in addition to all this, i'm feeling this distinct sadness right now. it seems that as the days get shorter (even just a bit), the longing inside me grows. God, how i wish i didn't want all the things i want. i wish i didn't still want them, even after i've been told they're not mine to have...or at least not yet.
things are fine, you know? i mean, sure, they could be better, but they're fine. and it's the fine that's killing me. it's the fine that drives me to distraction. because i don't want fine. i want amazing. i want life-altering. i want comfort and familiarity and something deeper than what i've had before. i want vacation pictures and inside jokes and fits of laughter and favorite spots. there's no sense in pretending otherwise. once you want something more, trying to un-want it is like packing a whole world of possibility back into a matchbox. and what sense is that, really? that opened world will spill out everywhere and make itself known regardless.
well, there, i said it. so now you know.
brighten my northern sky