Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Friday, October 26, 2007

move along

so it seems that i had sunk down into a hole and somehow over the last 24 hours, i’ve managed to pull myself back up out of it. part of my issue has been that i’ve been in pain, and although i’ve been used to it being a part of my life for awhile now, it’s gotten worse of late, and that was starting to really wear on me. i think as soon as i had enough downtime to realize this, it started to discourage me rather much.

but you know what? i’ll keep going. that’s what there is to do in life...you just keep going. if you even KNEW how significant of a statement that is in my family, you’d smile along with me right now.

even when your hope is gone, move along, move along just to make it through....


there was a time in my life where i needed to take some time…to NOT keep going. to keep going, in fact, felt so antithetical to any real progress in my life. now, however, i’ve become my mother and her mother and her mother before her. i get slapped with something unpleasant, and i fix my hair, straighten my collar, and get on with it. life might give you lemons, but instead of taking time to make lemonade, i throw them in a bag and decide i’ll deal with that later. ecclesiastes still reminds me that there’s a time for EVERY purpose under heaven—a time to deal and a time to refrain from dealing.

and outside the window of the starbucks where i’m sitting, the rain is pouring down and there are a lot of questions still left unanswered and me? i’m fine. because right now my purpose is to plow through. plow through every disappointment and heartache and bad day and pain in my foot and pain in other places and just. keep. going.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

give up the funk....ow, we need the funk....we gotta have that funk....

it's 9 pm on a thursday and i've got homework due tonight. have i done it? no. why? i'm not sure. it's not like i haven't had ALL WEEK OFF, but you see, i'm just not in the mood for these things. what am i in the mood for? nothing, apparently.

i'm not sure where the majority of the last 4 days has gone. all my best laid plans have gone completely awry, and it's clear to me that i've slipped into a tiny baby bit of a funk. i'm gonna need to get myself out of it - and fast.

salimah and i hit up my beloved bj's tonight (i re-upped my membership) and picked up staples for this weekend's party. i always worry that we won't have enough food. truth be told, i feel awful about it, because my original intention was to do all the cooking, but it became rather clear earlier this week that THAT wasn't going to happen. so much of it will be prepared. oh well. it wasn't really about that anyway....

i'm off to do homework. some days i can't believe i have 1 3/4 years left of this program before it's over....i can't believe i'm even thinking that way already. see what i mean? this funk must end NOW.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

why? fi.

so i'm sitting in caribou coffee in the 'burbs having a cup o' decaf with steamed milk and cinnamon and working on my grad school homework. it's hard to believe that this is the last week in my first set of classes of my MBA program and next week, i begin all over again (in more ways than one). right now, i'm just relishing in the fact that it's 3:15 on a weekday and i don't have anywhere that i HAVE to be right now.

oh, and i have to say that i heart my new dell laptop. it's red (shocker) and has a matching wireless mouse. the whole setup makes me smile.

on the docket for the rest of the day: meet up with salimah, procure some beer and wine for this weekend's autumnal fete, make more headway on my mini business plan, due thursday, and try to eat a reasonable meal that includes some vegetables. this shouldn't be so hard, right? this is what i'm thinking.

in other news, i've been truly concerned about the recent widespread fires in california. i suppose i'm thinking about it more than i might otherwise because i'm supposed to fly out there sometime in the next couple of months for work. i hope my soon-to-be colleagues are all okay....

well, john mayer and i wish you well, wherever you are right now. i think my hour is soon to be up, so i better post before i lose all this pithy stuff here. peace out for now....

Monday, October 22, 2007

respite

today is my first official day of time off (6 working days!) between jobs and i gotta tell ya - i'm loving it already! i slept in this morning until 9:00 (unprecedented!) because i was up late last night finishing up homework for grad school (what else is new these days?). it felt so good to be rested when i opened my eyes a half hour ago....

my last day at work was slightly anti-climactic because several people were off that day and they had given me a sending off on thursday. friday was really all about helping a friend with her resume, going out to lunch with a couple of girls, and basically chillin like a villain until 4:00 came. and when it did, i was surprised that i choked up a tiny bit when hugging a few people good-bye. but mostly it was all about smiles and lightheartedness and no regrets for leaving as the door closed behind me. besides, the people i've made as friends will continue to be my friends, and the rest is just a bag of experiences i take with me to apply (or not) in my next venture.

so, after leaving the job, i raced home to change and then met up with salimah, maria, and mel at christopher-daniel in timonium and had a fantastic meal to cap off the week...heck, the last 3 years. it's funny - i've been waiting for this for SO long, it seemed like it would never happen. i think it was at some point during my delicious 'diamond' martini that the realization finally came: this is actually over now.

and let me tell you, people....there was smiling. a lot of it. and it wasn't just the liquor talking:).

