Thursday, December 25, 2008

this christmas

i have nothing pithy to say. go be with the ones you love, love the ones you're with, and celebrate all good gifts

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

'twas the morning before christmas...

...and i woke up with a horrible knot in my right shoulder and a headache to match.

i've been done with this semester for a couple of days now, but i have yet to enjoy the feeling of 'time off' because i've been running around like a crazy woman and have been battling sprint in order to try and get a phone that works and that doesn't erase my contacts list from the online back-up system (which it did yesterday!). *sigh*

so, let's just say it's been a rough few days and move on from that, shall we?

i'm actually thankful for a lot this year. let's briefly recap:
  • my parents, who are loving and supportive and who still put up with my random phone calls to ask them dumb questions
  • my kickass friends who put up with my random freakouts and remind me what's true about my life when i manage to forget....and who don't seem to mind when i do the same for them:)
  • my job, which not only was a vehicle through which i was able to leave the last place (a bit disastrous) but which has provided for my financial needs this year and gives me an opportunity to do something i love and to make a difference in the world through education
  • my cute apartment that keeps me warm and is filled with fun things (many of which were gifts from the aforementioned parents and kickass friends)
  • my bella, who gets me from place to place without complaint - and with heated posterior parts due to her toasty warm seats:)
  • my country, which affords me the freedom to pursue my interests and the freedom to worship and profess and confess without hiding under cover of darkness
  • my God, who (in addition to providing all of the above), day after day, saves me all over again. He knows i need it.

today may you be filled with the mystery of promise, with the trembling hope of what is to come.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

real quick

i'm about to dash off to work, but i just wanted to check in with the blog world and remind you all that i'm alive (sorta). 31-page paper down, 2 more major papers to go (one due tomorrow night) before this semester ends. Lord, let it come soon.

oh, and because i'm a slacker in responding to comments of late: devika, sticky toffee cheese, from what i could surmise, is something like stilton with pieces of actual brown-sugary toffee cake-ness stirred throughout (there were raisins in there periodically, too). i'm telling you—it's sinful; that's how good it was. wegman's sells it, although someone else in the world must as well. holy dairy products, batman. now i want some more!

all right, off to start my day. we're over the hump, people. there's no turning back now in our downhill slide toward the weekend:)

Thursday, December 04, 2008

'we have a piper down. i repeat. a piper is DOWN.'

this post will be short because i have a paper to write and only 9 fingers to do it with. yeah. that's right. one of my little helpers is out of commission because yesterday, in a sleepy stupor, i went to pick up my laundry basket and managed to tear off one of my acrylic nails (and a third of my real nail) as it slipped out of my hand. there was blood immediately. and crying. and panic. and more crying. and then self-imposed medical care. thank God i know how to wrap a bandage and care for a wound....growing up around medical people really does have its advantages.

but now my middle finger on my right hand is completely ineffective and sore and i this is really frustrating. and did i mention the paper? oh yeah. better get to it.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

it's official....

as is becoming my new tradition, today was spent (with salimah's much-needed help) setting up my christmas tree. candles are strategically placed around the living and dining rooms, stocking hung on the wall, and all is magically aglow.



see what i mean? oh, and here's a close-up of one of my favorite ornaments....


i promise i'll try to post more pictures in the coming weeks. i'm trying to be better about all of that. in the meantime, i have two papers to write this evening. boo. hiss!

welcome, christmastide. it took you long enough to get here!!


Saturday, November 29, 2008

thanksgiving antics

the turkey day holiday was very relaxing, as it turned out, and a good time was had by all (i can hear my high school principal saying that over the loudspeaker in my head as i type this; it was his favorite way of summarizing school events). i can show you pics of the cheese plate...okay, fine. here it is:


see that brownish triangle around 1:00? sticky toffee cheese. yeah, you read it right. so delicious!

anyway, enough cheese. aside from being thankful that we were all together (me, salimah, her two sisters, her mom, her mom's friend, and babygirl), there was much laughter and making of merry. and as part of the usual theatrics, i present to you, caryl and the lovely miss baby g herself:




thanksgiving antics from shrub775 on Vimeo.

happy belated thanksgiving, everyone!

Thursday, November 27, 2008

that's it

i officially hate school.

okay. i don't 100% hate it, but i have a freaking paper due on thanksgiving day, and it's 1:40 in the morning and i just finished another stupid assignment. and i'm exhausted. and i didn't eat dinner tonight, which means i'm now hungry and very thirsty and whinewhinewhine!!!

also, i'm extremely congested and i hope i'm not coming down with something. i can't handle that. i mean it.

did you hear me?

okay, enough complaining. i'm getting some water and then off to bed.

*sob*

Saturday, November 22, 2008

'hang all the mistletoe; i wanna get to know you better....'

yesterday we had the first snow of the season. it spent a good portion of the day flurrying and/or really coming down in various parts, much of which i could see from the window of my office building. the city looks so beautiful in the snow. i seriously wished in that moment that i had my camera.

this week was rough for me. i'm feeling really run down (what else is new?) and it's just been very, very hard to motivate myself to get anything done once i come home from work. i'm looking forward to the short work week ahead but not to the papers i have to write. the one downside to this graduate program is that (along with my lack of free time) there are no breaks for major or minor holidays. just keep on trucking, even on turkey day.

tonight the apartment is quiet. i spent the afternoon snuggling under blankets, catching up on some tv, and napping on and off. i don't know how late i'll be staying up tonight, but of course tomorrow brings with it another paper due and another week to gear myself up for. july better come soon. thats all i'm saying about that.

on one final note, as part of my tv time this afternoon, i watched the movie 'this christmas' (salimah had recommended). i loved it. those family, homey-type movies always put me in the holiday mood. christmas is just over a month away. let the ho-ho-ho begin:)....

Monday, November 17, 2008

'never find a love like this....'

tonight i am missing my grandfather more than i can express in words. i feel that subtle ache in my throat from the sadness that wants to come out but cannot. there is no room, you see. i have much to do before bedtime. in the background, my cable is playing one 'adult alternative' hit after another...some slightly upbeat, some melancholy, some filled with aching hope. i'm down the hall chatting on IM, cleaning up my desk, and trying to create some semblance of order before i hit the hay (cleaning lady comes tomorrow). i already checked in with my bff, my mom, and my work e-mail (check, check, check), and i'm longing for the quiet of an empty room and the white noise of a fan to drown my thoughts about tomorrow and all of its worries.

last night, my mom was sewing and i was in the living room doing work, and it hit me so heavily. mom, i miss grandpa, i said.

i know, she said, i miss him, too. every day.

every day. yeah, that about sums it up. it's been almost 15 years since he died, and there isn't one day that goes by that something doesn't stir up his voice, his spirit, his ways of answering questions, his quiet knowing. these days i look for glimpses of him in every man i meet. most don't possess even a shade, but there are some...a few...whose character and very essence hearken back to a time before they crossed my path...to a person they've never met and, on this earth, never will.

when my grandfather was a young man and not long married, he had to go overseas in WWII. during that time, he wrote my grandmother letters (letters i knew nothing about until after she died five summers ago) telling her of his days and instructing her to watch this or that aspect of her health and the health of their young daughter (my mother). amidst the medical advice (he was a doctor, after all), you could sense his love for her and his longing to be back with her. and as an old man, there was never any question that she had been his love all those years. through their arguing and sometimes even yelling (conversations, they called them), he looked at her with the kind of certainty that bespeaks something so much deeper than movie screen love affairs and flowery poetry. it was the kind of love that had seen war and death, birth, blood, sickness, hard financial times, difficult relational times, children, and the putting of hands to a plow (or hammer, or stethoscope) to put in an honest day's work—side by side. it was a love that never gave up, never walked out, and never needed proving with empty words and meaningless tokens.

it was a love that spilled over into four children, six grandchildren, and hundreds of devoted family and friends. it was a love that changed my little kid heart every time he held me tight, called me sweetheart, or asked me to sing him a song.

every day. yes. every. single. day. i still feel that love. i still miss it. i want it again. and obviously, though it won't be the same (nor should it), it will echo of times past. of honor and forbearance. of believing in someone's dreams and promises and hopes. of wanting the best and laying down your life for that to happen. of knowing what you want and never, ever letting it go.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

herculean

this weekend has been packed. my mom came to visit me and we have been doing chores nonstop. let me recap:

friday
arrival. chicken parm. hot cocoa and '27 dresses.' hung out until midnight or so. collapse.

saturday
slept in a bit. breakfast/shower. errand running (wine store, drugstore, jo-ann fabrics, trader joe's). lunch out (flying avocado cafe - LOVE). prepping pants for hemming. stuffed chix breasts for dinner. hot cocoa and 'ratatouille.' early to bed.

sunday
early to rise (mom had been up for hours). cutting patterns for quilted appliance covers. lunch at mari luna with salimah. starbucks. four hours of closet cleaning (looks amazing). four bags of stuff for goodwill. four bags of trash. hot shower. more hemming. bread, cheese, and english breakfast tea for dinner. computer work to prep for tomorrow. sleeeeeepy.

my mom is a champion, plain and simple. she's so generous and helpful with her time and talents. my closet was in desperate need of organization and cleaning and she got me three tubs (two hold purses and one holds photos) and several garment bags and covers. so now all my clothes are protected from dust and tucked away in their proper places. and my cleaning lady comes on tuesday to deal with the rest of the dust and grime. what a relief!

tonight i will sleep like a log. this past week was rough and the one coming up promises more long days and late nights. i'm grateful for exhaustion like this, because it means that i did something worthwhile with my time, and i'm one step farther along in the process of having a more orderly life.

oh, and as a side note: my mom found a 9 of spades behind something in my closet and said to me with concern, 'i hate to tell you this, but you haven't been playing with a full deck.'

ain't that the truth....

