yeah, i'm okay

the end of last week was in no way fun for me. i felt like i was two IM conversations shy of a mini meltdown. and when things get to that point, there is very little - if anything - one can do to recover. i prayed. i read scripture. i prayed some more. nothing was changing for me.

friday night, salimah prayed for me. it helped some. and then i spent two days with friends. also helpful. but sure as the sun shines in the morning, last night i started freaking out again at the thought of having to go back to my job today. i just really felt like i couldn't hack it. but, you know, the bottom line is that we're in the middle of a deadline, i have no paid time off, and i need money, so that pretty much sealed my fate.

this morning, i got up 5 minutes before my alarm went off, went straight into a very hot shower, and all seemed okay with the world. and looking at my face in the mirror, i realized that this is my life for today. and today, i need to work it out. sure, it'd be ideal if i could just get an excellent, biblical perspective on my situation for every moment of every day, but the truth is this: i'm struggling to trust God, and some moments i'm trusting Him, and some moments, i'm just making it by with some rewards [read: goldfish crackers] and oases [read: bathroom breaks].

and some day (hopefully soon) it will be over and i'll move on to something else. and wherever i go will have its own challenges and stresses and moments of fun. but i can tell you this....

i won't be looking back.