Tuesday, January 29, 2008

here are some things you should know, in no particular order (aka, listy):

1. i love pears and blue cheese in salad and on flatbread pizzas and other such goodies.
2. a margarita made with fresh citrus juice instead of that cloying sour mix is marvy.
3. one of the best feelings in the world is coming home from work and being able to take off the stuff of the day (clothes, shoes, make-up) and just veg.
4. i'm an academic kind of girl but not super bookish. i'd rather talk and listen than read.
5. colbie caillat has been singlehandedly responsible for a lot of hits to my blog over the last couple of months (especially people visiting from europe - hello to the irish, the dutch, and anyone else from across the pond!).
6. speaking of music and things from across the pond, i have a corinne bailey rae song stuck in my head and i keep listening to the soundtrack from the movie 'once' over and over again.
7. facebook is highly enjoyable.
8. u.s. news and world report keeps coming to my apartment addressed to me, but i never subscribed to it. what is the meaning of this?
9. some days i feel like i'm getting the hang of my new job.
10. some days i can't believe i'm 32.
11. this is one of those days.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

i just kept using the word 'implications'

i must warn you: i am currently out of my mind with exhaustion, but i just wanted to say something. i'm tired. no. not just tired.

i'm FREAKING tired. i'm so tired, my head hurts and my eyes are a little blurry and i can't think of any verbs. verbs? and nouns? who needs those? i do! i just finished a homework assignment (yes, at 12:40 a.m.) and let me tell you - verbs and nouns are VERY hard to come by after a certain hour....that hour being 9 p.m., apparently.

yeah, so me and my lack of nounage and verbage, we're going to bed. and when i say bed, i mean to lie in bed and zone while my cable spurts out something on the food network. on nights like this, when i've been going at a fast clip to get something turned in on time (which i did by 90 minutes, thank you very much), i have to use the noise from the tube to shut my brain off completely. and let me tell you, even the dulcet (nay, brash) tones of ms. rachael ray can't keep me from dreaming tonight.

BEAYOOOTIFUL!

Friday, January 25, 2008

bugged

apparently, i developed some type of viral ick over the weekend, because i took my very first sick day on tuesday due to stomach distress. things were not good in there, people. not good.

anyway, since then, it's been lingering a bit. i feel run down, unsettled. i'm hopeful that i'm turning an actual corner, however. this morning i feel a bit more like my normal self than yesterday, so that's a good thing.

i realized something the other night: my life is very, very repetitive right now. not particularly interesting but very busy and very, very repetitive. see how repetitive it is? how many times can i say the word repetitive? you feel me.

i don't know....i'm just, kinda bored. and how can i be bored when i'm so busy? exactly. it's because i have plenty to do ALL the time, but it's the same kind of thing week in, week out. work, work, work. that gets tedious after awhile. and i know it doesn't behoove me to feel this way, since i'm only in my second semester of grad school, but seriously, i hope i can make it to the end, because right now i just don't FEEL like i want to go the distance.

now, that's my emotions talking. the rest of me will tell you that i'm not about to invest my money into this and not see it to completion. nuh uh. but if i may be the proverbial child kicking and thrashing about on her bed in indignance for a moment, I DON'T WANNA!

ahem. okay, thanks. i feel a little better. anyway, i'm on the clock here, so i should get back to work. i just needed a brief blog break. so, hello, blog world. nice to see ya.

now then, as you were.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker....

after dropping salimah off at her apartment in these arctic temperatures, bella and i ambled our way back up 83 toward home. i have been planning to make a pot roast all day (although now that it's nearly 6 pm, i'm realizing that will have to wait for tomorrow), so i decided to stop off at a little market near my house to pick up a loaf of crusty olive bread with which to sop up my red wine-infused sauce (yum!). anyway (must stop pining over this dinner which will now have to wait!!) after grabbing the loaf from the bakery - and don't think i didn't fondle and sniff nearly every other kind of freshly baked concoction they had displayed - i wandered over to the meat counter to see what else there was to see.