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

worn thin

i'm having one of those weeks where i cannot even envision making it to friday. no, nothing's wrong, per se, but i'm just so inundated with 'stuff' to do and i just want to sleep. tonight i was at the office until 8:30 finishing up some things for work and then writing the equivalent of a 3-page paper in about 30 minutes' time. thank God i can put words on a page rather quickly; i honestly wouldn't be making it through grad school right now otherwise.

what makes me feel a tad bit sick to my stomach right now is the understanding that even though the thanksgiving holiday is fast approaching, there is no rest for the weary. i will probably spend the night much the same as last year: spending a tiny bit of time relaxing with friends and then writing a paper until the wee hours of the morning. the thought of this makes me want to cry.

okay, there. i got it out. now i'm going to watch some DVR'ed cooking shows, put my feet up, rehydrate, and call it a night.

Friday, November 07, 2008

all right, look

i'm just going to say this one time, because i don't want to waste the opportunity to catalog the goings-on of the world in this space.

i'm a conservative, okay? like, really. and for the last several months, in particular, i've been on the receiving end of a lot of crap from other people about how that somehow 'means' something about me and the way i feel about others. well, it means a lot of things, but none of them include that i'm stupid, naive, bigoted, and a hater of women, racial minorities, and other groups. may i remind the gentle reader that i am, in fact, a woman? and i like us just fine, thank you. :)

i'm saying all of this because i am one of the few million who did not 'barack the vote' during this election. and believe you me, i struggled with it. i struggled because john mccain isn't really that conservative and i really wouldn't have chosen him as my candidate (nor did i in the primaries), and voting for barack obama - for me - would have been more of a social statement than a political one. and i nearly did - for that reason alone. i nearly, nearly did.

in the months up to the election, salimah and i had many a tense conversation about the candidates. she was so passionately pro-obama and i was so passionately anti a lot of his policies (primarily economic ones). but her passion runs so much deeper than politics, policies, and elections. it draws from a deep and abiding wound that exists in the hearts of so many people in this country for centuries of injustice, hatred, anger, and the feeling of being mocked, cast aside, and placed forever in a position of 'less than' just because of the color of one's skin. but it's not just the wound, either. it's the hope of healing that wound....the hope that all the bullshit (yeah, i said it) might actually be proven false one day; it's the awareness that at some point, the white supremacists, the 'good ol' boy network', and even those of us in suburban america who harbor racist attitudes (and there are many of us, whether we know it or not) will have to acknowledge that ALL PEOPLE REALLY ARE CREATED EQUAL - and not just as a statement on a piece of paper signed by some white men hundreds of years ago.

it was for THIS reason that i nearly voted for obama. but i didn't. i didn't because at the end of the day, i still believe in other things, too, and i made my decision - even though it was a difficult one - based on where i thought this country needed to head in order to get out of this mess we're in. obviously, my choice didn't make it into the top seat, but i'm glad and really grateful that so many people all over this country shared their opinions, got involved, got inspired, and got behind the candidate they wanted.

when barack gave his acceptance speech on tuesday night, he made mention of all those people whose support he has yet to earn (and in that statement, i hope that i heard a desire to earn that support in the coming months and years). i'm glad he feels that he's my president, too. he's got a lot of hard work ahead of him - that's for sure. but with all that he will have to accomplish, there is one HUGE hurdle he has already crossed. and for that - regardless of policies or party - my heart is overjoyed.

salimah, you are NEVER going to the back of the bus in this country again. and by God's grace, no one else ever will.

Monday, November 03, 2008

soundtrack for autumn 2008

i started a new mix the week before last. it's 63 songs that conjure up fall for me....in all its yearning and wonder and worry....the gearing up for a season of desolation followed by the promise of something new. it is the turning inward, the time to make a nest, the months of bearing up under the coming cold and wind. fall makes me remember the strength that winter requires. 
 
my heart is a bit heavy today...lots going on inside me but none of it worth mentioning here, really. what i continue to find remarkable is how everything just keeps moving along its trajectory. even looking at the trees, the brilliant reds and yellows are undaunted by indian summers. roads fill with cars in the mornings and evenings as people go to work and home, even as small tragedies grind some other people's lives to a halt. people...and life...keep moving ALL. THE. TIME. no matter what. and though i know that this is the way it must (and probably should) be, sometimes i wish for a moment that i could hold the progress at bay for awhile....perhaps encourage all of life to just take a nap (or a load off) for a few...think about what really matters and get back that sense of focus and calm. (calm? what is that?)
 
in my ears, someone's voice breaks on a note and everything inside of me stirs, then relaxes. keep singing, i think. winter's coming in more ways than one.

Sunday, November 02, 2008

from brie to tater tots: one week later

last saturday night, salimah hosted a game night at her apartment and a small group of us gathered to eat hors d'oeuvres and make merry. because there were only 6 of us, we huddled around her small dining room table and feasted on crab rangoon, brie with gingersnaps and dark cherry butter, mini quiche, and shrimp with cocktail sauce. since none of us had eaten dinner beforehand, we descended on the snacks and devoured them in no time at all. by the time we had settled into a rousing game of apples to apples, the second round of food came out: this time, buffalo chicken fingers and tater tots. i know. first, brie with gingersnaps and chi-chi preserves and then tater tots. but you know what? they were the HIT of the night (all thanks to salimah's sister, c, who insisted that everyone would love them - she was right!). as we nibbled on the crispy potato nuggets (with ketchup, of course!), we reminisced about fish sticks and childhood before retiring to the living room for a brief but rousing conversation about politics.

honestly, it was just a lovely way to spend an evening and i hope we can have a repeat performance in the not-too-distant future. readers take note: when you're planning a get-together, let this be a note to the wise that even the most 'foodie' grown-ups still love a tater tot. maybe even more than mini quiche!

Friday, October 31, 2008

electoral

the last four days have been rough for me. i was completely without cable services: home phone (not that important), cable tv, and internet! seriously, it stressed me out to no end. i couldn't get into my classroom in the evenings and even had to stay at work until 9 pm on wednesday just to get a paper written. ridiculous!

i'm back in the game now (for good, i hope) and back to sharing my inane thoughts with my four readers (hello!).

in other news, the cold weather is kind of lovely. it's been rather brisk the last few mornings, but i welcome the temporary disappearance of the swelter and the pulling out of sweaters and woolies. plus, christmastime is coming soon!

before that, though, i have so much work to do (as usual) and much sleep and reading to catch up on. the election is a mere four days away and a week from now—barring no insane hanging-chad-type 'incidents'—we will know our fate for the next four years. regardless of outcome (although it's seeming pretty likely that obama will take it), this is a historic election and one that would seem to indicate our nation is slowly moving in the right direction as far as determining one's qualification for positions of import using more than the amount of pigment in his or her skin. don't get me wrong: we have miles and miles to go in order to put bigotry and hate behind us (and perhaps we never will), but there is hope in that regard.

whether you are republican or democrat, liberal, conservative, or somewhere in between, i hope for all of us that in the coming year, we can care a bit more about the person to our left or to our right; outstretch our hearts and work for justice for anyone being oppressed; dig deeper to meet the needs of people who are without; and seek to understand more than to be understood. this isn't lip service. it's real living with the goal of love in mind. and without it, what do we have to show at the end of the day except a paycheck and another 'thing' to acquire?

while i have been slightly panicked about the state of affairs in our country and in the world at large, i realized once again tonight that the way through our collective fears isn't from the 'right' outcome on november 4. instead, we must strive to elect ourselves to be the change we want to see in this world. so, be assured that i will be voting on tuesday. i'll be voting for all of us. every single one. every single day.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

le samedi matin

i love saturday mornings like this....sleeping in, nowhere to be for hours and hours, and a bevy of cooking shows on the dvr just waiting for me. my finance class is over as of tomorrow; i just have one final assignment to knock out before then, and though it's worth a sizeable chunk of my grade, it's one that i always do well on (kind of a 'how is this program contributing to your personal and professional growth' essay). now that the sleep has been fully shaken from my eyes, i'm planning something eggy, cheesy, and fruity for breakfast (not all in one dish, mind you) and then a long, lovely shower to restore me to some sense of normalcy (and to calm down my freshly cut hair, which, when i woke up, was standing on end).

and i'm happy to report to the world that the light chemical burns on my legs from yesterday's hair-removal incident seem to be subsiding! yeah. please don't even ask.

anyway, tonight i'll go hang out with some friends for a game night. hors d'oeuvres, taboo, and friends: i implore you to tell me how that can be anything other than rousing fun! tomorrow is brunch with salimah and 'the secret life of bees.' can't wait.

now then, giada de laurentiis and tyler florence are waiting for me. passez un bon week-end!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

wilson phillips sure did know what they were talking about when they said 'hold on for one more day'

i'm having one of those days where i sincerely wish my grad school experience were over. it's not that this week has been particularly harrowing (it hasn't)—more that i'm dreading the start of another class on monday and the realization that i have to gear myself up to deal with another prof and another group of potentially unknown fellow students. i know that i'm in the home stretch, and i know that at the end of this road there is a piece of paper with my name on it, a bit of recognition, and a raft of student loans to repay. go, me!

