thank God for saltines and ginger ale....

well, it seems that i'm nearly out of the woods from my stomach ailment (although not fully - the nausea and stomach cramping still come in waves from time to time). i did go back to work today, and i felt rather proud of myself for making it through the day without getting violently ill (yay me).

that's pretty pitiful, actually.

in other news, salimah and i did round 2 of thesis brainstorming. it's coming along rather nicely, i feel.

also - and, yes, i understand how TRULY random this is - i have the song 'breakout' by swing out sister (just the chorus) LODGED FIRMLY in my mind. may i just say - life is cruel sometimes.

my stomach is a mess

i feel nauseated and wretched this morning, so i'm at home, trying to nurse myself back to health with some fitful sleep and advil (because my head is also pounding). i'm about to go make some hot tea, but i fear it's not exactly what i need.

i'm not psyched about a week that starts off this way....

words get in the way

after a several-hour-long thesis revision session with salimah yesterday afternoon, i managed to get nothing done that could be considered by most people as productive. i mean, sure, i napped, but i didn't wind up doing any editing. oh, and i burned my dinner (but you best believe i ate it anyway).

today, on the other hand, i've been a little editing machine. and i've even managed to sneak in a viewing of the prizewinner of defiance, ohio, which - i must say - is QUITE a charming film. julianne moore does a great 50s housewife. i think this is at least the third movie of hers in which she plays that exact role. anyway, i thoroughly enjoyed it. an enthusiastic two thumbs up.

i just looked at the clock and realize that i have about 6 more hours of working until my eyes will, in all likelihood, give out, so i'm back to the grind.

life is short. eat peanut butter first.

while my dinner of turkey tenderloins stuffed with a dried cherry/cornbread/cashew stuffing is finishing up in the oven, i (being the hungry, early lunch eater that i am) am relishing a bowl of reese's puffs. not health food, mind you, but delightful every so often.

and while i am on the topic of healthful bits, i would like to announce that my skim milk tastes suspiciously like the cardboard carton from whence it came. not ideal, i can assure you.

since i've had a delicious nap on my new mattress, the plan for the evening is work, work, work and maybe a bit of movie-watching as a backdrop. whatever it is, it must go well with technical manual jargon and the scratching of my red pen. i'm thinking something with mark ruffalo...i find him marvy.

morning has (not quite) broken

UGH! i tried several times last night to post yesterday's entry on time, but blogger was giving me problemos (and, i might say, this has been happening much too frequently of late). so now it's 6:20 a.m. and i thought i'd try again (and it worked, apparently). but why - you may ask - am i up this early on a saturday morning? well, to be honest, i just had this auditory dream that freaked me out. i am telling you - i heard one loud RING of a phone (which is especially odd, since i don't have a regular phone anymore) and then nothing. it was enough to actually wake me out of what, to me, felt like a dead sleep.

in more pleasant news, i'm getting new mattresses today. a coworker is selling a practically new set of them - in the size of my current bed - and it was too great of a deal to pass up. my current mattress is 10 years old (i bought it right after college), and it's just DEAD. and my back...my poor back...has been suffering because of it for quite awhile now.

SO, this will at least tide me over until i decide to upgrade to a bigger bed someday (if/when i can ever afford it). and, in the meantime, i plan on getting my SLEEP ON....

but for now, i need a shower and some hot tea. the sun's not even up yet. *shudder*

it's friday, i'm in love

okay, well, not really. i just had that in my head for awhile today. but i must say, i'm practically in love with friday and all that it entails. i mean, who doesn't love getting to leave work for two WHOLE days? there's that anticipation i get every week....the feeling that anything's possible. i swear, i'm so 'old musical'-oriented that the one line from that song from the sound of music always runs through my head: 'what will this day be like, i wonder...'

yes, it's true....weekends, even busy ones, hold that much promise for me.

i need to get out more.

raising the bar

in a strange twist of events, it's storytime here at always greener....

once upon a time, there was a girl who always wanted to be married. she wanted it so much, in fact, that she considered its possibilities with every boy she ever met. even the ones she didn't like that much. (she later learned that this was, in fact, a result of her raging insecurity, but that's outside the scope of today's story.)

