i'm in a list-making mood....

okay, so here are 10 of my current favorite things, in no particular order:

1. skinny cow choc/pb ice cream sandwiches (yes, kiddies - low fat!)
2. taking a shower before bed
3. jack bauer
4. books on CD (currently 'the namesake' by jhumpa lahiri - gorgeous)
5. wegman's (they're killing me with the 2 containers of sweet strawberries for 3 freakin' bucks!)
6. high protein special K
7. my back scratcher
8. a 3-day weekend
9. 'jolene'
10. freedom

snapshots of my week....

coffee shops during lunch breaks.
a coworker laughing until tears poured down her cheeks.
hours droning on in the near-silent buzz of fluorescent lighting.
brief moments of joy in the midst of ennui.
busting a groove in my cubicle while no one's looking.
boring tv.
washing the dishes almost every night after dinner.
socks on the floor of my bedroom.
pile of papers (need organization) spilling under their own weight.
last page of truly crap novel.
ray lamontagne.
oaxacan shrimp and polenta.
packing tape and dust bunnies.
grocery store grime and slim-a-bear ice cream sandwiches.
hard questions answered on the fly.
itchy eyes.
restless heart.

confession

normally, i am opposed to all things artificially sweetened, but i just have to say: salimah introduced me to black cherry vanilla diet coke, and i'm officially smitten. now, this may be a short-term crush (who knows a) how long they'll sell it and b) whether my body can really tolerate the aspartame), but in the mean time, i'm thankful for a 0-calorie treat that meets my occasional need for a fizzy drink.

in other news, what are you doing inside reading my blog?! get out and enjoy the nice weather!!

okay, okay, so i've been horribly remiss about posting lately. let's just say that i've been busy and leave it at that, shall we?

in truth, i've been up to all sorts of things--visiting with peops, working, figuring out my life, working, helping salimah pack, working, and thinking very important and interesting thoughts....you know the drill. my weeknights are filled with dinner making, TV watching (this is the best time of the year tv-wise for me), chit-chatting with friends, and oh yes, SLEEPING. i went through a period of weeks where i was lucky if i made it past 8:30 before zonking out on the couch. pathetic, i tell you.

so, at this point, i've got a few things brewing, but i'm hesitant to write about them here just yet. suffice it to say, though, that i'm trying to change and by the grace of God, i might just be able to do what it is that i want to do....we'll see.

before i jet to watch american idol, big thanks to all 2 of you in the blogosphere who still drop in to see if i've posted. when i make it big, you'll be at the top of the 'thank you' list;).

inexplicably, i'm in kind of a lousy mood today. i worked from home and was relatively productive, got some baking done last night (2 kinds of scones - cinnamon-chocolate chip and cranberry-orange-white chocolate), and managed to tidy up for my uncle and cousin's arrival this evening, but even still, i feel bleh.

i'm hopeful that a weekend of some rest and downtime will cure what's ailing me. then again, it may go deeper than that....

i just had a truly crap dinner at applebee's. i met up with a former coworker and friend of mine and we tried to go to my favorite little mexican joint, but they are closed on mondays:(. so, since there was an applebee's a half mile away, we decided to go there.

okay, so first, i ordered a blue margarita, which was NASTY, so i sent it back. then, my entree was wrong, so i had to send that back. no one really apologized. didn't offer to give me something while i waited. nothing. when my meal did come out, it wasn't good. sure, the fries that came with it were hot, but that was pretty much the only decent thing about the experience. also, it was just hot in there....

moving on....

in other news, i wore my new brown shoes to work today and they are FABulously comfy. thanks be to God that i found them! my junky shoes were seriously doing a number on my back.

oh, and not that anyone else cares, but i'll be sporting my new foam-esque clogs tomorrow. go rack room! get your game on....

plus, i'm thankful that i'm still sportin' the good mood from this weekend. AND 24's on tonight. how bad can that be?

full

what a great weekend i've just had!!

friday, i cut out of work early and met up with my parents in annapolis (they had come up for a weekend getaway). we had dinner together, just the three of us, which included some nice wine and lots of chatting. the food was just okay (we ate at the treaty of paris restaurant), but it was really more about the chance to see one another anyway....

i drove to and fro with the windows down, wind in my hair (oh, how i love it!), listening to ray lamontagne, a recent discovery of mine that salimah is now also loving. when i got home that night, i went to sleep relatively early for me (10:45, i think it was) and got up early on saturday morning to do some laundry and pay some bills in anticipation of needing to leave and gather salimah for annapolis part deux.