but along with this understanding is the more obvious fact that i'm not there yet. and oh, how i wish i were. oh, how i wish i could come home after work without thinking about all the stuff i have to do tonight...tomorrow....this weekend. what would i do with myself if i had time to read a book? for leisure!?

i will know this answer soon enough. not long after i turn 34, i will be done this program. i'm sure that the next 8 months will fly by and the next time i think of it, it'll be summertime and then...finito.

but is it okay in the meantime to tell you that i'm TIRED? and more importantly, that i'm TIRED of being TIRED? i hope it's okay, internets, because i'm saying it. and i mean it. i really, really mean it.

as soon as i hit 'publish post,' i'm going to go and turn on the heat (fall is decidedly here for reals this time), put on some comfy clothes, sit under a fleece blanket, and read a cookbook (or at least page through it and ponder the possibilities) while watching something mindless on tv. i've earned it today; i won't be doing any homework, and i feel unbelievably okay about that. and someday i won't have to justify anything one way or another. but i'm sure tonight you'll forgive me if i don't let myself think of such craziness just yet. it's a thursday and it's only october 23.

july, please come soon.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

pressure

my right eye may pop out of my head right now....seriously. the pressure in my sinuses is making me very unhappy and, consequently, i feel that i need to go lie down.

before i do, however, please allow me to say that i am so freaking tired of this election. i've tried to avoid writing about it in this space, because emotions are running very high and, frankly, what i think and who i'm voting for isn't really what i want to be discussing with the world at large. let me just say this: i'm legitimately scared that things are not going to get better anytime soon. i worry primarily about matters of economics, although every other issue (it seems) is closely related to and affected by our fiscal fitness (or lack thereof). either way, blech. that is my assessment in a nutshell.

now then, before my brain follows suit with my right eyeball, i am going to bed. tonight i am comforted by very little (in truth, the ibuprofen i took hasn't touched this pain) except this quote by our sixth president, john quincy adams: "always vote for principle, though you may vote alone, and you may cherish the sweetest reflection that your vote is never lost." i'm banking on that one....

Friday, October 17, 2008

stuff i really should pay attention to just now but can't seem to force myself to care about

the flip-flops and pink slippers on my living room floor
the receipts (need to go through them) on my coffee table
the gaZILLION magazines in the basket in the corner of my living room (please, if someone wants back issues of real simple, domino, and the like, please get in touch!)
the boxes in the other corner that once held treasures arriving from afar (but now need the dumpster)
the DVDs i took on vacation and haven't filed back in the alphabetized collection
the unfolded fleece blanket (needing folding) on the chair
the shirt i wore to work yesterday, draped over the fleece blanket
the unopened mail on the end table

actually, i'm going to stop there. this is making my place sound abysmal. it's not, really...it's just untidy.

BUT before i can concern myself with the likes of ALL that, i have a business plan to finish, dinner to make, and did i mention i'm sleepy just now?

ugh.

keep plugging away, sarah. there are miles to go before we sleep tonight.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

'mawwidge is what bwings us togevah today....'

in just a couple of hours, my dear friend melly will be getting hitched and i, along with salimah and my friend ness, will get to witness the whole event. seriously, i couldn't be more thrilled. i am also rather happy that i will be wearing my fun new brown jacket to the event (that is decidedly autumnal, with red flowers and lovely lush green leaves and other bits) with some caramel-colored sueded (not suede...just sueded/brushed cotton) pants, a red button-down dress shirt, and my usual chocolate brown crocs (the only shoe for people who can't really wear shoes other than athletic wear). i also got my nails freshly done last night, so now i at least look halfway put together. oh, and my hair is still looking a bit cute, not yet having grown out to the point of being utterly shmate.

anyhoo, i'm sure i'll have all kinds of philosophical reflections (as i often do when witnessing two adorable people getting mawweeeed), but for now i'm just happy. about all of it. and it's a beautiful day for two people in wuv. twoo wuv.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

el stink-o-rama

due to some ongoing water damage in my apartment (ceilings), i had to have some painters come out this afternoon to cover the spots. little did i know, however, that the gentlemen who would arrive at my place would take it upon themselves to practically repaint my bedroom closet and an entire corner of my living room. as a result (and because they didn't show up until after 3 pm), my apartment SMELLS like something fierce. i'm telling you - it's giving me the vapors!! anyone who knows me knows how sensitive i am to smells as it is - let alone el turpentino. sorry. i think i'm feeling like i can speak some pseudo spanish just now. again - THE VAPORS!

hopefully by the time the pres. debate is on tonight, things will have settled down a bit...or perhaps by then i will be completely high on paint fumes and too woozy to care. either way - all good! el yes!

Sunday, October 05, 2008

at the end of this road....

there's a chill in the air and i'm hunkering under blankets. fall has begun her yearly introduction and while i'm not yet quite ready for chilled-to-the-bones mornings, i am in need of the rich beauty and calm that only autumn can bring me. i'm not going to wax poetic about apples and fires and falling leaves tonight, though. what i'm experiencing can only be fixed with a journey that leads me somewhere i've never been. i need an open road tonight, lots of music, stars in the sky, and a river at the end of it all where i can sit in the dark and listen as it laps the shore. i want the time and space for all these words to pour out of me. God, how they ache to run from my fingers and drip from my hair (what's left of it these days).

do you understand me, internets? do you even know what it is i'm talking about? probably not....maybe it's just me here in this place of desperation and hope. maybe i'm the only one trembling like that red maple leaf, in all her glory, about to take the final plunge. it is fall. i have fallen. i am laid bare and in no way pretending otherwise. before winter comes with her burying snows and gray days, let it be known that i am still alive inside this place, still trying to keep the home fires burning, still hoping for more, still knowing that the river is there, waiting for me. and when i do go there...some day...you can rest assured that i'm not looking back.

Saturday, October 04, 2008

tag! you're it!

since my dear friend kim tagged me, i will accept her challenge. the deal is that i'm supposed to blog about 6 quirky or little-known facts about me. hmm...quirky. this shouldn't be super hard. so, out of my grab bag of weirdisms, i present you with the following list:

1. i'm not super well read. people find this incredibly hard to believe about me, since i have a fairly decent vocabulary and am a writer and editor and lover of all things 'word.' but really, it's true. i haven't read that much in the way of famous literature. in fact, i haven't read that much in the way of non-famous literature either. i consider this one of my great failures, if ever there were such a thing. i can trace its origins back to the first time someone forced me to read a book against my will and then conducted the most inane discussions about it afterward. it was high school...9th grade, i think. after that, something inside me that once had loved to read simply shut down, closed itself off. i became a rebel, hardly ever finishing a book assigned to me - except for the precious few that were so good, i finished them almost in spite of myself ('fahrenheit 451', 'the once and future king,' and a few others). in recent years, i've tried to allow myself to rediscover the reader inside of me, but with jobs that have involved nothing but reading and then my admittance into grad school, that goal has been put on the back burner for now. some day, i will return to you, literature. i promise.

2. i own both barry manilow and jay-z albums and am unashamed of both. i don't think it's nearly as socially acceptable to spin barry these days; however, i can't help it. he writes the songs that make the whole world sing, people! and besides, once i finish belting out 'weekend in new england' (tear jerker!), i can 'justify my thug' with my man jay. and believe me - i'm all gangsta underneath this suburban exterior ;).

3. i am a HUGE sap. i don't let much of the world see this about me, but i am deeply affected by the smallest things sometimes - the way people look at each other, a particularly moving commercial, a little kid wearing glasses, one perfectly executed note in a song....good grief. hallmark should hire me.

4. i collect cookbooks but don't really use them. yes, i'm a foodie. yes, i love to cook. yes, i also love to read recipes. but do i use them? not much. only for certain baking where you have to be very precise with measurements do i pull out the instructions. otherwise, the whole recipe thing is more for inspiration than anything else. oh, and my current collection is in the neighborhood of 200 to 250, i would imagine. i haven't counted in awhile. i particularly love when i find something completely fun in a used bookstore. it's like treasure hunting! (n.b.: i also apparently collect stationery - considering how much of it i own - but in no way use that either. anyone need some snail mail?)

5. i talk to myself. a lot. this in and of itself shouldn't sound all that shocking (especially since i live alone), but when you combine it with the fact that i not only talk to myself but sometimes ANSWER myself as well, it can get a little concerning sometimes. i will make lists and give myself lectures and ask and answer questions - all out loud. i'm perfectly aware that i'm doing it, you see. sometimes i'm the best one to tell myself what i need to hear, and apparently i have no problem doing it - whether at home or at a traffic light.

6. for all of the dreams i have of one day owning my own food-related business, i am more and more fully convinced that at some point in the future, i am going to write a book. there's been a novel brewing inside of me for about 10 years and in those quiet moments when all else fades away, it's there, just waiting to be written. perhaps when i finish this master's degree, i'll reward myself with a writing vacation or something.

so, there you have it. nothing too shocking or appalling, i guess. i hereby tag salimah, cat, lynn, kim b., holly, adam, and jenn, if y'all are up to the challenge!

