Saturday, March 24, 2007

not. even. close.

wow. where to begin?

okay, so my "date" (i hesitate to call him that because i loathed everything about him) showed up 30 minutes late, didn't apologize, and when i tried to shake his hand, he said, 'nah, you don't have to do that. why are you trying to let everyone in the restaurant know it's our first meeting?' (like somehow that was totally offensive to him) then he had the nerve to ask ME if i had told our server that i was waiting on someone late. what?!?!

he had horrible table manners, reeked of awful cologne, was an abysmal conversationalist, and watched basketball over my shoulder for most of the meal (which, honestly, ALMOST didn't make me mad, because it was less time i had to try and talk to him - although yes, i DID call him on it). he was argumentative and asked too many personal questions. i hated how i felt in his presence and, to be honest, i was embarrassed to be there.

i tried to make the best of it. i really did.

oh, but here's the real kicker: (now, let me preface this by saying that this man asked ME out, okay?? NOT the other way around) when the bill comes, he awkwardly says, 'um, i have a first date rule - we go dutch. is that okay?' i'm like, 'yeah, fine.' then i started looking in my bag for my wallet, and as i did that, he asked me again if that was okay. at this point, i didn't even TRY to hide my distaste for him. i let him know that it was rather rude for him to not let me know that when HE asked me out. then he tried to come back with, 'oh, well, i don't even remember who asked who out, to tell you the truth.' i'm like, 'uh YOU did. YOU asked me out. for sure.'

so i basically told him how much he owed and then he tried to argue about how much i wanted to tip the waiter. God, i just wanted to get out of there.

oh, and another distasteful tidbit from the meal? he picked up a piece of bread, buttered it on both sides, and then tore a piece off with his teeth like an animal, at which point some butter flailed its way onto his chin. he grunted. picked up his napkin in his fist, smeared at it and then put the napkin in a ball back onto the table. uh huh. you read that right.

oh, and THEN, at some point during the meal, he asked if i had ever been married. when i shook my head no, he goes, 'no kids?' (again, shook head no) 'well, why NOT?' (like there was something wrong with that) i said, plainly, 'because i'm not interested in having children out of wedlock.' he honestly looked as though he didn't know what i meant. whatever.

so basically, after the check debacle, i informed him i was tired and that i was going to take off. so we walked outside and as a last ditch effort to be polite, i said, 'well, nice to meet you.' he looked at me quizically: 'do you really mean that?'

'NICETOMEETYOU' i rushed, at which point he was like, 'yeah, goodnight' and walked off. i acted like i was walking to my car, waited until he drove away and then went back into the restaurant and found my waiter. i took his hand and let him know that he was the one bright point in my evening (that and the food, which was delicious, actually), that i had just been on the worst blind date ever, and that i appreciated how attentive he was, because it made me feel - for a few brief moments - like i wasn't crazy. he told me that the guy seemed like 'a real bastard,' called me 'dear' and told me he hoped i'd come back....i left feeling war-torn.

suffice it to say - my experiment in going out with relative strangers has begun and ended all in one fell swoop. NEVER AGAIN, do you hear me? never.

1 comment:

Alexis said...

UGGGHHHHH!!!!!!! What a jerk! I feel so sorry for you!