dear collective you who never reads this and probably never will,
sometimes i wonder who it is that you think i was all that time. no matter, really, because i know now who i am.
and furthermore, i like to listen to music...and sing along...whenever i feel like it. and i prefer an empty stomach over empty promises. and i need to be held sometimes - not just because i have a reason. and i like people who are taller than me. and if i want to cut my hair, that's not a reason to end things. and if i cry, it's because i'm sad - not because i'm feeling your pain for you. and if i say no, what i mean is no. and if i love you, i'll bend over backwards for you, but that doesn't give you a reason to test me. and for the record, i never asked for a favor. and also for the record, you never said you were sorry. and by the way, i miss you sometimes. and also, i'm doing my best to get over that for real and forever. and i know when you're lying, by the way. and i'm not the mean things you said i am.
and that one time when you said it would always be this way, you were wrong. and that time you prayed out loud for me while you held me close still means a lot. and for the record, i did like you for about a month, but i got over it very quickly. and honestly, you were never worth the trouble. and yes, you looked great that one time when you came over covered in paint splatters, but there wasn't enough paint to make you interesting. and i threw out that book on astronomy that you gave me, because your inscription made me cringe. and somewhere in a box is that necklace you sent me in 1996. and i wish i still had your poem.
and thanks for calling me pet names. and thanks for making me that valentine. and thanks for bringing me food and medicine when i was sick. and thanks for listening to me when i complained and cried and told you the truth. and thanks for walking away. and thanks for making me know how strong i really am.
with deep regret and yet without regret,