Friday, October 03, 2008

marked for life

on sunday night i managed to burn a crescent moon into my hand on the inside of my toaster oven that was heated up to a balmy 450 degrees. since then, day by day, i have watched my skin try its best to regain some composure as the mark has turned from a harsh, blistery pink to a patchy, deepening mauve, not unlike a shade of lipstick i currently own, i might add. i feel fairly certain that within another week, it will have faded even more, and yet with what i know about my skin, i am certain that i will see evidence of that slip for years to come (if not forever). perhaps it is my life's way of reminding me that it's hard to move on from certain events entirely unscathed.

but the marks are also a reminder that you can heal, you can move past pain, you can watch as your resilient self attacks a problem area and does a valiant job dealing with all the ramifications so that you can get on with your life.

i am certain that if you could open up my soul, you would find hundreds of crescent moons—some tiny, some long and dramatically arched. but i can say without hesitation that there is no blistering reality in my life at this time...no pain that prevents me from moving freely from one situation to the next...no limitation on what i can do or be or feel. there are marks there, to be sure, but they are the lipstick smudges of my past, a laundry list of all that i have overcome. they are the marks that remind me on a daily basis: sarah, you're stronger than all of this....

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

where was i again?

okay, so now that i'm back in my 'real life,' i have an announcement: i need another vacation. a longer one. perhaps permanent this time.

as is often the case when you go away, your life continues to pile up right where you left it and gives you no mercy from the deluge upon your return. i am, quite frankly, swamped with projects, e-mails, issues and a girl can't always take it. sure, i've had a week away, but see, i let myself breathe a little during that time and i was hoping to keep breathing even now.

oh well.

the good news is that i'm apparently moving forward and kicking butt even though i feel like i'm drowning half the time. if that's not grace, then i don't know what is.

and tomorrow is wednesday, the day of the hump. it might be a small silver lining, but i'll take it. at this point, i'd be a fool not to.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

apparently you CAN go back home again....

technically it is saturday in the wee small hours of the morning, and in about 10 more of those hours, i will leave this lovely home of mine for the last week and head back to the place that feels like 'real' home to me these days. if my calculations were correct, i will come back to a newly cleaned apartment with clothes that are already washed and most of the week's homework already under my belt. then i will go about the business of unpacking, finding homes for all the fun new things i bought here (oy, my wallet may rebel against me!), and restocking my fridge with healthy foods that don't contain nearly the level of carbs, fat, or calories that i ingested over the last week of my life (cocktail hour at 11:30 a.m.? i'm on vacation!).

this has been a fantastic week away. the one major downside has been that on the very same day that my parents arrived, so did torrential rain and gale-force winds that pretty much meant no outside enjoyment for the better part of the last 48 hours. today was muggy but at least not raining, so that meant one last shopping trip for me and salimah (my parents had taken the cape may-lewes ferry over to NJ to visit my uncle who is in failing health) and then a lovely dinner out with the 'rents at the pig and fish in town. great, great meal.

during much of the afternoon today, salimah and i hung out at home while i did laundry and we packed most of our stuff (old and new) into my now VERY full car (i'm still not sure it's all really going to fit in the morning) so that we have very little to do except get up, shower, and dress before locking the door and heading out.

i will miss rehoboth and really, i hope to come back again before too long. it's a rather pleasant drive down here, replete with roadside stands (the tomatoes were DIVINE) and open fields. everything in this town is charming; the people are friendly; the ocean is RIGHT THERE; and there's no tax on the shopping. people, do you hear me on that last one?!

mostly, it's been beautiful to have no constraints on my time (or my brain) and very little else to think about except when the next cocktail hour is, what lovely thing we shall have for our next meal, whether or not to watch this movie or that, and how to cozy myself into the soft leather couch in the living room for the next nap of the day:).

once i return to crabcake corners, i shall post photos. for now, however, i'm going to enjoy my last sleep in a huge bed, in a quiet house where three other people i adore are also sleeping away the cares of the world.

oh, ocean air, i shall miss you the most....

goodnight.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

the halfway mark

it is now wednesday...halfway to the end of our vacation, and i cannot say enough good things about being here in rehoboth. the town is charming, the people are friendly, the beaches are clean and wind-swept, the food is delicious (most of it, anyway), and the night air is invigorating. in general, i sleep soundly and wake up ready for more adventure and the seeing of new sights.

to recap, here is a brief rundown of the events so far:


  • late-night movie watching
  • several meals out (including one last night at this restaurant, the fat tuna, which has fantastic food and a sushi dinner at the cultured pearl two nights ago that was some of the best i've had)
  • getting attacked by a wave that left the lower 2/3 of my long skirt soaked (thankfully the beach wind is a quick dryer)
  • gambling away nearly 60 bucks of my money in various slot machines at dover downs (blackjack really IS my game, though) surrounded by lots of older folks and shiftless looking dudes who, i suspect, were trying to make money off of their disability or unemployment checks.
  • listening to some loud-mouthed man yammer on and ON and ON (and on....) at the not-that-great mexican place in town while we drank cheap rail margaritas and a fake sangria with lunch
  • me getting rather intoxicated off of what turned out to be nearly 2/3 of a bottle of cabernet and then apparently later crying about how salimah is, in fact, my best friend before passing out in bed. good grief. i'm really not sure how i got all the way up to the fourth floor to bed. i was later informed that i also stopped a few times along the way to take pictures.
  • my first trip to ocean shitty city to eat dumser's ice cream (coconut chocolate chip) and get marauded by hovering seagulls (all while fighting indigestion from the night before's indiscretions with the aforementioned red wine)
  • salimah and i misreading most of the roadside signage as we drive from place to place (a restaurant in OC called 'bayside skillet' became 'bayside killer')
  • eating THE most perfect breakfast on tuesday morning that i made us (seared steaks; an egg scramble with green onions, portabellas, and cheddar; buttery english muffins; and strawberries)
  • dropping some bank on coach purses (SALE!) and new underwear (outlets!)
  • the sand in my shoes, the wind in my hair, and the kind of tired that comes only from being near the sea with no schedules, no deadlines, and only our whims to lead us from one place to the next

my parents have now arrived and the rain is coming, so stay tuned for further adventures!

Sunday, September 21, 2008

respite

finally, my long-awaited vacation is here. this morning i awoke in my lovely, huge bedroom on the 4th floor of a house and ambled down two floors into the kitchen where i now sit in near silence telling the internets that i heart rehoboth beach.

last night, salimah and i arrived, got settled, went for a little drive through the town to see what there was to see, had dinner at a seafood restaurant along route 1 (where we had some passable crab cakes), and then went grocery shopping to get sundries for the week (and by sundries, i mean, along with our food, 8 bottles of smart water - we are such yuppies). once arriving back home, we unpacked, made our beds, and hung out for a bit before sleep.

who knows what adventures this week will bring? i can tell you one thing, however: i am decidedly in a place where relaxation is certain to occur: leather sofas, big-screen TV with lots of DVDs, tasty treats in the fridge, soft beds for napping, and my best friend who always makes things like this worthwhile (n.b.: this woman, btw, just tried to put our 1.49-per-bottle smart water in the coffee pot; methinks the crazy followed us to our vacation...ahh, the comforts of home;) ).

Thursday, September 11, 2008

wolf at the door

today was arguably one of the most difficult days of the year for a lot of people in this country (and perhaps in other parts of the world, depending on circumstance). for me, for the first time in 7 years, i spent the day trying NOT to think of planes and buildings, of falling people, of ash and smoke and rubble, of screaming and crying and wailing, of fear and terror and all that lies in the shadows.

today i chose to remember hope. hope that there might be some comfort given to those who still grieve, that someone lost might be found. hope that those who are physically suffering from diseases brought on by months working in hazardous conditions to try and find bodies or other evidence of human life...that those people might be free from their pain and limitations. hope that in quiet homes and lonely moments, tears might be dried and hearts refreshed. hope that we as a nation can pay respect to those people who have sacrificed far more than some of us will ever have to realize for ourselves.

there's a lot to hope for.

with that being said, in the back of my mind—and on the outside edge of every thought—i am ever aware that there are people (and forces) alive and well in this world that would seek destruction of hope, of freedom, of life. but today i choose to close the door on that pack of wolves and remember what is right, what is true, and what is lovely. for the good of all those who died and are hurting, today i will think on those things.

Sunday, September 07, 2008

obviously....

i'm back in school. yes, i know. in this post, i said i was taking a break unless something changed. well, something did. a combination of guilt, gumption, and perhaps general stupidity set in and now i'm back in the game. i'm taking financial management this term, and i'm already feeling like i can't fully comprehend all this information. this class was supposed to be easier than accounting. what a joke. i feel like all this math is making accounting look like a cake walk. and what's worse: in addition to weekly papers and discussion postings (which are, essentially, small papers), i have the equivalent of two take-home quizzes per week. SUCKS to be me right now!

well, let's see....what else? my beloved salimah celebrated her 35th this past week. we had multiple dinners out and some general making of merry. i love a good celebration. specifically, saturday night we went to pazo for tapas. holy delicious, batman! i held my healthful eating at bay for one night and entered into the den of gastronomic sin. some of those little plates were divine! in particular, there were some light-as-air croquetas (mashed potatoes and manchego cheese rolled into balls and deep fried) that pretty much did me in. totally worth the carbs for one night;)

as is typical with sunday nights, i'm wide awake when i should be fast asleep. this should come as no shock to anyone - me included. i need groceries. i need to do laundry. i need to tidy up. these are the thoughts plaguing me just now. what i NEED to do is go lie down and think about nothing. all else can wait until the sun comes up again. goodnight, dear world.

goodnight.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

all good things must come to an end....

