violation
last night, something insidious found its way into my computer. i clicked on some non-descript website, and suddenly, this thing downloaded itself onto my hard drive, changed my internet options, and generally wreaked havoc that took over 3 hours to reverse. actually, when i went to bed at 4AM(!) i still wasn't able to delete all the files from my hard drive. somehow, this morning i finally got the remnants out. thank God. that whole thing left me feeling slimy and invaded....
although i must say that i wasn't doing well emotionally, even before that. and while i am feeling much better in many ways physically, i've now taken up sneezing as a hobby....
just thought you all should know.
Sunday, November 17, 2002
Saturday, November 16, 2002
darkness, nutrition, and other musings....
everything looks better in the moonlight....at least that's what i'm telling myself as i sit here typing when i should be sleeping. i WAS lying in bed....for at least 30 minutes....but i had to get up because i could NOT stop thinking about refined sugar and white flour....and this house that was in my dream last night. it was this gorgeous, 3-bedroom get-up with a huge kitchen that had counter tops made of ceramic tiles...and it only cost $60K. yeah. that's how i KNOW it was a dream....
okay, so i want to drink more water. at least 64oz a day. right now, i'm averaging between 32 and 48, which is okay, but not as much as i actually need. i also want to try to give up soda....and mostly because i want to have less sugar in my diet, and i cannot STAND anything containing nutrasweet or aspartame in any way, shape, or form. tastes like metal in my mouth. blech.
in addition, i want to incorporate more whole grains into my diet and reduce the amount of white flour i take in. i'm thinking that, if i'm not too tired after tomorrow morning's festivities, i'd like to go to fresh fields and pick up some groceries. i'm not sure if my foot is up for much in the way of walking just yet, but i'm not gonna get all kamikaze with the shopping expedition.
either way, it's time for an overhaul. in fact, it's LONG overdue....
everything looks better in the moonlight....at least that's what i'm telling myself as i sit here typing when i should be sleeping. i WAS lying in bed....for at least 30 minutes....but i had to get up because i could NOT stop thinking about refined sugar and white flour....and this house that was in my dream last night. it was this gorgeous, 3-bedroom get-up with a huge kitchen that had counter tops made of ceramic tiles...and it only cost $60K. yeah. that's how i KNOW it was a dream....
okay, so i want to drink more water. at least 64oz a day. right now, i'm averaging between 32 and 48, which is okay, but not as much as i actually need. i also want to try to give up soda....and mostly because i want to have less sugar in my diet, and i cannot STAND anything containing nutrasweet or aspartame in any way, shape, or form. tastes like metal in my mouth. blech.
in addition, i want to incorporate more whole grains into my diet and reduce the amount of white flour i take in. i'm thinking that, if i'm not too tired after tomorrow morning's festivities, i'd like to go to fresh fields and pick up some groceries. i'm not sure if my foot is up for much in the way of walking just yet, but i'm not gonna get all kamikaze with the shopping expedition.
either way, it's time for an overhaul. in fact, it's LONG overdue....
Friday, November 15, 2002
each and every day, i am treated to the operatic vocal stylings of our upstairs neighbor. interspersed throughout is also some wacky clarinet and/or flute playing. living in a building with conservatory students is, in other words, an interesting experience. but, i must say, i'd take arias over heavy metal and screaming any day of the week and twice on sunday....
which brings me to my next, non-sequitur of a point: i'm having one of those days where i feel like i'm drifting on a small raft in a sea of lonely confusion, with land nowhere in sight. i feel scared, frankly...unsure as to what to do next. it would seem, with the view from where i'm sitting, that any of my efforts will prove futile, so perhaps it's better to just sit and drift. and yet, there is a part of me that, at the very mention of this, rises up and stands in opposition to the notion of drifting....there must be something i can do to change things! right?.......right?
is anybody listening?
...and if you are, could you send the coast guard?
which brings me to my next, non-sequitur of a point: i'm having one of those days where i feel like i'm drifting on a small raft in a sea of lonely confusion, with land nowhere in sight. i feel scared, frankly...unsure as to what to do next. it would seem, with the view from where i'm sitting, that any of my efforts will prove futile, so perhaps it's better to just sit and drift. and yet, there is a part of me that, at the very mention of this, rises up and stands in opposition to the notion of drifting....there must be something i can do to change things! right?.......right?
is anybody listening?
