Sunday, April 12, 2009

gotta have you

gray, quiet and tired and mean
picking at a worried seam
try to make you mad at me over the phone
red eyes and fire and signs
i'm taken by a nursery rhyme
i wanna make a ray of sunshine and never leave home

no amount of coffee, no amount of cryin
no amount of whiskey, no amount of wine
no no no no no, nothing else will do
i've gotta have you, i've gotta have you.

the road gets cold, there's no spring in the middle this year
i'm the new chicken plucking open hearts and ears
oh, such a prima donna, sorry for myself
but green, it is also summer
and i won't be warm till i'm lying in your arms.

...chorus

i see it all through a telescope: guitar, suitcase, and a warm coat
lying in the back of the blue boat, humming a tune...

no amount of coffee, no amount of cryin
no amount of whiskey, no amount of wine
no no no no no, nothing else will do
i've gotta have you, i've gotta have you.

**************************************************
it's easter sunday and i got up early to bright sunshine and blue skies. yes, i thought, that's right. good friday the skies were angry and overcast. i fully believe that on easter sunday, it should be bright and clean. as a child, even before really understanding the meaning of the day, i remember daffodils and ribbons in my hair and sunshine warming my skin and somehow i knew that was as it should be.

i wasted no time this morning waking up and setting about the things i needed to get done before leaving the house in a bit. laundry's churning, cookies are baked, breakfast still in my tum (eggs, biscuits), and i'm listening to the weepies. i cannot get enough of them these days. their melodies make sense to me on a visceral level, and they remind me of what it is that i want and where i want to be.

all day today, i've thinking about a place that once represented sorrow and death becoming a source of peace and hope. there was once a tomb inside of me, too, i think....a well of sadness and loneliness and pain. but the one who transformed that tomb in jerusalem has changed the place inside of me and given me dreams and hope and the will to want things i never knew i could have. and one day i'll get there, even though my path might look different than some others'.

i've never been very good at following the masses, and it seems i'm still not. but this isn't really about them, is it? it's not really about what anyone else thinks. all the matters is that in some small way, i've seen that empty tomb and i know that some day it will all make sense to me.

in the mean time, there are some more things i still need to walk through. grad school is almost over, and then the next big project begins. and i know what i hope is waiting for me around the next bend in the road. looks like i need to get some new shoes for the next leg of this journey. it might prove to be a bit rocky, but like i said, one day i'll get there.

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