i'm sitting here with whitening strips on my teeth, realizing that i need to get my nails filled and re-frenched asap, and paying some bills with quickly dwindling funds (my final vacation home rental payment was due this week). this morning i went to trader joe's and got a crap-ton of veggies, meat, fat-free, plain greek and european (whatever that means!) yogurts, and other protein sources for this weekend and the upcoming week. my parents are due in within the hour, and we'll probably just hang out, watch movies, and chill at the pad until tomorrow. we haven't had a visit in a couple of months and since their retirement is becoming more of a reality (my mom is actually near the end of her current career!), they're more able to take little jaunts like this one.

i've had a two-week break from school that ends on monday. honestly, it's been amazing not having anything to do, but i must admit i'm getting a little antsy to get back to it. one more year and then i'm done, people. i can't tell you how good that feels! this respite was just what i needed to feel motivated to start kicking some butt again....and believe you me, i intend to finish this how i started: strong. oh, and along with my textbooks that just arrived in the mail, i received a new texas instruments financial calculator. nerd toys! i'm so excited:)

in other news, i've been obsessively listening to two songs: at home, i loop 'hate that i love you' by rihanna and ne-yo and at work, it's all about 'no air' by jordin sparks and chris brown. not sure what this is all about, but i find this kind of repetition comforting lately.

with that being said, though, there's also no sense in getting stale or allowing the places of comfort to suck me in and hold me captive. and so, with that, i bid you—and this long and harrowing week—a fond adieu. time to change the song.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

'and all the roads we have to walk are winding. and all the lights that lead the way are blinding....'

i remember a late fall/early winter afternoon while i was still living in gaithersburg, maryland. i was driving home from work in my 2000 silver jetta with the weight of the world on my shoulders and a lump in my throat that had been there for 2 days straight. as i waited at the light on georgia avenue, the sun was just beginning to set and it seemed that darkness was descending quicker than i could speed down that suburban road toward home. a few minutes later, music blaring out of my CD player, i remember turning left on norbeck road and approaching the lake as the first sobs heaved out of me, tears streaming down my face and blurring my vision. i pulled my car over to the shoulder and screamed out my sadness and anger into the approaching night, the desperation raging from somewhere deep inside of me. all that i had tried—and failed—to escape was trapped inside that roof and those four doors, stifling me.

after 45 minutes, i felt a bit lighter from the emotional purging and drove the last mile to the apartment i shared with my best friend. the light inside burned my now-red eyes. my cheeks and lips and lids were swollen and tear-stained. i felt deflated and empty and walked directly to my room to lie against my cool sheets in the dark. it was better that way.

now, 7+ years later, i sit here on a thursday night realizing that these days, i might go months without a good cry, and what often sets it off has nothing to do with those old hauntings. it has been a long journey from there to here, and the road has taken me in many different directions, with stops and side trips along the way. sometimes i haven't been able to see from the grief that clouded my vision. sometimes the darkness fell too quickly and sometimes the lights shone too brightly in my eyes. sometimes all i wanted to do was sleep and yet i kept driving, with only the hope of my destination keeping me going.

i've heard it said that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. i'm here to report that this is, quite simply, untrue. there is no straight line between then and now and no 'shortest distance' to be found when it comes to walking a crooked path filled with pain and heartache. the salvation in it all, though, is that there are those chosen few who walk beside you from time to time. there is friendship and laughter and sometimes even love to stave off the loneliness and confusion. there are maps and signs and roadside stands. there are smiles and phone calls and random chats with near strangers. there are blogs and internets and people who remind you that the possibilities for joy are greater than for sorrow.

all of these things, tangible and intangible, seem to make the crooked paths straighter somehow. these are my wonderwalls, and 'i don't believe that anybody feels the way i do about you now.' they never will.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

mid-way

i am now on day 3 of my two-week break from classes, and i have to tell you - this is the life! i forgot all about how it felt to be able to leave work and do whatever i want, without the awareness of homework hanging over my head. it's a glorious, glorious thing.

two random tidbits:
i heart my new phone. i've had the samsung instinct for a couple of weeks now, and i can't remember what it was like NOT to be able to check my e-mail on a moment's notice. the video function needs some work, but i'm sure by the time i'm ready for a new one of these bad boys, they'll be shooting full-length movies through phones or some such nonsense.

i was out to dinner on saturday night and i saw the former governor of maryland emerge from what i later found out was a ladies' restroom. curious.

off to work!

Sunday, August 17, 2008

'love is not a victory march....'

many people have sat down at a computer much like i am and written a post on how they feel (i include myself in this group) at any given time. you know what i learned again this weekend? that can change on a dime. emotions are the most fickle things, completely swayed by what is (or what seems to be) right in front of you at the time. but the real deal...the stuff that dreams (and poetry, and literature, and art, and blogs, even) are made of is SO much harder and long-suffering and sometimes downright gross. it's not a end, not a goal, not something to be grasped or won or achieved. it is the act of saying

i hear you. i choose to hear you. i also choose to let you hear me and to let you in on what scares me and what thrills me and what i whisper under my breath when i'm alone. i want you to see some part of this picture and keep seeing it and add your own 2 cents to it and be there whether it looks good or sleepy-eyed or dirty or tear-soaked or old. and if there is truth to be known, speak it. and if there is fear, let's conquer it together. and if there is loneliness, let's remind one another that two really IS sometimes better than one.

there are no pat answers when it comes to another person's heart...no clichés that can be universally applied...no 'put slot a into tab b' type of directions that will ever suffice. it is about knowing another person and allowing yourself to be truly known. and that scares the hell out of a lot of people.

but you know what, though? i'm not one of those people. i'm not so easily frightened by the thought of feeling that way about and acting that way toward someone. and believe me—there is so much i AM afraid of, but putting my heart on the line when i think there's reason to do so isn't on the list. and maybe that's why i've been hurt as many times as i have—because i'm willing to try. and maybe i'll be hurt again, but you know what? i'd rather try (and keep trying) and, as a result, feel the agony of another closed door than miss out on the gorgeous moments of discovering another person's heart and having that person discover mine.

this love is serious business. it's the stuff of legend. it's the stuff that makes men sing. it's the stuff i want from now until the end of my time here, in whatever way it avails itself to me.

it's not a cry you can hear at night
it's not somebody who's seen the light
it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah
hallelujah, hallelujah
hallelujah, hallelujah

Saturday, August 16, 2008

the abc's of me

a. attached or single? single
b. best friend? salimah
c. cake or pie? pie!
d. day of choice? saturday
e. essential items? moisturizer, water, cell phone, lip balm, and bella (my vw)
f. favorite color(s)? red, baby. true red.
g. gummy bears or worms? i like all things gummy. i'm not a discriminator.
h. hometown? richmond, va
i. favorite indulgence? anything with pastry cream and fruit
j. january or july? this is a silly question. july, of course. it's my birth month!
k. kids? i have none. i might want some...with the right person.
l. life isn't complete without? l-o-v-e in all its various forms and fashions
m. marriage date? you tell me.
n. number of brothers or sisters? 1 sister
o. oranges or apples? oranges
p. phobias? vermin of any kind (bugs, rodents, etc), tornadoes
q. quotes? of this very moment: 'that dingo ate your baby!'
r. reasons to smile? plenty. here are 3: good friends, the promise of a nap, straight As!
s. season of choice? autumn
t. tag 5 people: salimah, cat, kim, kim, and lynn
u. unknown fact about me. there's plenty you don't know, but here's a tidbit: my hand was once famous on public television for being inside a puppet of little red riding hood (le petit chaperon rouge).
v. vacation of choice? venice, italy
w. worst habit? yelling at other drivers while on the phone with salimah.
x. xray or ultrasound? xray. much quicker and less goopy!
y. your favorite food? peanut butter
z. zodiac sign? cancer, but who cares about this?

Sunday, August 10, 2008

“bernie mac just say what you want to say but can’t.”

1957–2008
yesterday the world lost one of its funniest people. as chris rock said of his friend, "bernie mac was one of the best and funniest comedians to ever live, but that was the second best thing he did. bernie was one of the greatest friends a person could have. losing him is like losing 12 people because he absolutely filled up any room he was in."

i first became aware of bernie mac the first time i saw 'kings of comedy' and i seriously laughed myself SICK over some of the bits in his segment. to this day, i quote this man on a regular basis, because he was obviously genuinely in love with his family; no one who has a bad relationship with their loved ones can joke about them the way that he did...."pray for me, america."

he was a joy to watch and i'm not ashamed to admit that i've shed some tears over his passing. he was too young and it was too soon. and though he said it of himself that he often spoke the words that many wanted to say but couldn't, i'll say what so many people are thinking today: this is a damn shame. a damn, damn shame. rest peacefully, king of comedy. you will still make us laugh for many years to come. be sure of that.

Monday, August 04, 2008

'august, die she must'*

happy (belated) month before september (a.k.a. the month for beginning again, for buying school supplies, for getting new clothes and realizing that fall is right around the corner). this will be a short check-in, since i'm pretty much in serious need of dinner (grilled salmon from wf) and some work catching up. methinks i shall be up late tonight.

just a recap of my day: i got a cortisone shot in my foot that was long overdue. here's hoping it takes its hold. i also had a random bout of cute hair. i'm not going to question it. sometimes the magic just happens. lunch was a boring roast beef sandwich that gave me phanton heartburn (which i almost never get). weird. after work (and the doctor), i stopped at whole foods (the source of the aforementioned salmon) to pick up a few things. nearly had an altercation with an older gentleman who was trying to get all up in my grille in the parking lot. i beat a hasty retreat before we had words. it was only a matter of time.

i also realized again today that my life would be a tiny bit frightening to some people who knew me back in college. i'm okay with that, though. some times things are not what they once were...and nor should they be. and, like forrest gump, that's all i have to say about that....

off to dine and try to stay awake till bedtime. busy week ahead. much homework and goings on. still smiling, though. not too shabby for a monday.