...and if you are, could you send the coast guard?
Thursday, November 14, 2002
repast
i gotta say - tonight's dinner was quite yums...i took some artichoke hearts and marinated them. put in some olives to soak in the goodness as well. then i sauteed a can of tomatoes with the marinated stuff, threw in some herbs (i was out of onions and garlic:(, because anyone who knows me KNOWS that i would never make sauce without those if i had a choice!) and cooked it for a bit. tossed with some beautiful, tender linguine that i bought at trinacria for 69 cents a pound! added a bunch of feta cheese and let it soften slightly. quite good. needed a nice red wine, but we do what we can with what's in the cupboard, ya know?
in other news, i slept for almost 10 hours last night! this is unprecedented for me, but i gotta tell ya - i NEEDED it! i feel myself mending bit by bit. God's grace amazes me....it's always good to be reminded of how our lungs are supposed to work under normal circumstances. i take far too much for granted!
i'm hopeful that i will be feeling better by saturday. i have to take my car in for his 30K check-up, even though he's 2K overdue:P....then, after church on sunday, sj and i are going to see michael play in some opera here in the city.
it'll be nice to breathe fresh air again after so many days cooped up inside....
i gotta say - tonight's dinner was quite yums...i took some artichoke hearts and marinated them. put in some olives to soak in the goodness as well. then i sauteed a can of tomatoes with the marinated stuff, threw in some herbs (i was out of onions and garlic:(, because anyone who knows me KNOWS that i would never make sauce without those if i had a choice!) and cooked it for a bit. tossed with some beautiful, tender linguine that i bought at trinacria for 69 cents a pound! added a bunch of feta cheese and let it soften slightly. quite good. needed a nice red wine, but we do what we can with what's in the cupboard, ya know?
in other news, i slept for almost 10 hours last night! this is unprecedented for me, but i gotta tell ya - i NEEDED it! i feel myself mending bit by bit. God's grace amazes me....it's always good to be reminded of how our lungs are supposed to work under normal circumstances. i take far too much for granted!
i'm hopeful that i will be feeling better by saturday. i have to take my car in for his 30K check-up, even though he's 2K overdue:P....then, after church on sunday, sj and i are going to see michael play in some opera here in the city.
it'll be nice to breathe fresh air again after so many days cooped up inside....
Tuesday, November 12, 2002
lo and behold!
i just looked at my site meter, and it reads that i have had 2000 hits. wow. that amazes me, honestly. once again, thanks to those of you who must be hitting the refresh button over and over. keep it up!!;)
still fighting off this cold. i'm getting a little better, although i cannot seem to stop coughing. i'm hoping that in another day or so, i'll be mostly out of the woods. this thing really hit me for a loop....i wonder where i picked it up and/or from whom....i hope i haven't made anyone else sick:P
nothing profound to report at this moment. once again, being in a fog doesn't make for very interesting reading.....don't worry, though - something interesting is bound to pop up any day now! this is my life, after all....
i just looked at my site meter, and it reads that i have had 2000 hits. wow. that amazes me, honestly. once again, thanks to those of you who must be hitting the refresh button over and over. keep it up!!;)
still fighting off this cold. i'm getting a little better, although i cannot seem to stop coughing. i'm hoping that in another day or so, i'll be mostly out of the woods. this thing really hit me for a loop....i wonder where i picked it up and/or from whom....i hope i haven't made anyone else sick:P
nothing profound to report at this moment. once again, being in a fog doesn't make for very interesting reading.....don't worry, though - something interesting is bound to pop up any day now! this is my life, after all....
Monday, November 11, 2002
blog restoration
thank God! for quite some time now, i have not had all my archive date periods posted to the right. i realized not long ago that the only way i was going to be able to fix this was to re-load, or perhaps change, my template. i didn't want to do this, though, because a) i wasn't feeling any of the other template samples on blogspot or blogskins and b) i had changed some things in the original currency template and was afraid that i'd lose all my hard work (hard, i say, because i am not an html guru) if i were able to maintain the same design. BUT, i was able to re-load the currency template and past in copied code from before things went awry. needless to say, everything is back up and running and i didn't have to find a new template design, which was stressing me out....
needless to say, i am thrilled that i am also no longer getting error messages every SINGLE time i update. what a relief!