so, once i collected her, we headed back down there. the weather was even more beautiful yesterday than it had been on friday. we met up with my parents at hard bean coffee and books where the owner made me a 'killer' blood orange tea cooler with lime (my original choice had been less than stellar, and he promised me something much better for free). his creation was, indeed, much better than mine....

so after talking for awhile about the business salimah and i are trying (slowly) to get off the ground, we ambled over to buddy's crabs and ribs for lunch. then we did some window-shopping and after parting ways with my parents, salimah and i got some ice cream (at the annapolis ice cream company - so yums!) and then headed back out of town. on the way home, i managed to score some nice work-appropriate (but walking friendly) shoes at rack room and then we hit the n.y. pizza company in owings mills for some delightful pepperoni calzone (with ricotta in it - so heavenly) and an italian hot cut.

today, after getting some much-needed tidying and organizing done, i decided to take us out to dinner at bonefish grill. we had some truly delicious drinks (georgia peach martini for her and passion fruit martini for me) and a really wonderful meal of grilled pork chops with fontina cheese and a mushroom-wine sauce. after splitting a piece of key lime pie for dessert, we trundled off to the car, i dropped her home, and here i am back in the quiet of my place. tomorrow morning will come early, i'm sure, but for now, i feel satisfied, relaxed, and glad to have had such a full and really lovely weekend.

meanwhile, ray is singing me into the oblivion, and i'm sure that crawling into bed is right around the corner.

g'night, world.

more hope

it's so utterly quiet in my apartment right now. all i hear is the gentle hum of my cpu and the clock tick-ticking away in the bathroom (it IS a bit cave-like in there, so the echo is great). my mind has been wandering all over the map this evening. i just got home about 40 minutes ago from salimah's; i had gone to take her home and decided to help her with a bit more packing before this week got underway.

last night, we went to church, then out for cheeseburgers, and then home to try and watch 'elizabethtown' without success -- we were both entirely too beat for a movie. so, this morning, we woke up around 7:30 and finished watching it. now, while i enjoyed the majority of the film, i absolutely LOVED the last 15 minutes or so. it inspired me. i won't spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen the flick yet, but suffice it to say that i connected completely with this particular car trip the main male character took. and to accompany him on his voyage, the main female character had prepared a book for him. salimah later remarked to me that she felt it was something i would have done....so characteristically 'me.' and i realized - she's right.

but then, along with that came another realization. that's a 'me' that's been packed away for a long time. a 'me' i thought might have gone on permanent hiatus.

and then, later, when salimah asked me if i still think of myself as a singer (this was truly a non-sequitur), i honestly had to think for awhile. because, see, in the 5 years that i was involved with/dated a professional musician, he never seemed to be really that interested in me as a fellow musician. i mean, i know he knew i could sing, but that (along with my love of music) didn't seem to be something about me that was special to him. which, i guess, made it not that special to me anymore either....and so many other things about me that are worth exploring, he never even tried to dig deeper to find. for a long time, i didn't understand my own value, so this was okay with me. i figured anything he'd find he wouldn't like anyway. so i was all too compliant to have him know about me only what he saw and was told.

wow, no wonder this 'me' has been in hiding. no one has really welcomed her for a long time -- me included. well, lately she's been knocking at my heart...urging me to remember....relentlessly proclaiming what she wants and is and feels. if i listen, she'll help me unlock some doors. point me back to the sweetness i've known in a relationship with God that's been too stale for too long. teach me how i've grown and can make better choices now. connect me with the girl who liked the wind in her hair, who sang loud, who prayed hard, who loved and felt passionately. God, what a gift. i'm starting to recall the things i've forgotten, but in the remembering, there is more joy than there was the first time through. more tears. more uncertainty. more hope.

because maybe no man on this earth will come looking for me in that way. and sitting here alone tonight, i have to welcome that as a possibility. but one thing i know is this: if that never happens, my heart has been opened by the One who's known me all along - all my quirks and fears and deep-down wishes and the silly things i sing and say when no one's around. and i know now how much i mean to Him. i feel His pleasure when i do the things He created me to do. i treasure His presence in my room this very moment. like i said, there's more 'uncertainty' now in my life as a woman who's started things over from the beginning. it's scary to do this again. but man, it feels much better this time around to know that i'm okay. and that i'm going to be. see? more hope. more hope.

more hope.