(*my apologies to art garfunkel for associating his rather beautiful lyric with my crap blog post.)

Thursday, July 31, 2008

thirst day

this morning they're scheduled to turn off the water in my building, so i'm up early to get my shower out of the way and perhaps get a jumpstart on all that i have to get done today. last night i was so freaking tired, i couldn't seem to keep my eyes open much past 9. i also didn't eat dinner or drink much of anything yesterday, so i'm sure you can imagine that i'm parched beyond belief!

it's my own fault, really. sometimes when i work at home, i forget to eat or drink. weird, i know. i just get in the zone and my body doesn't seem to demand anything, so we just coast through the day and the next thing i know, it's time for bed. it's okay, though. it's not as though i can't afford to skip a meal or two....

can i just be honest? i want the next two weeks to disappear from me. i have much to do in that time and very little motivation to complete my tasks. this class that i'm taking will be over by then and then i get a much-needed break for a couple of weeks during which i plan to go out on work nights and not think twice about it!!

i'm nearing the bend of 6:30 here, so i should go and get myself together and go muster up some productivity. note to self: drink.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

and she nails it!

okay, here it is: i am without excuse for my slackadaisical blogging as of late, so i won't give you some lame spiel about how i've been exhausted. you don't need that from me, internet.

what i will say, however, is that i got my nails! done! on thursday after work. full set with a french manicure, of course - and my toes frenchified for good measure. forgive me, world, for i had sinned. it had been 2 years since my last pedicure! how shameful! i quickly got over the embarrassment of my cracked heels, however, when the massaging chair started kneading my lower back. who can think straight with that kind of awesomeness?

needless to say, i'm feeling the love about this whole nail thing. the last time my nails looked this fab was at least 5 years ago. i decided it was another step in the process of me allowing myself to have some treats that are good for the morale. i'm now up to three: regular hair cuts, cleaning lady, nail care. oh, and did i mention that i currently have a 100 average in my course more than halfway through? perfect excuse for the pampering!

anyhoo, i've got a busy rest of the weekend ahead of me. laundry. meeting some dear friends for wine and nosh. some other fun events planned for tomorrow. maybe a little early homework for the upcoming week. i've got a bit of momentum. why not capitalize on it?

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

two's day.

let's get listy, shall we?

1. my 15-year high school reunion was this past weekend. i didn't go because i had too much going on. i'll be making the 20, though. i already promised to buy a drink for an old friend:).
2. speaking of high school, last night i told a former classmate that i had a serious crush on him for about 5 years. it felt remarkably cleansing. oh, and he's still cute.
3. my accounting class is giving me a pain where i sincerely don't need one. i cannot wait for august 25.
4. the sleeplessness is making my bones hurt. i need to channel rip van winkle for a few days.
5. it has recently come to my attention that i need a vacation. hence, i'll be taking one in 2 months with salimah (and my parents for part of the time). i am trying not to jump out of my skin thinking about it...that is, if i had the energy to jump out of my skin.
6. yesterday i had some sushi that was simply divine.
7. i seem to have lost the ability to plan ahead. i blame grad school entirely.
8. for my birthday, i bought myself some DVDs in order to replenish my VHS collection that i got rid of last year. i heart packages filled with fun things!
9. i'm now selling jewelry for a company called cookie lee. apparently i love jewelry way more than i realized!
10. i have had a serious craving for pancakes since i started with this insomnia thing. i want them all the time. with lots of syrup and butter. sitting across from someone fun. everyone should have pancakes, i think. pancakes for everyone!!

ahem. that is all.

Monday, July 21, 2008

i cannot think of a title, so let it be what it is.

the short version of the story is that i haven't slept very well in over a week. the long version is, well, too long for this whole medium because, frankly, i need to get to work!

i'm still alive, though, in case you were wondering, and i'm trying with all my might to get my equilibrium back. the class i'm taking right now is giving me a serious behind whupping (mostly because it's poorly conceived and executed) and it's taking all my free energy not to just succumb to the madness.

with all of that being said, however, i'm looking into ways in which i can combat the whole 'all work and no play makes sarah a very dull girl' scenario. more on that later.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

in need of rest

i think i've realized that no matter how much progress i make...no matter how far forward i go, i will always have a well of sadness inside me that no one will ever understand. and maybe that's okay. maybe it's just part of the package deal of my life. and most days, i can handle it, really.

for some reason, though, not today.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

let's see now....

where were we?

ah yes.

july is here and in full swing. i'm now more than a week out from my birthday (although i confess that i feel i should be celebrated all month long!) and i'm back to a life that doesn't include a 4-day weekend. boo. hiss.

i've got much work to do - both work work and school work - so it seems that some things never change:). and mostly that's all right, really. i'm used to it. i'm just having one of those days where i don't feel like doing anything.

there's not much news that's fit to print, except that today i realized that i have no particular interest in being overly bothered with other people's silly problems. i don't mean real and important ones, of course....just the ones where people refuse to stop obsessing over something we've discussed ONE HUNDRED TIMES. you know the one i mean. yes, that one.

anyway, enough of that. before i close this post and get back to the aforementioned school work (due tonight), i will say that i got some lovely things for my birthday: a gift cert to the bookstore and for some clothes, lovely handmade coasters (by catchka) and some teas, several alcoholic beverage mixers (what are people trying to say?), two books i've been wanting (ruth reichl!), some dvds, some wine and wine glasses (do you see the alcohol theme? i don't even drink that much, people!!), and an appointment for deluxe washing/detailing for my beloved bella. she will enjoy a bath and a bit of spiffing up. more than the gifts, though, was the joy of seeing friends (older and newer) and feeling loved and cherished by them, having a day off to do nothing but pal around with my bff (during which we went to the movies and i got a manicure), and just general relaxation without the stress of the daily grind. hey, and i even got my birthday burger!

and really, people, you can't beat that!

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes....

another year has come and gone for me, and so it begins again. i think back on all the promises i made to myself since my last birthday - how many i've kept and how many more i've broken. i think about times i told myself the truth, the times i got real, and the times i just went to bed and slept it off. how many ledges i walked just to prove to myself that i could. how many new faces, new names, new feelings. how many changes of scenery and saying of good-byes.

i started graduate school.
i started pursuing a career.
i started realizing that i can work in a job where people appreciate my gifts rather than try to stifle them.
i started seeing just how much my thoughts and feelings have changed in the last two years...how much looking at the world through these eyes is a different experience than it was when i was just beginning my 30s.

i still want to do and feel a lot.
i still need to see paris and venice.
i still spend some days wondering just what i'm capable of.
i still care deeply about comma splices and ending sentences with prepositions (see above), but i'm loosening up. really.

i forget what it's like to have an abundance of free time.
i forget a lot of things lately, if you want to know the truth.
despite all my forgetting, i still remember a lot of things.

like losing my grandmother five years ago this july.
like getting my heart broken...and mended....and broken again.
like becoming disillusioned with some things i once felt i had to possess.
like realizing that i never really wanted to possess those things but feeling disillusioned anyway.
like the first glimpse of freedom after years of darkness.
like lake michigan and the wind in my hair.
like the pacific ocean and hollywood hills and the sunset.
like the breaking down of barriers and realizing that some things really aren't that big of a deal.

all the important stuff has stayed with me.

my best friend.
my mom and dad.
my dearest cheerleading squad of work friends and old friends and new friends.
my sense of who i am.
my faith in something more.



i choose to live the next year with more passion than all those before it.
i choose to learn every day.
i choose to continue calling things like i see them.
i choose to allow the past to impact my future insomuch as i don't want to repeat bad decisions.
i choose to love myself enough not to give up.
i choose to answer more questions with 'yes.'
i choose, above all, to measure my life in love.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

please take note: the other shoe has officially dropped.

my head is a jumbled mess. i'm not kidding when i say that there are literally 13 different trains of thought all trying to run full speed ahead through there right now. and you know what? i'm not even sure i have enough track cleared for one good one. i feel burned to ash. i'm really not sure that i have much more to contribute to the GNP (or anything else) at the moment.

will i be all right? sure. i'll be fine. i always am. but it's going to take more than a weekend to make me that way. ever since the spring when i completed my horrendously demanding marketing course, i have felt like i'm nowhere near the top of my game. it's affecting me in every area of my life, and i hate the way that feels. and what's worse - i don't feel like i have the resources to get myself out of this place, because sometimes there is nothing more that can be done but to let things grind to a halt for awhile and just rest.

the funny thing is that i've been greedy with my free time of late and have basically been doing a whole lot of nothing (or so it seems) and yet NONE of it has helped. this is how i know that it's time for something more drastic to occur.

so, unless something changes before august 25 and some spring magically re-enters my proverbial step, i'm leaning heavily in the direction of taking a term off from school. eight weeks. it might just make all the difference. i hope it does, because i can't go another year feeling this thinly spread. i just can't.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

even the queen of england....

as of this monday, i started a new course - accounting for business management. sounds interesting in a way - something i might be able to use at some point.....except for one thing: the entire book and all materials? in british POUNDS. people, i ask you - who even uses those things anymore?

anyway, i'm annoyed about this - and what's more, i have some assignment that i have to complete this week that has no due date on it. um, hello? is anybody out there?

so, all of that to say i'm in a fabulous mood about school right now.

at least today is the halfway mark of the week; this weekend my folks drive up and we have a mini b-day celebration for me and my mom (hers is june 26, mine is july 1). we're going to see a play at a local theatre, have some dinner, hang out. should be good times...

between now and then, however, it's all about number crunching and trying to figure out whether my inherent love for all things british can carry me through this one. perhaps if it gets rough, i shall just lie back and think of england. that usually works for me....