i had such a rough night last night - and i know that salimah must not have slept much at all, due to my uncontrollable coughing. the medicine i took obviously wasn't doing its work and the excedrin p.m. that was SUPPOSED to knock me out took an inordinate amount of time to kick in. when it finally did (around 4:30 when salimah had to leave for work), i passed out and slept until almost noon. whew....so very tiring, this whole thing is.
no bible study tonight - we're rescheduling for thursday. i'm glad, actually. it's hard to have a serious intellectual discussion when you sound like a frog.
thank God! for quite some time now, i have not had all my archive date periods posted to the right. i realized not long ago that the only way i was going to be able to fix this was to re-load, or perhaps change, my template. i didn't want to do this, though, because a) i wasn't feeling any of the other template samples on blogspot or blogskins and b) i had changed some things in the original currency template and was afraid that i'd lose all my hard work (hard, i say, because i am not an html guru) if i were able to maintain the same design. BUT, i was able to re-load the currency template and past in copied code from before things went awry. needless to say, everything is back up and running and i didn't have to find a new template design, which was stressing me out....
needless to say, i am thrilled that i am also no longer getting error messages every SINGLE time i update. what a relief!
i had such a rough night last night - and i know that salimah must not have slept much at all, due to my uncontrollable coughing. the medicine i took obviously wasn't doing its work and the excedrin p.m. that was SUPPOSED to knock me out took an inordinate amount of time to kick in. when it finally did (around 4:30 when salimah had to leave for work), i passed out and slept until almost noon. whew....so very tiring, this whole thing is.
no bible study tonight - we're rescheduling for thursday. i'm glad, actually. it's hard to have a serious intellectual discussion when you sound like a frog.
Sunday, November 10, 2002
michael is my hero
last night, the man came to my apartment at midnight armed with major cold and flu products - a new vaporizer, medicine to put in the vaporizer, cough drops, cough medicine, vicks vapo-rub cream, excedrin pm to knock me out, advil for the daytime....he stopped at rite-aid on his way back from the theatre and called me so that i could tell him precisely what i wanted & needed. that is some straight-up TLC right there, people.
poor sammie joy - she had to endure my sauna last night....as well as my coughing fits and occasional groaning in my sleep. at one point, i woke myself up because i was making so much noise. but i must say, i did get 8 WHOLE hours of sleep....very good for the healing process....much needed for my tired self.
it's so balmy here today. it's supposed to get up to almost 70.....what month is this again?!? i remember christmas of 1982 (or was it '83?)...it was so warm outside that i actually went out to play after the traditional gift-opening had finished, and i didn't even need a coat. i think it had gone up to 70-something. it felt so wrong to be playing soccer in the street (a favorite summertime activity) on christmas day, for crying out loud....i remember feeling worried that the world might end - something about it being so abnormally warm scared me. i'm sure i told no one of this fear - can't have people thinking you're a complete lunatic, even at the age of 7, when such fears might be considered 'logical'.....
i think that was the year i got a four-square ball for christmas. i'm not sure how universal a game this is, but the kids at my school loved it. we had a four-square court right outside the door that led out to the playground, and we would have these heated tournaments. it was always a huge scandal when some lowly SECOND GRADER would beat out a 6th grader to win the game. i was actually pretty good at four-square....playing it made me feel like there wasn't anything different about me for a change....and when i won, i felt such satisfaction, such real pleasure with myself. for a few minutes, the kids on the playground didn't tease me so much. for a few minutes, there was comfort and relief....kind of like the warm day that pops up out of nowhere and makes you think that maybe colder days won't ever return....
but winter always comes.
last night, the man came to my apartment at midnight armed with major cold and flu products - a new vaporizer, medicine to put in the vaporizer, cough drops, cough medicine, vicks vapo-rub cream, excedrin pm to knock me out, advil for the daytime....he stopped at rite-aid on his way back from the theatre and called me so that i could tell him precisely what i wanted & needed. that is some straight-up TLC right there, people.
poor sammie joy - she had to endure my sauna last night....as well as my coughing fits and occasional groaning in my sleep. at one point, i woke myself up because i was making so much noise. but i must say, i did get 8 WHOLE hours of sleep....very good for the healing process....much needed for my tired self.