on-the-spot

yesterday ended a truly grueling week work-wise. i was so busy, it was hard to come up for air. BUT, i got my huge project done, and now i can relax a bit into some slightly less demanding tasks. important, but not as deadline-driven.

after work, i went to drop some empty boxes off at salimah's place in preparation for her upcoming move, and then we went to donna's at cross keys (where donna herself was hanging out and clearing tables last night) and had a lovely dinner: warm roasted beets, goat cheese, and orange slices over arugula with raspberry vinaigrette to start, and their warm roast beef sandwich with roasted onions, provolone cheese, and tomatoes on toasted ciabatta with horseradish mayo. so divine. our waiter had lovely blue eyes and was very johnny-on-the-spot with bringing refills and answering my somewhat annoying (i'm sure) questions with ease and aplomb. when it came time to order dessert, salimah had already been eyeing a chocolate mousse tart at the next table (basically, pure, melt-in-your mouth mousse on some type of barely-there crust), and as "johnny" (whose name was jeff, actually) ran down the list of other options, my ears perked up when i heard about a lemon concoction. when he finished speaking, i looked at him simply and said, 'you had me at the lemon tart.' we exchanged a brief moment of banter in which he seemed to understand, on a visceral level, how much the lemon (as an entity) means to me:). anyway, he trundled off to collect our sweets as we talked animatedly about our ridiculously long days, flirty vibes with younger boys (salimah!!), and inappropriate comments from sweet but kind of dirty older men. it was funny and charming, and the women at the tables next to us were kind of endearing in a way.

a few moments later, our waiter returned with one plate, containing only the chocolate mousse creation and informed me, regretfully, that there was no more lemon tart to be had that evening. i was disheartened, to be sure, but i asked for an extra fork and salimah and i proceeded to share her delight. i'm telling you, this mousse was like buttah. a couple of minutes into wolfing it down, however, johnny shows up with another plate and a bit of spring in his step and gleefully informs me that he has, in fact, searched and found me the last piece of lemon tart in the building. i think i may have gasped out loud.

so, it was on to sharing dessert #2, which was JUST as delightful, although completely different than the chocolate love. we left feeling fully satisfied, warmed up, and ready to slide our way into a good night's rest in preparation for today's packing endeavor.

what struck me most about that dinner experience was that my waiter treated me the way that a man should. he was patient and kind. he engaged me in what interested me, and he knew when something meant a lot, and he tried his best to make that happen. it made me realize more and more how the dearth of men in my life over the last several years (friends-only men, even) has really impacted me. it's left a longing there to be known by some interesting, kind male people who are also trying to find their own way in this world. people with whom you can grab a drink and talk about whatever, without there being strings. people with whom if something DID develop into more, it would be out of pure interest and not emotional baggage. besides, i have women friends in spades at this point in my life. what i lack is much in the way of male presence.

so, short of hanging out at that donna's and waiting for mr. on-the-spot to strike up a convo, i need to place myself in other scenarios where the possibility of friendship is imminent.

who knew that a lemon tart could open up the world like this?

and another one down, and another one down....

after a long-as-heck day of working from home yesterday, i had a jam-packed work day (no time for lunch, people). man, i was so tired when i left there, i don't even remember my drive home....

and speaking of home, once i made it to my apartment, i set about the task of making a quick dinner - cut up some chicken breasts into fingers, breaded them and got them in a pan; made some cheesy rice; and roasted some green beans. while those cooked, i washed dishes from yesterday's baking extravaganza. then, after i'd eaten and gotten myself a bit more "energized," i baked the cookies i'd been holding off on until this evening. so, those are done and packaged up, and once i take them with me to work tomorrow, all my good-deed baking will be done. of course, that's not entirely true, because a friend of mine is having a birthday this weekend, so i'm baking her a cake (of which, i think, she's unaware). sometimes the fun never ends....

and speaking of neverending fun, i bought some grapefruit (i'm so obsessed!) italian soda at trader joe's the other night. yeah, suffice it to say that i drank almost the entire bottle this evening. okay, so 3/4 of it. it's so freaking good. looks like i'll be making a special trip back there this weekend to stock UP.

and speaking of the weekend (yay!), i'm helping salimah pack for her upcoming move. other than that, it'll be church and chillin....it's the first weekend in awhile that i don't have any freelance work to do. i'm gonna enjoy it while it lasts:).

and speaking of lasts, i got nothin' left to say. sleep tight, y'all....thank God tomorrow is friday!!!