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

comfort me

as of sunday, i've been reading this book, and i have to say - i love it. so much, in fact, that i almost don't want to finish reading it, because then i won't be able to look forward to the next page, and the page after that, and so on. i hate the thought of endings, sometimes.

what i also can say is that now i want to own all of ruth reichl's books, and i'm quite sure that i will delight in each page of those memoirs as i have with this one.

i've realized that delicious words satisfy a hunger like nothing else can. perhaps that's why i like blogs so much. the ones that are well-crafted give me a hit....a little something to munch on as i go about the business of my life. and even if i don't know the person first-hand, his or her life somehow becomes a part of mine in the way that a character in a good book squeezes itself into the crevices of my heart and mind.

writing opens us up; it teaches us; it connects us in our humanity. this is partly why i chose to work in a field that allows me to spend my day with words on a page (or a screen, as the case may be). i am comforted in the midst of the chaos by the apt turn-of-phrase, the clear exposition, the question or statement that makes you think to yourself yes, that's it exactly!

today one of my bosses asked me what i love most about my job. there are several things, actually - the opportunity to impact others' educational experiences, the chance to learn almost constantly. but the best thing for me are those moments where true collaboration takes place...where i can sit with a colleague and tease the meaning out of a convoluted paragraph or awkwardly written phrase, figure out how to make it flow (AND capture the statement's true intent), and then sit back and enjoy what we've created together. when it works well, it's a beautiful thing.

enough about work, though. tonight, after slogging through some homework and watching another addictive reality tv program, i shall return to my little book, sink under the covers, and let the words take me where they will. i'm all too happy to follow along for as long as i can.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

two weeks' notice

so, two weeks from today i will turn 33. to be honest, i'm kind of excited about the identical double digit thing (although i'm not sure why). in preparation for turning another year older, i have been thinking some thoughts about what i want for myself in my 34th year of life. and with that, i present you with the following list:

1. although i am in grad school and feel like my homework and accompanying reading are always weighing heavily on my mind, i really want to broaden my scope a bit. in the last year, a number of my friends have moved out of town or, for whatever reason, out of the landscape (harder to see one another, busy schedules, etc.) and in some cases, this has been a hard pill to swallow. don't get me wrong. far-away friends are still friends, but it's hard not to be able to grab coffee or sit in the same room for a few hours on a regular basis. i've made one or two local friends at my new job, one of whom has become really important to me - a great thing. but i think it's good to build one's friend and acquaintance base to a comfortable place, and i'm not quite there yet. relationships really ARE key, after all, so it makes sense that this is #1.

2. again, time can be a difficulty, but i really don't want it to limit me from doing some service/volunteer work this year. it's really important to me to get out there and (in whatever way i can) make a difference in the lives of those who don't have the means to do better for themselves. i may have found one or two opportunities that sound promising, and my company even lets us take up to 8 hours of work time to do volunteer work each year. love that!

3. in the last several months, stress has definitely taken a toll on me physically, and i've recently discovered that my skin has become incredibly sensitive to things that never used to bother me before (a very mild lip balm). i'm really trying to limit anything scented from coming near me these days, and i'm staying away from alcohol as much as possible. oh, and then there's sleep. i need more of it. and vegetables? them, too. i'm trying. i really am. cook more. eat out less. get back on a healthier track for myself. it can happen this year. i'm believing for that.

4. anyone who knows me well knows that i love a road trip and being able to explore new places. in 2007, i managed to get myself onto airplanes TWICE and even saw the pacific ocean for the first time (it wasn't nearly as magical as i was hoping it would be somehow. and it smelled quite a bit, but i digress....). LA and chicago were both graced with my presence for a few days, and in the coming year, i hope to visit some other new-to-me locations (other than pittsburgh, of course) and see what kind of adventure i can drum up.

5. i'm paying off non-school debt, slowly but surely. this time next year, i hope to be much closer to that goal than i am now. 'nuff said.

that's about all for now. i know that these are some pretty important areas to focus on, and i think it's good to make time for all of them. in between the work, i hope to live it up, relax, sing more, and savor what there is to savor. and knowing this world and all the people in it, that's a lot.

Monday, June 16, 2008

all wrapped up

i should be sleeping right now, and i am quite tired, but i got myself into a book that i haven't been able to put down! i'm reading one of ruth reichl's books, comfort me with apples. it's really engaging and delightfully foodie-ish. it's the first pleasure reading i've done in ages, and it's making me wistful for the days when i'll have hours of time to spend doing whatever i want!!

in the spirit of my book, i did a bunch of cooking today. for lunch i made tilapia lightly slathered in olive oil and sprinkled with a cranberry-herb salt; steamed green beans; and a small red potato that i mashed up on the plate and blanketed with shredded asiago cheese. later i seared some ordinary beef burgers (sometimes plain is best) on my grill pan and served them up with roasted grape tomatoes (apparently safe) bathed in olive oil and herbs and some cheesy macaroni bake with a breadcrumb topping. i also cut up a bunch of strawberries and bagged up some grapes to take to work with me, and with all the cooking i did, i have lunches and dinners for a few days. that feels tremendous.

today was the perfect weekend day: i slept in until about 9, showered, ordered a couple of things from online, cooked, read cookbooks, started and became engrossed in a non-school book, watched some cooking shows, caught up on DVRed programs, made some sun tea (and drank quite a bit of it, i might add), had some great phone convos (happy father's day, dad!), washed all my dinner and lunch dishes, and plan to fall into a delicious sleep thinking about words and sentences and the way that i want to someday tell a story that other people will stay up past their bedtime to read.

and speaking of bedtime, i'm off to it.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

woozy

a couple of weeks ago, i got sick with a virus that turned into a sinus infection. it took me two weeks to fight it off, but i managed to do it (and it did NOT turn into bronchitis, which i consider no small miracle). since then, however, i've noticed that my energy has been waxing and waning. now, i know, it's midnight, so i have nothing to say about all of this because i should be sleeping, but the thing is i'm not feeling well tonight, and it's making it difficult to lie down and rest. ugh. i think i just need a break from my life.

Sunday, June 08, 2008

if a picture paints a thousand words....

inspired by another blogger, i must do a photo mosaic. here's how it works:

The rules:
a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
b. Using only the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd’s mosaic maker.

1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What high school did you go to?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. Favorite drink?
7. Dream vacation?
8. Favorite dessert?
9. What you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. One Word to describe you.
12. Your flickr name.

here is mine:



1. Meeting a Diva: Sarah Brightman, 2. Breakfast 7.11.07 (breakfast meets bento), 3. GL 036, 4. Romans 12:1, Painting with Light Art *, 5. J.C. Chasez, 6. first day of summer, 7. Gondola*, 8. Fruit Tart, 9. Ok, I'm sorry! Go back to your novel., 10. Cissi's Market: Roasted Sea Bass, 11. Brushed, 12. TREES & SHRUBS 5 - 775

quick recap

whew! okay, i haven't blogged in awhile. there are a few reasons for that, the main one being that i was very sick for more than a week! i'm better now, though, so i'm back in the proverbial game....

i just finished writing a paper on emerging energy technologies. fascinating stuff, really, although i wasn't in the mood to spend the majority of my sunday sitting at my computer doing research. not that this is any sort of surprise lately...i'm sure that anyone who knows me is aware of my homework situation. hell, even people who DON'T know me are aware. moving on....

as i mentioned above, i was sick for more than a week. i actually took two WHOLE sick days to try and recover from some flu-like thing that settled in my sinuses and knocked what wind i had straight out of me. i mean, really, i was beyond exhausted. not a good combination when you're in grad school AND under a work deadline.

let's see. what else is going on?

oh! well, in addition to recently buying a new LCD high-def TV, i also finally upgraded to HD cable AND DVR. i heart this, people. now i don't have to feel so tied down to my programming! before i would get all stressed out at the thought of having to miss a show that doesn't repeat (i know, i know - pathetic), but now all stress is removed because DVR has stepped in. hello, flexibility!

i also decided to try bare minerals. i have to say - i love it! it totally evens out my somewhat red-in-the-face look and is light as a feather. thanks to those of you who recommended it - i'm a believer now! with that and my new short haircut, i feel like less of a schlub. ALWAYS a good thing.

although i want to wax poetic about how my birthday is coming up in 3 weeks, i have to go and make dinner. i've only eaten breakfast today and i'm feeling pretty ravenous. will check in again later and regale you with tales of my upcoming adventures.

ttfn!

