Sunday, December 10, 2006

sushi, love, and acid-free paper

yesterday, devika came up from our nation's capital to hang out with salimah and me (originally, it would have been also for salimah's thesis reading, but since that went out the window last week, it was just girl time - our preference anyway), and we went to sushi hana for the most delish lunch (devika, thank you SOOO much for the treat!).

after stuffing ourselves silly and then stopping by starbucks for a quickie beverage, we dropped devika off at the train station and headed back up to my neck of the woods. i gave bella a bath at the exxon (which involved some hijinx with these slight miscreants who were trying to get me to pay them to wipe my car off with some rags...um...right), went to the bank, and then we came back home for awhile to hang out before making the decision around 9:30 or 10 to head over to kinko's. i had high hopes that the whole process would be easy-peasy, but we were brutally rebuffed by the dude behind the counter (mental note: i will not be patronizing that particular establishment ever again), and we wound up trekking over to white marsh to complete the deal.

oh, and i should mention that, while there, these two random nightcrawlers had come in to use the internet. it was just the weirdest thing at 11:30 on a saturday night to be sitting in a copy store under artificial lighting, feeling like these men were up to something no good, and in the midst of this, my fake bling earring kept falling out.

the bottom line, though, is that we got everything salimah needed, and after a late-night snack of some greasy food, we headed back home to collapse into our beds.

intermingled with our adventures, though, was some seriously good conversation with salimah about our views on love and men and expectations and how those things have changed over the last couple of years. i have realized something about myself: i haven't lowered my standards...on the contrary, in fact...but i HAVE loosened my grip on some of the unrealistic expectations i once had about the state of a man's heart and what that really means at the end of the day. we also talked about struggling against the judgmentality we see in so many churched folks we've known (and loved) - of their own standards of what is 'right' for someone else and their inability to see outside the box of conventional 'wisdom' on various matters of relationships and other things. i found pain inside myself during this conversation - realizing that i have been wounded deeply by past exchanges with people who once professed to be my friends....but i have learned to take it all in stride and know that God is the only one who will deal with me and each of those individuals in a way that will have real meaning in the end.

so, it's sunday all over again, and tomorrow is the last monday i'll have to be at work before it is 2007. to say that thrills me is a serious understatement. there is much to do before the holidays, but i'm hanging back a bit this year, even from my usual festivities. i'm reevaluating, even if just for this time around, how much energy i can put into certain endeavors. in the end, i find just as much peace with a clean house and a bit of quiet at the end of the day. i don't need a tree with sparkling lights and all my trinkets hung about.

and besides, with all the joy that this holiday encompasses for me, there is a bit of sadness wrapped up in it as well...the awareness of all the loss this year has brought...the terrifying hope that next year will be more about birth and less about dying...for now, though, i'm just thrilled to love the ones i love and to be loved in return. i'm richer than i deserve to be and lonelier than i want. but perhaps in the coming days and weeks and months, that, too, will begin to iron itself out.

one never knows what the holidays will bring.

1 comment:

Devika said...

It was great to hang out with you, Sarah! It sounds like you got a lot done this weekend, emotionally as well as concretely. Enjoy your last working Monday of 2006!