it's so balmy here today. it's supposed to get up to almost 70.....what month is this again?!? i remember christmas of 1982 (or was it '83?)...it was so warm outside that i actually went out to play after the traditional gift-opening had finished, and i didn't even need a coat. i think it had gone up to 70-something. it felt so wrong to be playing soccer in the street (a favorite summertime activity) on christmas day, for crying out loud....i remember feeling worried that the world might end - something about it being so abnormally warm scared me. i'm sure i told no one of this fear - can't have people thinking you're a complete lunatic, even at the age of 7, when such fears might be considered 'logical'.....
i think that was the year i got a four-square ball for christmas. i'm not sure how universal a game this is, but the kids at my school loved it. we had a four-square court right outside the door that led out to the playground, and we would have these heated tournaments. it was always a huge scandal when some lowly SECOND GRADER would beat out a 6th grader to win the game. i was actually pretty good at four-square....playing it made me feel like there wasn't anything different about me for a change....and when i won, i felt such satisfaction, such real pleasure with myself. for a few minutes, the kids on the playground didn't tease me so much. for a few minutes, there was comfort and relief....kind of like the warm day that pops up out of nowhere and makes you think that maybe colder days won't ever return....
but winter always comes.
Saturday, November 09, 2002
carpenters to the rescue!
i have got to give some thanks to God right about now....i got a whole six hours of sleep last night!!! and then this morning, after sammie joy left to go and hang out with her friend, i got another hour! last night as i was lying in bed against my mountain of 7 pillows (i had to be very upright, yet comfy), i could NOT stop coughing. then, a moment of brilliance washed over me (that must have been the Holy Spirit - because i doubt this would have occurred to me otherwise!). suddenly, i thought about driving to work every morning....and how i always would be coughing to work out the slight wheezing congestion in my chest (asthma). i had noticed over a period of days that the more i sang, the better off i was breathing-wise...and, therefore, the less i would cough.
/lightbulb moment/
so there i am, alone in the dark (sj was out at the time), listening to 'rainy days and mondays' when i suddenly realized - maybe singing will help me in this case as well! so i forced myself to breathe deeply and instead of coughing, i sang away some of the congestion in my throat and chest. now, mind you, it did not sound melodious - i have barely any voice compared to normal - but it really did help.....it wasn't long before i drifted off into oblivion.....
of course, when i awoke this morning, i began hacking immediately....but at least i had a few hours of relative calm before the storm. i just took a wicked hot shower (yes, i have moments of new england-ness!) and it did much to help me. it's too bad i just can't live in there for a few days until this goes away....
anyway, people, thanks for bearing with my fixation on my illness. frankly, i've been too sick to even be bothered with anything particularly emotional (save for this one cable snafu wherein comcast thought i owed them nearly 300 bucks for an error on their part that took them 6 months to uncover....but i won't get into all of that). maybe this is God's way of giving me a little respite....
i'm off to force some fluids down and stare groggily into space....here's hoping your saturday is congestion-free and lovely:)
i have got to give some thanks to God right about now....i got a whole six hours of sleep last night!!! and then this morning, after sammie joy left to go and hang out with her friend, i got another hour! last night as i was lying in bed against my mountain of 7 pillows (i had to be very upright, yet comfy), i could NOT stop coughing. then, a moment of brilliance washed over me (that must have been the Holy Spirit - because i doubt this would have occurred to me otherwise!). suddenly, i thought about driving to work every morning....and how i always would be coughing to work out the slight wheezing congestion in my chest (asthma). i had noticed over a period of days that the more i sang, the better off i was breathing-wise...and, therefore, the less i would cough.
/lightbulb moment/
so there i am, alone in the dark (sj was out at the time), listening to 'rainy days and mondays' when i suddenly realized - maybe singing will help me in this case as well! so i forced myself to breathe deeply and instead of coughing, i sang away some of the congestion in my throat and chest. now, mind you, it did not sound melodious - i have barely any voice compared to normal - but it really did help.....it wasn't long before i drifted off into oblivion.....
of course, when i awoke this morning, i began hacking immediately....but at least i had a few hours of relative calm before the storm. i just took a wicked hot shower (yes, i have moments of new england-ness!) and it did much to help me. it's too bad i just can't live in there for a few days until this goes away....
anyway, people, thanks for bearing with my fixation on my illness. frankly, i've been too sick to even be bothered with anything particularly emotional (save for this one cable snafu wherein comcast thought i owed them nearly 300 bucks for an error on their part that took them 6 months to uncover....but i won't get into all of that). maybe this is God's way of giving me a little respite....