the smell of victory

i worked from home today and, thankfully, was able to get a lot of stuff accomplished. i've been sitting under a big deadline, and there always just seems to be something else to do....

anyway, around 4:30, i decided to take a break and do some baking. and no, this wasn't an inspired decision. see, in october, we held a silent auction to benefit the komen foundation and the prez of my company purchased two baked goods items to be claimed at a later date. well, this, my friends, is the later date. SO, i just made two lemon pound cakes (glazed with lemon/triple sec and sugar) and mixed up a batch of cookie dough (whole grain cookies with oats, chocolate chips, and walnuts). i feel pretty satisfied that i got so much done in just about an hour and a half. the cakes are cooling in the dining room, and now i'm back to work....

i must say, though, it is rather distracting to sit and smell the delightful aroma of lemon and liquor and buttery cake wafting through my apartment. must control myself. it's for a good cause after all:).

http://laptops.freepay.com/?r=28150116

recap

yesterday i had brunch at a charming little establishment in mt. washington where i met up with an old friend from my a cappella singing days. it was good to see him...great, actually. i met him when he was just a freshman in college (i was 23 at the time), and now he's all grown up;).

after hanging out for awhile, we met up with salimah at the one world for some coffee and conversation and then, after hugs and good-byes, we parted ways and salimah and i went off to order her some furniture for her upcoming move, and then we headed off to church.

all i wanted to do was go home and get in bed, so when church was over, we headed home, played a round of trivial pursuit (the pop culture DVD version) and then i sacked out.

i let myself sleep in this morning because i knew i needed some recharge, and once i got up, i made us an omelette with ham, spinach, and cheddar cheese that has caramelized onions in it (oh my, is it good!). then i got to work on some freelance stuff for work.

the day had a few small breaks for meals and to take salimah home, but mostly i've been work, work, working since breakfast. it's now 11 p.m., and i'm just wrapping up for the night. i must admit that in the background for awhile, i had on 'dancing with the stars' because i HAD to see my favorite drew lachey win (which he did!!); i'm such a sucker for 'reality' programming.

anyway, i'm off to bed. tomorrow it all begins again. not really ready for it, per se, but that's how it goes for sunday night, folks....

g'night.

'hi, my name's sarah, and i am a listaholic....'

as i type this, i'm realizing that i'm about to get myself into trouble. there is this thing rising inside of me...this unnameable thing...this thing that drives me to...well...write lists.

i love lists. shopping lists. to-do lists. packing lists. lists of likes/dislikes. give me some lists, people. oh sure, i love well-crafted prose, flowing lines of artistic verbage, etc. but when it comes time for some stuff to get done, give me a list.

and often, even without trying, i will start a list in my head and within about 12 seconds will overwhelm myself and then be forced to distract myself so that i don't think about the list anymore. but yet i always find my way back there.

so just now, before my fingers hit the keys, i was sitting here realizing that i have/want to do the following things (in no particular order):

1. redesign this page
2. paint my spare bedroom
3. buy paint for said bedroom (really, this must go before #2)
4. clean my kitchen
5. file/organize my papers
6. figure out travel arrangements for trip to the west coast this summer/early fall
7. get some start-up stuff done for freelance business
8. decide whether or not i can afford to get highlights in march and then potentially change my hair appointment
9. file my nails
10. call my uncle about an upcoming visit from him and my cousin
11. box up some books i'm not going to read anytime soon
12. rearrange my living room (this one's a maybe)
13. figure out whether it's feasible to buy a tivo anytime in the near future (and if so, buy it)
14. eat dinner

yeah, so i'm sure you can see that there's too much to do and where does one begin and holy cow i'm starting to get overwhelmed just talking about it. this is why it's great for me to have my lists contain one item so that i can accomplish the item and move on to another list. really, though, when your brain works like mine, it's severely hard to keep the list-making at bay.

perhaps i'll start a support group: listmakers anonymous. but that would shoot myself in the foot, right? because that would have to be item 15.

oy vey.

a murder of one

i'm working from home today, which turned out to be a great idea, because a) i have a ton of work to do and being at the office is too distracting, and b) i got really sick in the middle of the night last night and, therefore, didn't have the most restful night of sleep.

outside my window, a murder of crows is making the most horrendously loud noise. i swear, those birds have been hanging out around here a lot lately. they were especially obnoxious this weekend during the snowstorm. screeching and swooping. that seems to be all they're good at. oh yeah, and strutting around like they own the place.