the girl settled for relationships in which she was not very high on the priority list, because she felt that if someone didn't make an honest woman out of her by the time she was twenty-one, she might implode. (really, she felt it MUST be true.) but, as things often go for girls like this, none of her relationships came to fruition.

around the time the girl was about to turn twenty-one, she met a boy who made all of her come to life. something about the things in his heart seemed so well-matched to hers that she was all too happy to overlook the multitude of practical things standing in the way of the two of them marrying and living happily ever after (not the least of which was a family who was strongly against this union). the girl thought that finally, something real and good and 'forever' was happening in her life, and so what if it took another year or two past twenty-one? she was going to have her dream-come-true after all!

BUT, the boy with the shining heart turned out to be more scared and broken than the girl even realized and, after a year or more of agony, things ended...badly. and then hope glimmered again after a bit more time had passed...and then they ended again...even more badly than before.

the girl walked away from the situation bruised and bewildered, wondering how it was possible that someone so 'perfect' for her could turn out to be so wrong. hadn't she waited long enough? hadn't she tried to be all the things she knew to be so that he would love her back? didn't she deserve something good - something real and beautiful?

for the next few years, the girl's heart slowly mended, but even despite all the time that passed, she never forgot the boy. she couldn't. no one else came even remotely close to meeting her gaze the way that he did. when other boys spoke, she could see they were funny or smart, but none of them had the spark that made her light up like that boy. you see, the bar had been raised for her, and she knew that whomever she would eventually marry would have to be as good...or BETTER...than the boy who had stolen her heart those years before.

after some time had passed, the girl found a lovely boy and they began a slow but progressing relationship, talking of marriage and children and all the things the girl had always wanted. and while she felt excited by this and hoped that maybe...just maybe...things would turn out in her favor this time, the new boy still didn't make the bar. don't misunderstand, though - she wanted him to. she wanted SO much for him to be the one who would finally match her MORE than the first boy. but he never did. and what was more difficult was that, in the mean time, the first boy married. the girl had her answer: it would never be after all. never, ever.

after five years, the girl's relationship ended. and, of course, her heart began wandering back to the first boy...to the things he was...and wondering what might have been. but something about the girl had changed. she wasn't that same helpless, needy soul she had once been. she was so much stronger, self-assured, even, and she didn't look at every man as a potential mate now. and, what was more, even though the bar had not moved from its place, she was beginning to know deep inside of her that the first boy wasn't really what she wanted after all. she had grown past that place, those desires, into someone who knew she deserved more than that. and she also started to realize that someday, someone would come and surpass that first boy. she found it a little hard to believe, but her hope told her it was so....

so, she began to wait.

eventually, just when she least expected it, a boy did come...and not just quietly, but barreling into her life...and before the girl knew what hit her, any thoughts of that bar were practically foreign to her. the new boy had shown her things and opened her eyes in ways that she couldn't have anticipated. the girl was dumbfounded. she almost didn't want to believe it could be so, but maybe her heart had finally found its match after all?

sadly, the girl was met with more disappointment...and a heart more bruised and bewildered than before. but again, something new and strong had taken hold, and even though she was sad and she cried quite a lot, she also KNEW that she would be all right. and the hope - which, really, was much wiser than she - reminded her that someday, there wouldn't be a need to raise the bar...that someday, all the things she was supposed to have would come together. but until that time, the girl was to carry on, holding the hope around her to keep her warm when the world felt especially cold and lonely (as it often does).

and whenever the girl sits in her quiet apartment, she realizes that, these days, it isn't so much that she just wants to be married (all imploding aside), but more that she wants to share all the years of hoping and changing and growing with someone who was doing all those same things while waiting for her somewhere in the world. and when she finds him, they'll raise the bar together.

the end.

bling in november!

so, after work today, i had an appointment with my friend ness to go to the mawl and get some random stuff. so, she went to macy's and i headed to williams-sonoma so i could get these two cake pans i've been really needing. after those minor errands, we were on our way out when i spotted this fun purse/jewelry/accessories store i like, and in we went. now, normally, i don't purchase things when i go in there. i just ooh and ahh and wish i had the guts to wear some of the fun stuff.