i'm off to force some fluids down and stare groggily into space....here's hoping your saturday is congestion-free and lovely:)
Friday, November 08, 2002
i have a man sitting in my throat. and not just any man, but a billy-bob-thornton-in-'slingblade'-esque man. i have gone so far past that lauren bacall, sexy cold voice and straight into something unrecognizable as even being remotely female. last night, i slept for about 2 hours total. the yuck has now moved down into my chest and is making me more miserable than before. i'm coughing. a lot. can't breathe well. dry mouth. sore throat. swollen glands. head and neck aches. chills.
in other news, there is no other news. i'm SICK! but thanks to those of you who have sent your prayers along....
God, in your mercy, please help me....
in other news, there is no other news. i'm SICK! but thanks to those of you who have sent your prayers along....
God, in your mercy, please help me....
Wednesday, November 06, 2002
'from the moment i could talk i was ordered to listen....'
it's official....i'm actually sick now. i think i have the flu or something. there is no part of me that feels unaffected by this bug that has settled over me. last night, i didn't even go to bed until 4:30, because once my fever broke, all i could do was sit and sweat for hours on end....and get sick to my stomach (not really my idea of a cool way to spend an evening, by the way). i did wind up taking a shower around 3:30 a.m., and that seemed to help calm down my body so that i could rest. when i awoke this morning, however, my throat hurt SO much, i could barely swallow....and please don't even get me started on my lymph nodes....
right now, i'm listening to some cat stevens - what a throw-back to the 70s, man....it's all about being followed by a moonshadow and hopping on that peace train. people who didn't live through at least part of the 70s were missing out on some truly interesting times. disco had yet to work its way out of the culture, after all....that should explain a thing or 2....
tonight, i'm going to sit on the couch and moan, which is mostly what i've been doing all day. between this whole sick vibe, my depression, and my unrelenting foot pain, i'm feeling pretty pathetic. hopefully i'll be able to learn something of value through the cloud of muck that is my existence right about now.....
'now there's a way and i know that i have to go away. i know i have to go....'
it's official....i'm actually sick now. i think i have the flu or something. there is no part of me that feels unaffected by this bug that has settled over me. last night, i didn't even go to bed until 4:30, because once my fever broke, all i could do was sit and sweat for hours on end....and get sick to my stomach (not really my idea of a cool way to spend an evening, by the way). i did wind up taking a shower around 3:30 a.m., and that seemed to help calm down my body so that i could rest. when i awoke this morning, however, my throat hurt SO much, i could barely swallow....and please don't even get me started on my lymph nodes....
right now, i'm listening to some cat stevens - what a throw-back to the 70s, man....it's all about being followed by a moonshadow and hopping on that peace train. people who didn't live through at least part of the 70s were missing out on some truly interesting times. disco had yet to work its way out of the culture, after all....that should explain a thing or 2....
tonight, i'm going to sit on the couch and moan, which is mostly what i've been doing all day. between this whole sick vibe, my depression, and my unrelenting foot pain, i'm feeling pretty pathetic. hopefully i'll be able to learn something of value through the cloud of muck that is my existence right about now.....
'now there's a way and i know that i have to go away. i know i have to go....'
Monday, November 04, 2002
i'm forgiven because You were forsaken.
i'm accepted, You were condemned.
i'm alive and well - Your Spirit is within me
because You died and rose again....
amazing love, how can it be
that You, my King, would die for me?
amazing love, i know it's true
and it's my joy to honor You.
in all i do, i honor You.
You are my King....You are my King....JESUS, You are my King....You are my King.
(billy james foote)
i'm accepted, You were condemned.
i'm alive and well - Your Spirit is within me
because You died and rose again....
amazing love, how can it be
that You, my King, would die for me?
amazing love, i know it's true
and it's my joy to honor You.
in all i do, i honor You.
You are my King....You are my King....JESUS, You are my King....You are my King.
(billy james foote)
i know there was a chaise lounge involved....and being one of two children (the other was my sister, i think) overlooking a land of ice....and someone getting shot and killed by 3 or 4 people, all of whom came over to give their names so that they could fess up to the crime....and i nearly parked my car on a curb, which somehow said something about my views on the holocaust....
don't ask me. it's just my subconscious....
don't ask me. it's just my subconscious....