the butcher - a young man with ruddy face - struck up a conversation with me and the next thing i knew, he was pouring out his heart to me about his early life and how working here is such a change for him. he laughed, remarking that sometimes he cannot believe how much things have changed. i just had to smile. i know, i said. i know exactly what you mean. he said that earlier today he realized he was dateable now....now that he no longer lives a life of drugs and gangs and strip clubs. i nodded, reassuringly...of course you are. why wouldn't you be?

i can't imagine going back there, he said. it's so much better now. now i cut meat and i have a lot to share with someone else. he offered his suggestions on a few different things behind the case, and after contemplating the rows of stuffed chicken breasts and rolled flank steak, i told him i would pass on the meat for now and thanked him for his time.

ma'am, he said, if there's anything at all you need, you let me know, okay? i nodded. oh, and ma'am? it was a TRUE pleasure talking to you. his face blushed and then beamed with a mixture of pride and gratitude. i winked at him, smiled, and turned away, knowing that i needed to let that little magical moment just be what it was. as i walked toward the front of the store to pay for my wares, i knew i'd remember that young butcher and his decision for a better life. and in that moment, i took a little lesson from my buddy lot and his wife: learn your truth, sarah. learn it and live it and never look back.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

it's just two steps back this time

let's see.....let's see.....where was i?

ah yes....

so, this past wednesday i had an MRI of my foot....well, of my 2nd toe joint and of the space around it, more specifically. i had to lie very still, flat on my back for nearly an hour, which is something i never do. i don't like to lie flat on my back, and someone telling me to be still is a surefire way to make my muscles twitch - no doubt.

anyway, after 45 minutes or so, the technician came into the room (thank God) and instead of unstrapping me and letting me up, she started asking me whether or not they could inject some contrast into my veins to get even MORE pictures that might be just a bit clearer - and oh, i would have to lie there only another 15 or 20 minutes. by this point, i was in so much pain (my back had seized up and was cramping), i was about to cry so i said no thanks. i left feeling completely exhausted and tense and wondering how long it would take to get the results back.

so, i arrived at work and after sitting there for 3 hours with a wall of solid tension going from my waist up to my neck - and a resulting headache that was making it hard to concentrate - i packed up and worked from home for the rest of the day - sitting on the heating pad, i might add.

and i'm SO glad i didn't agree to the additional 20 minutes of torture, because to add insult to injury, on my way home (a mere 3.5 hours after leaving the radiology center), my doctor's office called me to tell me that nothing they were looking for showed up on my MRI. i can still hear her words: it showed nothing. they just floated out there into the air and hung, suspended, waiting for me to do something with them.

but what can i do with that, really? *sigh*

so it's back to the drawing board....back to going in and having a cortisone shot every once in awhile....back to the shot taking the edge off the pain for a few weeks and then it creeping back slowly - or quickly, as the case may be - such that every step is wincingly uncomfortable until it's time for another shot....

i'm not happy. can you tell?

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

cleaning up

okay, folks, here's the deal: i'm doing a bit of pre-spring cleaning of my blog and i have an announcement: if you're not blogging on a regular basis, please don't be upset if i remove you from my list - at least temporarily. this is not a personal affront, really....it's an effort to have more active links. also, there are a few people whose blogs i read but who have a password protection on them. i've left one of them on here because a) she's my bff and b) i know we have dual readers. otherwise, though, i didn't include you encrypted folks (you know who you are), but rest assured - i'm still dropping in when i can:).

anyhoo, i just wanted to put that out there. of course, i'm going to make an effort to update my links more frequently, so if you've been removed, there's still hope for you;).

of course, i'm sure that to the 5 of you who still read my blog, this announcement is moot. but you know me (or maybe not): i'm all about keeping people in the loop.

so there's your loopage. now goodnight!

a nip in the air

after yesterday's balmy temps, i'm still behaving as though it's spring already. in truth, it's warmer than average outside, but i'm sitting here shivering in a short-sleeve t-shirt with my window cracked open. what is wrong with me?

i'm working from home today because i have a podiatrist appointment in a little while. here's hoping for another shot to stave off the pain that has gotten decidedly edgier in the last month or so. dude, this is getting old.

in other news, bella is in the shop, so i'm driving around the s.s. piece of crap from enterprise. it's a huge boat of a car - a grand prix, actually - and all it's doing is making me remember why i love my little german girl so much. honestly, farfegnugen, you know?

all right. i have to close up shop here. back to work and off to put on some warmer clothes!