but today, i decided to throw caution to the wind and just go for it. so, here's the watch i bought....







i also got two rings with huge stones. unfortunately, they don't have pics of them on their web site, but one of them looks suspiciously like this....



it may not be real, but people, it's super fun, and i've got mad shine the likes of which i assure you i truly, truly deserve....

november 1

here's my first nablopomo post. i'm still not up on the list as of last night, but perhaps that will change on the list!!

i awoke at 5:15 this morning on my own. i don't know what's up with me these days, but i kind of like it. it's amazing what happens when you cease activity after about 8 pm. it gives your brain time to shut off for the night so you can actually rest. at least, this is my theory for now.

gotta get ready for work. must be out the door in 20 minutes.

happy november, peops!

freak or genius? you decide.

okay, the truth is i don't like halloween. i'm not what you'd call a 'participator.' and i'm not trying to be a debbie downer or whatever, but i'm just really not into it. all the costumes and candy and 'boo' and all that...it's just not really me.

so, you can imagine how thrilled i was when it was decided last week that everyone in my department was required to wear at least one item of 'costume' to this week's team lunch. but you know, i had a moment in which i thought go with it....so i did.

as a result—and because i am a complete freak/genius—i dressed up as the seven-year itch (the costume consisted of a timeline and a back-scratcher).

only 3 people got it (and they were all over 50), but their laughter was well worth it...let me tell ya.

fall back: turkey bacon and ennui

this morning, i woke up at 6:30 (new time), read some articles and blogs for a bit, and then made breakfast for me and salimah (she stayed over last night). it was nice to be up early, being productive and feeling like i was getting a jumpstart on my day.

now i have a load of laundry brewing in suds and, thanks to a combination of bath and body works products, i smell like vanilla cookies and cinnamon. oh, and i'm drinking a skim chai from starbucks.

if it weren't for the fact that i feel kind of blah, i suppose all of those things would equal a good morning so far. we'll see how the rest of the day shakes out....

i'm not sure whether i'm fighting something off or whether it's because fall has finally arrived and the days are getting shorter, but i cannot seem to stay awake past a decent hour at night lately. in fact, i'm lucky if i make it to 9:00. and i gotta tell ya - it's cramping my style....or, more appropriately, my ability to get ANYTHING DONE.

today i'm preparing lunch for me, my parents, and salimah. we're having salmon with creamy tamarind sauce, romaine salad with balsamic vinaigrette (grape tomatoes, cucumbers, carrots, etc.), brown rice with caramelized portabella mushrooms and green onions, and strawberries for dessert.

now then, my parents are set to arrive here in about 4 hours, so i've got to get a move on....

nablopomo


i have decided to do something a bit wackadoo. actually, it's not technically wackadoo, but given my insane schedule of late, it has caused me to question my own sanity a bit. i am going to attempt full-on participation in national blog posting month (nablopomo), which means that i will post once a day to my blog for every day in november.

i cannot promise pith, dear readers, but i shall TRY to provide you with something of substance as often as possible. deal?

wish me the best....

i'm being stalked by my cable company for a bill i've already paid.

i'm not sure what to say about that, but their automated system KEEPS calling me and telling me that it's 'urgent we speak with you.' so i patiently wait on the line, and either i get disconnected, or no one ever shows up. (i'm sorry, but if i have to wait for you for more than 5 minutes when YOU CALLED ME, i feel that's beyond the scope of what is reasonable.)

i find it hilarious that, in this day and age, these computerized systems can't seem to synch themselves up. i mean, shouldn't this 'highly sophisticated' piece of auto-calling genius (replete with scary-sounding deep-voiced man) be able to access my account and realize that i've got a ZERO balance? it's smart enough to dial me and harass me; why can't it go the extra step?

thank goodness i've managed to memorize their number so that when they call me sometimes up to THREE times a day, i can promptly ignore the call. perhaps i should just start calling them and leaving THEM stern messages about how they only called me twice today and if you're going to errantly stalk me, you'd better do a better job about it.