Sunday, November 03, 2002
'teaparty is over....'
only select (and very few) people will know from where that obscure quote comes. but either way, it doesn't matter....it's irrelevant, really. here's the bottom line: my multi-week upswing has turned downward....and over the course of a few hours, no less. i'm disappointed. but i almost don't have the emotional energy to feel disappointed....because i'm supremely and utterly bummed and feel myself slipping....
why? you might ask... too long of a story. i'll say this and this alone: if you're a praying person, lift some up for me, will ya?
thanks....
only select (and very few) people will know from where that obscure quote comes. but either way, it doesn't matter....it's irrelevant, really. here's the bottom line: my multi-week upswing has turned downward....and over the course of a few hours, no less. i'm disappointed. but i almost don't have the emotional energy to feel disappointed....because i'm supremely and utterly bummed and feel myself slipping....
why? you might ask... too long of a story. i'll say this and this alone: if you're a praying person, lift some up for me, will ya?
thanks....
Friday, November 01, 2002
Monday, October 28, 2002
whew!
i spent SO many hours working on my collage, but yesterday around 6:00 pm, i finally finished. i must say that i'm rather pleased with the final result. i wish there were some way to get a picture of it and stick it on here, but a) i have no digital camera and b) as of this date, i have no image hosting. i'm a bit too cheap right now to upgrade to some higher version of blogger. besides, with all the problems they've been having here of late, i'm reserving making any changes until a few more things are resolved service-wise....
today i will brave the pain of driving my beloved tennyson in order to trek down to silver spring for some appointed obligations. i think it'll feel nice to get out in the air, even as cold as it is....i plan on stocking my cd changer with some good tunes to keep me entertained for my 20-some mile drive. then, upon my return home, i will eat a quick dinner and await the arrival of three fine gentlemen whose sole purpose for visiting is to discuss, in great detail, God's plan for all of humanity, as outlined in the first book of the old testament.
okay, i'm getting just plain silly in my speech now....i think my blood sugar is a bit low. feeling swoony. must seek nourishment.
ttfn:)
i spent SO many hours working on my collage, but yesterday around 6:00 pm, i finally finished. i must say that i'm rather pleased with the final result. i wish there were some way to get a picture of it and stick it on here, but a) i have no digital camera and b) as of this date, i have no image hosting. i'm a bit too cheap right now to upgrade to some higher version of blogger. besides, with all the problems they've been having here of late, i'm reserving making any changes until a few more things are resolved service-wise....
today i will brave the pain of driving my beloved tennyson in order to trek down to silver spring for some appointed obligations. i think it'll feel nice to get out in the air, even as cold as it is....i plan on stocking my cd changer with some good tunes to keep me entertained for my 20-some mile drive. then, upon my return home, i will eat a quick dinner and await the arrival of three fine gentlemen whose sole purpose for visiting is to discuss, in great detail, God's plan for all of humanity, as outlined in the first book of the old testament.
okay, i'm getting just plain silly in my speech now....i think my blood sugar is a bit low. feeling swoony. must seek nourishment.
ttfn:)
Sunday, October 27, 2002
Jesus: the union of contrasts
'He was the meekest and lowliest of all the sons of man, yet He spoke of coming on the clouds of heaven with the glory of God. He was so austere that evil spirits and demons cried out in terror at His coming, yet He was so genial and winsome and approachable that the children loved to play with Him and the little ones nestled in His arms. His presence at the innocent gaiety of a village wedding was like the presence of sunshine. no one was half so kind or compassionate to sinners, yet no one ever spoke such red-hot, scorching words about sin. a bruised reed He would not break - His whole life was love - yet on one occasion, He demanded of the pharisees how they ever expected to escape the damnation of hell. He was a dreamer of dreams and a seer of visions, yet for sheer, stark realism, He has all of our self-styled realists soundly beaten. He was the servant of all, washing the disciples' feet, yet masterfully He strode into the temple, and the hucksters and moneychangers fell over one another in their mad rush to get away from the fire they saw blazing in His eyes. He saved others, yet at the end, himself He did not save. there is nothing in history like the union of contrasts which confronts us in the Gospels - the mystery of Jesus is the mystery of divine personality.”
