Tuesday, May 20, 2008

good night....goodnight

i'm having one of those nights where i want to take a shower before bed. i'm a shower-in-the-morning kind of girl (and believe me, i'll still be taking one tomorrow morning), but i just love that freshly bathed, warm and relaxed feeling that only a nighttime shower can bring. turn off the lights, fire up the candles.....lovely.

the weather has been cattywampus, not being able to decide if it wants to rain or beam sunshine. it's kind of maddening, yet on the days when i'm trapped inside an office, i kind of like being able to see life whip by outside the windows like that. sun, rain, wind....let it all come. it helps me to remember that my little tasks are not the only things going on in the world.

i'm very busy still...not sure when that will ever stop being the case. i feel bad, because i haven't been in touch with a number of my friends in awhile. i'm sure they must think i'm ignoring them. i wish i could explain how much energy it takes to break out of my daily routine and make a phone call sometimes. sure, i still talk to salimah every day, but doing that is like breathing. it's just something i don't think about. and i still call home a couple of times a week to check in on my 'rents, but every other call that i make or e-mail that i write is something i have to remind myself to do. it sounds so foreign for me to say that, but it's just the way my life has become. i keep trying to focus on the fact that there's only 14 more months of this, and then i can get some freedom back. oh Lord, haste the day!!

there's a 90-day write-on calendar on my wall that is grossly out of date, i have papers that need organizing, and there is (as ever) laundry to be done, but tonight i am thinking only of stealing a few moments of quiet and rest....releasing some tension under the hot spray of water....tucking down under my down comforter and closing the curtains on the world for a few hours before it all must begin again. tonight, i am scarlett o'hara personified. i shall not think about the worries of today....tomorrow has time enough for my thoughts and stresses. it can all wait.

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