Sunday, May 31, 2009

'i wake when these dreams collide'

this weekend has been productive. i hooked up with salimah late morning yesterday and we spent the day running all over the metropolitan area collecting wholesale groceries, office supplies, athletic shoes (for her) and socks (for me), with several refreshing drinks in between. after a quick dinner of carne asada (me) and special tilapia (her) at mari luna, we came back to my place where i put together my newly acquired desk chair before setting out for the weg for a late-night shopping excursion.

today after dropping salimah off at her place, i went to my office to load up my desk with some snacks i bought at bj's. i was going to head straight home, but it was so beautiful outside, i decided to open the sunroof and all the windows and take a drive back up to the hunt valley area where my favorite little coffee shop is. after procuring an iced tea (lots of lemon, please!), i wandered over to the farmstand across the road and bought some tomatoes and potatoes (forgotten on yesterday's excursions) and then made my way back home, singing at the top of my lungs the whole way.

as i was driving under the swaying, lush green canopy watching the sun filter down along the winding road toward home, i realized how much i love days like this...when the whole world stretches out in front of you and for 10 minutes, you can forget all the things on your to-do list. my heart leapt a little in my chest as i imagined myself forward to the day when i can have a whole weekend full of errands and fun and centered calm, without regard for homework and deadlines and all that rubbish. it's coming soon, though, and as much as i can for now, i'm trying to keep the melancholy at bay with the idea of sun-drenched, cool mornings, the wind in my face, and singing loud on the open road that takes me anywhere my heart wants to go.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

good luck figuring this one out....

these days i feel so disjointed, like i'm constantly waiting for something to start but there are all these delays and sudden 'this has to be done right now' type of tasks that keep intervening. between having things due for school nearly every day of the week and coming to the end of this program and facing a huge assignment that is making me feel completely lost, it's not really helping my sense of equilibrium.

what i want is to go somewhere where nobody knows my name (so anti-'Cheers,' i know) and just wander around to my heart's content, write the story that's on the tip of my brain, and figure out what i'm really thinking about my life these days.

what is real, however, is that, in typical 'me' fashion, i have bitten off slightly more than i can chew, and i just don't exactly know whether to swallow the piece and hope it doesn't kill me on its way down or pull part of it out of my mouth and just say enough's enough.

Monday, May 25, 2009

four weeks cannot come soon enough....

i've been having strange and arresting dreams of late....all indicative of my anxious self trying to work some stuff out while i sleep. every morning, i wake up and while the hot water from the shower streams over my head, i try to make sense of the madness. honestly, it's probably not even worth it. i'm stressed. so what else is new? why should my dreams reflect peace and calm when there's little of that to be found nearby?

in about a month, i'll be done with this master's program. i've busted my tail and done a lot of work over the last 21 months, and i've managed to get straight As, but this final class has me wondering if my streak is over. some of my colleagues think of me as the girl who cried wolf, because every course, i apparently complain that i'm not going to do well and then get an A. whatev. i'm telling you that this one will be nothing short of miraculous, because much of my grade is based on this ridiculous simulator that i cannot make sense of to save my life.

in the meantime, i'm going to go and cook some food for the week and hope that i can calm the hell down and just bide my time. this, too, shall pass, i know.... then on to the next adventure.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

checking in

the last class of my program is in full swing and i must admit that i'm not feeling it. like, not at all. i'm implementing some pro-me efforts, however, and hope that the taking of the bull by the horns will pull me out of the academic funk i'm in. stayed tuned for what i'm sure will be breaking reports....

in other news, my birthday is a mere 6 weeks from today (and 3 days before, i should mention, i will be FINISHED WITH SCHOOL). i will be 34, and i'm not sure how i'm feeling about that. to be honest, i try not to think about all the things i haven't done by this age (things i figured i surely would have accomplished by now) and instead think about all the possibilities that lie ahead. 34 seems so...blah to me, so uninspiring. i suppose i shall have to figure out a way to rectify that...infuse some intrigue and madcap adventure into the 365 days. of course, knowing my life, there will be some measure of all of that—and more.

i'm off to create a powerpoint due tonight. first, a quickie dinner of chix and vegs; perhaps a little american idol in the background (i'm filled with despondency since my danny gokey got voted out last week, but whatev); and a concerted effort NOT to yell at my neighbors who are making loud noises and allowing their children to run about screaming and carrying on.

two more days, and it's officially a 3-day weekend. i can roll with that.