-- james stewart
'He was the meekest and lowliest of all the sons of man, yet He spoke of coming on the clouds of heaven with the glory of God. He was so austere that evil spirits and demons cried out in terror at His coming, yet He was so genial and winsome and approachable that the children loved to play with Him and the little ones nestled in His arms. His presence at the innocent gaiety of a village wedding was like the presence of sunshine. no one was half so kind or compassionate to sinners, yet no one ever spoke such red-hot, scorching words about sin. a bruised reed He would not break - His whole life was love - yet on one occasion, He demanded of the pharisees how they ever expected to escape the damnation of hell. He was a dreamer of dreams and a seer of visions, yet for sheer, stark realism, He has all of our self-styled realists soundly beaten. He was the servant of all, washing the disciples' feet, yet masterfully He strode into the temple, and the hucksters and moneychangers fell over one another in their mad rush to get away from the fire they saw blazing in His eyes. He saved others, yet at the end, himself He did not save. there is nothing in history like the union of contrasts which confronts us in the Gospels - the mystery of Jesus is the mystery of divine personality.”
-- james stewart
Saturday, October 26, 2002
the wind tunnel
this apartment is a strange place. if even one of the windows is open a crack, the air around the door howls all the time. if you open the door, it will stop, but then the force of the wind slams it shut and so begins its low, unceasing moan. we actually live in a real-life haunted house, i think....;)
i've been working on my collage that i'm making for monday. it's proven to be a hard task. i have this problem of being entirely too wrapped up in having things be perfect. and i've been stressed for the last two weeks that i don't have good enough materials. i'm sure that, in reality, i have way more clippings than any human being would ever need to make a 24x36 collage, but this is immaterial to my over-zealous mind.
sammie joy and i are in the process of washing all our clothes. it's long overdue. you know things are bad when you've run out of underwear (especially when you have, like, 20 pairs). it's a good thing i have a bit of money in the bank right now, or we'd be in some food and clothes-related trouble....
i am hopeful that my foot will stop hurting long enough for me to drive myself to church tomorrow. i'm not optimistic at this point, but we'll see what happens. i am sure that God, in His infinite wisdom and gracious ways, will provide a way for me to have what i need....
He always does....
this apartment is a strange place. if even one of the windows is open a crack, the air around the door howls all the time. if you open the door, it will stop, but then the force of the wind slams it shut and so begins its low, unceasing moan. we actually live in a real-life haunted house, i think....;)
i've been working on my collage that i'm making for monday. it's proven to be a hard task. i have this problem of being entirely too wrapped up in having things be perfect. and i've been stressed for the last two weeks that i don't have good enough materials. i'm sure that, in reality, i have way more clippings than any human being would ever need to make a 24x36 collage, but this is immaterial to my over-zealous mind.
sammie joy and i are in the process of washing all our clothes. it's long overdue. you know things are bad when you've run out of underwear (especially when you have, like, 20 pairs). it's a good thing i have a bit of money in the bank right now, or we'd be in some food and clothes-related trouble....
i am hopeful that my foot will stop hurting long enough for me to drive myself to church tomorrow. i'm not optimistic at this point, but we'll see what happens. i am sure that God, in His infinite wisdom and gracious ways, will provide a way for me to have what i need....
He always does....
Friday, October 25, 2002
brrrrrr....
there is a distinct chill in the air. it seemed like summer was holding on for the longest time, but finally it gave up its grasp on this part of the world. this would be a good thing, except i am definitely low on woolens and other such warm things. it's time to get new sweaters and the like....
today i met with some investigator who's trying to clear sammie joy so that she can officially get into the building that she's been getting into for the last several months without event. how inane! we should be spending our money a bit more wisely, all things considered. i'm wondering how many of our tax dollars went into his tank of gas and hourly wages so that he could come up here and ask if she's responsible and trustworthy and where she's been for the last 3 years of her life....but i was a good little citizen and did my duty by answering all of his questions honestly and refraining, for the most part, from laughing at the silliness of it all....
after my morning of interrogation, michael and i had a brief and cheap buffet lunch at a local indian restaurant, mughal garden. the food was fine; i must say that i'm not altogether fond of buffets in general. i have a lot of paranoia issues, and the thought of things sitting out for who-even-knows-how-long, as well as the possibility of people having touched the food, etc.....well, frankly, just make me nervous. in addition, you're at the restaurant's mercy in terms of what you can eat. this place has only the buffet for lunchtime guests, so if you don't like what's on the table, you're out of luck. we fared okay, though. besides, for 7 bucks, i guess you can't complain:)
i'm off to take a quick nap and to elevate my rather sore foot for awhile. later, people....