anyway, i'm back to work. i'm hoping that some vintage michael jackson can get me through the rest of the morning without having to strangle a bird to death.

everybody gotta have a dream....

okay, so my hopes for a weather-free weekend were squelched when 18+ inches fell in my area between saturday and sunday. and even with that ridiculousness, work was fully on time this morning. exqueeze me? baking powder?

yeah, so this weekend was nice nevertheless. after a 2-hour trip to the grocery store on saturday (1 hour or more of which was spent standing in line waiting to pay), salimah and i made it home in the already-falling snow and proceeded to watch movies, eat yummy food (coconut and mango crusted tilapia; frittata with potatoes, sausage, and green onions; pot roast; delectable shrimp salad [if i do say so myself]), and just enjoy one another's company. the movie that i enjoyed in particular was 'hustle and flow.' it took an otherwise disturbing subject and treated the characters with enough respect that you actually felt something for them throughout the film. anyway, i wasn't sure about it at first, but i can honestly say that i really liked it. and furthermore, terrence howard is a good actor!

it was disappointing to see the weekend go, although i'm hopeful for the 50+ degree weather they're calling for by mid-week. i want the snow GONE. do you hear me? GONE.

happy monday! 24 is on tonight:).

forecast

okay, so between today and tonight, we're supposed to get up to a foot of snow. that's right, ladies and gentlemen, you read it here. actually, unless you're somewhere living under a rock, you've heard about it 100 times over by now....

last night, i went to play bingo for charity with some coworkers. it was looking bleak for me until, about 7 games in, i realized that i was 1 away from bingo, and within 3 seconds of that realization, he called out my number. people, let me tell you: you have never heard 'BINGO' exclaimed with such fervor as how i called it into the echoing hall (okay, i'm being dramatic here, but suffice it to say, it was no small victory). i made my way to the prize table and surveyed the goods that were left. i chose dinner for 2 at gertrude's restaurant at the BMA, which also included 4 passes (i guess those other two losers will have to go home without dinner;)) to the BMA itself and a signed cookbook by maryland chef john shields.

so, after sleeping in a bit later than normal this morning, i'm off to hang out with the illustrious 'kate krupnik' as we await the impending 'frozen tundra,' which, frankly, i'd be lying if i told you i wanted anywhere near me. i mean, really....old man winter, please don't come knocking at my door. i've got too much to do and no time for the likes of your frosty self....

it iz what it iz

my life right now is one page after another of words and words and more words that may or may not make sense, but i mark them and move them and move on. and once i'm done reading, there are song refrains that just keep looping and filling up the spaces of dead air in my head.

and in between, there are pockets of being in my apartment, watching tv, talking with the near and dear, dreaming about redecorating, wondering how i'm going to drum up some more biz for myself, dreading the cleaning that perpetually waits, hoping like mad that i win big at the charity bingo this friday nite, sleeping fits and waking up thirsty.

don't get me started on everything. it's ennui and madness all rolled into one. it's lonely and fed up and strangely calm and i don't even know. it's hip-hop and slow groove and country twang and why do these earbuds hurt my freaking ears?

it's where are you and why am i and oh God, i don't even know.

project

today i'm supposed to go to ikea and a few other places to try and find some random items i've been needing for awhile. one thing on the 'must have' list is some large-sized frames for some poster art that needs to be hung up. another is a clock for the living room. i'm also going to pick up some paint swatches from home depot so that i can start planning what exactly i'm going to do with my spare bedroom (my current vision is to use it as a crafty room with a table and some type of organizational system for storing all my paper goods, paints, etc. i'm also hoping to find - at some point - a futon or small sofa bed so that i can still entertain overnight guests and have a place to chill in there).

my two top color choices for the walls are either sage green or a very gray-based lavender. i want the room to soothe the nerves. mine are frayed way too often these days.

in other news, i may be rearranging my living room at some point, but i wouldn't encourage anyone to hold any breath over it. all my plans are long-range; i have enough creativity to think on them, but not always enough follow-through to execute right away. but hey, i'm making progress. at least i know where i feel i want to go. and, as the old sage (g.i. joe) once said, 'knowing is half the battle.'

true dat.

'i gave her my heart; she gave me a pen....'

yeah, except in my case, it was a piece of chocolate. and it was a 'he' and not a 'her.' whatever.

oh, dear readers, if only you knew how much i have bottled up inside right now. if you only knew....