed with shredded asiago cheese. later i seared some ordinary beef burgers (sometimes plain is best) on my grill pan and served them up with roasted grape tomatoes (apparently safe) bathed in olive oil and herbs and some cheesy macaroni bake with a breadcrumb topping. i also cut up a bunch of strawberries and bagged up some grapes to take to work with me, and with all the cooking i did, i have lunches and dinners for a few days. that feels tremendous.
today was the perfect weekend day: i slept in until about 9, showered, ordered a couple of things from online, cooked, read cookbooks, started and became engrossed in a non-school book, watched some cooking shows, caught up on DVRed programs, made some sun tea (and drank quite a bit of it, i might add), had some great phone convos (happy father's day, dad!), washed all my dinner and lunch dishes, and plan to fall into a delicious sleep thinking about words and sentences and the way that i want to someday tell a story that other people will stay up past their bedtime to read.
and speaking of bedtime, i'm off to it.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
the keyboard is mightier than the sword.
tonight i got a phone call from a dear friend from middle/high school...without question one of my favorite people from back in the day and someone for whom i always had so much respect. we haven't spoken in about five years, so we had much catching up and reminiscing to do. although we're both older and maybe a little bit wiser, it felt as though little to no time had passed....i love that. what's more, i so appreciate being able to connect with people who, despite all the craziness of that era in my life, managed to see through the facades and get me. there are so few people who deserve that distinction, but how comforting it is when you find it all over again!
in addition to all of the above, we also talked about writing a bit. the timing of this is particularly interesting, as i have recently been turning over thoughts in my mind about this nagging feeling i've had for years: i think i'm supposed to write a book. i'm not sure when, and i'm still not 100% sure whether it should be a novel or a nonfiction piece, but it's been brewing in there for about 10 years, and at some point in the future, it's going to find its way out of me. funny how lately it's been bubbling up, and then i have this conversation during which my friend said something to the effect of this may very well be your calling, sarah.... well, now, wouldn't that just be interesting?
anyway, the question of the night (and no, i cannot believe i'm still awake) is when do you throw caution to the wind and just plunge into the unknown? hmm. my answer has, in recent years, been right about now. we shall see. we shall just see....
in addition to all of the above, we also talked about writing a bit. the timing of this is particularly interesting, as i have recently been turning over thoughts in my mind about this nagging feeling i've had for years: i think i'm supposed to write a book. i'm not sure when, and i'm still not 100% sure whether it should be a novel or a nonfiction piece, but it's been brewing in there for about 10 years, and at some point in the future, it's going to find its way out of me. funny how lately it's been bubbling up, and then i have this conversation during which my friend said something to the effect of this may very well be your calling, sarah.... well, now, wouldn't that just be interesting?
anyway, the question of the night (and no, i cannot believe i'm still awake) is when do you throw caution to the wind and just plunge into the unknown? hmm. my answer has, in recent years, been right about now. we shall see. we shall just see....
Monday, August 13, 2007
because some days, all i have are the words that i love
in an effort to deal with myself today, i wrote my first poem in ages. i can't say it's good....don't know if it's bad.....don't really care, to be honest with you. sometimes it's simply the words that save me from myself.
the older i get, the more i find that writing is like bloodletting....and it's not just the chronicling of my daily goings-on, but it's the picking and choosing of words to get at the heart of the matter....the forming of images that plumb depths beyond depths.
the only other thing in my life that opens doors like this is music. a little more than a year ago, i joined a gym and was hardcore about going (this was before a long illness and subsequent injuries). i will never forget this one day - i was so completely agitated, it was all i could do not to just blow through the roof. i had already made a rap/hip-hop/r&b workout mix, and i knew that the only thing left for me was to tire myself out and leave the madness behind at the gym. so i got on that treadmill and started walking. i listened to every mary j. blige anthem, every song about being better off without someone, every rapper's angry tirade. and through the music and those artists' honesty, i was able to lay down everything i felt, all the crap that was clogging me up inside. their art freed me.
at the end of the day, i am interested in what unencumbers me. i am not interested in being tied down by unnecessary burdens - emotional or otherwise - so if something lifts me up and allows me to be open to possibility and to say farewell to the madness, then sign me up.
as for me in this moment, i'm not quite where i need to be just yet, but i'm going to distract myself with tilapia and roasted veggies and the hope that tomorrow may not be like today. but if it is, the words will be there....and i'll use them if i need to.
the older i get, the more i find that writing is like bloodletting....and it's not just the chronicling of my daily goings-on, but it's the picking and choosing of words to get at the heart of the matter....the forming of images that plumb depths beyond depths.
the only other thing in my life that opens doors like this is music. a little more than a year ago, i joined a gym and was hardcore about going (this was before a long illness and subsequent injuries). i will never forget this one day - i was so completely agitated, it was all i could do not to just blow through the roof. i had already made a rap/hip-hop/r&b workout mix, and i knew that the only thing left for me was to tire myself out and leave the madness behind at the gym. so i got on that treadmill and started walking. i listened to every mary j. blige anthem, every song about being better off without someone, every rapper's angry tirade. and through the music and those artists' honesty, i was able to lay down everything i felt, all the crap that was clogging me up inside. their art freed me.
at the end of the day, i am interested in what unencumbers me. i am not interested in being tied down by unnecessary burdens - emotional or otherwise - so if something lifts me up and allows me to be open to possibility and to say farewell to the madness, then sign me up.
as for me in this moment, i'm not quite where i need to be just yet, but i'm going to distract myself with tilapia and roasted veggies and the hope that tomorrow may not be like today. but if it is, the words will be there....and i'll use them if i need to.
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