Tuesday, June 26, 2012

the hush of a turned page, the beating of my heart

i have decided that this is the summer of reading and daydreaming. okay, maybe more reading than daydreaming, if i'm being honest, because i don't know that i have much whimsy winding through my cardiovasculars just now. but reading? reading i can get into. good prose takes me to a happy place. even though my eyes get tired and i stay up WAY too late on most weeknights, i find my creativity returning to me. and that makes it entirely worth it. right now, i'm about 10 pages away from finishing a fantastic book by tiffanie debartolo called 'how to kill a rockstar.' her first novel, 'god-shaped hole,' devastated me when i read it in the early 2000s. i mean, it completely broke my heart and i walked around in some type of stupor for several days, unable to handle what leapt up off the page at me and choked tears out of my eyes. there are some books that i just devour, and both of debartolo's books fit that bill most appropriately. so much so that when i tear myself away at the end of a chapter, i feel my pulse racing a little, wondering what's going to happen next. and the characters' angst? i connect with it, deep in my bones. seriously, as i'm typing this, i'm realizing that although i live much of my life in a very cerebral place, how can i deny that i'm anything other than a total romantic? and when i close this book, i have many more waiting in bags lying about my living room (either from my latest trip to the used bookstore or my jaunt over to the huge, old library less than 2 blocks from my downtown apartment), ready to take me on my next emotional rollercoaster. in the absence of male companionship this summer, these books have become my lovers. i take them to bed. i think about them while i'm at work in a particularly long meeting. i avoid answering the phone in the evening just so i can soak up one more page, one more chapter. they are what quicken my breath. they are what trouble my soul. they are what calm me and bring me back to life when i'm feeling particularly blah. and if i play my cards just right, maybe they will be my muse and lead me to pick up my own pen again....