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

the keyboard is mightier than the sword.

tonight i got a phone call from a dear friend from middle/high school...without question one of my favorite people from back in the day and someone for whom i always had so much respect. we haven't spoken in about five years, so we had much catching up and reminiscing to do. although we're both older and maybe a little bit wiser, it felt as though little to no time had passed....i love that. what's more, i so appreciate being able to connect with people who, despite all the craziness of that era in my life, managed to see through the facades and get me. there are so few people who deserve that distinction, but how comforting it is when you find it all over again!

in addition to all of the above, we also talked about writing a bit. the timing of this is particularly interesting, as i have recently been turning over thoughts in my mind about this nagging feeling i've had for years: i think i'm supposed to write a book. i'm not sure when, and i'm still not 100% sure whether it should be a novel or a nonfiction piece, but it's been brewing in there for about 10 years, and at some point in the future, it's going to find its way out of me. funny how lately it's been bubbling up, and then i have this conversation during which my friend said something to the effect of this may very well be your calling, sarah.... well, now, wouldn't that just be interesting?

anyway, the question of the night (and no, i cannot believe i'm still awake) is when do you throw caution to the wind and just plunge into the unknown? hmm. my answer has, in recent years, been right about now. we shall see. we shall just see....

Sunday, May 25, 2008

techneurotic

a.k.a. the incredibly anxious adventures of me and my absent mind....

i've had quite an interesting, mostly fabulous weekend so far. i had been thinking for some time of getting an LCD HDTV and i finally bit the bullet and got a 32". in the process, i also decided to upgrade my never-really-that-great 5-disc DVD/home theater carousel and get an HD upconverter single disc model (samsung). because i have no stereo of which to speak in my living room, i added a recycled receiver (thanks, dad!) so that i can watch movies and shows in full stereo sound, as well as continue to play CDs and whatever else through something other than my TV speakers.

yesterday's trip to BJs yielded the aforementioned tv, and salimah and i spent last evening and part of this morning watching the entire sixth season of 'sex and the city' in preparation for seeing the movie next weekend (we already bought tix online). when i finally got myself together and headed to best buy to pick up the DVD player (and another HDMI cable for when i upgrade to an HD cable box), i went through the whole she-bang of making a decision (no small feat for me) and going through checkout, except that at the last minute i couldn't find my wallet in my purse. as i was rifling through my bag, i jokingly said to salimah, 'i hope my wallet's in here,' but as soon as the words left my mouth, she remembered seeing my wallet on the dining room table at home. i had a single check left in my register, but they wouldn't accept that without a license (which, of course, was also in my wallet)....so, ticked as i was, i had to leave the order at the counter, drive the 15 minutes back home, get the wallet, and return to best buy to complete the purchase.

what should have been a simple, 30-minute jaunt turned into more than an hour of angst. i'm so glad i went back to the store, though. there's no way i could have made it through the evening without feeling agitated that i didn't have what i went for in the first place. i am ALSO rather glad that i had some homeopathic anxiety/stress remedies with me. i popped some of those bad boys in my mouth and let them dissolve as i drove up and down the same roads for what seemed an eternity. i swear, i felt like such a dolt....but at least i was a dolt growing calmer by the minute.

i tell you - the work of a single girl with technical needs is never done. thankfully i am fully armed with happy pills, techie gurus (and dads) to ask for advice, and a best friend who's willing to ride the road with me - sometimes more than once.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

good night....goodnight

i'm having one of those nights where i want to take a shower before bed. i'm a shower-in-the-morning kind of girl (and believe me, i'll still be taking one tomorrow morning), but i just love that freshly bathed, warm and relaxed feeling that only a nighttime shower can bring. turn off the lights, fire up the candles.....lovely.

the weather has been cattywampus, not being able to decide if it wants to rain or beam sunshine. it's kind of maddening, yet on the days when i'm trapped inside an office, i kind of like being able to see life whip by outside the windows like that. sun, rain, wind....let it all come. it helps me to remember that my little tasks are not the only things going on in the world.

i'm very busy still...not sure when that will ever stop being the case. i feel bad, because i haven't been in touch with a number of my friends in awhile. i'm sure they must think i'm ignoring them. i wish i could explain how much energy it takes to break out of my daily routine and make a phone call sometimes. sure, i still talk to salimah every day, but doing that is like breathing. it's just something i don't think about. and i still call home a couple of times a week to check in on my 'rents, but every other call that i make or e-mail that i write is something i have to remind myself to do. it sounds so foreign for me to say that, but it's just the way my life has become. i keep trying to focus on the fact that there's only 14 more months of this, and then i can get some freedom back. oh Lord, haste the day!!

there's a 90-day write-on calendar on my wall that is grossly out of date, i have papers that need organizing, and there is (as ever) laundry to be done, but tonight i am thinking only of stealing a few moments of quiet and rest....releasing some tension under the hot spray of water....tucking down under my down comforter and closing the curtains on the world for a few hours before it all must begin again. tonight, i am scarlett o'hara personified. i shall not think about the worries of today....tomorrow has time enough for my thoughts and stresses. it can all wait.

Monday, May 19, 2008

in which a fairly innocuous post about my stomach ailment turns into a social commentary on beauty and celebrity

i wound up working @ home today. yesterday i ate something that freaked out my system, so it was best for all concerned (me especially) that i stay on home turf. i think i'm feeling a bit better now; all the ick seems to have passed away. and despite all of that, i got a lot done today, which is a good thing.

in other news, i have nothing pithy to say. oh, well, i did discover that kimora lee simmons looks like a completely different person without her make-up on. let that be a lesson to the teeny-boppers (i can't believe i just said that) who think that there is such a thing as perfection in hollywood: if you had your own hair and make-up people dolling you up on a daily basis, you, too, could probably be on the cover of some slick, air-brushed magazine. i'm just saying.

this comes as no shock to anyone, of course, but you know, why can't people just be who they are without all the glitz and glam? oh right, i forgot....then we'd have nothing to throw our money at.

nevermind. i take that back. we would find something else to throw our money at. there's always something else.

okay, enough of sentences ending with prepositions. i've shamed myself publicly. i'm going to sleep!

Sunday, May 18, 2008

this is what i get for thinking too hard on a sunday

not 15 minutes ago, the sky was dark and foreboding and rain poured down onto the streets as the wind whipped about. now, however, the sun is beaming, the leaves are verdant and there are birds gleefully chirping outside my window. this is some kind of weird spring day we're having.

so, it's sunday, and i'm getting that old familiar feeling of having to go back to the grind tomorrow. salimah and i were out and about earlier; i got some groceries and picked up a prescription at the weg, and then we went to the bux for some coffee and just to sit and chat and take pictures with our camera phones. i'm quite sure that i should now be doing some homework to get a leg up for the week. will i or won't i? that remains the question du jour.

for dinner tonight: some crab-stuffed tilapia (wegman's made), zucchini, and some whole grain melange i bought at trader joe's a few weeks back. in all likelihood, i shall watch some episodes of 'sex and the city' and perhaps prepare a few things for breakfasts this week. oh, who knows? maybe i'll just sit on my rump and do nothing. also a viable option:).

in other news, i've realized that, when it comes to relationships i'm becoming more and more practical and fiscally minded the older i get. things that used to seem preposterous to me are now filtering through my brain and being slotted in the 'reasonable' column (because you know, one must always categorize one's thoughts and ideas...separate the wheat from the chaff....that sort of thing): prenuptial agreements, separate bank accounts, eloping, casual relationships, etc. i'm not saying that i no longer believe in love and commitment and all of that. really, i still do. i just think that one must be reasonable and must not allow sheer emotion to rule the day. heavens!

okay, i think i'm having some sort of jane austen attack. must go do something not quite so heady. grad school homework....yes, that's it.

ttfn!

Friday, May 16, 2008

hard to say

it's friday morning and before i dig into another LONG day of work (i have a deadline to meet today), i just wanted to say that dan fogelberg is perfect for a quiet, rainy morning at home. i have always loved him, but in particular, since his death this past december, i find myself wanting to hear his dulcet tones.


you do your best to keep your hand in play
and try to keep the lonesome blues at bay
you think you're winning, but it's hard to say sometimes.....


i know that simon cowell dissed david archuleta this week on american idol for singing dan's song 'longer' (which the producers picked, btw), but come on....it's a classic! i continue to submit that the 70s produced some truly fantastic music. cheesy or not, it was good stuff.

anyway, assuming this mellow stuff doesn't put me into a coma by 10 a.m., i am going to plunge myself into the pool of waiting work. let's hope i don't drown:).

Monday, May 12, 2008

monday evening's post, in which i admit that i am a complete cheeseball

it's 8:41 on a rainy monday night. it's been unseasonably cold here today (in the 40s), and i'm desperately sleepy. unfortunately, i've got pages to read before i sleep (thank you, robert frost) and very little motivation to allow my weary eyes to peruse them.

dinner tonight was so tasty. since being out in the world made me feel less than awesome today, i decided to make something a little spiffy, so i did my customary roasted butternut squash with cinnamon (tossed with orange-scented cranberries and fresh spinach after coming out of the oven); israeli couscous with herbs; and a deep, rich, saucy chicken with red wine and mushrooms. i did the dishes after dinner (yay, me!) and am now blogging to avoid reading. what else is new?

see, the truth is that i'm afraid if i go sit down to read, i'm going to fall asleep, and i really don't feel that i need that to be happening. see, there are two reasons. one is that i'm extremely studious and i would hate to miss an opportunity to do my homework (snort!) and the other? well, um....thebachelorfinaleisonat10! okay, there i said it quickly, so perhaps you won't decode it and find me dorky. well, who am i kidding? i'm a complete goober. i can't help it. i got sucked into this season. he's british....so sue me.

anyway, i should go and get SOMETHING done. *sigh* there is no rest for the weary, the wicked, or those in grad school.