that'd teach 'em.

you'll forgive my recent silence, blog world. i'm just really rather empty lately.

some things just aren't worth it

there are moments in life when it really feels like there is NO ONE who gets you. i'm having one of those moments.

relative accomplishment

well, after many hours of tidying, dusting, vacuuming, scrubbing, and garbaging (okay, so i made that one up), my apartment has reached a level of cleanliness with which i can be satisfied—at least for now.

i don't want to be overly newsy (but deal with it, because i've got nothing pithy to say), so here's a brief rundown of the rest of my saturday:

1. quick visit with my very good friend kim that involved, among other things, talk about cookie decorating
2. trip to macy's with salimah (at which i purchased a cuisinart juicer i've been wanting for about 2 years—it was on sale) so that SHE could get a DVD player, only to find out that they no longer sell electronics: bummer
3. grocery store (quick trip)
4. chicken thighs mounded with cornbread-sour cherry-cashew stuffing—buttery and crisp after baking
5. 'click' with adam sandler: in general, enjoyable, but it did get rather macabre at the end
6. laundry: 2 loads
7. sleepsville

today is shaping up to be a visit to freelance town (with some more laundry thrown in). productive weekends really ARE the best, but i'm also kind of wiped out lately. is it wrong that i miss the vegging a little? (food network, i still love you.)

birthday cake + dust bunnies = snarky me

i'm so thankful this week is over. i plan on having a long talk with my pillow tonight. seriously, i'm exhausted.

today at work, we had our monthly employee birthday recognition cake. normally, i don't partake...grocery store cakes don't do much for me. but for some reason, i was craving a little something sweet. suffice it to say that i had not only a piece of cake, but a little strawberry ice cream AND some peanut m&ms. i don't think i need to tell you that i was ROLLING on that sugar high. all kinds of funny (or perhaps insane) stuff was flowing from my mouth for the next hour. i'm certain all my coworkers thought (think) i'm even more nuts than they suspected before.

despite the fact that i've already kind of crashed and am now fully in the mellow swing of things, i have to drum up enthusiasm sufficient to clean my HOT MESS of an apartment tonight. and really, i know that it could theoretically wait until tomorrow, but i've got news for you: if i wait, it ain't happening.

so basically, this means i'm in a less than stellar mood.

but you know what? i'm gonna feel so freaking good once i do these chores. i'm going to don my cleaning garb—bandana, sweat pants, flip flops, old t-shirt—and make some headway. those dust bunnies won't even know what hit 'em!

straight to the point...except not

after work upon work this evening, salimah and i went over to chili's for a burger. it hit the spot. so did our conversation about people with jacked up agendas and the inability (or unwillingness) to grow a pair and call someone back.

and when all is said and done, i can't even be that mad, because what does it matter anyhow?

and if i'm being honest, i'm sad tonight. because i can't have what it is that i feel like i'm supposed to have. how can everything point in one direction, except the funny little thing called what's actually going on?

God, if i even knew one thing right now, i feel like i'd be at least in the game. forget about being ahead of it.

safe(not really "safe," per se, but safe enough)way

on the way home from work this afternoon, i made a 'quick' stop in at the safeway near my house (and by 'quick,' i was hoping for 10 minutes; it wound up being more like 35 or 40) to grab some dinner. i ordered a turkey sandwich with cranberries and havarti cheese from the deli and then, of course, while i was there, i noticed that they had a sale on lean cuisine and steam-in-the-bag veggies, so i picked up some of those. oh, and some organic, unsweetened bottled iced tea for a buck each (got 4 of those), some whipped yoplait for 50 cents each (again, 4), bananas (yup, you guessed it...), and i don't even remember what else.

what is it with me? i can't go into the store and return with just 2 or 3 things. i always see things on sale - or that i need - or that i could just buy now and save myself the trouble later. it's never simple.

either way, though, my freezer is STOCKED with frozen dinners and quick veggie options. this is good for me right now. i don't have much in the way of time to be cooking meals. i've got too much occupying my hours these days (got to bring home the turkey bacon).

and tonight is shaping up to be another busy night. now if i could only get this headache to go away....