Saturday, May 20, 2006

make a joyful noise

here's the truth: because of the events that have transpired in my life over the last 6 or so years, an integral part of me went underground. for awhile, it was because i was distracted and stressed out. then, things got much worse and in the darkness of my circumstances, it was purely for survival. at times, this silent place inside myself would rise up and cry out but then quickly retreat out of fear. and it's amazing that, once you get used to a certain way of living, it seems only natural to just keep going. but thank GOD that He is not content with such a way of thinking. and so, for nearly the last year, He has sought to bring me back out into the light, so to speak. to dig around in the back of closets untouched in forever. to find the treasured things that need a bit of polishing but are ready to put on display.

in short, i am waking up inside.

this morning, while in the shower, i was praying for someone who has become very important in my life, and i began to realize that i was singing. now, for those of you who know me a bit, this may not seem strange to you. but what you may not know is that, for a LONG time, i haven't really sung during those moments of quiet and solitude that only being in the shower can bring. and that's where - in the past - worship would well up inside of me and spill out among the water droplets. but in recent years, i have been mostly dry, and the cleansing waters have taken nothing down the drain with them but soap and the grime of the day. today, though, there was joy pouring down. there was faith and hope and thanksgiving and release. and the song coming from my throat wasn't just a familiar melody. it was a familiar strain....the kind of noise that only comes from knowing where i've been...from what i've been delivered. it felt like truth. it was truth.

i'm not sure precisely what kind of noise i've been making for years, but i'm certain that much of it has been less than joyful. much of it has been tired and weary and sad and plowed under. if i've even made any noise at all. i've been remembering, though, the fact that i was created for noises that transcend the here and now....that connect this broken vessel with the One who is whole and can put (and is putting) me back together. it is He who put a song in my heart...and in my mouth.

and, my friends, it is clear to me that the time has come for singing once again.

1 comment:

Kate said...

Sarah, I'm glad you are returning to yourself. Singing is such an integral part of who you are, and that woman, that person you really are, has been silent for far too long.