Monday, January 07, 2008

tick....tick......BOOM

this weekend i attended the wedding of one of my adoremus buds (the a cappella group i sang in back in jhu days). this kid is like a little brother to me, so there was no way i was missing out on seeing him cross that threshhold into this new season in his life....

the wedding was also an opportunity to sing with several former members of the group, and it was the first time in a long time that i got to see several friends (and meet their spouses, future spouses, or maybe future spouses). i had a genuinely lovely time and was so pleased for my little brother and his sweet bride (whom i hope to get to know more as time passes because, hey, she also happens to share my name!).

there were a few awkward moments in what was otherwise a great evening, though. i always hate when someone asks me the inevitable church question, because my answer will never please them. the truth is this: ever since i left the church i attended in gaithersburg, with the exception of one experience, i have yet to find something that fits. i'm generally disappointed, in fact, by most of my experiences and feel like it's basically me going through the motions rather than a genuine desire to be there and no amount of me trying to force my own hand seems to change that. as a result, my church attendance over the last few years has been spotty. and you know what? it's not like i'm 100% thrilled about that, but it's felt a lot better not to front.

but here's the thing, right? someone will ask me about church (and it'll always be someone i haven't seen or talked to in years) - put me on the spot at a truly awkward moment - and i'm never prepared to get into that kind of deep convo in an otherwise group social setting. it's not that i'm threatened to discuss it. it's just hardly ever appropriate. so then i wind up giving some very shallow answer, and they always respond the same way: disapproving look, some type of noise (like, hmmm.....), and then even perhaps some type of statement about how this is obviously wrong for me.

newsflash, people: you sitting there telling me such things isn't actually going to change my perspective on the situation right now. and, in fact, what it will likely do is cause me to back up even farther from wanting to share my thoughts with you. who in this world likes to feel judged? i'm thinking no one....

man, experiences like that have made me realize how judgmental i used to be about people whose outward situations differed from mine. i was in such a myopic place - not understanding that anything could ever fall outside of the box....not understanding that people go through seasons of differing experiences as part of their journey - and that these differing experiences don't necessarily mean that their journey has derailed - at least not irrevocably. i try now to operate much more under the 'until i've walked a mile in your shoes....' philosophy than i once did. and i seriously hope i never made anyone feel ashamed of their situation, even if inside i was disapproving. wow, if i did....God, please forgive me.

anyway, the older i get, the more comfortable i am with being outside this box of which i speak. and i know it's going to make other people super duper uncomfortable. so be it. i'm actually not interested in making others feel comfortable. but you know what? neither was Jesus. i'm not saying i'm like Him in nearly enough ways....but i still want to have His heart for others. i just don't want to alienate them in the process of growing in that direction.

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

my half-birthday

yes, you read that right. the first day of the year is, in fact, my half-birthday....hence, my birthday is (wait for it....) the exact halfway point of the year.....and canada day, if that floats your boat. you know, most years i forget about this, but for some reason, sitting here at my desk with 30 minutes left in my half-birthday, i suddenly felt compelled to acknowledge it.

2008 has begun rather uneventfully. today i did absolutely nothing but sleep and watch tv. i figured i'd better get it while the gettin's good, you know?

tomorrow will be more lively, i assume. back to work. then one of my little brothers gets married this weekend....will reunite with some old friends. should be a good time.

meanwhile, i should sleep some more. i've got a busy year ahead. i might as well store it up while i can;)