there is a distinct chill in the air. it seemed like summer was holding on for the longest time, but finally it gave up its grasp on this part of the world. this would be a good thing, except i am definitely low on woolens and other such warm things. it's time to get new sweaters and the like....
today i met with some investigator who's trying to clear sammie joy so that she can officially get into the building that she's been getting into for the last several months without event. how inane! we should be spending our money a bit more wisely, all things considered. i'm wondering how many of our tax dollars went into his tank of gas and hourly wages so that he could come up here and ask if she's responsible and trustworthy and where she's been for the last 3 years of her life....but i was a good little citizen and did my duty by answering all of his questions honestly and refraining, for the most part, from laughing at the silliness of it all....
after my morning of interrogation, michael and i had a brief and cheap buffet lunch at a local indian restaurant, mughal garden. the food was fine; i must say that i'm not altogether fond of buffets in general. i have a lot of paranoia issues, and the thought of things sitting out for who-even-knows-how-long, as well as the possibility of people having touched the food, etc.....well, frankly, just make me nervous. in addition, you're at the restaurant's mercy in terms of what you can eat. this place has only the buffet for lunchtime guests, so if you don't like what's on the table, you're out of luck. we fared okay, though. besides, for 7 bucks, i guess you can't complain:)
i'm off to take a quick nap and to elevate my rather sore foot for awhile. later, people....
Thursday, October 24, 2002
i'm starting to wonder if i have a stress fracture. my foot is STILL hurting, and it's not specific to any kind of activity or lack of activity. it just HURTS. the biggest aspect of inconvenience, though, isn't the pain; it's the fact that it impedes my ability to drive my car. consequently, i've been stuck at home all week long, save for one evening when my friend aaron drove me somewhere:(. how pathetic is this?
i wish i could say that i've been filling my hours with interesting and pithy undertakings. not so. i've been writing a lot of e-mail, reading a bit, and watching the occasional documentary or cooking show. with my foot propped up, of course.
okay, wait....i take that lack of pith statement back a little. i HAVE been reading this. michael, sammie joy, aaron, michael's friend dave, and i have started a small bible study group, and we're currently tackling genesis. it's so interesting - i've read the creation story many times, but there are still SO many small details to be hammered out. that's one of the amazing elements of scripture - even if you can quote the Good Book backwards and forwards, you're constantly getting new perspectives from it and being shaped by it. because even though it's words on a page, it's actually SO much more than that. it is a chance to interact with the very heart and mind of the living God...and He always has something to say:)
in other news, i was considering going to pennsylvania for the day on saturday - for a belated birthday celebration for my grandmother - but at this point, my inability to fully put the pedal to the metal is ruling my decisions as far as traveling and other excursions. so i guess the hermit girl rides again for the weekend....but hey, at least i've got pith to keep me going....and HEY, at least there's a 7-11 in the building.....now, if only hot dogs and slurpees were nutritionally balanced....
cereal it is, then:)
i wish i could say that i've been filling my hours with interesting and pithy undertakings. not so. i've been writing a lot of e-mail, reading a bit, and watching the occasional documentary or cooking show. with my foot propped up, of course.
okay, wait....i take that lack of pith statement back a little. i HAVE been reading this. michael, sammie joy, aaron, michael's friend dave, and i have started a small bible study group, and we're currently tackling genesis. it's so interesting - i've read the creation story many times, but there are still SO many small details to be hammered out. that's one of the amazing elements of scripture - even if you can quote the Good Book backwards and forwards, you're constantly getting new perspectives from it and being shaped by it. because even though it's words on a page, it's actually SO much more than that. it is a chance to interact with the very heart and mind of the living God...and He always has something to say:)
in other news, i was considering going to pennsylvania for the day on saturday - for a belated birthday celebration for my grandmother - but at this point, my inability to fully put the pedal to the metal is ruling my decisions as far as traveling and other excursions. so i guess the hermit girl rides again for the weekend....but hey, at least i've got pith to keep me going....and HEY, at least there's a 7-11 in the building.....now, if only hot dogs and slurpees were nutritionally balanced....
cereal it is, then:)
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