Wednesday, November 14, 2007

'will you count me in?'

there's this quiet line at the beginning of colbie caillat's song 'bubbly' that i just love (see above). of course it refers to the act of giving someone the old '1...2...1, 2, 3, 4' but it's so much more than that at the same time.

i was just thinking in the shower this morning (where all truly good ideas come to me) how much everybody wants to belong to somebody. it seems that lately, i've met more and more people whose marriages are in shambles and i can't help but wonder - what happened in that situation to make one or both of them feel that they no longer belong? these thoughts, of course, are all juxtaposed against the fact that one of my dearest friends married her sweetheart this weekend, and i have every confidence that they will go the distance. truly, they've already walked some miles - some of them quite difficult - and all it did was bring them even closer. i'm quite certain that my friend never finds herself in that position - of having to ask to be counted. and i'm SO glad for her.

i don't know why i bring all this up this morning. maybe it's because i'm feeling sentimental. maybe i didn't get enough sleep last night. or maybe, at the heart of it all, i'm realizing that i'm in a place where i am content. i may not be in a marriage - or anywhere close to it - but i've got deep, lasting friendships with people to whom i matter a great deal. in my early 20s, i was so blazingly insecure - so concerned that no one really cared about me - and it put people at a distance, i think. no one really had a chance to care as much as i wanted them to. all my worry kept them at arms' length.

but now, it's not about that anymore. if you love me, great. if you don't, that's okay, too.... i'm not meant to be adored by everyone. and the people who matter consistently rise to the top in my life. my friends are the cream, and i'm just so glad to have them. and that counts. it really does.

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