Thursday, December 24, 2009

on the eve

it's december 24 and i'm working. i've just eaten a lackluster salad from whole foods and am contemplating how proud i am for NOT buying any treats from the chocolatier next door to my office. in fact, i'm strongly considering heading to the gym for a quick workout before returning home to my parents. i feel the need to get moving....

this morning has been highly productive workwise; while revising and formatting a doc, i was listening to the festival of lessons and carols from kings college, cambridge. what a flood of memories i always get when hearing those crisp, clear tones and robust, harmonically rich refrains. it makes me think of being a child and sitting in the pew on christmas eve, waiting for the moment at the end of the midnight service when we all lit our candles and quietly sang 'silent night' as the clock struck midnight. and even though we were so far from bethlehem, i couldn't help but feeling that 'the hopes and fears of ALL the years' were present in those simple lyrics, sung in a dark church by hundreds of voices, united in one moment of peaceful acknowledgement.

so much has changed since then about my life, but much inside of me...of what i want and who i am...is still the same. i have walked a rocky path, again and again, to that manger to see what God has placed there. and many times i have failed to follow that star in the east (or the one inside my heart) and have tried to walk my own road, on my own terms. but the truth is that no matter where i wander, the mystery and wonder of this time always bring me back to that child...to the reason He came....to the reason He died. and i cannot help but feel so grateful for all the chances i have to rise and fall, to trip and veer and stray....and to come back home again.

i hope tonight to go with my parents and sit in another pew and sing those songs and pray those prayers i've known nearly my whole life. and although december 25 may not mark the actual day of Jesus's entrance into the world, i'm thankful to have this time to spend with those i love, to sit and reflect on all that His life and sacrifice have meant to me, and to thank God for the gift of music, of peace, of good friends, and of second (and third, and fourth, etc.) chances.

and to whoever you are who may be reading this, may you be reminded that there is always a chance to turn toward a new and better life, toward a new way of thinking and being, toward forgiveness for yourself and others. may the knowledge of this gift flood your heart this day...and always....

1 comment:

Ed Tech Monkey said...

"...Ye are gods; and all of you are children of the most High."-Psalm 82