Thursday, July 31, 2008

thirst day

this morning they're scheduled to turn off the water in my building, so i'm up early to get my shower out of the way and perhaps get a jumpstart on all that i have to get done today. last night i was so freaking tired, i couldn't seem to keep my eyes open much past 9. i also didn't eat dinner or drink much of anything yesterday, so i'm sure you can imagine that i'm parched beyond belief!

it's my own fault, really. sometimes when i work at home, i forget to eat or drink. weird, i know. i just get in the zone and my body doesn't seem to demand anything, so we just coast through the day and the next thing i know, it's time for bed. it's okay, though. it's not as though i can't afford to skip a meal or two....

can i just be honest? i want the next two weeks to disappear from me. i have much to do in that time and very little motivation to complete my tasks. this class that i'm taking will be over by then and then i get a much-needed break for a couple of weeks during which i plan to go out on work nights and not think twice about it!!

i'm nearing the bend of 6:30 here, so i should go and get myself together and go muster up some productivity. note to self: drink.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

and she nails it!

okay, here it is: i am without excuse for my slackadaisical blogging as of late, so i won't give you some lame spiel about how i've been exhausted. you don't need that from me, internet.

what i will say, however, is that i got my nails! done! on thursday after work. full set with a french manicure, of course - and my toes frenchified for good measure. forgive me, world, for i had sinned. it had been 2 years since my last pedicure! how shameful! i quickly got over the embarrassment of my cracked heels, however, when the massaging chair started kneading my lower back. who can think straight with that kind of awesomeness?

needless to say, i'm feeling the love about this whole nail thing. the last time my nails looked this fab was at least 5 years ago. i decided it was another step in the process of me allowing myself to have some treats that are good for the morale. i'm now up to three: regular hair cuts, cleaning lady, nail care. oh, and did i mention that i currently have a 100 average in my course more than halfway through? perfect excuse for the pampering!

anyhoo, i've got a busy rest of the weekend ahead of me. laundry. meeting some dear friends for wine and nosh. some other fun events planned for tomorrow. maybe a little early homework for the upcoming week. i've got a bit of momentum. why not capitalize on it?

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

two's day.

let's get listy, shall we?

1. my 15-year high school reunion was this past weekend. i didn't go because i had too much going on. i'll be making the 20, though. i already promised to buy a drink for an old friend:).
2. speaking of high school, last night i told a former classmate that i had a serious crush on him for about 5 years. it felt remarkably cleansing. oh, and he's still cute.
3. my accounting class is giving me a pain where i sincerely don't need one. i cannot wait for august 25.
4. the sleeplessness is making my bones hurt. i need to channel rip van winkle for a few days.
5. it has recently come to my attention that i need a vacation. hence, i'll be taking one in 2 months with salimah (and my parents for part of the time). i am trying not to jump out of my skin thinking about it...that is, if i had the energy to jump out of my skin.
6. yesterday i had some sushi that was simply divine.
7. i seem to have lost the ability to plan ahead. i blame grad school entirely.
8. for my birthday, i bought myself some DVDs in order to replenish my VHS collection that i got rid of last year. i heart packages filled with fun things!
9. i'm now selling jewelry for a company called cookie lee. apparently i love jewelry way more than i realized!
10. i have had a serious craving for pancakes since i started with this insomnia thing. i want them all the time. with lots of syrup and butter. sitting across from someone fun. everyone should have pancakes, i think. pancakes for everyone!!

ahem. that is all.

Monday, July 21, 2008

i cannot think of a title, so let it be what it is.

the short version of the story is that i haven't slept very well in over a week. the long version is, well, too long for this whole medium because, frankly, i need to get to work!

i'm still alive, though, in case you were wondering, and i'm trying with all my might to get my equilibrium back. the class i'm taking right now is giving me a serious behind whupping (mostly because it's poorly conceived and executed) and it's taking all my free energy not to just succumb to the madness.

with all of that being said, however, i'm looking into ways in which i can combat the whole 'all work and no play makes sarah a very dull girl' scenario. more on that later.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

in need of rest

i think i've realized that no matter how much progress i make...no matter how far forward i go, i will always have a well of sadness inside me that no one will ever understand. and maybe that's okay. maybe it's just part of the package deal of my life. and most days, i can handle it, really.

for some reason, though, not today.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

let's see now....

where were we?

ah yes.

july is here and in full swing. i'm now more than a week out from my birthday (although i confess that i feel i should be celebrated all month long!) and i'm back to a life that doesn't include a 4-day weekend. boo. hiss.

i've got much work to do - both work work and school work - so it seems that some things never change:). and mostly that's all right, really. i'm used to it. i'm just having one of those days where i don't feel like doing anything.

there's not much news that's fit to print, except that today i realized that i have no particular interest in being overly bothered with other people's silly problems. i don't mean real and important ones, of course....just the ones where people refuse to stop obsessing over something we've discussed ONE HUNDRED TIMES. you know the one i mean. yes, that one.

anyway, enough of that. before i close this post and get back to the aforementioned school work (due tonight), i will say that i got some lovely things for my birthday: a gift cert to the bookstore and for some clothes, lovely handmade coasters (by catchka) and some teas, several alcoholic beverage mixers (what are people trying to say?), two books i've been wanting (ruth reichl!), some dvds, some wine and wine glasses (do you see the alcohol theme? i don't even drink that much, people!!), and an appointment for deluxe washing/detailing for my beloved bella. she will enjoy a bath and a bit of spiffing up. more than the gifts, though, was the joy of seeing friends (older and newer) and feeling loved and cherished by them, having a day off to do nothing but pal around with my bff (during which we went to the movies and i got a manicure), and just general relaxation without the stress of the daily grind. hey, and i even got my birthday burger!

and really, people, you can't beat that!

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes....

another year has come and gone for me, and so it begins again. i think back on all the promises i made to myself since my last birthday - how many i've kept and how many more i've broken. i think about times i told myself the truth, the times i got real, and the times i just went to bed and slept it off. how many ledges i walked just to prove to myself that i could. how many new faces, new names, new feelings. how many changes of scenery and saying of good-byes.

i started graduate school.
i started pursuing a career.
i started realizing that i can work in a job where people appreciate my gifts rather than try to stifle them.
i started seeing just how much my thoughts and feelings have changed in the last two years...how much looking at the world through these eyes is a different experience than it was when i was just beginning my 30s.

i still want to do and feel a lot.
i still need to see paris and venice.
i still spend some days wondering just what i'm capable of.
i still care deeply about comma splices and ending sentences with prepositions (see above), but i'm loosening up. really.

i forget what it's like to have an abundance of free time.
i forget a lot of things lately, if you want to know the truth.
despite all my forgetting, i still remember a lot of things.

like losing my grandmother five years ago this july.
like getting my heart broken...and mended....and broken again.
like becoming disillusioned with some things i once felt i had to possess.
like realizing that i never really wanted to possess those things but feeling disillusioned anyway.
like the first glimpse of freedom after years of darkness.
like lake michigan and the wind in my hair.
like the pacific ocean and hollywood hills and the sunset.
like the breaking down of barriers and realizing that some things really aren't that big of a deal.

all the important stuff has stayed with me.

my best friend.
my mom and dad.
my dearest cheerleading squad of work friends and old friends and new friends.
my sense of who i am.
my faith in something more.



i choose to live the next year with more passion than all those before it.
i choose to learn every day.
i choose to continue calling things like i see them.
i choose to allow the past to impact my future insomuch as i don't want to repeat bad decisions.
i choose to love myself enough not to give up.
i choose to answer more questions with 'yes.'
i choose, above all, to measure my life in love.