brighten my northern sky....

after such a productive weekend, i must admit i'm feeling the letdown of the beginning of the work week and the realization that everything, once clean, begins to get dirty again....

in addition to all this, i'm feeling this distinct sadness right now. it seems that as the days get shorter (even just a bit), the longing inside me grows. God, how i wish i didn't want all the things i want. i wish i didn't still want them, even after i've been told they're not mine to have...or at least not yet.

things are fine, you know? i mean, sure, they could be better, but they're fine. and it's the fine that's killing me. it's the fine that drives me to distraction. because i don't want fine. i want amazing. i want life-altering. i want comfort and familiarity and something deeper than what i've had before. i want vacation pictures and inside jokes and fits of laughter and favorite spots. there's no sense in pretending otherwise. once you want something more, trying to un-want it is like packing a whole world of possibility back into a matchbox. and what sense is that, really? that opened world will spill out everywhere and make itself known regardless.

well, there, i said it. so now you know.

i never felt magic crazy as this

i never saw moons knew the meaning of the sea

i never held emotion in the palm of my hand

or felt sweet breezes in the top of a tree

but now you’re here
brighten my northern sky

-nick drake