dear God,

i know i don't normally write open letters to You in this particular forum, but i am feeling rather cavalier. You will, i hope, forgive me for this if, indeed, wisdom is not ruling this particular day.

i am in agony, Lord. is that an okay word to use? my insides are twisted and bent and i feel as though i might double over at any moment from the pain in my soul. i'm just honestly not sure what to do right now. i'm trying to understand whether these things that are happening are to wake me up or simply to help me put my trust more fully in you - or both. if i do need a wake-up call, could you possibly let me know this sooner rather than later? i know that i might not do the best job at handling this particular piece of information, but i do promise to try really hard to keep my wits about me one way or the other.

it is no understatement when i say that i feel differently somehow this time around, God. could it be that You are changing me after all? could it be that i'm no longer quite as weak, that i believe You just a bit more than i used to? could it be that i will make it through this storm and be able to walk with my chin up and without regret or fear in my eyes?

regardless, i submit myself to Your will...not mine, but Yours be done this day and always.

your kid,
sarah

p.s. thanks for not allowing me to go out like a punk.
p.p.s. sorry for being one anyway.