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

counting down....

as of COB today i have 3 days left at my current job....the place where i've spent a third of my life for the last 3+ years. i'm excited about my new opportunity - to be sure - but this transition away from the familiar has been more difficult than i thought. on top of it, every little thing has been stressing me out lately. i've ben sporting old school (for me) anxiety and i've gotta say - i cannot believe i used to be like this. and i don't know how anyone dealt with me - i can barely stand myself!!

thank God i have some good friends who are here to bring me back to reality when my nerves start to fray...who will tell me the truth and forgive me for talking crazy and who offer some hand-holding for those moments when i just cannot deal with the unknown. what i wouldn't do without them.

and in the midst of my freakouts of late, there have been several (nay, many) people at work who have expressed to me heartfelt good wishes and who hug me and tell me they're proud of me and that i'm gonna be just fine.

and you know what? i think maybe they're right....

Saturday, October 13, 2007

have i mentioned

that i heart my new hair cut? i know, i did, but i just had to show you this:


and this (and yes, i promise, that is me, not casper the friendly ghost!):


FUN!!

Friday, October 12, 2007

today i ate an apple, which means it's definitely fall

it's friday, people, and i've had the day off. allow me to recap:

1. i slept in. until 9:30. this felt like heaven to me.
2. my hair is now at least 2 inches shorter with lots of layers again. it's gotten its mojo back and that, quite simply, makes me happy.
3. i bought a laptop. a red one!
4. it's freezing in my apartment right now. we've finally gotten a douse of fall-ish weather, and i love it! cocoa out on the balcony tonight with blankets and slippers - this is my prediction!
5. salimah is coming over and we're having dijon salmon, fresh green beans, and roasted baby potatoes for dinner. can't wait. i'm so excited, i might even crack open some wine!
6. i had a great phone call with my soon-to-be boss. she sounds fantastic and i'm truly excited about the work i'll be doing. it promises to be a great learning opportunity.
7. i'm in love with this little blue bird who sits on my desk. his name's fyodor. here's a pic of him with the as-yet unnamed sheep who hangs out there as well:

8. u.s. news and world report has been showing up at my house for the last several weeks. i have no idea why.
9. my eye is tearing and i'm not sure why my new glasses haven't come in yet.
10. a quickie vacation is just around the corner. sweet Lord, how i need it.

that's it for now. must go pick up salimah at the light rail stop. happy friday!

Thursday, October 11, 2007

and it goes a little somethin like this....

okay, so now i can speak with a bit more openness about my life. when last i posted, a few details hadn't yet gone public, but now i can spill the beans, so to speak. so here's the deal: i got a new job. and not just a lateral move - a step up....a goodly sized step up. i'll be an instructional designer — not simply an editor — and this includes the opportunities to write more AND to pay all my bills without working two jobs. WOOHOO!! i gave my notice this past monday; next friday is my last day. then i take a week (6 days, actually) off and start my new gig on 10/30.

grad school is going really well, even though i'll be glad to get through my introductory classes and into the 'meat' of it; also, i'm taking 2 classes right now, and somehow i feel like things will be less confusing when i only have one at a time. we'll see.

yesterday, 10/10, salimah and i celebrated 10 years of friendship. it's astonishing to me a) that we've known each other that freaking long and b) how much has happened in our lives during that time. i was so scared and easily hurt 10 years ago....so anxious and full of shame. thank God things look so different these days....

oh, and finally, there is this boy....:)

Friday, October 05, 2007

now THAT's what i'm talking about....or not!

okay, lots going on - none of which i can discuss at this point, but let me say: today was SWEET. my life is getting quite good just now. note to self: just keep it steady.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

"...you make me smile / please stay for awhile now..."

into every person's life a little craziness must fall. i know, because it's happened to me a lot over the last 32 years. it's something to which i've become quite accustomed, so i wind up expecting it....

lately, however, my life has flipped the script on me. things that normally would take extra steps or the jumping over of obstacles to attain have been practically falling into my lap. and just when i think things couldn't get better, then they do. and it's happened in nearly every area of my life over the last 3 months. i'm trying not to analyze it too much; i don't want to question or complicate. i'm just letting things be what they are.

and man, does it EVER feel good....

stay tuned. in the coming weeks i hope to be able to share more specifics....but not just yet. some things are still too new to give a name. but i'm happy. i'll just say that. and really, isn't that enough?

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

virtue and vice

lately i'm acutely aware of my need for reining myself in....for example, today's lunch? totally healthful. dinner? same. breakfast? a completely debauched affair. perhaps it balanced out in the end, but still....

some days i cannot make myself do grad school homework; some days i am so resolved i almost cannot bring myself to goof off. i'm not sure why i swing from one end to the other, but i know one thing for sure: consistency all too often hangs out there like a carrot on a string, taunting me.

it's a day in, day out struggle and some days i lose the game before it even starts. but then, there are the days where i come to the end feeling like a victor and let me tell you - those days make the others worthwhile.

and besides, the last time i checked, people who are all virtue aren't having nearly as much fun as those of us with a little streak of the naughty. and some of us have more of a streak than others....