Tuesday, August 02, 2011

a re-turning

summer has thoroughly taken hold, and i'm pretty sure it's been in the 90s nearly every day for the last 6 weeks. and if it hasn't, it certainly feels that way. correct me if i'm wrong, but i feel like it really is getting hotter around here (and by 'around here,' i mean the world). summers as a kid never felt this stifling....

now then, as to why i have been virtually silent for some time now, i can only say that my work is taking all the life out of me by day's end to the point that all i want to do is watch mindless tv and think about sleep. that, and i actually have too many thoughts in my head to do any writing, if that makes any sense. it's like the energy it would take to wrangle those wayward ideas into a sensible post is beyond my weary-ness after i've been out in the world of the working mundane....

but two days off from the rat race has given me a smidge of fresh perspective, and suddenly this afternoon, i felt like putting fingers to keyboard again. in doing so, i'm feeding my soul just a little bit...and i'm hoping that if i can do even just these small things—maybe one each day—i can start to carve out a space again in my own life. i cannot tell you how much i am in need of something more...something beyond; it occurred to me today that i must do everything in my power to give myself that gift.

so, to that end, here are some thoughts (in no particular order):

1. i have this secret craft project i started about 2 years ago that i need to finish. i'm going to do that by the fall. and that's that.
2. i need to start writing again...for me. whether the world sees it via the internets, or it stays on my hard drive somewhere, i have to get these thoughts out of my head. retrospect, after all, is the greatest teacher.
3. once every month or two, i want to treat maxwell (my current jetta) to a car wash. seeing him shine makes me as giddy as a school girl.
4. i also must make time to wander through stores or other places that have lovely things. even if i don't buy anything, it inspires me to see beauty in design, decor, and the shiny newness of 'stuff'—although the stuff itself isn't really the point.
5. i need to get out of dodge more often. a drive into the countryside, a stop at a roadside store for a drink or some garden-grown veggies, the smell of hay and grass and earth, the sight of mountains - these things refresh and rejuvenate me.
6. i will reunite with the ocean before the first frost. the vastness of that briny deep reminds me how simultaneously small and big my life is.
7. i must keep reading fiction. a well-turned phrase can be more nourishing than any fine meal.
8. sleep. enough said.
9. technology, while fantastic in so many ways, sucks the life out of a person. i need better balance for myself. my future depends on it, i feel.
10. my interior life has suffered from a clog of late. the aforementioned rat race and inability to turn off my laden mind has resulted in a lack of gratitude and, at times, a focus on things that have no real significance when you get down to it. it's too easy to forget that reflection in the mirror. i yearn for quiet these days...in all aspects of my existence.

in sum, i feel like i've been on vacation from myself, somehow, and that someone else has been calling the shots in my day-to-day...and i don't like it. it's got to stop. time is, literally, a'wasting....

so that's that. from here, i turn again. i re-turn. return to me.

3 comments:

loavesandstitches said...

Well said, my friend. I think you should add a #11-- re-connect with old friends!

epub novice said...

you are reuniting with the ocean today, well before first frost. you will find your life, all the best pieces of you will fly back together. i just know it.

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