Sunday, June 04, 2006

'the race is not given to the swift, but to the one who endureth....'

it took me getting sick to realize that i've been running rabidly on this track, trying to move super quickly to where it is that i want to be. and my reasons are quite reasonable, really. there are parts of me that are ready for the things i've wanted for so long....

enter, stage left, a long weekend and a major bout of bronchitis to bring things into focus....

it took me a few days to realize that the things i was feeling weren't just fear and anxiety over bits and pieces of circumstance but instead were the pervasive truth speaking to me in clear and undulating waves: i'm not ready.

i fought against it, wanting to believe it wasn't true. wanting to be wrong, just this once. i wasn't wrong. how can your soul - informed by God himself - be wrong when it's telling you to slow your roll?

note to the stubborn: being arrested into bed by coughing fits and an upset stomach will clinch the deal if you're refusing to listen.

*cough* i'm getting better at hearing, now, thanks....

so my roll has been sufficiently slowed. sure, it's scary. i don't know what i might lose in the process of pacing myself, but what's even more than that, it's occurring to me that i should be excited for all that i will gain. besides, i've set some very aggressive goals for myself for the next six months, and to achieve them, i've got to put my head down and push forward with all my might....which, by the way, is what i intend to do.

so, now that my feet are more firmly planted on a level path, i'm moving forward - one foot in front of the other. and yes, slowly but surely.

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