Monday, May 22, 2006

you rise and meet the day....

well before my alarm, i was lying in bed, fast asleep, when i felt a voice rise up inside me: get up. so i took a shower, prayed awhile about the upcoming week (and weekend), and have been sitting here for the last few minutes feeling rather calm. at peace. this is not something i have always been able to take for granted.

i had kind of an emotional weekend, actually. friday night, as i mentioned before, i hit kind of a "mood snag." okay, what was actually going on was that i felt depression trying to knock at the door of my heart. but thankfully, i was able to inform it of its place and did not let it in. and with the help of two very dear friends, i got my house in order this weekend - including throwing out papers that have sat untouched for over a year (it's amazing how much time i spent helping others organizing their lives while mine stayed slightly disheveled).

at some point in the midst of cleaning yesterday, i found some old pictures and as salimah and i looked through them, we both started crying. it hit me in that moment how much i've been through in the last 5 years...how much pain and sadness characterized my life for so long. it hurts me to look back and realize how awful i felt all of the time. and it's such a stark contrast to my life these days. what a miracle, really....

post-crying, i've got to say, i felt infinitely better. all the emotional build-up from earlier in the weekend was released, and i had such a fresh, clean feeling in my soul....which, i might add, is reflected beautifully in my now tidy, vacuumed apartment:).

so this morning, the sun is shining and i am realizing that i really am through the worst of this storm. sure, sometimes it rains on me for an hour, a day, but it's really not the same as before. it's really, really not. and now i'm ready to face the day, with all that it will bring. and i have some things....or someone, i should say....to look forward to later in the week:). but meanwhile, i will dress and eat breakfast and drive up the highway to my job and think about the possibilities of a day....of a life with more sun than clouds....

1 comment:

Salimah said...

I am so glad that your apartment is all neat and tidy. Having my house in order definitely helps my soul to be at peace... but I know it's more than that. I know it's being able to see how far you've come. And you really have come very far.