Sunday, August 30, 2009

in the works

this afternoon, i finally purchased my domain name. it's only taken me, what, 5 years to do it? but it's done now. i went ahead and bit the bullet, got some hosting, and am in the process of figuring this whole 'full-on' web site thing out. it's not that i don't know what i'm doing, per se (although, i admit that i have a LOT to learn still), but it's more that i need to sit down and devote some time to actually setting up basic structures, figuring out what i don't know (and rectifying that), deciding on structure, color scheme, and overall theme, and taking my designer friend v. up on her offer of making my new home pretty.

so, for now, i'm still here. but it won't be long before you'll see me in a new light....

Friday, August 28, 2009

representation

in this world of ever-present sound bites, i am finding myself frequently throwing out status messages on twitter and facebook and neglecting to write multi-sentence paragraphs to express myself. this is a problem.

although i love the idea of instant communication and the quoting of a song lyric to condense an entire wave of emotion in one simple phrase, the importance of crafting prose cannot be underestimated. how can i in any way fancy myself to be any type of writer if i cannot, in fact, write anymore?

i assure you, internets, that i have much to say. i just cannot think of ANY of it when i sit down to put fingers to keyboard. i know i mentioned in a previous post that i'm suffering from a kind of writer's block, but in actuality, i think i'm suffering from sound bite-itis. there are only so many times that i can quote the lyrics to a bread song or some colbie caillat or david gray lovesick refrain before the words become stilted and clichéd (although to me they really never will). i have to find my own words again...to look at the world and feel all that i feel and then share it with you...with myself...in a way that really means something.

i don't know what the real answer is here. i'm not sure whether a period of silence and reflection would make a difference, or whether i just need to write more as an exercise--even if i have nothing to say. so, to myself i make this promise: in the coming days, i will try to put more thoughts out there, even if to the outside world they mean absolutely nothing. the point, i suppose, is that i keep speaking my mind. these words, after all, are often all i have, looking back. and whether they are single sentences or long, blustery paragraphs...whether they are my words or some i've bogarted from others....i will let them speak for me. they are my memory. they are how i connect who i was then with who i am now....and with who i will be tomorrow. they are, quite simply, my emissaries, my purveyors of truth.

right on.

write on.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

winding down

it's been a busy few weeks (months, really), and although the summer doesn't look to be slowing down to welcome the onslaught of fall, i am thrilled to report that i don't miss being in school ONE BIT. having my evenings and weekends taken up with things other than homework is still just divine. perhaps i'm in a honeymoon period; if that's what this is, so be it. it's far, far better than staying up until 2 a.m. to finish a paper on a friday night.

in celebration of my new-found freedom, of sorts, this summer has been one of films and grocery shopping with abandon. i am a produce hound, and as soon as my refrigerator begins to empty of all the fruits and veggies, i return to fill up a cart and lug home my wares to stuff my crisper box and all three shelves with packages of peppers, blueberries, strawberries, various forms of lettuce, green onions, long english cucumbers, baby carrots, and crispy-tart grapes. i'm telling you - it's been one hell of a summer.

in the midst of all of this, i have been working my tail off at my job trying to stay on top of deadlines, so because i don't have a ton of mental energy at the end of each day, i've enjoyed drowning myself in luscious, useless 'reality' programming until bedtime. and at night, i crawl under my fairly newly acquired beachy-green duvet cover and blue-green-taupe paisley sheets and drift off to dreamland with a long to-do list hung for safekeeping in the upper recesses of my consciousness.

i've had a pedicure that's lasted me for a month and a half. that's an accomplishment worthy of its own paragraph breaks.

i've made a few new friends and have enjoyed the prospect of impromptu dinners out and occasional meet-ups for various social gatherings. in line with this, i'm trying to say 'yes' more than i say 'no.' (i admit that sometimes this is easier said than done.)

i have lovely red globe lanterns (replete with white stars) hanging on my balcony. this still delights me in ways i cannot explain.

i am learning to embrace the heat a bit more (just a bit).

although this summer has treated me fairly well, i am all too happy to let fall arrive in all its grandeur, bringing with it the crisp evening air, the early mornings where darkness lingers, and the long drives down country roads bursting with all the best colors nature can offer. to be honest, my heart is ready for the next thing, the new adventure, the fresh notepads and pens filled with ink (oh, the promise that they hold!), the talks over coffee, the long lists with checked-off items, and the knowledge that i am one day closer to everything i hold dear.

as long as there are more words inside me, i will keep writing.

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

despite the fact that this post contains actual words...

...i'm pretty sure i'm suffering from bona fide writer's block. my head is a jumble of thoughts, but almost none of them coalesce into anything worth putting down on the page. i'm not sure whether it's because my brain took the excuse of not being in school any longer to turn immediately to mush, or whether i'm feeling the effects of too many deadlines and details and loose ends to tie up at work, or whether it's because i'm generally uninspired and in need of some cataclysmic event to thrust me back into the world of deep thoughts.

actually, while we're on the subject, i'm really not in the market for cataclysms just now. i'll take rest and relaxation for 400, alex....

and speaking of relaxation, i have, like, eight more personal/vacation days to use up before the end of the year, and i'm having a really hard time trying to decide what to do with them. part of me feels like i should save most of them up and just take off a huge chunk of time right before christmas, but the other part of me is quick to remind that christmas is FIVE months away. dudes, that's a long time without a break.

so, in the interim, i shall ponder all these things in my heart, keep reading the chick lit book i'm slowly making my way through, blind myself on occasional, feverish bouts of cross-stitch, and (currently) make that baklava salmon that's got my name ALL over it for dinner.

c'est fini.